J.D. Barker
@jdbarker
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Full-time writer, part-time assassin (more of a hobby really).
Joined July 2011
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"Today is my birthday. I am fourteen. Please adjust your schedules and celebrate accordingly." - Toast
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Was it wrong to hug the mailman when he dropped this off today? Probably.
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I love sneaking my books into these little libraries. I found two on the island so far. 😎
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I’ve got the best wife ever - homemade chocolate Oreo cake for birthday dinner dessert! 🎉
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Little Ember Barker finally joined the world on 9/15 @ 3:02PM. She's got the most incredible blue eyes, I'm in a lot of trouble.
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Just typed the last word on my latest novel. Boy, that feeling never gets old! 😎 This one should hit shelves in 2019.
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My wife and I recently bought a house in New Hampshire and found this in the forest out back. At first, I was relieved it wasn’t a pet cemetery. Then I realized it’s NOT a pet cemetery.
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My wife is wrapping up her debut novel and the local po-po officer was kind enough to stop by and help fact-check the procedural stuff in her book. I’m debating whether or not I should tell the neighbors why the cops are in our driveway. 👀 kinda fun just to let them wonder 😆.
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Hard not to feel safe and secure knowing our guard dog is on duty.
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It’s official - we just bought a home on the island of New Castle in NH - the Barker family is New England bound! Not only is there a cemetery in the woods behind the house, but I just noticed someone carved a pig into this old boulder.
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@StephenKing
He squeezed blood from rocks to get this made. Without public support, that kind of passion for filmmaking will vanish. Soon there will be nothing but Marvel.
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Oh man, nothing better than finding an advance copy of
@stephenking
’s latest in the mailbox!
#TheInstitute
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Apparently if I’m quarantined long enough, I build stuff. On the plus-side, I now have someplace to store my ladder. ☝️
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Do all babies throw gang signs in their sleep? Or should I be worried?
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Somebody made all kinds of new friends at the voting booth today.
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Some of the first books I remember reading as a kid were the Hardy Boy and Nancy Drew mysteries. This weekend, at an appearance
@ThinkOutsidetheBooks
in Ypsilanti, MI, I found nearly the full set for my daughter! Can't wait to share these with her. 🙌
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@StephenKing
Hmm. More fun to have Jake wake up and realize his entire career at THE TELEGRAPH had been a dream.
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Today someone decided her tongue is way more fun sticking out than being trapped in her mouth. I’m gonna put away my Kiss records for a little while.
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I bet Kanye won Nevada and they just don’t know how to tell us. 👀
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Hard to believe this incredible little person is one today. What an amazing year. We love you bunches, Little Toot!
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Working on the new book and had to call in the big guns for a consult.
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Anyone else spending their Sunday straightening 19th century headstones in the cemetery behind their house? 😶
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Oh hell. Tom Petty too? The Grim Reaper is far too busy scooping up the best. We'll miss you, Tom. Find the biggest amp in heaven and shred.
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I'm not sure I like the direction they're going in with the new It movie.
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My wife just told our 4yo, “If you open a present before Christmas it will turn into clothes.” 😅
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This $20 bubble machine may be the smartest purchase I’ve made as an adult. 👍 It’s like a baby sitter that runs on soap.
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Somebody figured out how to stand recently and she’s very happy about it. I think she’s trying to impress the kid in the mirror.
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Ha. I don’t know who created this but to that person - thanks for making me smile today. 😅
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Somehow my dog can tell time. He finds me every day at exactly 4pm for a walk. Unfortunately, nobody told him there's a blizzard today. 😕
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“This might sound crazy, but I think there’s an octopus in my bed.”
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Just completed the first draft of my next novel, THE FOURTH MONKEY. Going in search of cake and adult beverages. 😎
http://t.co/j3fr97Qeef
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"This is my favorite blankie and it's comfy, don't judge me."
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Typical day in the life of a suspense author -
Wife: "Why are you measuring that?"
Me: "You know, work."
Wife: "Put it away when you're done."
Me: "I need to see if it will fit in a shoe first."
Wife: "You better wash it."
Me: "Sure. After I wipe it down and soak it in bleach."
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Is it just me or does the president’s doctor look like he just stepped off the set of General Hospital?
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This is clearly my daughter. I lived on candy corn through most of college.
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My wife just finished the first draft of her first novel. I sense a bit of competition in our future. 😎 Congrats PB!
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Wow, so I just heard DRACUL was the UK’s top-selling ‘horror fiction’ hardback of 2018! I'm a little speechless right now. Thank you to everyone who picked up a copy!
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Anybody else watching YOU on Netflix? It’s like Dexter: The Early Years. 👍
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Scored a first edition set of David Copperfield by Dickens at a used bookstore in Port Angeles, WA (no sparkly vampires were present).
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We’re trying really hard not to let our daughter veg in front of the television but she looks so damn cute doing it...
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Big dog, little bed. -or- "I don't get it, I fit perfectly last year. Mommy must have washed it wrong."
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Someone is clearly enjoying playing Christmas dress-up with her mommy this morning.
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Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, Prince, George Michael...I hope Madonna is watching her back, the Grim Reaper's got a thing for the 80's.
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My 5yo didn’t feel this pumpkin was scary enough so she added some knives. I’m not sure if I should praise her creativity or sleep with a gun.
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Psst. Hey
@StephenKing
, how about stepping aside for a minute and letting the new guy see how that
#1
spot feels?
#4MK
🐵🙈🙉🙊
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"I'm helping my daddy edit the prequel to Dracula. He said if I can hold this pose for five minutes, he'll put me in the book."
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Had to put one of our dogs to sleep today. I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone. We miss you Dixie.
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The whole "outside thing" didn't last long. Toast has returned to the safety of his couch blankie.
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My dog just huffed at the back door and gave me a look like, “It’s cool. I’ll hold it.” Then disappeared under his blanket.
What’s the temp where you are today?
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I need a good scare. What’s a movie that really frightened you? I mean - had to leave the lights on for a week, couldn’t be alone, couldn’t sleep - frightened you?
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The day you realize your husky, who sits diligently in your front yard, now has more friends at your vacation property than you.
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My 4yo daughter is watching Home Alone for the first time and laughing her ass off. John Hughes was an f-ing genius.
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@StephenKing
The older I get, the more I realize, Mr. (Fred) Rogers was the only honest person to walk this planet. Everyone else is full of varying degrees of shit.
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Happy birthday to
@stephenking
, the man who inspired a generation to read, some of us to pick up a pen, and all of us to imagine. Here’s to many more! Oh, and happy B-Day to these hacks too - Richard Bachman, John Swithen, and Beryl Evans. 😎
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First day of the new year and I just typed the final words of a new book. Not a bad way to start 2024. 😎
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