Robert Evans (The Only Robert Evans)
@IwriteOK
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I make many, many podcasts for Cool Zone Media. You can find things I've written at Bellingcat, New Lines Magazine, Rolling Stone, Business Insider, and more.
Joined April 2010
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LINGORM MANILA FANMEET
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CWR x RAVIPA Jewelry
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Last Seen Profiles
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i know there's a lot of fear on the air right now, so I wanted to start our coverage of the 2024 RNC with some very good reasons not to panic:
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yeah man nothing less masculine than getting married to a beautiful world class professional athlete.
If your girl proposes to you, especially during the Olympics, you're cooked. There is nothing more emasculating than a woman proposing.
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it cost some hero $8 to evaporate billions in Eli Lilly stock value. Elon accidentally created one of the most cost effective anti capitalist tools in history.
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he's just an little man tho, a tiny guy
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we really knocked it out of the park with dogs. incredible work.
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Everybody made fun of the Logitech Xbox controller but we are going to find out that was the most functional part of the whole sub
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the incredible thing is that every one of those sticks really is a winner. I can see why he picked each of them.
Rarely am I jealous of another man. This man's rare stick collection has me feeling pure envy.
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why yes i would like to adopt a tiny, semi-feral animal with a lifespan just a fraction of my own and then make it's continued survival the lynchpin of my mental health
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i was just sent a photo from inside the Portland State University library occupation, which heavily expects a raid soon
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baffled anyone thinks firefighters are in the wrong here. don't park in front of hydrants. this is basic decency.
Manhattan this evening. You gotta do what you gotta do to get water.
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free advice to all foreigners: 9/11 jokes do not work on us. there is nothing Americans hold sacred as a people. you can some times mock us as regions, talk shit about sweet tea to rile up Texans, tell a New Yorker their bodegas are just corner stores, etc
it took me until like the 3rd tweet to realize the 9/11 jokes under this tweet were from ukrainians trying to be hurtful
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this says so much about the generations that raised the boomers. climate change denial makes a lot of sense now.
Hotels used to have slots in the wall for disposing of razor blades and people were like “where do they go??” and the answer was “in the wall”
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I am here outside the Federal Courthouse in Downtown Portland, where a crowd of mothers have gathered again after being tear gassed last night by feds.
This is one of the largest Portland crowds we have seen this month.
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pull all the scientists off that semiconductor bullshit, we have to figure out how that cop flew out of that slide so fast
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George Lucas stumbled into one of the greatest fortunes in human history and regularly eats alone at the mall food court. I think that's beautiful.
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there is something unsettling going on with the Depp / Heard trial that has not been fully sussed out. I have never in my life online been so relentlessly pushed to watch videos on a subject, despite never having clicked on a single one.
Truly what is this trial doing to people's brains
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Federal agents pepper sprayed medical supplies in Portland tonight.
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I'm sorry but how fucking fast should the U.S. be expected to move when a rich people in a suicide can go missing because a company deliberately ignored all best practices and safety regs
Diver who backed out of Titanic sub expedition joins search, calls out US officials for not moving fast enough
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the ancient Romans literally fucked a natural contraceptive plant into extinction
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Every single American now knows that Police stations can be taken, captured, and burned.
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Dante wrote a book that was just him bitching about his equivalent of the DMV and whining about a girl he used to crush on, and that became an integral part of like a billion people's religious beliefs. might be the most impressive feat in the history of fiction.
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people who want to rob others of their rights should never know a moment's peace
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it used to be only nation-states could cause accidental explosions like this. god bless this country for giving every family an unsecured explosive stockpile
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the harder and more brittle a car is the safer you are inside it, that's just basic engineering
Laughing at the Cybertruck interior having apparently no real airbags and apparently being composed of a solid block of marble.
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can we fucking send people to prison for election interference at some goddamn point
This is a very big deal⤵️ A Musk election interference effort that tricks people in swing states into thinking they've registered to vote. Read/ share.
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lmao Eli Lilly absolutely threatened to sue the shit out of Elon and he panic-simped for their insulin price gouging. Then his own site betrayed him.
feature's absolutely getting nuked by monday
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The thing everybody knew was going to happen happened
Family poisoned after using AI-generated mushroom identification book we bought from major online retailer.
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we all know coke is bad of course, but say you're twenty-two someone you have a crush on invites you to a party and asks you to do coke off their naked body. how much self control can we as a society reasonably expect from me, I mean someone, in that situation
it’s kinda insane how many people do or have done coke?????? like am i oblivious because wtf are y’all thinking ???????
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pride may not even be the right emotion but reading about the nightmare logistic hurdles the Germans and Japanese went through to build single battleships and then reading about the U.S. almost on accident producing 151 aircraft carriers definitely inspired something
Is there a moment in time that made you genuinely proud to be an American?
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do not fuck with sound guys, if they can hoist a boom mic in the field for hours they can wreck your day
Looks like Oren Levy (grey) tried some shit with the sound guy for a major news outlet, and was moved away.
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god France is just consistently the best at protesting
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folks complaining that the government or whoever isn't doing enough to rescue the deathsub may not realize that rescuing human beings submerged anywhere near the depth this thing was supposed to be at would be harder than putting a man on the moon
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It really sucks that the stuff Biden is awful on makes it hard to appreciate the key way in which he is our best president: having an uncontrolled dog that repeatedly assaults federal agents
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this person is less prepared for modern warfare than any teenager with a drone
While our military sits in diversity training classes, other countries prepare their soldiers for combat.
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this is like trying to fight Popeye with a spinach cannon
In an attempt to get Americans to see why Japan finds Barbenheimer offensive, Japanese twitter has taken to making 9/11 jokes - completely misunderstanding that Americans love 9/11 jokes.
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what kind of deranged sociopath would want to hang out naked with naked women
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y'know i ain't seen anyone talking about those stupid monkey drawings for months. seems like we won.
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a protester in the Capitol with what appears to be a handgun on his hip and zipties, to take congressional hostages. hundreds of people were talking about doing this openly, online in places like
They were also talking about executing elected Democrats
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i know folks are laughing, but this is not funny- it's a human rights issue. no executioner should be forced to get that close to Ian Miles Cheong.
IAN MILES CHEONG IS GETTING THE ELECTRIC CHAIR SOON???
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it's not that Mark is acting more "normal" now, it's that he is the first person with equivalent media focus and fame to treat Elon the way he clearly deserves to be treated: as an absolute charlatan.
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oh wow wild almost like those were dozens of illegal arrests
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every man lives in terror that a gorgeous Olympian will ask him to marry her. this is the cross we bear as men.
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the world is full of horrors but we also got the Dutch language, which is an unending font of comedy
Henry Kissinger, Amerikaans diplomaat en staatsman, is dood. Als ROOD vieren wij deze dag. Kissinger was één van de grootste oorlogscriminelen van de 20ste eeuw. Socialisten kunnen niet onverschillig staan tegenover de misdaden van deze massamoordenaar. (1/12)
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"traits of an armed person"
NEW: Baltimore Police say the person shot was 17 years old, saying he was displaying traits of an armed person before he took off running. Officers rendered aid and the 17 year old is in critical condition.
@wjz
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honestly Elon big ups on the recent changes. I know I have a problem and the only thing stronger than my addictive personality is my desire to not pay you $8
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we should see pictures of the Colorado Springs shooter as he was taken to the hospital. we should see him badly injured and plugged into equipment.
Doing so will help scare other shooters out of action.
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still awed by the video. it's like watching Gandalf return in Two Towers
Thought he had an easy target. Didn’t realize dude rockin the sandals/jeans/ponytail/solo Bluetooth was born into the shitty internet debate. Molded by it. When Mr TikTok was out partying he was studying Usenet archives and paying for Something Awful…
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yeah, this is going to play in middle America a lot better than trying to litigate whether or not it's bad that Walz didn't want to fight in Iraq
Walz gets emotional while talking about IVF and the audience starts chanting his daughter Hope's name.
"I'm not crying, you're crying." 🥺
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we're all a little allergic to sincerity these days but, no fuckery, i am grateful for every single person, in every country, who fought the Nazis.
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all of these look like shit but this one really really looks like shit
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the only actual utility of this is enabling scams, a statement I say more often about tech products each year
Deep-Live-Cam is trending
#1
on github. It enables anyone to convert a single image into a LIVE stream deepfake, instant and immediately.
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It says a lot about this nation that easily half of the reason people love Bernie Sanders is that he lives a recognizable human life
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Conservatives: "at-will employment should be the law of the land"
Conservatives after someone gets fired for being a bigot: "no not like that"
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the 50 cal he is holding has no sights. Not even iron sights. This means it cannot be aimed with any precision. It is effectively useless beyond point blank range. He owns this just to hear the bang.
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finally doing an episode on the potato famine and, boy howdy, i feel like we don't give the British Empire near enough shit
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easiest 150k i ever earned
You're offered $50,000 but if you accept it, the person you hate most in the entire world gets $100,000. Are you taking it?
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scary to think that each of us is just one blatant, filmed murder of an unarmed man in broad daylight away from prison
Derek Chauvin is serving 21 years in prison for a crime he didn't commit. Someone just tried to murder him. If they'd do this to him, they'd do it to you.
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i'm really starting to think we might get aliens this year
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the entire point of hank hill as a character is that he is a fundamentally good person. His conservative politics always play second to his decency. he is a model to the fact that what you believe about politics always matters less than how you believe people should be treated
What made King of the Hill work was the fact that, even though he was a trad conservative, Hank Hill was actually a good person and his sincere attempts to understand others made him cute and fun. A mean-spirited Hank Hill would not be entertaining, just annoying.
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neither Beshear nor Harris have perfect records on trans issues but at this moment in U.S. politics we are not going to do better than a man with a soft Kentucky accent willing to stand up in front of the county and go, "These people are cruel to little kids."
Gov. Andy Beshear (D-KY) on his re-election and vetoing anti-trans bills:
"All children are children of God … I was going to stand up for the most marginalized children who didn't deserve either a state legislature or an entire campaign picking on them."
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protesting outside the homes of people trying to hurt us is the POLITE and civil option
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we need more Democrats who govern by clever ruse
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The Portland mass shooter has finally been charged with murder.
The protester who returned fire and saved god knows how many lives has had all charges against him dropped. Prosecutors say they reviewed the video. This was justified self defense and he carried his weapon legally.
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honestly feels like this man was made in a lab to run as the democratic VP in this exact moment
"Let's quit 2 year elections and go to 100 days of butt whipping," says Walz.
"We don't even have to sleep. We can sleep when we are dead."
He says Democrats will expand universal meals and health care access, move towards a clean energy economy
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the funniest thing ever might happen soon
Trump is not evacuating and will stay at Mar-a-Lago through storm although the club has closed, per
@jdawsey1
.
Read more:
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insane that Watterson never really read or watched Noir, just sorta wrote what he guessed was a good parody and wound up writing some of the best lines in the history of the genre
these are some of the coolest lines ever written and they’re for a newspaper comic parody
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this is one of the most important messages we can get out in public to normal Americans right now
Gov Andy Beshear: “When I vetoed the nastiest LGBTQ+ bill that our state has ever seen, I did it because I believe all children are children of God.
I wanted those children to know that while other people were picking on them, somebody cared about them.”
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the median american voter remains an incomprehensible nightmare from the pit of hell itself
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honestly it took longer for the MAGA movement to have it's first beheading than i would've guessed
BREAKING: Pennsylvania man beheaded his father, a federal employee, and called for "revolution" against "Biden regime" and "army of illegal immigrants" in online video
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looking at the people who disagree with this and a lot are folks saying "I responded badly to realizing my parents fuck so yes this is traumatic and abusive" and I hate to tell you kids, but part of being a human is encountering normal shit that impacts you forever in weird ways
i am taking away the word "trauma" until people learn how to use it responsibly
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Be the butterfly sanctuary director chasing away cops you want to see in the world
Today, our executive director confronted & removed 2
@TexasDPS1
Troopers who entered our property unlawfully. They are told that as long as they are "assisting Border Patrol" the 4th Amendment doesn't apply. This is false.
#Texas
#TXLEGE
#MaskedMan
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no one got injured in this so i feel comfortable laughing at it. absolutely unbelievable slapstick. the sound of this goober screaming that he's been shot (he was not) is just perfect comedy
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you are naturally gonna want to make fun of Ohio. It won't work. people who have to live in Ohio every day can't feel shame.
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I specifically married another man just to protect myself from Olympians. it was the straightest thing I could think to do.
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i feel like people shouldn't be allowed to use their children as recreational blood boys
Bryan Johnson 45-year-old founder of Braintree Payment Solutions which also owned Venmo sold his companies to PayPal in 2013 for $800 Million. Johnson just revealed that he spends $2 million per year to retain youth and he uses his teenage son as what he calls his ‘blood boy.’
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babe do you wanna eat fries right under where Mussolini's corpse pissed itself
This is where Mussolini was hanged upside down in 1945, it is now a McDonald’s, total American cultural victory
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i don't have anything positive to say here. this is the future for huge numbers of us. it's coming. nothing to do on a personal level but prepare.
Chimney Rock village is devastated. It is now “a road to nowhere.”
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I had seriously underestimated how good a guilty trump verdict would make me feel
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our flight attendant spent four hours on grounded plane for no pay. i know there's a lot going on right now but we really do need to riot for these people at some point
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love that reminding Texas cops about Uvalde is a widespread tactic
The crowd at the University of Texas Dallas is now five times the size of was when I left the liberated zone earlier today before law enforcement forcefully dispersed the camp, trashed it, and arrested some protesters. Now, the crowd is chanting "You Failed Uvalde."
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my expert advice for Putin as a longtime 4X player is to reload from the last autosave and hope you generate a different random event
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@ConservativeWW
he's having athletic sex with someone who loves him what are you doing bro
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it's funny to imagine the violence with which Steve Jobs would have responded to this product. engineers would have been flogged, their weeping wounds salted. the design team would have been walled up in a Cupertino basement.
Apple's new Vision Pro will deliver new immersive experiences to users
for example, in the photos below, these two women are experiencing for the very first time what its like to be a huge ass loser
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hey everybody, just your nightly reminder that we as a society are deciding right now if we're all gonna live out our days as free people or die in a police state
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It is beginning to look like repeatedly tear gassing a crowd of moms may have been a tactical error.
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the worst thing about tech bros is their belief that human creativity is wasted if not monetized
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there really aren't many people with weirder life archs than Arnold. trying to explain his existence in like, 150 years is going to be almost impossible
Arnold Schwarzenegger to antisemites and other hate groups: "There has never been a successful movement based on hate. Nazis? Losers. The Confederacy? Losers. The Apartheid movement? Losers. I don’t want you to be a loser. I don’t want you to be weak."
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stay the fuck out of silos people.
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i love how Bill Burr keeps proving you can be a rich famous comedian without losing your mind and all it takes is having a single healthy normal human relationship
Bill Burr takes a dump on Bill Maher during his Club Random podcast.
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we lit the library of Alexandria on fire so four guys could make money
a new, year-long study found Google Search really has gotten worse, and top-ranking sites are "on average more optimized, more monetized with affiliate marketing, and they show signs of lower text quality" Also evidence of AI-generated top-ranking results
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