shitposter emeritus
@jazzghost_pm
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Following
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Media
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Statuses
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clothes horse. musician. formerly funny
Minneapolis, MN
Joined October 2019
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Pinned Tweet
Forget brat summer, we're doing Porco Rosso summer
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Finding out that I'm extremely attractive to many gay men felt like discovering a fortune in confederate dollars or Blockbuster rewards points
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Turns out it's gout. 17th century nobleman-ass disease. Embarrassing
Nothing illustrates the ravages of old age quite like "sprained my ankle in my sleep"
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I am flattered and I can do absolutely nothing with this information
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This is, with no due respect, a skill issue
I really don’t think woman understand that as a regular straight male the only people in your entire life that are nice to you outside of your immediate family are religious missionaries and timeshare salesmen.
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Found the asshole who's been making me feel miserable
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In case you need a way to remember
A tornado watch has been issued for parts of Minnesota until 8 PM CDT
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Unsettled having gained the knowledge that Willem Dafoe is from APPLETON, WISCONSIN.
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Whether Walz is or isn't the VP pick, I can assure you that Minnesotans are going to be weird about it online tomorrow. It's the one thing we do better than anywhere else
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My impact
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If you miss Lake Chipotle, let me introduce you to Northeast's hottest waterfront locale - Lake Masu
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I think it's actually quite understandable to enjoy having a private 2 ton mobile living room. It's just has a completely ruinous effect on society.
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I never tire of looking at this taco bell. it brings me peace
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I see "Minnesota Transplant Discourse" is making the rounds again so, as a transplant, I offer the following.
- It is harder making friends as an adult
- If you're waiting to be invited, you'll be waiting a long time. That's just how it works here. You have to insert yourself. 1/
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I honestly didn't realize that MPS teachers are fighting for only a *2% raise* at this point, good lord we live in a sick society
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Wisconsin pops off in the summer. Windows XP desktop wallpaper ass landscape
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While I appreciate the concern from my bank's fraud department, that *was* actually me trying to buy an expensive British-made duffle coat at 1am
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After 4 years, Makenna and I have decided to end our relationship. She made this meme to help illustrate.
When we first met here on Twitter (of all places) in early 2020, the world was a different place and we were different people. We finally met in person *a week* before
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A year of progress - have done a lot of work getting the "woof" out of my sound. Now if I could just get my tongue to relax a bit more...
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Some personal news: I've moved to a new apartment
This is my "yell at the mayor" balcony
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Did half an hour of exercise this morning and it brings me absolutely no pleasure to report that it was a good idea and I feel good
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save me Kramarczuk's bratwurst
Kramarczuk's bratwurst save me
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@dieworkwear
Oh also check out
@DavidLaneDesign
for more big boy menswear, he's a great inspiration as well
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update: punch pizza in NE re-opened and as I walked ONE block home carrying the box, TWO people stopped me asking "omg is punch open"
It's like living in a god damn animal crossing town
since living in northeast for a whole 5 days I think I've had more friendly conversations with strangers in my building, grocery store, etc. than did my entire 3 years in Uptown.
Which is fine if you like that sort of thing. I do, I think? I'm just very much not used to it.
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Typical complaining about the blizzard from everyone.
Folks, the only way to stop the snow is to get out there and VOTE
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It's scholarship season yet again, so here's a clip of me honkin' out some Mozart.
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"surely everyone has forgotten my transgressions by now"
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Waiting for it to drop below 70 degrees so I can wear my little fall outfits
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While I can only spend about 3 days at my parents house in the country before I'm bored to tears, it's very nice to wake up and eat a brat on the patio at 9am and listen to the birds. No thoughts, head empty
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*flashes "grew up rural" credentials* it's interesting because on the one hand, people living out in the sticks do tend to have a stronger connection with nature
They also tend to see it as their right to do whatever they see fit with it.
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since living in northeast for a whole 5 days I think I've had more friendly conversations with strangers in my building, grocery store, etc. than did my entire 3 years in Uptown.
Which is fine if you like that sort of thing. I do, I think? I'm just very much not used to it.
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Camping in a 1968 Airstream this week and had to dress appropriately
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If the seemingly bespoke wool suit I just bought for $100 on eBay that matches my measurements almost exactly ends up working, I will have pulled off the heist of the century
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Put another way, Minnesotans generally like meeting new people and making friends like any other human being, they just often aren't very good at it and don't know any other way to be. 4/
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@maxdubler
This is just a simple linen suit from Cubavera, but I have a few nicer ones from
@ProperCloth
, who I enthusiastically endorse
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My conservative boomer dad, who has extolled the virtues of hard work my entire life, told me yesterday over breakfast that he didn't think working hard was enough anymore and that the deck is stacked against normal people.
I think the pandemic has done more than we yet realize
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since my bike was stolen I'd like to announce that I've decided to develop reactionary "tough on crime" political views
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I miss drinking at the Mort's back bar because it feels like drinking on the Titanic
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If anyone has a home like this they don't want to live in, I am willing to take it of your hands for a modest fee
The reason we don't build more of these isn't because of zoning, it's because nobody actually wants to live in them.
You quickly discover that you spend your life on stairs. The living space on the second floor means carrying *everything* up stairs every time you come home.
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folks,,,
I haven't seen my GF in 7 months but she's going to be here tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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can everyone promise not to get mad at me if I say something?
ok
I love this misty 40 degree weather
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If I didn't want people protesting outside my home, I would simply not be a bad mayor
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Hello and good morning to my new followers, I hope you enjoy your parasocial relationship with me
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lil goose big goose
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Menswear brand; yeah we carry big and tall sizes :)
the big and tall sizes:
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As a thunderstorm enjoyer, this has been a great year for me
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Downtown Chicago makes Downtown Minneapolis seem comically provincial. It's a bigger city, obviously, just kind of wild seeing tons of people walking around and no cop cars parked on the sidewalk
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As a counterpoint to Minnesotan's reluctance to invite outsiders, they are usually too passive to combat someone simply inviting themselves along.
People from work going to a happy hour and didn't invite you? Show up anyway. It's a public space! It's a free country! 2/
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If I had one piece of advice to give to folks new to living in the Midwest in summer it's "You will always feel like you're missing out on something"
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Had to pull out the cooler colors for the weather today
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I'm out! All the big bad stuff ruled out for now
The staff at
@ParkNicollet
Methodist ER are absolute pros, I'm very thankful for them
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dropping out of college in 2013 and entering a 2-year depressive episode sucked and I still carry the weight of that with me.
I am now in the final 2 weeks of finishing my degree and those bad memories are coming back. I just need to keep inching ahead
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I did forget how demoralizing dating apps are for men, maybe I should just try Twitter again - wouldn't that be crazy hahahaha (beautiful women DM me please)
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like, who is this guy? what happened to him? what are those shorts?
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It costs $500 to file to run for mayor in Minneapolis. I have $600. Much to think about
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After a 3 hour morning rehearsal, this is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen
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Come on down to Open Streets Lyndale, where you can see furries doing a martial arts demonstration across from a jazz quartet
Minneapolis stay winning
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all the NIMBYs are going out of town to their cabins, time to build a bunch of affordable housing while they're gone
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Sometimes this works, sometimes this doesn't work, much like any method of making friends.
I don't believe Minnesotans are inherently colder or meaner than anywhere else, but their social conditioning growing up primes them to be insular for whatever reason 3/
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While the relationships were all ultimately failures, this is how I got several women into Steely Dan
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after MANY applications, I will be adopting Sandy tomorrow 🥳
looks like he got adopted 😭 but I applied for some more lil buddies! so we'll see
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@dieworkwear
I insisted on wearing a little 3 piece suit to my 1st grade school picture day. My mom tried to talk me out of it but I would not be reasoned with
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I love fall but the end of August always makes me sad, if that makes any sense? Like I become very aware of the passage of time 😓
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Allow Summer Trev to bless your timeline. Everything is going to be ok
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I have done some embarrassing things in my life but I can at least rest easy knowing I've never started a uWu smol bean Go-Fund-Me for my floundering small business with multiple locations
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The worst tweet bracket closed too soon
So long Gen Z. From now on I call you Gen H. Generation Hamas.
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Happy Opening Day to both my friends (baseball enjoyers) and enemies (Dodgers fans)
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friday night. 4 hop waters deep. staring at the bathroom mirror
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from a midwest perspective, I think if widespread return-to-the-office doesn't happen before snow hits the ground, it's all over. give up.
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why would you pit beautiful women against each other like this
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any other freaks out there find an MRI machine relaxing? Everyone talks about claustrophobia and I'm like ohhhh noooo please don't put me in the tube with the nice breeze and the cool robot sounds
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Going through a breakup right at the beginning of September? I fear the transitional and reflective nature of autumn will only make me more powerful
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Great time at the Padres game today! (Do not look at the score)
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San Diegan gf is out practicing walking on icy surfaces to prepare for the snow storm
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good morning Twitter I'm back. We still don't know who the president is but my gf is here and we visited my parents and held these chickens so that's been nice
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