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also, check out this thread if you want to have some mythical fun!!! 🤠
Persephone: on a scale of 1 to 10, i'm a 9 because you're the one i need
Hades: you're a ten
Persephone: no, it's a pick-up lin-
Hades: you are a ten, end of discussion
Persephone: i like your suit
Hades: thanks! it was 50% off
Persephone: i’d like it 100% off
Hades: the store can’t just give out free stuff
Persephone: that’s not what i–
Hades: that’s a terrible way to run a business, Persephone
Aphrodite: you know, Persephone gives Hades flowers every day. i wish you’d do that too
Ares: okay
*the next day*
Ares: *gives Hades flowers*
Hades: ??????
Ares: i don’t know. i’m confused as well
kidnappers: we have your son
Zeus: be more specific
kidnappers: he's been singing toxic on a loop for 4 hours
Zeus: oh, Apollo... you can keep him
kidnappers: no please
Persephone: remember, when you bury a body, cover it with endangered plants so it's illegal to dig it up
Persephone: follow me for more gardening tips!
Poseidon: if Zeus and i were drowning, who would you save?
Hades: you literally cannot die
Poseidon: it's a hypothetical question, who would you save?
Hades: my time and effort
Hades: i'm going to make some french fries, do you want some?
Persephone: no, i'm good
[later]
Hades: *eating his french fries*
Persephone: can i have some?
Hades, who made extra fries for her: of course you can
Persephone: why do good people die young?
Hekate: well, when you're in a garden, what flowers do you pick?
Persephone: the ugly ones
Hekate: exac- wait, what?
Persephone: ugly bitches don't belong in my garden
Persephone: *hugs Hades from behind*
Hades: what are you doing?
Persephone: you said you needed a little spoon
Hades: for my coffee, my queen, i need it for my coffee
Apollo: i wrote you a song
Hermes: really?
Apollo: a song about how i feel when i'm near you
Hermes: show me
Apollo, playing the guitar: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Hades: i wasn't that drunk last night
Hekate: yes you were. you were flirting with Persephone
Hades: what's wrong with that? she's my wife
Hekate: you asked her if she was single and then cried when she said she wasn't
Hades: what are you reading?
Persephone: a book about things i love
Hades: oh, can i take a look?
Persephone: sure
Hades: this is... this is our photo album
Athena, walking into the Olympic meeting: sorry i'm late. i was doing... things
Poseidon, walking in and out of breath: SHE PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS
Persephone: describe yourself in one word
Hades: yours
Persephone:
Persephone: that's so cute, i thought you were going to say "sad" or something like that
*group chat*
Athena: for the last time, “your” and “you’re” are different things
Athena: “your” is a possessive, and “you’re” is a contraction of “you are"
Apollo: my fire
Hermes: the one desire
Apollo: believe when i say
Hermes: I WANT IT THAT WAY
Athena: *leaves*
Ares: "ladies and gentlemen" is unnecessarily gendered, overly formal, lengthy and honestly i'm already falling asleep
Ares: "cowards", on the other hand, is inclusive, to the point, and dramatic
Athena: how did you two get in an accident?
Aphrodite: she was driving and there was a deer on the road so i yelled «Artemis, deer!»
Athena: and?
Aphrodite: tell her what you said
Artemis:
Artemis: i said «yes, honey?»
Athena: come on, think straight
Apollo: but i'm-
Athena: now it's NOT the time
Hermes: i'm not-
Athena: not you too
Artemis: Athena i-
Athena: no
Dionysus: b-
Athena: OKAY EVERYONE THINK GAY JUST MAKE A PLAN
Hera, on the phone: hello?
Ares: it’s Ares
Hera: what did he do this time?
Ares: no, it’s me, Ares. it’s actually me, mom
Hera: …what did you do this time?
Hermes: hey, wanna hear a joke?
Athena: sure
Hermes: a girl goes to buy a snake and there's a sign on the snake tank that says "3.14 feet" and then she says-
Athena: it's a pi-thon
Hermes, wiping "snakes don't have feet" off of his hand: haha, yeah
Hades: *teaching Melinoe to drive*
Melinoe: what if i press the brake and gas at the same time?
Zagreus, in the back: the car takes a screenshot
Hades: what are you even doing here?!
Therapist: why does it still upset you?
Hades: i mean, i was trying to be good
Hades: and the idiot looked back
Hades: and everyone thought it was my fault
Hades: i just want to make my job right
Thanatos: why is Hades crying on the floor?
Hekate: he’s drunk
Thanatos: and?
Hekate: he saw a picture of Persephone's husband
Thanatos: but he’s Persephone's husband
Hekate: i fucking know
Persephone: why would i fuck a demon? simple; the status. imagine you and your friends arriving at the gates of hell, they’re all crying, scared to death and you just walk into the arms of your sugar demon. legendary
Hades:
Hades: now i understand
Hades: why don't you have a boyfriend?
Persephone: because i have an overprotective mother. why don't you have a girlfriend?
Hades: because you have an overprotective mother
Athena: i keep a picture of all of us in my wallet
Athena: whenever i face a difficult situation, i look at it
the olympians: aww
Athena: and i tell myself "if i can deal with these idiots, i can deal with anything"
Artemis: *sees people doing something stupid*
Artemis: idiots
Artemis, after realising they are Apollo, Dionysus and Hermes: oh no, those are my idiots
cop: we got a call that you had pot in your car
Dionysus, bringing out a flower pot: oh you mean this?
cop, laughing: my mistake, what are you growing?
Dionysus: weed
*at an art museum*
Hermes: can we take a picture?
Apollo, taking out his phone: sure
Hermes, grabbing a painting hanging on the wall: QUICK! let’s go before they catch us!!
Apollo: WHAT-
Dionysus: the first time i met Athena, she gave me two drachmas. it wasn’t necessary and nobody asked her to do it, but she still did it!
Athena: i thought he was homeless
Persephone: *asleep resting on Hades' chest*
Hades: you're so cute when you're asleep
Persephone: i could kill someone right now
Hades, smiling: i know, my queen
Artemis: truth or dare?
Apollo: this is not a slumber party
Artemis: i know but it feels like one
Apollo: we are in a prison cell!!
Ares: i choose dare