Jake’s girlfriend
@jakesgyal
Followers
52,513
Following
47,596
Media
4,729
Statuses
143,873
❤️ Custom French Lingerie & Luxuries
Seattle, WA
Joined September 2017
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#เมเจอร์xหลิงจังจอมแก่น
• 445045 Tweets
LINGLING MAJOR FANDOM
• 427698 Tweets
SAY SOMETHING
• 129764 Tweets
焼肉の日
• 89601 Tweets
#ไม่พูดหน่อยเหรอMV
• 80087 Tweets
東海道新幹線
• 67855 Tweets
AI PORTRAIT X ML
• 58557 Tweets
安全第一
• 42479 Tweets
線状降水帯
• 40695 Tweets
VLOG 11 WITH BUILD
• 33696 Tweets
アニサマ
• 31852 Tweets
Edeka
• 31678 Tweets
#انقاذ_النصر_مطلب_عشاقه
• 30178 Tweets
#素のまんま
• 27881 Tweets
土砂降り
• 23699 Tweets
KND x PHUWIN
• 19707 Tweets
#THE夜会
• 19333 Tweets
コロンブス
• 12813 Tweets
Jabar
• 11530 Tweets
Kama uko na smokie/sausages kwa fridge... Whisky and chaser... A comfy sofa, crisps, a 65" screen and WiFi kwa nyuma... Tuma uber to pick me up apa Kiambu road Thome estate opp Thome police station
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This is the day you were supposed to ask that question.
Where did Uhuru’s Government take my Ethiopian friend Samson Tekle Michael after sending the police to abduct him?
#Justice4SamsonKE
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Enyewe social media imetufanya vichwa ngumu! You can argue with a Top World Economist from your bedsitter in Wangige! 😜
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Badala ya kusimama archives bure just walk into the KCB banking hall at KENCOM, take a ticket, sit & wait.
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Ukipea dem wa Kitengela lift halafu aanze kujitoa vumbi akiwa ndani! 😊
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Nobody will take any man seriously when he's seated like this. NOBODY.
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The Kenyan version of Winter is here. Grab your starter pack. 🇰🇪
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Ukikumbuka Wakamba walitoka Congo wakaenda Kathonzweni kutafuta greener pastures! 😔
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Marriage nayo ni scam unarudi home umechoka na bado lazima upikie kijana wa mtu, to make matters worse hawezi kula mboga imekatwa kwa kibanda. Is this really what I signed up for?
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Wakamba wakifika Mombasa for the first time halafu wapatane na Mabuyu! 😂
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You remember back in Sunday School uki imba:
Kitu gani kitanitenganisha na Yesu Mwokozi wangu x2
Ni Pombe? Hapana nimekataa kabisa (shaking your head vigorously)
Usherati? Hapana nimekataa kabisa! (You even sneered & screamed SHINDWE)
Look at you now! Who BEWITCHED you!?🤣
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1K
Nothing beats a Subaru. The way these machines negotiate sharp bends at 150Km/hr! Damn! 😂 😂
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Wale madem wa national schools wenye walkua wanatarungia ati eagles cannot mingle with chickens saa hii wanatupea lines za Telkom bure!
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Ukitembea Kayole ucheki msee anakuangalia hivi, hakuna haja ya kuficha simu. Hiyo ishaenda! 😂
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This could have been you but uliona ukinitumia fare nitakula!
🍆🍆
😝
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Hivi ndivyo footballers usalimiana during substitution! 😝
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NASArites bloggers after Raila's Harambee House tackle! Watajua hawajui!
#UhuruRailatalks
😂
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Enyewe hii maisha imelemea kila mtu. Hata wale wanakuaga na mashilingi kwa kichwa hawana! 😝
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Don't marry a weak woman who when you criticize her she weeps & runs to her parents. Marry a strong woman who if you beat her she will beat the hell out of you & the loser will have to prepare dinner!
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Why don't atheists attack Satanists like they do Christians and tell them that their devil😈 isn't real!? 🤔
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When you have a heavy sip of porridge thinking it is warm...only to find it was at 1000°c🔥
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Guys how do you deal with a baby daddy mwenye hataki kulipa child support😭😭
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Kwa jam, watu wa magari kubwa kama v8 na range rover wanauziwa property magazines.
Watu wa gari ndogo kama premio na NZE wanauziwa ndizi, jumper cables na alphabetical charts.
Sisi Watu wa matatu tunauziwa dawa ya mende, kunguni, minyoo na mitego ya panya. Smh
😕
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I’m asking everybody to keep my husband 👨 in your prayers 🙏, he hasn’t found me 🤦yet! 🙆💔😢
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Someone tell Jacob Otieno Obunga (Otile Browm) and Veronica Mung'asia Shikwekwe (Vera Sidika) hawataendelea kutusumbua online.... Saitaaaaan!
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The problem with men is that they count sex rounds based on them cumming not on mutual cum. If I didn’t have an orgasm, we can’t calculate that as a round. Whose round is it? Yours alone? If you’ve NEVER made a woman orgasm, you’ve never finished a round in your life. Drops 🎤
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My best friend & I pretending to be paying attention in class after being moved from the back seats to the front for noise making! 😉
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It's not for everyone guys! Don't force it to fit in!
🤣 🤣 🤣
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Imagine vile Wakamba ni warembo & very industrious sector fulani na wanakulaga maembe tu! Imagine wakiongeza grapes 🍇, avocado 🥑 na apples 🍏!
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Yaani mtu na akili zake akaenda akaweka billboard ya Indomie Kakamega town! 🤣
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Here is
@KenyaPower
café menu:
Cup of tea 10.00
Sitting fees when served 30.00
Milk in the tea 20.00
Water in the tea 15.00
Tea leaves 18.50
Cooking gas 9.00
Salary for cook 5.00
Rent 5.50
Permit 13.00
Others 15.00
Total 141.00
Total Outstanding Cost = 223.00
PAY before ORDER
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There should be a space in exams where you can write things that you studied in class but have been IGNORED by the examiner. We can't just be wasting our heads & school fees like this! Wtf! 😕😔🤔
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The distance between Egypt & Israel is about 613KM. It took Moses & the Israelites 40 years to complete this journey
On average each day they walked only 43 metres.That's almost half of what Bolt does in 5 Secs
I just wish if Moses was around to TWEET about this Laziness!
🤔
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Work hard, get paid, buy chips & chicken. Open the package in a Matatu & let the people smell your success!
🥂
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The guy that takes you to JAIL vs the guy that comes to RESCUE you! Life is such a scam ei! 😕
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If there is one thing James Orengo would wish for is the ABSENCE of Raila in Kenya Politics. Raila has made him his DOG. Bark Orengo, Bark!
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Hakuna kitu huuma dem kama kushuka stairs haraka na boobs hazitingiki! 😂
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Mkiona Waitherero akichota maji na mliitisha dry fry! 😂
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I don't understand why it is so difficult for some of my friends to understand that I don't take alcohol 🍻! There's nothing special about getting drunk.They're always like, "so what do you do for fun"! Well, I got Twitter plus I'm your designated driver when you're all drunk! 🤷
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Niggas with small dicks must be living a good life. Imagine getting horny in public & nobody notices! 🤷
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Wakikuyu usema supu imetosha? 🤔
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Is this what they meant when they said,
"Pwangu upata Pwanguzi!?"
😝
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So
@Infotrakltd
have deleted their poll. We have receipts. The DO was unassailable. Hon Rigathi Gachagua.
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Quick Advice:
Keep your Kambodian friends close! Mango season is around the corner! 😁
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Journalist wa INOORO TV trying to understand Miguna Miguna's English to translate in Kiuk! Atì kì!?
😂😂😂
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Brathe usiniite Kenyarraa tena. Sasa tukienda majuu si utaanza kuniita Kinyasa! 😂
#YouthBlueWave
#CountyScoreCard
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Dating a guy with a big dick is all fun....Good Sex.....oh my!!!Great orgasms.....Cheesos!!! Until you breakup and realise the wide problem he left you with!!! Oops! 🤣
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Bae wako ako na gari ama mnanyeshewa hapo stage kama mimea? 🤣
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Kuna jamaa aliiba omo ya Mkamba akafua nayo sai ni wiki ya pili na nguo hazija kauka! Chezea mbali nanii. 🤣
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All this time I've been saying that I want a Million followers like
@C_NyaKundiH
or
@xtiandela
. I always wondered why some serious tweets got less than 100 Rts when somebody has a million followers! Kumbe! 🤔
#TwitterCleanupKE
#TwitterPurge
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If you know anyone who has completed High School na bado hajaendea certificates, mwambie aendee before shule yao ichomwe. Otherwise atatafuta kazi na notes 📝 📝 📝
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Have you ever seen Miguna Miguna without his fake cap & glasses!?
😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂
Now you have.
#MigunaMigunaArrested
#MediaShutDownKE
#WhyKalonzoSkippedOath
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There are a couple of loosers in this
#WavinyaVsMutua
case as seen in this photo 👇. But the biggest looser in the Machakos High Court ruling is Kalonzo Musyoka especially with all that push in FORCING down Ndeti down the throats of the Machakos People. Kalonzo is a BYGONE. 🍉 🍉
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Sasa uliacha pombe ukaanza kunywa chai. Sasa sukari iko na copper na mercury. My friend we are all dying together. Nobody can stop reggae. 🤣
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Eat whatever you want. If anyone tries to lecture you about your weight, eat them too!
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Kenyans are never patient. Some have already had sex several times in November 2018! 🤔
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Raila Odinga has beaten Kalonzo in the Harambee House marathon!
😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂
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Ukiwa kwa nyumba peke yako usiku halafu usikie sufuria imeanguka kitchen......"Satan.... is that you!?"
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A girl who opens booze with their teeth must NEVER be trusted with a blowjob. Tushaelewana!?
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Ezekiel Mutua encourages me to watch a "dirty movie" every time he bans one. Sometimes I don't even know they exist until he mentions them!
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Kwetu mandazi ikipitisha 5 Bob, hiyo ni Black Forest! 😉
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Hii Njaanuary iko na maneno. Unaeka strungi kwa kikombe inaanza kukuchekelea! 😂😂😂
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That moment when you try to act like aunty but she knows you are daddy's side chick! 😝
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Who else turns their TV on but ends up watching their phone all through? 🤔
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I don't have a problem giving you my number. The thing is who is gonna answer when you call!? 🤷
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How many times have you met people & they send you to deliver greetings to friends & family but you never deliver!?
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There's more than one MILLION churches in the world with over 8 billion members. All these are fighting ONE devil! They've been doing this for over for 2000 years!
SATAN please die now!
😈
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All boobs are destined to fall at some point in life. Same way dicks shrink & can never stand at some point in life. It is science, deal with it.
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Since I was born, this product has never changed size, package or design. It doesn't even advertise! What kind of business arrogance is this!?
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There are more Bibles in lodgings than in churches ⛪.
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Your pastor has 6 bodyguards yet he SELLS you anointing oil for PROTECTION!?
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She's a potential bodyguard/sidekick handling both heavy & lightweight comfortably. Damn she's good! 👏
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Na mbona mko shy kuomba😂hii Mali ni nyinyi nimebebea buana, I'm straight siezi jidishi
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