John dutch
@jiggIypoof
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PhD music @ UVA. certified dumbass everywhere else
Charlottesville, VA
Joined September 2014
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Pinned Tweet
taking the william faulkner approach to writing (drinking)
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Bi boy I've been seeing said our relationship was "casual" .. save me Chappell Roan this man thinks we're just bros with benefits
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@shadowhyejuhog
you're giving her too much credit. if people think about Kim Petras at all it's bc she's that girl on the Unholy song tbh. her image isn't going to recover bc she's had the most confusing album rollout with every release and no cohesive musical identity (besides mediocre)
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picking up one of my music professors at the airport and making her listen to
@KaceyMusgraves
for the hour-long drive back ... who’s the professor now?
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Scratch that I am an academic weapon (I wrote 200 words)
Every time I sit down to write, my brain goes full toddler rolling around the Walmart aisle, snot pouring and tear-gurgled screaming
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unmuting myself to sneeze in a Zoom call so that everyone says bless you
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@vanillaopinions
the math is very simple . just take the democrats out and you get a red state, crazy how that works
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Oil change man just came in the lobby to show me the mouse he found in my ac filter
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I'm a fast walker and I get so offended when people pass me like, excuse me lightning mcqueen damn go kachow somewhere else
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I think it’s time to unpack the signs in Chicken Salad Chick’s men’s restroom
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Wearing a mask plus sunglasses feels like entering incognito mode
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Now I don’t know who made Pokémon Go ... but I’m trying to find out how we can get them to Pokémon Go-to-the-Polls
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Went to write at a cafe. Got espresso and lunch. Lunch made me tired so I got espresso again. Smoked a cig. And now (one hour after arriving) I'm proud to announce I'm finally ready to open my word document
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guys! i have been accepted into the master of music history program at Hartford!! 🎉🎉🎉
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me: :) 🍓🛒🥖
kroger self check out robot: place the item in the fucjinh bagging area
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Ole Miss Landscaping tilled the ground in the Circle and in the Grove and now all the squirrels are frantically searching for all their nuts they’ve been storing for weeks :’(
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The little girl I give piano lessons to pointed to a whole rest and said “I wish the whole song was just these”
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I invented the word “stan” 14 years ago when I made these Shania Twain scrapbooks
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did you really visit oxford if you didn’t drive around and make yourself sad
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cowboy rules:
1. be rootin
2. be tootin
3. by god be shootin
but most of all .. ~be kind~
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It's absolutely astounding that schools will cancel for a snow day but not for a pandemic. Just spoke with one of my high school teachers who's putting the finishing touches on her will. We should sacrifice in-person learning for the sake of our teachers, not the other way around
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omg now that i’ve received my contributor agreement i can finally share that i’m penning a chapter for the upcoming book Gender and Sexuality in Video Game Sound (eds. Karen Cook, Dana Plank & Michael Austin) !!!!
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Gonna hang one of those white women “Live Laugh Love” pictures in my kitchen except it’s gonna say “Classy Bougie Ratchet”
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It's National Coming Out Day !!! Remember that time I was like hey i'm gay & everyone was like uh ya we fuckin know
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@yeathisischris
@shadowhyejuhog
she started off so strong with Heart to Break & I Don't Want It At All, and then yeah Clarity was supposed to be her big debut but went nowhere. Problematique got its legs broke, Slut Pop happened? random Coconuts/Malibu pivot into nothing? So many albumless singles. Just a mess
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y’all ever heard of the roommates clean up after themselves challenge? let’s do that challenge
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I find comfort in the black skid marks on curbs because I know that I’m not the only bad driver
Sent from my Moving Vehicle
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Drinking coffee before work really feels like a pregame sometimes
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this morning, I officially accepted my offer to the Hartt School!! I'll be pursuing a master of music history all the way in Connecticut! very very excited and grateful for everybody who helped me along the way
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upon further consultation with my counselor I am now accepting applications for people to tell me good job and that they are proud of me
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There is literally a rumor going around the Olive Branch Moms that John Michael died in a car wreck, so I'm just here to clarify-- nope.
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my paper “Gamified Gender Dysphoria in the Music of Metroid” was accepted to the North American Conference on Video Game Music 😭😭
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Second puberty hits you like a ton of bricks
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y'all ever eat cereal out of a tupperware? like when you're out of bowls? i kind of like it, it makes me feel like a boxcar child
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Spent a week back in Mississippi and now I can't stop callin everyone baby
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hm their resistance is futile I've run over a stop sign & I'll run over these too
They blocked the area connecting Abbay's and CFA... hmmm I wonder why😂🤔
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I love leaving the South because I can say y’all and yes ma’am and feel ~exotic~
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Update from Olive Branch High School- boy fell in A hall toilet, screamed "help" for 3 minutes
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hi Oxfordians if you spot the honors college van driving recklessly this summer, mind your business
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writing a followup email for an unanswered job application is a lot like double texting someone who left you on read--humiliating (please hire me even tho it's been a month since i applied and this position likely has already been filled)
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I bought myself Dove dark chocolates to eat as a reward but now I just eat them whenever I want because I’m a good boy all the time
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if y’all caught my insta story yesterday, i saw somebody w an ole miss parking pass in hartford so i left them this lil note .. 24 hrs later and and they haven’t contacted me 🥲
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I keep reading MI & WI as michigan and wichigan like they’re mario and wario
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Hello twitter I couldn’t zip my jacket this morning so I just started crying, if that’s any indication of how my first semester is wrapping up
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A little boy at Chick Fil A recognized me from OB Idol & then his dad recognized me from my grad speech so basically I'm a baby Kim K
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Why do our black friends have to keep explaining themselves? Dealing with racism is hard enough. Don’t make them explain it to you, too.
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Two members of my family have tested positive for COVID in the past week. I almost wish I could feel vindicated having warned them all year, but right now, I’m just a little spooked. If y’all could send any good energies my way I would greatly appreciate it
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Y’all if High Point keeps this up I’m gonna need more than just free coffee coupons
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is it possible to politely refuse an assignment? ma'am I am at my wits' end please do not give me another essay
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rush Covid Covid Covid <3
Not even a week after students began returning to campus, at least five members of Delta Delta Delta sorority have tested positive for COVID-19. Provost Noel Wilkin said the university is investigating positive cases in at least two Greek organizations.
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Traits to look for in a partner:
-tall
-dark
-handsome
-single mom
-works too hard
-loves her kids (and never stops)
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To the girl at the coffee shop who complimented my nail color .. you will see heaven
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Won best costume at the republican cosplay convention yesterday
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i misread “the real housewives of potomac” as “the real housewives of pontotoc” and got real excited for a sec .. can y’all imagine what that show would be like lol
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Kacey Musgraves is really out here making gays listen to country music.... Her power is limitless
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thank you to everyone who turned out last night! I feel so proud of what I was able to do—definitely many personal bests. gonna ride this high for a while!
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my mom took this picture of us then bought herself that “all are welcome” square books shirt 🏳️🌈
@CadeMJ
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If you save your change, it adds up really fast into what’s basically free money! I pay for fast food in quarters all the time. Why would I not spend valid currency
Last night a boy IN COLLEGE paid for a $10 book with $7 IN QUARTERS I am done y’all.
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the awkward space in every zoom meeting between saying goodbye and hitting the "Leave Meeting" button
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I’m so desperate to please people I often wonder if the grocery store clerk thinks I have good taste in groceries
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Whenever I sneeze in class and no one says bless you I take it so personally
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Officer caught me doing a rolling stop so now whenever I come to a stop sign I turn my car off, count to ten, and walk the rest of the way
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@MaraWilson
@belavenderbo
the most big brain moment I had as a kid was when I realized that putting more ice in your cup meant that you got less drink, because the ice would take up space in the cup.. Isaac Newton ain't said nothin since
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do you guys know how distressing it is to be the only morning person I know? I'm ready to have a full conversation at 7:30am and nobody wants to talk to me
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Was wondering why my mom’s phone was going straight to voicemail when I called—turns out she had me blocked. Happy Mother’s Day. 👩👦
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woke up at 5:45 am anxious about school work so I made myself get up and knock out an entire essay before 9am .. I hate the end of the semester
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This is an opportunity for the University of Mississippi to state that it stands with its black students, faculty, and staff. And it’s said nothing.
@OleMissRebels
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had to record some repertoire today, now I’m literally all dressed up with nowhere to go
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shit.. Mississippi’s first corona case has been in my fridge all along
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Gonna start treating email subjects like news headlines--
HEARTBREAKING: Student Needs Mental Health Day, Asks for Extension on Otherwise Easy Assignment
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just learned I’ve only used 3/8 absences in a MWF class...... baby I ain’t coming back
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telling a friend you’d marry them for tax benefits as if you even know how taxes work
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my gender identity revolves around being allowed at both boys night and girls night
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After 6 months of twiddling my mustache in contemplation I’m excited to share that I’ll be pursuing a PhD in music at the University of Virginia !
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