just another 𓆏 in the machine
@icumwhenucry
Followers
3,491
Following
1,147
Media
5,282
Statuses
38,075
I’m not a bitch, but I’ve played one on tv
from the hills
Joined January 2014
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
Maggie Smith
• 854338 Tweets
Netanyahu
• 683742 Tweets
Beirut
• 596917 Tweets
Nasrallah
• 368085 Tweets
Zelensky
• 266767 Tweets
بيروت
• 192623 Tweets
حسن نصر
• 153530 Tweets
الزمالك
• 140001 Tweets
Acapulco
• 102707 Tweets
#الضاحيه_الجنوبيه
• 97555 Tweets
マクゴナガル先生
• 68083 Tweets
Asheville
• 33264 Tweets
Willie
• 31229 Tweets
Independiente
• 29662 Tweets
FONDEN
• 29493 Tweets
#حسن_نصر_الشيطان
• 25844 Tweets
#SmackDown
• 17895 Tweets
Ranger
• 14497 Tweets
Laso
• 11375 Tweets
Chimney Rock
• 10980 Tweets
Chucky
• 10337 Tweets
Last Seen Profiles
Pinned Tweet
Eating a catfish sandwich and hush puppies at a bar where you can smoke cigarettes inside. There are 2 girls singing “Hakuna Matata” for karaoke and a third girl is twerking in front of them. The beautiful state of Missouri is in rare form tonight
108
405
9K
@jujuberunnin
@Remdelarem
The lawyer said “UM, NO” 😭 good for him, $30k isn’t even a year’s rent, not to mention the stress of finding a new place/moving costs
2
77
3K
@6ftkdkj6qw
@0xgaut
The craziest part about this scene is that Ron was actually the most annoying one
2
6
2K
@SlimiHendrix
I’ll never forget the time I asked my mom what “enigma” meant and she asked me to give context so I quoted back, “so misunderstood but what’s the world without enigma, two bitches at the same time synchronized swimmers”
and then she grounded me for a week
13
73
2K
@emocarissa
The other day I greeted a table with “what’s up turds?!” and they still tipped me 25%
3
11
651
@notfcknsoryu
“My act of defiance is not making smoothies” sister your act of defiance needs to be a DIVORCE
1
8
611
How are you a Phish/Dead/jam fan and also a Republican?! Jerry would’ve hated y’all!
79
15
342
Would like to apologize to anyone who saw me sitting through most of the MMJ show last night, the shrooms I ate were much stronger than I was led to believe and I felt like if I stood up I would die. Lights looked great though!!!
45
1
330
@theangelpool
@TymberDalton
@bjoewolf
@sands654
💯 the fact that someone would even suggest that is creepy. Like the bill is already disgusting and perverted (and how is that not a human rights violation?) but all of the insane lefties saying “do it to the cis kids too!” are absolutely demented
16
1
254
My dude, you’re in the coast guard, not seal team six. Settle down.
2
29
252
2
1
251
Been interviewing for this position for like 2 weeks and I finally got the email with an offer today 😭 felt like a fcking clown when I got laid off but we are so back baby
29
0
248
Got laid off yesterday, so I’m celebrating my first day of freedom by getting coffee and going back to bed
50
0
236
I look so professional like who even is she
15
0
233
Having some dark thoughts about turning 27 in 2 weeks so I’m posting this to remind myself that I’m still hot
29
0
212
Can we all agree that I looked insanely hot last night
22
1
217
@JoeyxRoss
This is like the modern day version of everyone’s grandma being a Cherokee princess in the 70s
1
2
207
@joachimtrier
Woody Allen dead 🤞 Woody Allen dead 🤞 Woody Allen dead 🤞 Woody Allen dead 🤞 Woody Allen dead 🤞 Woody Allen dead 🤞 Woody Allen dead 🤞 Woody Allen dead 🤞 Woody Allen dead 🤞 Woody Allen dead 🤞 Woody Allen dead 🤞 Woody Allen dead 🤞 Woody Allen dead 🤞 Woody Allen dead 🤞
2
6
210
I looked cute last night (okay and every night let’s be real)
27
1
201
@sparklesonline
@notgwendalupe
LiLo?? The girl who’s been working since she was 10 trapping one of these nerds??
0
0
194
Love a good romper, hate having to pee while wearing said romper
28
0
196
Ungrateful bitches don't deserve shit. Ungrateful bitches don't deserve shit. Ungrateful bitches don't deserve shit.
0
53
187
@ChrisLi56522750
@digitaldan_
Thank god you had a bunch of sexually experienced men on hand to tell you how women’s bodies work
2
0
183
Just got my first tattoo in at least 10 years and I love him so much 😭
16
0
184
My hobbies include daydreaming, lollygagging, and dilly-dallying; basically anything that involves a general sense of tomfoolery
13
18
175
@thebravobabe_
At first I thought Raquel but that’s because I read this as “illiterate” and not “alliterate”. It’s Scheana (Jancan) Shay
6
1
180
@lohanisgod
“I know you know how to live a clean and conscious life because you saw me live it” lmao BYE Yolanda 😂
2
0
174
Gotta make sure the people I work with know that I am cool™️ and listen to Phish™️
17
0
168
quite literally a masterpiece
quote this tweet with a picture of when you just KNEW your body was FIRE 🔥👀
3K
2K
25K
15
3
163
@CNBCMakeIt
Probably because millennials get told that the sky is falling every other week. The media (and life in general, really) has taught us that there’s always something new and scary waiting just around the corner.
6
5
160
Phish is basically just The Wiggles but for stoned adults
8
25
165
I did not put in for Phish lotto this year, if I wanted to be disappointed by 4 white men I would simply arrange a gang bang
18
9
166
me and my friends would kill the hawk tuah girl with hammers, I can tell you that much
19
4
166
Let’s turn this whorehouse into a whorehome
2
39
143
@RutlandReport
@andykhouri
Tbh as a woman this line smacks, imagining all of the men I hate being forced to go to war and possibly die is an absolutely delightful thought
2
1
157
My dog died on Tuesday and I’d like to think that as her last act of goodness, she took OJ with her
32
0
164
Okay I just got this dress from WALMART of all places and it’s so cute?? I have to go back and get the other colors I guess because this was only $13 girls!!!!!
11
0
154
I weigh 117 but I have the camel toe of a 300 pound woman
32
4
157
1
0
143
Feeling extra patriotic today because I got the day off (with pay)
16
1
152
My coworkers mom got scammed into spending $14,000+ on a dog that doesn’t exist and I am so invested in this saga that I’m actually excited to come to work everyday just so I can hear about it
43
2
140
y’all mind if I be gorgeous and adorable next to this full can of trash
9
1
148
Haven’t really talked about this much because it makes me want to throw up but our family dog is dying and it’s getting down to the point where I wake up everyday terrified that my mom is going to call and say that it’s time
56
0
150
Told my bf I started my period and was having a bad day and he told me to come over tomorrow so he can make me the beef stew I’ve been talking about all week 🥹 I think I’m gonna let him put it in my butt for the first time 😇
33
2
148
Decided to get a double today because fuck it
14
0
146
@AITA_reddit
YTA. Why not just make something without mushrooms? Also I hope she was asking to be excused because she’s polite and not because you expect her to do that. Holy shit, so much to unpack.
2
0
139
Just need everyone to know that I looked very cute and adorable yesterday
15
1
145
“I was awarded Phish prints in the divorce” is one of the funniest sentences I have ever read
8
7
131
@actuallyizNolan
@ebruenig
@Srirachachau
@JWJones252
It’s more of a Dairy Parliament now, the Queen is just a useless figurehead
2
0
127
Just took my first shit on company time, we are so back 😤
Starting my new job today eeeeeeek!!!!!!
18
0
108
10
1
131
In honor of my birthday today, I have some requests: be late to work today. Smoke a huge bowl and listen to Grimes or Bjork or something creepy. Go to Taco Bell and get everything your little heart desires. Then go to Culver’s and get a cheeseburger. Make it an Erin day
46
1
127
Haven’t checked my message requests in a while and-
11
6
131
omg this is a personal attack
i hate when lil titty girls try to do that hand over boob pose they look like they pledging allegiance
363
2K
20K
24
3
122
Golgi Apparatus is a non-skipper for me, if it comes up on shuffle I will listen to it every time. It’s not necessarily my favorite song but it just always makes me happy?? 🎫
23
0
126
🗣️ bark bark bark bark bark bark
I’m in TJ Maxx barking at people when they get too close to me
10
2
37
16
0
127
This bridal shower has endless champagne 😌
10
0
127