unblock me george lopez
@ihatealmonds
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stripper brat/ferret daddy/court jester
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and in that moment...I swear we were infinite
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women don't feed children w their asshole but apparently urs did since all that comes out is shit
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DO NOT GO TO THE FLAMINGO IN LAS VEGAS. THEY ARE NOT TAKING PRECAUTIONS. THERE IS NO SANITIZING & THERE IS NO SOCIAL DISTANCING. THEY ARE TESTING ALL EMPLOYEES BUT FORCING THEM TO WORK BEFORE RECIEVING TEST RESULTS. MULTIPLE PEOPLE HAVE TESTED POSTIVE FOR COVID-19.
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hanging out w girls is crazy cus out of nowhere they'll be like yeah one time my ex put my head through a glass coffee table like ok cool how the fuck do I respond to that
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a black bean quesarito has been the only thing between me and killing myself for like 5 years
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this is how I feel when I get added to a mans close friends
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when someone says they're "trying not to buy vapes anymore" that means they are going to steal your vape
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you can't threaten me it just makes me horny
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I cannot imagine letting a dude dressed like this spank me
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remember when BLM protesters had to wear full face & eye protection, cover tattoos & wear plain clothes to avoid being traced & arrested for peacefully protesting
Via Getty, one the rioters steals a podium from the Capitol
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that tiktok lady that her taught her dog how to speak with buttons but the dog just asks when it's gonna die & says it's concerned all the time is so relatable
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This is the first time I've done my makeup for fun in like 5 months
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i hate how emotional i am this made me start crying
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My boyfriend just applied for a job that he has ZERO qualifications for, got the job, and then demanded a higher pay and they fucking agreed
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TEAR GAS IS BANNED DURING WAR WHY ARE POLICE ALLOWED TO USE IT ON CIVILIANS TEAR GAS IS BANNED DURING WAR WHY ARE POLICE ALLOWED TO USE IT ON CIVILIANS TEAR GAS IS BANNED DURING WAR WHY ARE POLICE ALLOWED TO USE IT ON CIVILIANS
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Hiding your badge numbers is how you honor people? Convenient
New Yorkers may begin to see our officers with black mourning bands across their shields—and across their hearts. We wear these in quiet commemoration of our 27 brothers and sisters we’ve lost to
#COVID
.
Another way we honor our vow to
#NeverForget
.
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my cervix was physically too small for an IUD which means I have a gynecologist certified tight pussy
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sorry I've been sooooo busy (slept 18 hours straight)
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nurses & doctors are wearing trash bags and recycling masks because they are so low on supplies but thank god cops are getting a bonus for a problem they created
JUST IN: Every Atlanta police officer to receive a one-time, $500 bonus today as thanks for their hard work during protests and COVID-19:
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I hate telling people I'm 22 and they're like "aw you haven't even experienced life yet" dude if there is anything left to experience I am going to kill myself
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the world is gonna be borderline uninhabitable by the time im 30 so yeah im literally gonna do whatever the fuck i want
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This cat looks like he would guide me on a quest
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quarantine? Ain't that the movie about the girl with button eyes
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If a man spoke to me like this I would bury him alive
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i have to stop after 2 pumps cus i feel like a stupid frog
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Lots of feelings regarding this shirt I found while thrifting
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I want to be a house pet just get fed and kissed no responsibilities no morals just vibes
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I like when my mom makes the dog talk in first person
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me making sure everyone in the backseat is enjoying the fact I've put on shake it by metro station 3 times in a row
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why do boys butts always look so tight and clenched fucking relax buddy
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Hollywood literally runs a child sex trafficking ring
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"just buy mens products" no I do not want to smell like motor fuel & arctic tundra
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I'M JUST SAYING that if we started castrating sex offenders I'm 100% sure sex crime rates would go down
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this is how men talk to strippers mid lap dance
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i think any menu item at Taco Bell would kill a victorian era child
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newsflash sexual assault & abuse victims do not owe you in depth stories of their assault OR photos of their black eyes to be validated just wanna make that super clear
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It's almost like they've been telling us for years that nicotine is cancerous
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I would compliment men more if they didn't take basic human decency as a sign that I want to fuck them
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the fact that "anti-homeless architecture" is even a real term makes me want to riot
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I can't believe you can say "school children deserve to be fed a nutritious lunch every day" and people will debate you
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cracking my back isn't enough anymore I wanna be put in a taffy puller
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I hope reincarnation is real because I desperately want to live a life as one of these
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I refuse to go thrift shopping with friends because if you find something I like I'm leaving u in the parking lot
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One of my rats has cancer so I've been giving him little treats that aren't bad for him but aren't necessarily good for him either because I want him to experience how good mozzarella cheese is
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I do not proof read anything I just type and tweet if it's unintelligible then that's on you
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americans be like u aborted a child?? that was a HUMAN LIFE! anyway, thank god we bomb the Middle East
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one time I had sex on acid and was trying to be quiet out of respect for my roommates & I couldn't really tell how loud things were but we weren't interupted so i assumed it was fine well it fucking wasn't i was fucking YODELING they all heard me loud & clear I've never recovered
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So we just have to keep doing the dishes until we die
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me:
me:
me:
my brain: you should pepper spray yourself just to see if it hurts
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A balayage is just a fancy word for frosted tips but you guys aren't ready for that conversation
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I must lay on my back in complete silence like a struggled bug for at least 6 hours a day
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The universe literally wants me to do shrooms
Let It Happen: Gorillaz are teasing a new collaboration with Tame Impala.
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"but police kill white people too!!!" yeah so don't you like....want them to stop?
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tired of men calling themselves himbos you are not a himbo you are just stupid
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yes I sent you 73 tiktoks in a row and yes you have to watch all of them because each and every one of them is important to me
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cats are so ungrateful i would LOVE if i was bothered every 15 minutes with pats and kisses and if everyone commented on how cute i was evertime i walked in a room
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could a mentally ill person do THIS? *does 2 tasks in a row*
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not manic anymore you know what time it is!!!!!!!!
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Why is the dude who bought my bed frame on offerup sending me a 3 am text
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these sock garters that men wear sometimes are so intriguing i like that they're a little slutty
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self care is buying yourself whatever you want for a week straight and then absolutely refusing to check your bank account
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stop filming yourself doing nice things for homeless people not only is it pretentious but I'm sure the last thing a homeless person wants is for their struggles to be broadcasted across the entire internet
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i tried therapy and drugs nothing is working all that's left is a costco membership
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I love seeing people I went to high school with on tiktok whats up Sean thanks for taking me to homecoming sorry I threw up in your car
This kid makes videos all the time of his aggressively Italian family and it has me howling
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imagine being the literal son of billie joe armstrong and turning out to be a disgrace to punks
here is my statement regarding joey armstrong and swmrs -lydia
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I can't believe ADHD is a "conspiracy theory" like I haven't have a coherent thought in years and you're teling me the government is just trying to suppress my thoughts with drugs??? WHAT THOUGHTS??? ITS JUST TORNADO SIRENS UP THERE
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having sex with republicans is not relatable you guys are on your own with that one
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when I was a cashier I fainted at work and the first thing they did was clock me out....that's when I knew
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I have literally never met a woman who has not been sexually assaulted
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