The James McMahon Music Podcast
@jamesjammcmahon
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Writer / Podcaster / OCD / Doncaster Rovers Football Club / Ramones / Currently in a fight with cancer / https://t.co/wrgF47aMHp / Agent: @MWHamilton
Joined May 2009
Having spent 47 days in hospital thinking about death from cancer more or less every single moment, let me tell you this - @rickygervais’ ‘Afterlife’ came up in conversation frequently. With other patients, nurses, even my surgeons. Everyone talked about how it articulates the.
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James McMahon.3rd July 1980 - 14th November 2024. Words by @ConorMcNicholas . Please consider donating in his memory at
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Ladies and fucking gentlemen, after 47 days, two operations, one infection, one morphine overdose, too many plates of anemic mac and cheese, some really brilliant care and a really, really, really rubbish bit at the end… I HAVE BEEN DISCHARGED FROM HOSPITAL! Next stop
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More surgery today. Like last time, I’m very scared I’m not going to wake up from it. If I don’t, I just want to say that I really did try my best. I loved music and my wife and my mum and little brother and my friends and Doncaster Rovers with every bit of my being. Life was
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Starting to accept the reality that I’m probably going to die much sooner than I expected. I don’t have loads of things on the bucket list. I met an amazing woman - I wish I had longer with her, but what times we had. I had good friends. I worked for NME for ages (part of my
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Cancer update. I feel really lonely so I head to Twitter for human connection. Never a great idea. Don’t have anything much to say other than ‘I am in so much pain and I wish this wasn’t happening and I’m scared I’m dying because it absolutely feels like I’m dying and if I’m not.
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Hey everyone, . Sorry I haven’t been around here much recently. I had surgery to remove a tumour from my leg last Monday and I haven’t felt up to looking at my phone until today (my birthday was Wednesday but I am not acknowledging it until I am better so I remain for the time
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Hello. I’m out of hospital. Yey. I’m posting this because I’d been sharing daily handwritten/drawn updates via my socials while I was in hospital. Firstly because writing/drawing them gave me something to do when I was in there. There’s really very little to do in hospital,
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So I’m in hospital and I got some bad news. How bad the news is I don’t yet know, but it’s bad, I can’t spin that, it is what it is. When I got told the bad news I immediately thought one thing; I have wasted so much of my life. I think this is going to be a 🧵 btw.
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So, tomorrow will be my 46th day in hospital. It’s looking increasingly likely that, for the time being, it’ll be my last. Loads more cancer treatment to come, and at some point I will write about the insanity of these last 46 days - as well as the two months of horror that
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They’re wrong, but this is the best sign I’ve seen at the Euros thus far
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I’ve just been told that I probably have to have a third operation. Which means I’m here until at least mid September. At least. I’m still at the stage where I don’t understand what happened to my life. I don’t understand how I came to be a cancer patient. I don’t understand.
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Hello. I’m a working class person from a broken northern town. What you are seeing in the streets of these towns right now is the anger that these people in these broken towns feel about decades of neglect, only directed towards peoples who aren’t responsible for that neglect.
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Hospital update. Today marks one month in hospital. Two surgeries. One infection. One catheter. Six cannulas. One morphine overdose. One picc line. One pigeon flying into my room (twice)… AND I’VE JUST COMPLETED MY PHYSIO! I’ve got a certificate and everything! . Unless
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I’ve just woken up to the wretched news that Carl Bevan, drummer in my teenage favourites 60ft Dolls - a band who created what I have long believed is a genuinely perfect debut album, 1996’s The Big Three - has passed away. Look, I’m in fucking hospital. I don’t have a laptop
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Went outside for the first time since surgery. Everything hurts still but it was so nice to feel wind on my bits
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On my way to my biopsy. Thank you for all the kindness <3.
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Hospital update. My surgeon just came in my room and told me he’d been listening to my podcast. Likes his indie rock. There’s a bit of chat that I might be allowed home next week. Not getting too excited. Home means chemotherapy and it was only four days ago they were floating.
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Day 46 of hospital. As I expected, and so dearly hoped, the doctors came around this morning and told me I could go home today. I cried. One of my surgeons, who I’ve been very friendly with throughout my stay - he’s seen me high, he’s seen me low, he’s seen me rock bottom - gave.
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Going in for surgery. Hopefully next time we speak the majority of the cancer will be in the bin. Thought I’d leave you with a new episode of the podcast. Didn’t have the strength to record it, so I got some of my friends - previous guests - to do it for me.
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To every player at @drfc_official, every member of staff, every supporter that’s roared us on these last few months, thankyou for what you have given us. You made us dream again. You have given us moments that will endure until our final breaths. What a team. What a club.
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Happy big birthday to the wife. 40 years of making the planet a better place. Love your face @katbiglife <3
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Still here. Tripping balls. Come at me, life <3
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Hi. For the last month I’ve had a tube coming out of my leg with a bottle at the end of it that collects leg gunk. It’s disgusting and I hate it. Five or six times a day a nurse comes into my hospital room and looks at it and says “hmmmm” and then writes down how much leg gunk
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There’s a couple of people slagging me off on Twitter this morning. I would have been devastated by it six months ago. Today I just shrugged. The moment my viewpoint changed was the moment I got cancer. It was the exact moment I finally got perspective on what matters and who I.
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Day 44 of hospital. I just washed my hair for the first time since I got here. Now, I know that’s going to sound minging but I can’t shower because they cut a massive hole in my thigh and it’s all bandaged up with tubes coming out of my big cancer hole and I can’t get it wet. And.
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Recorded a fascinating episode of the podcast tonight, with one of my favourite people in all of music. Thankyou @andyblack from the enduring @blackveilbrides for your wit, wisdom, and in this instance, great well of kindness. Episode on the feed early next week - but why not
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Some more thoughts. Form that band you wanted to. Ask him/her on the date. Write the book. Take the trip. Stop rowing on Twitter and do something important instead. Time is not infinite. You know this but one day you might <know it>. To <know it> is a kick in the gut.
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So interviewing the Inspiral Carpets went really well cos I sat on a massive cushion and @therealboon was lovely and he said the Inspiral Carpets are going to hurry up and make their new album “just for you” so you have my massive tumour to thank for that Inspirals fans. Episode.
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Actually, you don’t have to feel quite as sorry for me anymore. A nurse just came to my house and took this tube out. The last remaining tube in my cancer hole. I am free from tubes! I repeat, I am free from tubes! I AM FREE FROM TUBES!.
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Nice to be back on the telly. Talking Oasis. Blessed day!
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May I say that I am so proud of you @drfc_official. Thankyou for turning a nothing season into a thrilling one. The last four months have been some of the most thrilling in my 30+ years as a fan. What a team this is. Let’s go win the league in 24/25 now #drfc.
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It’s Suicide Prevention Day. I spent years, ravaged by OCD, trying to do myself in. When I got diagnosed with cancer it felt faintly obscene looking back at all the times I tried to do myself in. My experience tells me that most people don’t want to die, they just want an
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Hello. I do a music podcast. It’s a really great music podcast. Amongst many others, Blur, Radiohead, Sonic Youth, Lankum, Nadine Shah, Sleaford Mods, Bob Mould, HIM, Architects and gazillions more have been on my music podcast. I was recently diagnosed with cancer. The future.
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This weekend a pigeon flew into my hospital bedroom. Literally woke up to it cooing in the corner of the room. Now, I’m aware that there’s big news taking place outside of my hospital bedroom - Biden stepping down, Trump being shot, etc etc - but I’ve been in this room now for 22.
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Would much rather be in Crewe - said no one ever - than watching @drfc_official in the League Two play-off in a hospital room. But pretty happy with my set up, all things considered. Youuuuuu reds #drfc
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Today I walked across my living room without crutches. I’ve only been out of hospital a week! I am now basically Sally Gunnell! I believe I can do anything!.
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Timely reminder that ‘Oasis are rubbish!’ is not a personality.
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When I got told I had cancer the doctor said to me “you will need a year to recover after surgery”. A year from that day Oasis are reforming, which I’ve chosen to believe is especially for me. WHAT A FUCKING PARTY THAT WILL BE. C’MON! HAVE IT!.
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Six years married today. The hospital shop didn’t sell sheets of cardboard, but thankfully Kat brought my drawing stuff in with her yesterday. I love you @katbiglife and I’m forever grateful for that magical day six years ago, and every day that has followed since. xxx
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Righto!. Now I’m home from hospital - it’s as good as you’d imagine btw, though there’s <loads> of new stuff to learn. I spent about an hour last night trying to work out how to do a piss while using crutches. Bit messy - I’ll soon be getting The James McMahon Music Podcast out.
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Started the day knowing I had a meeting with my doctors and thinking I might be getting discharged from hospital imminently. Had the meeting with doctors and have been informed that something has gone wrong with my recovery and I am likely to be in hospital for three more
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One of the saddest aspects of the music press dying is that it allowed plebs like me a shot at a media career. No money. No connections. Few qualifications. Just stuff to say and a bit of flair with words. Many such stories. It’s no coincidence that media has got more boring,.
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Celebrity or not, Race Across the World is the most brilliantly wholesome show on British television. It makes The Great British Bake Off look like a snuff movie. It makes me love people. Love life. Makes me want to see more of the world (when I’m off crutches, obvs).
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On my way to my biopsy. To be honest, even if they tell me that the cancer has spread, today can’t get any worse. The hospital porter just asked if my wife was my sister.
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Update from hospital. It’s all gone wrong. My wound isn’t healing and I keep waking up in puddles of orange gunk. They think I might have to go back to surgery. I really do not want to go back to surgery and start the healing process all over again. My physio - learning to walk
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I’m telling you now, if @drfc_official win the Bristol Street Motors Trophy this season, I will get this beautiful trophy tattooed on my skin #drfc #YOLO
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Biopsy was okay. Started thinking about my dad and cried my eyes out. Haven’t thought about him in a bit, but makes sense he’d turn up today - he always had terrible timing. But everyone was very nice. Lovely in fact. Having a lie down in the ambulance. Also bled everywhere. Like
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My tweets recently have been very “hospital cancer big operation me me me” but I’d just like to acknowledge that today marks two years since my dad passed away and I miss him very much. If you’re out there in the cosmos dad I hope you know how much I love you
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I’m waiting to find out what cancer I might have, if it’s spread, what can be done about it - and the minute I spent watching this contemptible, anti-human advert is the only time since being admitted to hospital where I’ve questioned my desperate to live.
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Died for 30 minutes over the weekend. In intensive care. Touch and go. Gonna be a big week.
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I’m not saying I’m having a bad time in hospital today but I did just listen to ‘Prettiest Eyes’ by The Beautiful South fifteen times in a row, then burst into tears so ferocious that the lady cleaning my room had to stop cleaning and bring me tissue paper until I stopped. Day.
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More thoughts to follow, but there’s nothing like being told you might not live to motivate a desire for life.
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Today I am going to hospital to have one of my legs - the one that has swelled up to twice the size of the other - drained of fluid. There was a time - not that long ago - where I would have been freaked out, grossed out in fact, by these sort of procedures. Not now. I would just.
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I meet my oncologist for the first time today. Up until this point my treatment has principally concerned recovering from surgery, starting physio, pain management and the like. But it’s time now to look towards radiotherapy and chemotherapy. I am a cancer patient. I still.
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Sup. Forgive the radio silence recently. Truth be told quite a lot of things went wrong on the medical front and I’ve spent the last week and a bit in hospital. Getting transferred to another hospital today. I guess you can get downhearted about this stuff or just think “another
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Worrying what people think about me? Give a shit. I have spent years governed by fear and politeness and not wanting to be ostracised by circles and scenes that I don’t respect nor make me happy. If I am going to die then I am living my remaining life for me and my loved ones.
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Life. You never know what’s around the corner…. Jam vs. soft tissue sarcoma. Round one. Ding ding.
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Keir, when I worked at NME I didn’t take a holiday for my first three years of my employment because I was worried that Pete Doherty might do something mental and I wouldn’t be there to write about it, so you can postpone your Butlins booking a couple of weeks until people stop.
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Whenever I’m on the telly my mum always sends me a picture of me on the telly. It’s very sweet. Do you think Paul Gambaccini’s mum does this also?
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This is that rarest of creatures. A tweet expressing joy, hope and excitement. You have no fucking idea how happy I am that the Euros start today!.
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The thing they don’t tell you about having cancer is some days you just spend the entire day crying. There is nothing that hasn’t made me cry today. Eggs. Made me cry. The (very good) Penguin series. Made me cry. A shampoo advert. Made me cry. Cry cry cry.
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Just been washed by my favourite nurse. Face. Armpits. Knees. She’s Russian. We talked about the evils of communism while she aggressively washed my testicles. I imagined David Hasselhoff singing atop my soapy scrotum. In that moment I was free. We all were.
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There’s many moments that can be presented when the question is asked; “when did the music press die?” One such moment for me is music media’s cruel refusal to write about, talk about, or commemorate the massacre that took place on October 7th at Nova music festival. I’ve got an
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I also had an outrageously good sandwich made with the contents of the incredible hamper @petepaphides and @caitlinmoran sent me and scoffed all the chocolates that @klahri sent me too. I know good people xxx.
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While I’ve been in hospital I’ve had three different doctors say to me, “we think it’s cancer”. But the worst thing? Yesterday my mum told me that her favourite Beatles song was ‘Isle of Kintyre’. Where do you even start, y’know?.
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I’ve interviewed thousands of musicians. I’ve interviewed few actual bona fide geniuses. Coming to the podcast soon: Mr. Mike Batt!
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During my long time on Twitter there have been numerous occasions where I’ve genuinely felt like I wasn’t looking at a social media app but gazing into the abyss. It made me think of being a child, playing in my parents garden, whereupon I would sometimes pick up a broken paving.
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Cor! Today I interviewed ACTUAL BETTY BOO. Coming to the podcast feed soon. Episode 300 in fact. And then I might bin it all off, because what’s the point? I’ve peaked. I’ve spoken to my favourite ever popstar. And she was AMAZING. Actually AMAZING (NB: won’t bin off the podcast,
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I have OCD. The nature of OCD is that it creates pointless and often irrational fears and obsessions. It is an illness that wastes your time. But even so, I immediately thought, upon hearing the bad news, I wish I’d snogged my wife more and not spent so much time mired in fear.
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Hey. I might have cancer - but I’m still a really good writer! Do you need someone to write things? Funny things and sad things and interesting things? Well aren’t you in luck. Hit me up! I need the work because at some point I might not be able to work! I promise to never ever
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The people of Rotherham have been failed for decades. The town has been a box of tinder for decades. But anyone in the vicinity of this hotel who possesses a box of matches should be tried for attempted murder.
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It’s been five years since one of my favourite songwriters, David Berman, left the earth. Back in the days when The Guardian replied to my emails I wrote this about him and his brilliance
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I’m gonna watch WWE’s Best of King of the Ring compilation.
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I’ve now been in hospital for 36 days and the indignity of doing a bedpan refuses to fade. “I’m so sorry” I say to the nurse. “It’s fine, it’s our job” says the nurse. “But still, I’m sorry” I tell the nurse. “Please stop apologising” replies the nurse. But you cant can you. The.
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Gerard Way from My Chemical Romance is the nicest man I have met during my 22 years in music. Real, flawed, complex - if we forget people are then we end up with the ridiculous notion that Dave Grohl was born with a halo on his head. But in my experience, Gerard Way is as good as.
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Just found out that I’m probably having chemotherapy over Christmas. Turns out that there is something worse at Christmastime than the annual LadBaby release.
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Made it out of the house for my friend @annadoble’s book launch - ‘Connection is a Song’, it’s very, very good. So nice to see some faces that aren’t doctors and nurses, and thanks to @e17RnR_books for procuring me a soft seat for me and my tumour!
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Relearning to walk is proving to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
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Hospital day 45. Today I have a review of my wound taking place. Surgeons, tissue viability experts, nurses; they will all gather around my bed, look at my healing cancer hole - which is located in my groin - and assess whether I can a) go home, b) have to stay longer, or c) need.
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Having cancer is being told to take a time out from life. You can’t do - too much pain, too much sickness - you can only watch and hope that at some point you can be well enough to participate again. I want to participate again. I want my life back. I don’t want this to be.
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I’ll say this for cancer, you really do find out who your friends are.
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The thing about this utterly insane era is that liberal or centrist people have had to adjust to being called far right for holding beliefs that in any sane era wouldn’t have been labelled as such. But here’s the thing that liberal and centrist people should never, ever forget.
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Had a band refuse to promote their appearance on my podcast recently because they’d “learned I was a Zionist”. I’m not, I’m not Jewish, but many of my friends are Jews and Zionists, and policing the company a person keeps is some FUCKING COMMIE SHIT THAT I AM NOT HERE FOR. People
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It is ironic this tweet arrived the day after a band called English Teacher won the Mercury Prize.
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When I started this podcast three years and three hundred episodes ago, I didn’t think I’d be celebrating this landmark in the show’s history by talking to my favourite ever popstar about the massive tumour I just had removed from my leg. We talk about other things too. Thanks to
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I have achieved things in my adult life that I wanted to when I younger. Has this made me happy? Not more than it hasn’t. Most of my ambitions have been fulfilled out of working class drive, a desire to prove others wrong, passion. A search for happiness hasn’t driven them.
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Many many of the things that have mattered to me really very intensely suddenly feel quite pointless. I genuinely can’t think of anything that matters to me more now than being happy, doing the things I want to do with the people I want to do them with.
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Anyway, THERE’S A BRAND NEW EPISODE OF MY PODCAST - FIRST EPISODE IN TWO MONTHS! - COMING LATER TODAY. Cheers!
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3pm yesterday. They have an ultrasound guided tube embedded in my groin, sucking out 250ml of cancer gunk . 9am today. Somehow he’s at his desk interviewing an extremely charming Chilly Gonzales for The Observer. HOW DOES HE DO IT?!. (Drugs. He does it by taking shitloads of
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I am enjoying having cancer more than I enjoyed reading this article.
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I deplore racism. I’ll fight it until my dying breath. But this last week has revealed that so many professional anti-racists - you know the types, they have LBC shows and columns in The Guardian - deeply dislike poor white people and the north of England. So much demonisation.
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