Cults in Alabama:
-Alabama fans
-People from Birmingham
-Church of the Highlands Members
-Auburn Fans
-Kendra Scott girls
-The actual KKK
-People from Huntsville
-Football moms
-Alabama fans that didn’t attend college so they’re just fans by default
-Craft Beer Drinkers
LOL. Men really come at women for being unoriginal by going as cats/bunnies for Halloween as if they’re not going as lumberjacks and Clark Kent. Y’all are boring. I said what I said.
With it being recruitment season for many Greek Organizations around the US, I just want to remind all Greeks that your charter is not more important than a human life. This year, please manage risk effectively and be vigilant in responding to potentially dangerous situations.
You didn’t get hit on by a BLACK man at the bar. You got hit on by a MAN. The ASIAN kid wasn’t too loud in public. The KID was too loud. A MEXICAN lady didn’t cut you off in traffic. A LADY cut you off. Stop using demographic adjectives when they are not necessary to the story.
This is disgusting. Somebody is using my pictures to catfish people on
@Tinder
. Like, I feel so hurt and violated that someone would use pictures of me before I lost 40 pounds. I got skinny for a reason and it was not for people to use old pictures of me.
I just drove through UAH’s campus and asked these dudes if they went to UAH. One said “Good luck finding a parking spot” the other passed out because he had no social skills. I said dang you really do go to UAH.
Oh she ate, tore, slayed, chewed, served, snapped, popped off, devoured, bodied, and all those other words.
#scarlet
is way too good. Doja I never doubted you for a second.
started my second half-marathon of they year today feeling like I wouldn’t finish it…but I beat my PR by 5:44. My self-care weekend trip is going great 🤍
When my sister was 6, we were at the dinner table and she put a green bean between her fingers and acted like she was smoking it. My mom smacked it out of her hand and my sister said “but mom, Hilary Duff does it”. The point of this tweet is that my sister smoked a green bean.
Me giving a tour of my college: “There’s the cafeteria, I got really fat there. And there’s the library, I have a sleeping bag hidden in the encyclopedias. And there’s a classroom, I cry there a lot.”
I can’t wait for sorority girls to show up to Area 51 and realize that aliens look nothing like their Halloween costume that consisted of metallic clothing, purple lipstick and glitter.
Whoever has my voodoo doll, could you take a little bit of the stuffing out around the gut area? I need this summer body but I’m not prepared to stop eating like Sandy Cheeks before hibernation, ya feel?
Men are so heinous. When women don’t like or “get” something that is largely consumed by men, they just let men enjoy it. When it’s the reverse, men make it a point to disrespect it and fraternize over their mutual dislike for said things’ popularity as if it’s of lesser value.
Tip for my iPhone friends- if you think you may be addicted to social media (like me), you can go into your settings and see just how much battery (and time!) you’re draining on your social media apps. Beware, it ain’t pretty! 😳
When my brother was a toddler, he would call a jacket, a “jack”. So when he was hot, he would say “jack off” to let my parents know and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since.
Love is Blind Drinking Game: Drink every time Jessica mentions that she’s 10 years older than Mark.
**safety precaution: make sure you have health insurance because you WILL end up in the ER**
The Jonas Brothers went to the year 3000 and told us “not much has changed but they live underwater”. They warned us of the irreversible damage of global warming and the polar ice caps melting and we didn’t take them seriously. We stan woke legends.
My
@tacobell
was training a drive thru cashier and when she gave me my food she said “come back and see us” and the guy training her said “oh, he will”. Honestly felt attacked but he’s not wrong.
“You can come if you want” is more of an insult than an ivitation. It’s like saying “I didn’t originally think of inviting you. But now, I’m going to invite you out of pity.” Like, if I’m an afterthought, don’t bother.
Retweet if you are:
1) unusual
2) not so typical
3) way too smart to be waiting around
4) tai chi practicing
5) a snowboard champion
6) can fix a flat on your car
7) a rockstar
Nobody will ever know which one.
Sometimes, when I get home, I sit in my car by myself for a while and think about how lonely I am. Then, I pull myself together to go inside and do the same exact thing, but this time, with Netflix.
Deeper voices than Ben Shapiro:
1) all of the Rugrats
2) Dua Lipa
3) literally every Barbie in this movie
4) a 12 year old after getting hit in the nuts
5) Moaning Myrtle
6) Raven Baxter when she’s lying
7) Trisha Paytas
8) Tickle-Me-Elmo
I think “How To Dress Like You Actually Want A Job” should be a required class in college. Some of y’all roll up to the career fairs looking like mama didn’t teach you how to match or what a belt is.
In College we don’t say “I’m busy”, we say “I have way too much to do, why would you even ask me if I want to go out tonight.” which means, “sure, what time?.” Isn’t that amazing?
Hey
@MileyCyrus
, I have a degree in Marketing and will graduate with a Masters in Communication in April. I have a background in PR, Social Media and Strategic Comm. Please let me join your promo team....they’ve been slacking and I can do better.
The best fast food chains ranked:
15. you
14. can’t
13. compare
12. chains
11. because
10. each
9. have
8. a
7. distinct
6. type
5. of
4. food
3. and
2. variety
1.
@tacobell