christina parrish
@ibesuper
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Following
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Media
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Statuses
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2 cheeseburger combo / large / fanta
Austin
Joined August 2011
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When I got let go from Roosterteeth (aka where dreams go to die) I told my boss infront of HR that “you are the worst boss I’ve ever worked for and I’ve worked for myself”. 10/10 do it again.
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You’re looking at the next Creative Strategist and Copywriter at TikTok. Super stoked to start this new journey. 🌙
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Thank you to all who donated and watched. You’re apart of me now. 🥔
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The lowest form of conversation at Roosterteeth was the RT Core writers rooms. Just imagine poop jokes and referencing Die Hard a billion times and you’re a writer!!!!
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My boyfriends a teacher and it takes everything within me when he’s on a zoom call with a student not to yell *sexy voice* “MISTER K I REALLY NEED YOUR HELLLLLLLPPPPPP”.
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For anybody that needed to hear it. I wrote a little thing for you and I swear to God, I wish I was funnier in it. Here's to all the homies that made it through the tough shit. And for the ones that didn't.
#SuicideAwareness
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SHE DONE AND RELEASED THE PICS. If this gets 800 likes I’ll let her pick out my next tattoo.
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(1/2) Imagine being asked to join a team because you have an established comedy voice. Then imagine being constantly side lined, told your comedy is off-brand but never given a brand outline or pipeline or instructions on how to adapt your work to continue to work there and...
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(2/2) hopefully grow (which you asked for because you want to get better at your job.) Imagine asking for a mediated session with HR to address why you weren’t getting answers...and then being told that you’re being let go.
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Guys, listen. I’m doing a crazy thing for a certain amount of money at 4am for Chip Show Live for
#RTExtraLife
(and no it’s not sex, it’s better) tune in and if you donate $250 something WILL happen PERMANENTLY for me. See you on the Internet.
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I got re-hired at my job. I’ll be in content for awhile again. Be aware if you see me that I have a third ARM.
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Normalize when someone speaks out about toxicity around working at a past company. Normalize having a conversation than making an “assuming” reddit. Normalize seeing a brand for what it is: community toxicity. Fuck the wild. Go for new BETCHES
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My roommate just got a kitten and I keep telling her that the kittens name is CHEESEBALL but she doesn’t like it and I’m like “DO YOU WANT ME TO CANCEL YOU?!”
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I’ve never played scary games until
@MaxCookie
introduced me to the plethera and this is a real 👋 honest 👋 reaction!!!
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I HAVE A JOB INTERVIEW TODAY WHICH MEANS I HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO TAKE A SHOWER OR SHOW WHO I REALLY AM.
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Whenever I bomb a comedy show I like to whisper to myself “atleast I laughed” on my lonely drive home to Taco Bell.
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As a grown women, eating lunch by myself is what I imagine guys feel like when they masturbate.
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Horoscopes during COVID19
♈️ wear a mask
♉️ wear a mask
♊️ wear a mask
♋️ wear a mask
♌️ wear a mask
♍️ wear a mask
♎️ wear a mask
♏️ wear a mask
♐️ wear a mask
♑️ wear a mask
♒️ wear a mask
♓️ wear a mask
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Two years ago my feature film Call Me Brother got accepted into film festivals where it went off to win awards like “Best Narrative”. Today I’m back in the heap of working on another project with
@Elliemainey
called “V”. Weird how life circles back.
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The Taco Bell driver knew I was stoned so I gave him one of my burritos.
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Work is like “be yourself” and I’m like “well I say bitch a lot”
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I wrote and made a movie. You can see it here in Austin, come on out for a nice family incest COMEDY. Aug. 25th! Alamo Drafthouse Village. See you there.
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Many of you who knew me, knew my dog Veronica. On Sunday she got hit by a car and unfortunately didn’t make it. She wasn’t just a dog, she was my best friend. If you have a moment to hug your version of a best friend, do it for me ❤️
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I drew eyebrows on my coworkers dog and yes I got in trouble, but atleast the dog looks like it’s having a good time.
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My dad has been making his own CBD which is really chilling him out but not enough for him to stop TALKING ABOUT IT.
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This was my first cosplay and I’m so happy to do it with this CREW OF BAD GIRLS!
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I think the most awkward part of my boyfriends dad being in town is that he signed a package for me that had my lingerie in it. Would’ve been fine if the package didn’t read: NASTYGAL!!!!!
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Got married and shit - yes most of the men were shirtless
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Lol when did women speaking their truth suddenly become “hysteria”?
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Ideas for your protest signs:
“Quit Your Jobs”
“We Use Water Bottles, You Use Bullets”
“Why?”
“Your Peer Group Is An Echo Chamber”
“Go To Therapy”
“Why Do Your Murder Us”
“Join Us”
And my personal favorite: “I Fucking Hate You”
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Haven’t been on twitter in a few days because I’ve been making edibles and eating them and annoying my boyfriend and petting my dog and putting cortisone on my eczema.
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Tonight I’m doing a special birthday edition of Chip Show LIVE at Spiderhouse Ballroom in ATX at 9pm. I got chips, do you?
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Was hit by a drunk driver Thursday night and flipped multiple times. Walked away without a scratch. Don’t really have the words to say how grateful I am to be here. 🥹 - 3 Flips Christina Parrish
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The amount of times I’ve peed myself outway the amount of times I’ve orgasmed and THIS is what being a WOMAN is like.
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I like seeing signs that say “Live Nude Girls” because I’m tired of seeing dead ones.
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A fun prank I’ve been doing for Father’s Day is to keep touching my belly randomly and saying “Happy Fathers Day” to my boyfriend! He hates it!
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Finally put on clothes, walked to the door, looked outside, changed my clothes to pajamas and went back to bed. Thank you for following this journey.
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I’ve been feeling pretty defeated lately but I just saw my dog (who LOVES to get into the trash) perk up and literally SMILE when a trash truck stopped out front so I guess that’s a sign as any.
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I haven’t put deodorant on in 5 days as my own way of social distancing.
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Made direct eye contact with a crying kid in my apartment complex. I’m pretty sure he just saw his future. (I was hungover)
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My roommate broke both of her wrists falling off a scooter and so now my at home pranks involve me going “CATCH THIS!!” *and flicking her off*
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For all my single ladies out there, when celebrating New Years remember NOT to drunk text your ex and apologize for egging his car. Sincerely, Your FUTURE Drunk Aunt.
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I didn’t realize how easy sexy photos were.
Step 1: take blurry photo of possible titties
Step 2: send UNFILTERED
Step 3: block number
Step 4: change your name
Step 5: create a new family
Step 6: Leave them
Step 7: Burn all bridges
& then no one will know!
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Because COVID has made my boyfriend not see his friends, I’ve decided to say, every time we’re in public, “WAIT YOU WANT ME TO PEE ON YOU?”. I think he’s making more friends.
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Nothing like accidentally “super liking” your ex on tinder to really set the tone for being “OVER IT”.
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If I need to say it again: FUCK THE POLICE, FUCK THE WAR ON DRUGS, FUCK NIXON, FUCK REAGAN, FUCK TRUMP. I’m gonna drink and donate too much to shit that matters.
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The amount of times I’ve talked about porn in the office should be a crime, but the amount of highfives I get are shocking.
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The good thing about this quarantine is that instead of getting drunk and making a fool of myself at bars, I just do it at home. My boyfriend hates it!
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Me on a Friday night: Bout to talk about my sex life on this show while my east Texas cousin who I haven’t in 8 years sits in the front row!!!
Cousin afterwards: “are you okay?!”
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Wanted to quickly give a shoutout to all my chip heads out there. Take an extra crunch and make some friends. Shout to chip queen
@Elliemainey
🔥
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My favorite thing about being single is going on stage and rambling about egging my ex’s car and then men coming up to me asking for a date. I KNOW HOW TO PICK EM!
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In case anyone was curious my boyfriend did the Mrs. Doubtfire “HELLLOOOOOOO” when he entered the room while I was on a very important meeting and I’m now the quirky one.
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I did a drinking show last night where I had to leave the stage to throw up. I have really peaked as a woman in comedy.
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Also if you’re a fan of The Chip Show, comment on the video and I’ll comment BACK. Tell me your favorite chips and maybe they’ll get featured on an ep. I wanna know what YOU think! 🥔
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I think I’ve hit that part in quarantine where I’m now trolling reality tv stars who became anti-vaxers. I have no regrets.
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For those of you SO interested in my workout program. Today I walked from the house to the trash can and stepped on a piece of glass and screamed/balanced on one foot for 20 min. It was a glute day.
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HOT TAKE: FUCK THE POLICE FUCK TRUMP FUCK LAW AND ORDER FUCK THE GOLDEN STATE KILLER FUCK LARRY NASSER FUCK MY DAD!
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I sprained my back lifting inflatable furniture so, don’t worry fellas, I’m like super WEAK!
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Been going to Olive Garden a lot, when you’re here you’re family, which is why the waiter calls me a piece of shit and in the end I know I’m gonna pay for it.
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4/20 is the day I get to be high around strangers, have a panic attack and walk away with NO REGRETS
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I have a lot of skeletons in my closet...and they’re all very sexual.
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Instead of candy in a van, I lure the kids in with white wine from my trunk and make them sit with me while I tell them that health insurance is a bitch to understand.
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Came across these photos some psychopaths
@GameOverGreggy
and
@Nick_Scarpino
took on my phone DURING the chip show.
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Wow following
@ChrisDemarais
today was different...
Happy
#22YearsOfHarryPotter
! Snape came by our office to sort us into our Hogwarts houses in celebration!
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If you’ve never seen a used condom in a parking lot, then you’ve never been to one of my comedy shows.
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SO ITS HERE YALL! The project
@Elliemainey
,
@chelseaharfoush
and
@drewsaplin
and I worked on endlessly. I’ll be posting about this for awhile so please give it a look and donate if you can!
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The movie I wrote and starred in got asked to play at Alamo Drafthouse - Village. It’s playing tomorrow at 7:30pm. I’ll be there and I want to see YOU. Limited seats left!
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Don’t let anyone tell you that you CANT...reach into the toilet to grab your $7 earring from target that felt through your legs while untangling the knots in your hair with your bare hands.
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Excited to do Chip Show at
@RTXEvent
but nervous that all them celebrities aren’t ready for me to introduce them to ham and cheese chips.
#bathroomlines
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Watching so much TV lately that instead of saying “let’s have sex” I say “let’s add it to my watch list” in a quirky voice, then I do a little dance and have to sleep in the spare bedroom
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I just spent 30 minutes stacking markers to reach my office ceiling. I didn’t even know I was THAT depressed!
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Happy Mother’s Day I’m still lactating and not pregnant can’t wait to die!!!!!👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
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My male friends are all like “Christina you looked so good in that picture” and I’m like “I had makeup on.” And they’re all like “how LONG ago was that?” And I’m like “3 months ago” and they’re like “...wow.” Then I smoke a cigarette with my glasses ON.
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I just sang Limp Bizkit “Break Stuff” in the east Texas and let me tell ya, the bartender was MAD.
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Just went to church for the first time in awhile and found out God used to hang out with prostitutes. Guess who just got some extra points from THIS sinner.
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My dog just started getting interested in playing with toys at the age of 8 and honestly, it just feels like I’m watching a suburban mom find her “groove” again.
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Earlier this summer a guy who sees a lot of women just saw that one of them got married, then described himself as “a foster for women until they find their forever homes” and I’ve been laughing about that since. 😂
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I don’t know how boys go through puberty but little 8 year old brother just told me his Lucha Libre name is “Raging Boner” - should I tell him that’s “problematic”? 😂😂
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All you out here not voting for Biden because not everything’s perfect! Bish, I bet you’ve lied on a job application and got that job. Not everything’s ideal! But atleast you moved forward instead of sticking with being a cashier at Five Below!!
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Thinking about starting an only fans with my boyfriend where it’s him yelling at me for not refilling the toilet paper. It’s gonna be SO hot.
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Someone told me this was a bad idea but I said NO, GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT. This “someone” was my grandma and she’s gone be PISSED.
@MarielSalcedo
has a week so STAY TUNED.
SHE DONE AND RELEASED THE PICS. If this gets 800 likes I’ll let her pick out my next tattoo.
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THANK YOU. Holy shit, what a great 24 hours of fundraising. That was HUGE. Due to yesterday going so well, I’m offering a limited tier reward. $200. You can be a guest on chip show (5 spots limited).
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Saw a man with his shirt off running, I thought it seemed healthy so I did the healthy thing of just standing, smoking a cigarette and wondering “what’s he running from?” CRAZY!
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It’s my dads birthday party tonight and I asked what he wanted and all he said was weed. Is this the new 2019 father figure?
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I just gotta say that I have been in the bathroom all day due to chips.
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