isis osiris agora lovecruft (they/them)
@isislovecruft
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“the bay area’s only hacker”; “peter pan coded”; former quantum cosmologist. i might be a cryptographer but i'm not your cryptographer 🏳️⚧️🏴 forest dweller
San Francisco, CA
Joined December 2010
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Pinned Tweet
x="if(t%2)else";python3 -c"[print(t>>15&(t>>(2$x 4))%(3+(t>>(8$x 11))%4)+(t>>10)|42&t>>7&t<<9,end='')for t in range(2**20)]"|aplay -c2 -r4
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just saw two teenage girls hop the bart turnstile and run up the stairs and start making out and i couldn’t resist the urge to shout BE GAY DO CRIMES and they raised their fists and shouted back STONEWALL WAS A RIOT so i am informing you that the kids are in fact alright
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petition to bring back rainbows in computer logos
rt if u agree, fav if u agree
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there’s a rural town ~40km from my cabin where i often see confederate flags and their grocery+pharmacy turned my gf down for a covid booster presumedly because she’s trans so i’ve taken to stopping by the store for one (1) bottle of water, and to release all the mice i’ve caught
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my dishwasher won’t start until i let it update its firmware over the wifi
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don’t mind me nothing to see here just using my first amendment right to let y’all know that PETER TODD IS A RAPIST and even though he didn’t rape me he told me he would and grabbed me and the only reason he didn’t succeed is that i kicked his idiot can’t-do-high-school-maths ass
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what the FUCK does this button do
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i just discover bisexual pirate tiktok and i never knew how much i needed this in my life
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wow have you all seen today’s news
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be the pestilence you want to see in the world 🥰
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made a chart, hope this sorts out any confusion
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every further word in this sentence made me gag a little harder
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me in 2010: what if i got PAID to do stuff with COMPUTERS
me in 2020: what if i never ever went anywhere near a COMPUTER unless i was PAID to do so
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“and the fifth angel poured out his vial upon the seat of the beast; and his kingdom was full of darkness; and they gnawed their tongues for pain, and repented not of their deeds”
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SPOILER ALERT: they denied 100% of the patches with female-sounding pseudonyms
Have I mentioned I've been A/B testing the gnupg developers over the last decade by submitting patches as both female and male pseudonyms
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asked to get collared and this is what i get
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normal person: why can i turn pants inside out using any hole
mathematician: via manifold theory the quotient space of ℝ³ embeddings of 3-punctured spheres admits a 12-element automorphism group however with noninvertable knot theory i prove not all knotted “pants” can be tur…
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huge congratulations to google on winning first place in being such a clusterfuck of disorderly management that they’ve now two (2) chat apps called Meet 👏
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how is this website still free
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i made a spice rack with some hex jars and neodymium magnets
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Me writing open source software: Haha fuck yeah!!! Yes!!
Me maintaining open source software without compensation for all perpetuity whilst people yell at me for not doing whatever it is they want: Well this fucking sucks. What the fuck.
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Anyway, let’s talk about other things I’ve been holding in for a while: I punched a Nazi after he assaulted me
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intel used to box machines with a light sensor and speaker so it’d play the “intel inside” sound when opened so one time i rebuilt the circuitry into lacy underwear and the first time a person i was gonna fuck unzipped my pants and it played they screamed and jumped off the bed
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hell yeah i encrypted my lunch
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i sent my anonymous friend at atlassian this tweet and i’ve been informed that the jira team uses post-it walls to organise.. jira development
man goes to doctor. says he's depressed. says work is overwhelming. everything is disorganized, swamped with bureaucracy.
"use the app JIRA" says doctor. "It'll help your organization keep track of work."
"but doc," says the man. "I work on JIRA."
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@ravingbacchante
yeah normally i am favour of weaponising species but less in favour of introducing non-native/invasive species (in this case especially because close proximity to a national forest)
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me: oh cool these two people with the same surname and a boy name and then four years later a girl name contributed to my cryptography library!
me: that would be so cool to have a sibling who works on the same stuff
me: wait. this is rust..
me: oohhhh
me: congrats to her!! ✨
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this code uses the _mm_stream_si128() Intel intrinsic to cause your CPU to play music on AM radio at 1580kHz
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my boyfriend is forcing me watch a catgirl livecode rust linux kernel drivers, should i tell “him”
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i had completely forgotten about this hellish interaction
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some personal news: i proposed to one of my partners and we just bought and moved into our first house
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one of my favourite life hacks i’ve learned from living in the bay area is growing a sundew (Drosera capensis pictured) next to the kitchen compost container so that it eats all the fruit flies
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just doing some weekend^Wmonday night hacking
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them: NOOOOO YOU CAN’T JUST REPLACE MEN
me: hahahahaha hitachi go brrrrrrr
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our wolfhound cries whenever my partner and i sit on the couch and hack stuff on our thinkpads so we gave them an old broken thinkpad so they can hack too
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found a vintage tiki mug that i swear is the docker whale
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chelsea is free!!! ❤️🤎🧡💛💚💙💜
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you know you're dealing with a 10x engineer when his pure python code manages to somehow segfault
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my mom has this vintage 1985 holidays spoon holder sitting out on the kitchen counter AND IT HAS THE MEAN GOOSE ON IT
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Dear programmer who made my phone's autocorrect:
When I type "server is honest-but-curious" I don't mean "server is honestly butt curious"
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a couple years ago this kid hate-forked tor to make an "sjw-free version" but he forked the wrong repo then accidentally gave me push access to all his repos.. now he's stolen an APC for a drug-addled joy ride but not before posting this selfie with it
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controversial opinion: they should make a new kind of computer that does what you ask it to do
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trying to convince one of my partners that we need to wear matching ties with c64 basic on them, fav if u agree
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send help, i think my partner robbed a marriott
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often this thing happens where i'm talking to a cute girl i just met and she's like "ooooh you're a PHOTOGRAPHER" and i'm like "haha no sorry i'm a CRYPTOGRAPHER" and then she stops talking to me
fellas,, how to become photographer,, help
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This misunderstanding about shell syntax causes serious issues
such as "help I've tattooed a fork bomb with a syntax error onto my arm"
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icymi the golden gate bridge was accidentally modified with wind barriers for pedestrians which weren’t acoustically tested and now she sings adorable love songs to the whales
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sometimes i hate other C programmers
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I’VE BEEN DOING CRYPTOGRAPHY FOR WELL OVER A DECADE SO WHY THE HELL DID NO ONE TELL ME THAT “NONCE” MEANS SOMETHING DIFFERENT IN BRITISH ENGLISH
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me, themsplaining to my partner, a linux kernel developer and hardware security expert: sometimes computer is sad and sleepy weepy and it goes crashy washy and then wakey wakey again
him: thanks isis
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did a fucking piss ass of a snitch fed informant bitch write this
yes, theydies and gentlethems, it does turn out, that is precisely who wrote this
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the milksad vulnerability is absolutely wild, a bunch of bitcoin wallets have been drained over the last few months because a libbitcoin tool was generating root entropy with a mersenne twister seeded with 32 bits (yes, bits) derived from system clock time
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i’ve been seeing lots of folks in tech reporting being told they’ll be unhireable if they tweet that
#BlackLivesMatter
. for every racist asswipe telling you this there are dozens more of us happy to hire you. reply with the types of work you’re interested in and i will RT 🖤
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i thought i was leet for having code i wrote in orbit but this morning i learned some code my partner contributed to is on mars so i’m gonna have to find another way to one up him
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my friend woke up from vaginoplasty to discover that kissinger was dead and her gut reaction was to say “i’m glad my getting a pussy killed him”
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i was leaked a cached copy of the Google/NASA paper claiming quantum supremacy. it’s latin extended only, and missing figures, tables, and ligatures—and i’ve not done physics for ten years—so it was a little hard to decipher (heh) but i have some thoughts
Google achieving quantum computing is a huge deal. It means, among many other things, that no code is uncrackable.
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me: i changed my name
person working at my bank: congratulations!!
me: thank you!
person: who's the lucky mister
me: …
me: 🤔
me: me
person: …
me: i'm nonbinary
person: …
me: i also changed my gender
person: i'm so sorry for your loss
me: 🤨?????
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“hi (i code rust btw)” is a spectacular way to disclose being gay
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me, walking
@realwolfpupy
:
kid on the street: woah your dog is HUGE
me: still a puppy
kid: hey wait aren’t you that famous hacker
me: what.
kid: i follow you on twitter
me: what.
kid: i wanted to follow other hackers
me: you’re a hacker? that’s fucking awesome
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just explained to one of my doctors why the hundred page journal of the details of my transition, every injection, every surgery, every medication, every dosage, every treatment, is called “: A CHANGELOG” and the multiple reasons that’s supposed to be funny
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what liberals think anarchism looks like vs what anarchism actually looks like
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TIL that
cat foo.txt bar.txt >new.txt
cat >new.txt foo.txt bar.txt
>new.txt cat foo.txt bar.txt
are all the same thing
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is this outfit queer enough to wear to a straight wedding? (Y/n)
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i just learned that hitachi makes chainsaws and i’m sorry i’ve never heard of anything more lesbian and i’ve even heard of subarus
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@scumbelievable
as the tran who made the phrase “be gay do crime” a common household epitaph,
*pulls out sword engraved on one side with ‘be gay’ and the other ‘do crimes’*
i commend thine efforts and knight thee fair dame
just saw two teenage girls hop the bart turnstile and run up the stairs and start making out and i couldn’t resist the urge to shout BE GAY DO CRIMES and they raised their fists and shouted back STONEWALL WAS A RIOT so i am informing you that the kids are in fact alright
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@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
@ WARNING: REMOTE HOST @
@ IDENTIFICATION HAS CHANGED! @
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
IT IS POSSIBLE THAT SOMEONE IS DOING SOMETHING NASTY!
Someone could be eavesdropping on you right now (man-in-the-middle attack)!
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as the legal owner of numerous traffic signs that i leave around town for reasons, i can confirm that this works
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tl;dr: no crypto is broken, some people just did some tricks with misusing fancy big words in an otherwise alright but now-retracted paper, and i’m Very Mad On Line about it, also everyone should give me shells on their supercomputers
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i'm banned from paypal for life—oddly enough not because my name is isis—but instead for selling another cryptographer who wanted to play around with it $20 worth of bitcoin in 2009. paypal said it was against their terms to "defraud someone by creating my own currency" lmao
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etsy’s algorithm wants me to buy this.. uh.. whatever this is and my brain is just screaming at me “PAINT ME LIKE ONE OF YOUR REDACTED DOCUMENTS”
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oh no oh no oh no my partner figured out my car's vin number and is attempting to buy custom plates for my subaru that say "SUBUWU"
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going to try to convince
@mjg59
to read “Savaged by Systemd: An Erotic Unix Encounter” aloud so i can record it
rt if you agree, fav if u agree
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i’m excited after months of work to announce first round VC funding for my latest project, Gendr, a much-needed LGBTQ resource which aims to be the first to put gender transition on the blockchain
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is there a word for this pattern? it keeps happening to me
1. start a cool new project
2. start at what seems like a reasonable level
3. realise all the lower level tooling is actually missing
4. build all the tooling
5. *takes forever*
6. actually start the cool new project
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“please refrain from wearing masks and catch the virus and infect those around you so that we can continue to make millions off of surveilling all of you” —ACM, apparently
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@TheRealBnut
also what are they going to do?
“sir ma’am?? sir? uh.. ma’am?? miss? sir? uh.. you left these mice here”
“OH MY GOD, YOU FOUND LOVELACE, TURING, AND HAMILTON, THANK YOU SO MUCH I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THEY GOT OUT AND I WAS WORRIED SICK”
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today in "fucky things your CPU might do to fuck up your crypto": Intel SA-00219 is a bug where an integrated GPU has access to the first two DWORDs in cache lines so apparently you have to 8-byte align and allocate 8 bytes extra for garbage before any cryptographic secrets
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a new prime number has just been discovered and verified and it’s also the 51st Mersenne prime (p s.t. p=2 ⁿ-1) with 24,862,048 digits: 2⁸²⁵⁸⁹⁹³³-1
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normal person: i wonder what happens after i die
mathematicians: quite. however really a more pertinent conjecture that we should spend our time delving into is whether schur classes of nef vector bundles are limits of classes cohomologous to hodge-riemann bilinear relations on—
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just signed a contract to be a cryptographer for a $LARGE_INTERNET_COMPANY and i’m excited to have the opportunity to do work that’ll effect billions of people ✨
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Have I mentioned I've been A/B testing the gnupg developers over the last decade by submitting patches as both female and male pseudonyms
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i believe i just did something no one has ever done before: i wrote a constant-time galois field implementation on a 6502 chipset, which not only does not have a constant-time hardware multiply instruction, but does not have a multiply instruction at all
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nfc led gothic french nails
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me, the next time i’m considering calling someone a coward:
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remembering the time one of my friends—not saying who—expected me to write some crypto stuff in java and instead i wrote it in python and implemented a python bytecode to jvm bytecode transpiler
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one of my partners said “this looks like every linux kernel developer” and that’s.. not wrong
our wolfhound cries whenever my partner and i sit on the couch and hack stuff on our thinkpads so we gave them an old broken thinkpad so they can hack too
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my girlfriend and i went to the russian bathhouse and flirted with a little twink bartender so much that on his lunch break he took off all his clothes and got in the hot tub with us and at one point apropos absolutely nothing dropped the amazing line “i’m 27 and i’m in a band”
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the study of topology mathethematically implies the existence of the study of bottomology ∎ q.e.d. send tweet
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