🍉 totally correct greek gods quotes
@incorrectgreeks
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incorrect quotes ft greek gods / header by thxgreywaren /link for suggestions below🏛️✨ /this account is for having fun!! / more on @greekgodschat
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hi!! welcome to incorrectgreeks 🫒✨
if you want to support the girl behind this account, you can buy me a coffee (i need a lot of caffeine) clicking here:
also, check out this thread if you want to have some mythical fun!!! 🤠
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Persephone: on a scale of 1 to 10, i'm a 9 because you're the one i need
Hades: you're a ten
Persephone: no, it's a pick-up lin-
Hades: you are a ten, end of discussion
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Athena: not every problem can be solved with a knife
Artemis: that's why i carry two
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Persephone: i like your suit
Hades: thanks! it was 50% off
Persephone: i’d like it 100% off
Hades: the store can’t just give out free stuff
Persephone: that’s not what i–
Hades: that’s a terrible way to run a business, Persephone
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Persephone: i can fit my whole world in my hands
Hades: that’s imposs-
Persephone: *cups Hades' face*
Hades: i have a reputation
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Aphrodite: you know, Persephone gives Hades flowers every day. i wish you’d do that too
Ares: okay
*the next day*
Ares: *gives Hades flowers*
Hades: ??????
Ares: i don’t know. i’m confused as well
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Persephone: i can’t go, stress is bad for the baby
Hades:
Hades: what....what baby?
Persephone: me
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Eros: are you a top or a bottom?
Dionysus: i'm a problem
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kidnappers: we have your son
Zeus: be more specific
kidnappers: he's been singing toxic on a loop for 4 hours
Zeus: oh, Apollo... you can keep him
kidnappers: no please
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Demeter: fuck that stupid king of the underworld!
Persephone: MOM, I'M TRYING
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Aphrodite: are you the big spoon or the little spoon?
Hades: i'm a knife!
Persephone, yelling from across the room: he's the little spoon!!
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Athena: asexual rights? yes
Athena: as an asexual, i'm always right
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Persephone: remember, when you bury a body, cover it with endangered plants so it's illegal to dig it up
Persephone: follow me for more gardening tips!
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Hades: *casually searching around the room*
Thanatos: what are you looking for?
Hades: my will to live
Persephone: *walks in*
Hades: there she is!
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Hades: what am i gonna do while you’re gone?
Persephone: i don't know, what do you normally do when i’m gone?
Hades: wait for you to get back
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Poseidon: if Zeus and i were drowning, who would you save?
Hades: you literally cannot die
Poseidon: it's a hypothetical question, who would you save?
Hades: my time and effort
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Hades: sorry, i'm late
Zeus: what happened?
Hades: i didn't want to come
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Persephone: are you still mad at me?
Hades: yes
Persephone: are you going to let go my hand?
Hades: no
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Artemis: i am lebanese
Artemis: les bien
Artemis: lesbiam
Athena: take your time
Artemis: girls
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Hades: i'm going to make some french fries, do you want some?
Persephone: no, i'm good
[later]
Hades: *eating his french fries*
Persephone: can i have some?
Hades, who made extra fries for her: of course you can
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Persephone: why do good people die young?
Hekate: well, when you're in a garden, what flowers do you pick?
Persephone: the ugly ones
Hekate: exac- wait, what?
Persephone: ugly bitches don't belong in my garden
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Hades: *sneezes*
Persephone: bless you
Hades: your presence is blessing enough, but thank you
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Persephone: *hugs Hades from behind*
Hades: what are you doing?
Persephone: you said you needed a little spoon
Hades: for my coffee, my queen, i need it for my coffee
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Dionysus: i'm bisexual and confused
Hestia: about your sexuality???
Dionysus: no. i just never know what's going on
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Hades: love is for weaks
Persephone:
Hades:
Hades: and i'm the weakest
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Persephone: you’re late
Hades: you’re stunning
Persephone: you’re forgiven
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Apollo: i wrote you a song
Hermes: really?
Apollo: a song about how i feel when i'm near you
Hermes: show me
Apollo, playing the guitar: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
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Hades: i wasn't that drunk last night
Hekate: yes you were. you were flirting with Persephone
Hades: what's wrong with that? she's my wife
Hekate: you asked her if she was single and then cried when she said she wasn't
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Hestia: what is love?
Eros: an emotional minefield
Athena: a neurochemical reaction
Dionysus: baby, don't hurt me-
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Hades: what are you reading?
Persephone: a book about things i love
Hades: oh, can i take a look?
Persephone: sure
Hades: this is... this is our photo album
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Athena, walking into the Olympic meeting: sorry i'm late. i was doing... things
Poseidon, walking in and out of breath: SHE PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS
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Hades, drunk: i like Persephone. she has such beautiful eyes
Hades: i love her
Persephone:
Hades: don’t tell her, ok?
Persephone: ok Hades, i won’t
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Aphrodite, staring at Artemis: wow, she's so pretty...
Ares: don't feel like that, honey. you're prettier
Aphrodite: i'm not jealous, Ares. i'm bisexual
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Persephone: may i sit here?
Hades: that's my lap
Persephone: that doesn't answer my question
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Apollo: telling the future
Hermes: what's your favourite power?
Hermes: wait
Apollo:
Hermes: that was good, bro
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Persephone: so how long are we going to let him do that?
Hades: just give him a minute
Zagreus: *furiosly pushing a door that says pull*
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Ares: what if she kisses me?
Aphrodite: you kiss her back, obviously
Ares: okay
Ares: but why her back, though?
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Athena: i'm sorry
narrator: Athena wasn't sorry
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Persephone: you're pretty cute when you're nice
Hades: what am i when i'm not nice?
Persephone: hot as fuck
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Persephone: describe yourself in one word
Hades: yours
Persephone:
Persephone: that's so cute, i thought you were going to say "sad" or something like that
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Hades: sometimes, i don’t realize an event was traumatic until i tell it as a funny story and notice everyone is staring at me weird
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Poseidon: Hades, wanna hang out?
Hades: sorry, i have a meeting
Poseidon: with who?
Hades: my dogs
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*group chat*
Athena: for the last time, “your” and “you’re” are different things
Athena: “your” is a possessive, and “you’re” is a contraction of “you are"
Apollo: my fire
Hermes: the one desire
Apollo: believe when i say
Hermes: I WANT IT THAT WAY
Athena: *leaves*
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Persephone: *leaves the underworld*
Hekate: how are you?
Hades: can we change the topic before i cry?
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Aphrodite: i'm cold
Ares: oh, take my jacket
Persephone: i'm cold
Hades: *sets the world on fire*
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Dionysus: i'll have a glass of your finest wine
employee: sir, this is a mcdonalds
Dionysus: okay, sorry
Dionysus: i'll have a mcwine
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Ares: "ladies and gentlemen" is unnecessarily gendered, overly formal, lengthy and honestly i'm already falling asleep
Ares: "cowards", on the other hand, is inclusive, to the point, and dramatic
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Athena: how did you two get in an accident?
Aphrodite: she was driving and there was a deer on the road so i yelled «Artemis, deer!»
Athena: and?
Aphrodite: tell her what you said
Artemis:
Artemis: i said «yes, honey?»
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Athena: come on, think straight
Apollo: but i'm-
Athena: now it's NOT the time
Hermes: i'm not-
Athena: not you too
Artemis: Athena i-
Athena: no
Dionysus: b-
Athena: OKAY EVERYONE THINK GAY JUST MAKE A PLAN
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Aphrodite: don't break someone's heart, they only have one
Ares: yeah break their bones, they have 206
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Zagreus, coming home late and whispering to the dog: hi, boy, i'm back
Hades, spining around in chair: hi, back. i'm disappointed
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Apollo: are you high?
Dionysus: am i what?
Apollo: high
Dionysus: hello
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Persephone: hey, wanna hear a funny joke?
Hades: i'm more into dark humour
Persephone, turning the lights off: ok, so...
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Hades: you're pretty cute when you're nice
Persephone: what am i when i'm not nice?
Hades: hot as fuck
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Hera, on the phone: hello?
Ares: it’s Ares
Hera: what did he do this time?
Ares: no, it’s me, Ares. it’s actually me, mom
Hera: …what did you do this time?
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Hades: what am i gonna do while you’re gone?
Persephone: i don't know, what do you normally do when i’m gone?
Hades: wait for you to get back
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Hermes: hey, wanna hear a joke?
Athena: sure
Hermes: a girl goes to buy a snake and there's a sign on the snake tank that says "3.14 feet" and then she says-
Athena: it's a pi-thon
Hermes, wiping "snakes don't have feet" off of his hand: haha, yeah
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Poseidon: i don’t think we can mansplain, manipulate, or malewife our way out of it this time
Ares, cracking his knuckles: manslaughter it is
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Hades: *teaching Melinoe to drive*
Melinoe: what if i press the brake and gas at the same time?
Zagreus, in the back: the car takes a screenshot
Hades: what are you even doing here?!
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Hermes: if Zeus doesn't show up in 15 minutes legally we own olympus
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cop: we're looking for drugs
Dionysus: no way! ME TOO
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Therapist: why does it still upset you?
Hades: i mean, i was trying to be good
Hades: and the idiot looked back
Hades: and everyone thought it was my fault
Hades: i just want to make my job right
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Hera: why are you naked?
Zeus:
Zeus: i don't have any clothes
Hera, opening the closet: you have shirts, pants, jackets, hi Maia, socks... wait
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Thanatos: why is Hades crying on the floor?
Hekate: he’s drunk
Thanatos: and?
Hekate: he saw a picture of Persephone's husband
Thanatos: but he’s Persephone's husband
Hekate: i fucking know
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Hades: follow me, i want to show you something
Persephone: i like it
Hades: my ass is not the thing
Persephone: i like it anyway
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Persephone: why would i fuck a demon? simple; the status. imagine you and your friends arriving at the gates of hell, they’re all crying, scared to death and you just walk into the arms of your sugar demon. legendary
Hades:
Hades: now i understand
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Hades: i found your to-do list this morning
Persephone: so?
Hades: it only has my name on it
Persephone: *winks*
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Persephone: have you ever tried honey?
Hades: tried what?
Persephone: honey
Hades: yes?
Persephone:
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Zeus: you are like a son to me
Hermes: not to alarm you but i am your son
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Hades: why don't you have a boyfriend?
Persephone: because i have an overprotective mother. why don't you have a girlfriend?
Hades: because you have an overprotective mother
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Eris: i'm a very creative goddess
Athena: what do you create?
Eris: chaos
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Athena: i keep a picture of all of us in my wallet
Athena: whenever i face a difficult situation, i look at it
the olympians: aww
Athena: and i tell myself "if i can deal with these idiots, i can deal with anything"
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Dionysus: you best start respecting trans people's pronouns, darling, or i'll have to make your pronouns was/were
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Ares: has anyone seen my top?
Aphrodite: i have a name tho
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Apollo: got it?
Dionysus: got it
Dionysus, internally: got what
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Hestia: violence isn't the answer
Ares: you're right
Ares: violence is the question
Hestia: what?
Ares: and the answer is YES
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Hestia: why is Demeter crying?
Hera: she did a "which greek god would marry you" quiz
Hestia: who did she get?
Hera: Hades
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Athena: yes, i'm s.m.a.r.t
Athena: sad mad and really tired
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Artemis: *sees people doing something stupid*
Artemis: idiots
Artemis, after realising they are Apollo, Dionysus and Hermes: oh no, those are my idiots
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Ares: send dudes!!
Aphrodite: *sends him a nude*
Ares: that's not what i meant!! i'm in a battle!!
Aphrodite: oh
Ares: nice tits tho
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Persephone: *brutally murders someone*
Hades: she's so cute
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Hermes: Hades, stop ignoring me
Hades: i’m not ignoring you, i’m ignoring all of you
Persephone:
Hades: all but Persephone
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Persephone: honey, can you help me with this zipper?
Hades: of course!
Persephone:
Persephone: up, Hades
Hades: right, my apologies
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Aphrodite: if a guy calls you ‘princess’ in a condescending manner, assert your newly appointed royal status and have him beheaded
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Hestia: what's the first thing you notice when a man approaches you?
Athena: the audacity
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[at a fancy party]
Aphrodite: let's slow dance
Ares: *slowly dances the macarena*
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Demeter: i'm an excellent driver
Hera: you almost ran over Zeus by accident
Demeter: by accident?
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Apollo: please peer pressure me into finishing my projects
Hermes: do it or you’re straight
Apollo:
Apollo: i said peer pressure not THREATEN
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cop: we got a call that you had pot in your car
Dionysus, bringing out a flower pot: oh you mean this?
cop, laughing: my mistake, what are you growing?
Dionysus: weed
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Aphrodite: when i said "bring me something from the sea" i meant a seashell
Poseidon, struggling to hold a seagull: well, you didn't say a seashell
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*at an art museum*
Hermes: can we take a picture?
Apollo, taking out his phone: sure
Hermes, grabbing a painting hanging on the wall: QUICK! let’s go before they catch us!!
Apollo: WHAT-
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Artemis: i'm small but knowing
Apollo: you don't know what the top shelf looks like
Artemis:
Artemis: bitch
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Dionysus: the first time i met Athena, she gave me two drachmas. it wasn’t necessary and nobody asked her to do it, but she still did it!
Athena: i thought he was homeless
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Persephone: *asleep resting on Hades' chest*
Hades: you're so cute when you're asleep
Persephone: i could kill someone right now
Hades, smiling: i know, my queen
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Hades: yeah, sex is great but imagine see your wife every single day
Hekate: are you okay?
Hades, tearing up: no
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Zagreus: am i in trouble?
Hades: take a guess
Zagreus: ... no?
Hades: take another guess
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Artemis: truth or dare?
Apollo: this is not a slumber party
Artemis: i know but it feels like one
Apollo: we are in a prison cell!!
Ares: i choose dare
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