jess
@jesshakeitoff
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weirdest experience of my life was automatically singing along to all too well and suddenly she’s saying some shit i’ve never heard i’m shaking like a motherfucker
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humans are not built to process 31 lyrically dense taylor swift songs at once
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probably not their wedding bc it was 20 years ago and ended bc he cheated on her and then blamed it on her not wanting children just yet which set the narrative of her being a childless loveless wench that has followed her ever since but idk what do u guys think
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the barbie marketing campaign is so incredibly good but i personally did not need any of it. it could've been one singular poster in comic sans that said 'barbie directed by greta gerwig' and i would have been there opening session with a medium popcorn and a dream
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jake g would’ve gotten away with the way he treated taylor if scott borchetta hadn’t sold her catalogue to scooter braun it’s so funny to me these men just all took each other down
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'my friends all smell like weed or little babies' is the best one-line description of being in your early 30s i've personally ever heard
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the cancellation and renewal of b99 was so dramatic and intense like i just went though every single emotional possible in like 36 hours and the underdog ended up winning when all was lost... i want to watch it as a film
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mind you the fearless one is after folklore and evermore. i know ppl say those albums are responsible for the gain in fans but i rly believe it was the red re-record that did it which is so funny bc that was (apart from 2016) easily the era when she was the most hated at time 😭
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watching the public opinion of taylor swift swing so wildly back and forth while she has steadfastly remained at her core the same person for 18 years has been so funny. people just arbitrarily decide that she sucks and so little of it is bc of anything about her that has changed
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i can do it with a broken heart would be sooooo much fun live but also kinda awkward at the same time. like 😭
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tortured poets is far and away taylor's funniest album but unfortunately people who don't think women can be funny just think she is earnestly without a hint of playfulness asking her lover to touch her while his bros play grand theft auto. and i have to walk amongst them
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absolutely no reason for that song to be called slut! but i respect the artistic choice
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i wish i was a normal person instead of a grown adult whose heart starts beating faster any time taylor swift even vaguely hints to anything music related but this is the burden i have been given by god and i must march forward with honour and dignity
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wait do some people not like the tracklist... i have already awarded it album of the year at my personal grammy awards but sorry for your loss ig
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personally if i was playing football in front of taylor swift i would simply be winning. i don't know the rules of the game and have never played in my life but i would just intuitively know what to do and i would win. just so you all know.
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if the red herring is that it is a new album instead of a re-record i am going to projectile vomit. just thought you all should know
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when inez reynolds grows up and listens to betty and hears her parent’s extremely famous friend singing about how she’s a gossiping bitch who makes shit up and can’t be trusted
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people who think that midnights is less lyrically complex than folklore and evermore are baffling to me like does your listening comprehension switch off the second you hear a synth bc that's the only explanation that is coming to mind
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karlie has been desperately trying to look camp right in the eye for four years and tonight she is finally doing it i'm so happy for her
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taylor throughout this entire album: i feel paralysed under the weight of other people's expectations for me to get married and start a family:
swifties, for some fucking reason: this is taylor's goodbye tour bc she is retiring to get married and start a family
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something has shifted in swifties as time has gone on bc i remember for the speak now tour and even red, we would all get excited when she did cool shit at shows even when we weren't there. like when she played cold as you on the red tour everyone on tumblr was SO excited
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not to be dramatic but i genuinely do not know how the k*rdashians live with themselves promoting stuff like this when they already have more money than they could ever possibly need lmfao like for real how the hell are they able to morally justify doing this. i don't understand
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taylor saying she doesn't care about anything that happened to her when she was 19 is the funniest thing she has ever said in her life. sometimes a woman will just get up on stage and lie and that is her right <3
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taylor swift, famously never been called immature for writing about her exes,
They call Drake immature for talk about his exes in his album but have been praising Taylor for years for doing the same LOL
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i have never felt so fucking empty-headed than i feel rn listening to this album. my ability to comprehend anything went out the window like 20 songs ago i have noooo idea what is going on
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one of my fave things abt abigail is that she has never tried to sell flat tummy tea or w/e to her hundreds of thousands of swiftie followers even tho she def could and would probably make quite a lot of money doing it too. she is really the most normal person omg i love her sm
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putting the morality aside, can someone explain what compels people to stand behind a barricade and watch taylor walk to her car for 3 seconds. i love her an amount that i consider to be fairly unreasonable and i still can't comprehend what makes that an enriching experience
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just realised that i've been getting down and out about the liars and the dirty dirty cheats of the world when i could've been getting down to this sick beat
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i don’t know how to explain this but folklore is simultaneously unlike anything taylor has ever done while also being the most taylor thing she’s ever done in her life
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absolutely hate that the body positivity movement has become about saying that everyone is beautiful and sexy and physically attractive instead of saying that we don’t fucking need to be any of those things to be worthy + loveable human beings x
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it is so sick that the 'i wouldn't marry me either a pathological people pleaser who only wanted you to see her' is like the boppiest part of the entire song 😭 taylor's singing the most emotionally devastating lyric and i'm like
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it is so funny that my entire tl appears out of nowhere at 10:30pm est (eras at standard time) to weigh in on the surprise songs. a swiftie could be at a wedding and they will run to the bathroom to see what bullshit taylor is up to at the end of the catwalk
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the fact that taylor will never explain this album track by track she literally just chucked this fucking thing at us and was like “deal with it you pathetic freaks”
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the fact that taylor may never have written midnights if she hadn’t been rerecording her past work and revisiting those time periods which wouldn’t have happened if scott hadn’t sold her masters to scooter and now neither of them will ever benefit from her most successful album
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this folklorevermore ass songwriter reveal i am so unbelievably seated. absolutely superglued to my chair
🔔| Apple Music has revealed the songwriters on Taylor Swift's "THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT"!
Self-written songs (2):
My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys
Who's Afraid of Little Old Me?
Written with Jack Antonoff (8):
Fortnight (feat. Post Malone)*
The Tortured Poets
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omg it’s been 10 years since brittany murphy died i’m sick.. molly gunn 4ever 💖
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'no one wanted to play with me as a little kid so i've been scheming like a criminal ever since to make them love me and make it seem effortless' is the most taylor swift thing that taylor swift has ever said
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selena having a vaguely negative experience with someone and immediately running over to tell taylor on them is so fucking funny like girl me too...
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why did i think she was the biggest artist in the world in 2015 ijbol i was just so immersed in my little swiftie cult bubble i guess. but i so distinctly remember being like 'she will never do anything bigger than the 1989 tour' and meanwhile half the shows were in arenas 😭
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i love being so brainwashed by taylor swift that i feel legitimately excited for the opportunity to spend money on an album that i already own multiple copies of and have been actively listening to for 13 years
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her singing ssn and better man back to back after the distraught article came out is genuinely funnier and scarier than if she'd done it the first show post break up like she's been WAITING. she has been waiting i'm so scared
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i just realised that when taylor practices the surprise songs in all likelihood she has to listen to them first. the idea of taylor sitting there quietly listening to cold as you or whatever is making me feel fucking insane
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explaining things about taylor to normal people is so embarrassing. i had to look someone in the eye and say “oh that song is about this dead lady who used to live in taylor’s house in the 50s”
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everyone who is like 'we don't want shake it off we don't love story' etc must be speaking french bc i don't know who this 'we' is. if taylor doesn't inform me in front of a full stadium of people every few years that the players are gonna play my heart will stop beating actually
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“i’m not cool and i’m not smart and i can’t even parallel park” is definitely meant to be something that a 16 year old can relate to and i’m here in my 20s like that’s actually so true bestie
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whoa that's terrible its weird that people don't like body parts shoved in their face without permission
a girl stuck her middle finger in my face today and i didn't care but then she actually hit me in the face with her finger.. that's too far
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not to gatekeep swiftieism but i'm gunna. these are literally not fans 😭 if you genuinely cared about someone and the art they made you wouldn't be doing this. they for real don't see her as a person she's a vehicle to create content. the tiktokification of fandom is so crazy
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omg maybe these songs aren’t about taylor’s life and that’s why it’s called folklore, maybe she was inspired by fiction she consumed during quarantine, maybe i’m sick to my stomach, maybe far away or maybe real nearby, she may be pouring his coffee, she may be straightening his t
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sometimes i get annoyed by australian stereotypes but last night my dad sprained his ankle because a kangaroo knocked into him while he was taking the bins out
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i still think that taylor not writing any song solely about calvin is the biggest drag that any of her exes have ever received
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every time taylor wins an award it really does feel like a personal victory to me like i’m going to walk around like i just won album of the year for the rest of the week
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thank god pitchfork said this bc otherwise i would have watched miss americana under the impression that it was gonna be about the four years that taylor worked as a legal secretary before breaking into the music business
This is a film about someone who will never have to work a traditional job, and who paid for that privilege by skipping over some of the life lessons most of us learned in our teens and 20s
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nineteen... don’t you think nineteens too young.... she’s gonna sacrifice j*hn m*yer in the video i love to see it
There are 19 hands in the hallway
... but only 2 days until The Man Music Video
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idk how the FUCK i’m supposed to have a good day when something caused taylor swift to use the broken heart emoji
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but daddy i love him is literally love story for 30 year olds. like if love story girl grew up and got mad. some of you are going to be mad at ME for this but unfortunately,
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my 12 year old sister accidentally bought me a coffee table book about romance for christmas and then changed a bunch of pages to be about sisters 😭😭😭😭
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cutting stuff out is editing sweetie 😭 what do u think editing is 😭😭😭😭
I never edited the footage (another lie) - I only posted a few clips on Snapchat to make my point and the full video that recently leaked doesn’t change the narrative.
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wildly premature but i genuinely believe that this album will be the best thing that has ever done i'm screaming like i realise that is an insane thing to say based on nothing but i have never felt this way over just a title and album art... i feel like a rabid little dog
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DO U THINK WHEN TAYLOR PLAYED THESE SONGS FOR JOE SHE WAS LIKE…. PRESENT IN THE ROOM OMG IF I WAS THIS ROMANTIC ABOTU SOMEBODY I WOULD LITERALLY PRESS PLAY AND FUCKING RUN AWAY wow maybe that’s why i’m single. there’s a lot 2 unpack here but that’s a problem for another day
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i kinda hope taylor never does a lead single again bc she’s such an Album Artist and the experience of listening to each body of work in order for the first time with nothing to go off is unmatched… sorry to those who think this rollout is bad but i’m different (and correct 😌)
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…. if she contractually owes millions of dollars and multiple assets to your company then sue her?? what possible reason would u have for not suing her for that unless that wasn’t true??? lmfaooo you weirdo liars
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both times big machine has responded to taylor they have not once outright denied anything she’s said lmao they use clever language to skirt around her accusations and then just go ‘we love taylor we hope we can come to an agreement’ lmao SELL HER HER MASTERS THEN U FUCKS????
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this video is so confusing bc she has rep era hair, red era clothes, a speak now/fearless era hand… the simulation is glitching
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taylor’s one sided beef with leo is so fucking funny djdkdk the guy is minding his own creepy ass male business and has woken up every few months for the past year to his exasperated publicist being like “she’s at it again”
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me, using my eyes and brain: ted bundy was objectively handsome which helped him create a false sense of security and lure his victims
someone on here: oh so you wanna fuck him? you wanna fuck ted bundy? you love murder and necrophilia? that’s what ur saying to me rn?
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IMAGINE BEING AT STONEWALL AND TAYLOR SWIFT APPEARING OUT OF NOWHERE AND SINGING SHAKE IT OFF WITH JESSE TYLER FERGUSON AND THEN LEAVING??? THAT SOUNDS LIKE A FEVER DREAM I HAD ONE TIME
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not to be fake deep but imagine how nerve wracking it would be to perform at something fancy like this with lots of important/famous people in attendance and imagine how much better you’d feel when u looked out into the crowd and saw taylor fuckin swift going so hard for you 🥺
📹 | Taylor and friends dancing to ‘Young Dumb & Broke’ during
@thegreatkhalid
’s performance
#TIME100
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the album is definitely called lover but unquestionably the album is called kaleidoscope but if you don’t think the album is called thirteen you’re a literal moron but at the same time the album is without a fucking doubt called home
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jake gyllenhaal is very funny and dreamy etc but he didn’t go to taylor swift’s 21st birthday party and as a swiftie who has never let a single thing go,
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red as an album was ahead of its time but specifically taylor dating harry was literally lightyears ahead of its time like i KNOW people who were calling taylor a slut and praying for her downfall would froth over that relationship now djdkkdd
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ive seen so many tweets of ppl watching the rep movie and going ‘omg i can’t believe twitter made me hate taylor’ which is a good example of why everyone should make 2019 the year of forming their own pop culture opinions and not blindly following what social media thinks is cool
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if you see me profusely sobbing the entire way through greta gerwig’s barbie please mind your business
Greta Gerwig’s ‘BARBIE’ is inspired by the journey girls go through once they hit adolescence: “They’re funny and brash and confident, and then they just—stop. All of a sudden, she thinks, ‘Oh, I’m not good enough’.”
()
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acting like taylor is responsible for the safety of bmr’s employees is so emotionally manipulative i’m screaming……… i guess nobody can ever publicly shame any big corporation, no matter how unethically they behave, bc that apparently puts their employees at risk? good 2 know
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WAIT BECAUSE LIKE. IF THE ALBUM IS CALLED ME IT’S LIKE REPUTATION WAS ABOUT HER REPUTATION AND ‘ME’ IS ABOUT JUST HER. YES I JUST EXPLAINED WHAT TWO WELL KNOWN WORDS MEAN TO A FEW THOUSAND PEOPLE. AND THAT’S OKAY! I’M ALLOWED TO DO THAT!
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not how honey strangers are misunderstanding taylor swift on the internet again
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IM SORRY I CANT BELIEVE MY NAME IS TAYLIBERAL SWIFT AND SHE PUT TAHT ON HER INSTASGRAM STORY
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the last “you’re on your own kid, you always have been” in the song is the most uplifting phrase in taylor’s entire discography like it makes shake it off look like a depression anthem i don’t know what to tell you
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actually major theme on this record is the protection taylor feels toward her younger self which, as someone who also feels very protective of taylor's younger self, is very relatable 2 me personally <3
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the sexiest thing about me is that my feelings get genuinely hurt at the slightest criticism of taylor swift
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taylor saying that her favourite cocktail - her favourite cocktail of ALL TIME - was vodka diet coke was the biggest cry for help and we ignored her so she had to bleach her hair
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i cannot believe swiftieism has evolved to the point where getting tickets feels like winning the lottery. getting two floor seats for one singular sydney concert literally felt like the equivalent high of getting a DM from taylor nation in 2015
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oh so when a KITTEN looks at taylor and thinks ‘you’re my mom’ she adopts him but when i look at taylor and think ‘you’re my mom’ i’m “delusional” and need to “get a grip”
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doing this in her 30s, sixteen years into her career in the streaming era, when she was worried about being washed up at the ripe old age of 22… i’m starting to think that karma is a cat
'Midnights' has officially earned the biggest US debut sales week of
@taylorswift13
's career, surpassing '1989'.
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i know it's been months but i still can't get over how much easier it was to get tickets for one of the FOUR north american lover fest shows vs one of the 52 eras shows. everyone i know had an easier time w/ lover fest 😭
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if taylor went to therapy this would not be happening right now i fucking guarantee you
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taylor: literally wrote come back be here with her own two hands
me: how the fuck does taylor swift know about this song
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caring about taylor swift’s feelings is the biggest burden in my Life
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me listening to taylor swift songs on spotify that i’ve already listened to seventeen million times each
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i can’t stop screaming at the audience she literally just walked out and ppl are clutching their chests... it feels nice to be represented on television
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if the red herring is that it is a new album instead of a re-record i am going to projectile vomit. just thought you all should know
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if instagram doesn’t STOP telling me that taylor posted a photo.... i’ve already wallpapered my house with it i promise i’m extremely aware that she posted a photo
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i need everybody in the world to adore taylor swift but only 1000-2000 people per major city to have a desire to see her live. i don't think this is unreasonable.
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so funny that the album with nothing new on it is breaking all these records a full decade after she wrote it lmaooo yes bestie we will indeed love you when you’re nothing new i will be organising swiftie nights at my retirement village
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