Bayern & Germany
@iMiaSamMia
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FC Bayern | Die Mannschaft | Tweets in English. DM for enquiries and applications. Parody.
Lagos, Nigeria
Joined August 2020
Uli Hoeneß: "Vincent Kompany? You journalists pull a new name out of your nose every other day. No thank you, we are very happy with De Ligt and Dier" [@DimitarFCBM via @SPORT1]
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Unai Emery in the post match press conference: "We made a lot of mistakes before the 88th minute. They made one: leaving us alive. And we punished them for that."
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BREAKING: Thomas Tuchel has been sacked with immediate effect as the board fears that the double is in danger [@BILD]
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Thomas Müller on the #UCLdraw: "Barcelona, PSG and now Manchester City. I hope next round we can finally play against a big club." [FC Bayern]
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Thomas Müller: "I wish him [Lewandowski] good luck in Barcelona. Maybe instead of 8-2 they will just lose 7-2 now [laughs]" [FCBtv]
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❗️João Cancelo was heard shouting "F**k off you bald nonce" towards Pep Guardiola after the full time whistle.
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Harry Kane: "The fans, the atmosphere and even the physicality on the pitch - I gotta admit, I'm impressed. The Bundesliga is much, much better than the Premier League"
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One of the main reasons Bayern was an attractive club for Tuchel is the quality and depth in defence. Tuchel plans to introduce a new 8-1-1 formation to shape the next era at Bayern [@BILD]
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Sabitzer: "One of the main reasons I came here [Manchester United] was the upcoming Europa League game against FC Barcelona. I kicked them out of the Champions League with Bayern and now I want to kick them out of the Europa League too. It's a pleasure facing them again" [Bild]
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Julian Nagelsmann on becoming a vegan: "I think we have to be more conscious about our decisions. I have had enough meat in my mouth already." (Smiling)
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Harry Kane on missing out on the Supercup trophy: "I'm used to it from Spurs, unfortunately"
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❗️ BREAKING: Kane to Bayern is a done deal. The American wrestler will sign a 5 year contract and is expected to bring the 'fighter mentality' which the squad has been missing since the departure of Sadio Mané [@JanAageFjortoft]
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Kahn: "All three of us have something in common: we all have a failed marriage behind us. We don't understand women, but we understand football!"
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Bayern is interested in signing Dani Olmo. The Spaniard has a release clause of €60m [@BILD]
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Sadio Mané: "I was the best player in Liverpool, I was the best player at Bayern and now I will be the best player at Al Nassr. Alhamdulillah".[@billmahmuud]
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❗️ Daniel Levy has HIJACKED Harry Kane's plane. He is now holding Kane hostage, as he's trying to renegotiate the transfer fee with Bayern [@Plettigoal]
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Robert Lewandowski on Instagram: "I would like to apologise and clear up any confusion about the press conference I just attended for the Polish national team. I'd like to clarify that I indeed think Bayern is not a serious club."
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Declan Rice to Bayern is a done deal. Rice will sign a 5 year contract until 2028 tomorrow morning [@jfelixdiaz]
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FC Bayern are considering Bastian Schweinsteiger as a replacement for Hasan Salihamidžić, who is due to a promotion. Bayern believe that Schweinsteiger has the necessary expertise and is a competent candidate who can bring back the 'MiaSanMia' into the team [@BILD]
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One of the main reasons Harry Kane is interested in a move to Bayern is the chance to win the Champions League, as he believes that no Premier League club outside of Manchester City has a realistic chance to win it anytime soon [@TheAthletic]
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Tuchel on Bremen's long range goal: "Unfortunately it's not the first time this has happened to us with Yann Sommer in goal. I think it's the same problem he has on dating apps: he's simply too short!"
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Gravenberch: "Of course I had offers from other clubs, like Manchester United or Barcelona. But I don't want to play in the Europa League, I want to play for a big club in the Champions league - that was my priority."
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Robert Lewandowski on the World Cup draw: "I'm excited. I can finally show Messi that I'm the best player in the world again" [FCB tv]
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Tuchel: "I told the guys to stop scoring after the 7th minute to make sure De Zerbi or whoever is taking over next season won't get a chance to equalise my trophy tally with the Supercup"
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In their search for a 'big' number 9 this summer, Bayern are eyeing Karim Benzema (35). Karim Benzema has been 'in touch' with Franck Ribéry, who joined Bayern 15 years ago. [@marca]
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@iMiaSanMia Irankunda: "But that was before 2015. Nowadays I don't watch Barcelona anymore, they are finished". [@aleaguemen]
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Kim signed a 5 year contract until 2028 worth €18m/year, according to @Plettigoal. Dreesen: "We're happy to sign such a great leader for our defence"
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Daniel Levy is 'livid' following Uli Hoeneß' statements about Harry Kane. The Tottenham chairman entered the office with a 'steaming, bald head' this morning [@MailSport]
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It appears that Eric Dier has accidentally injured both De Ligt and Upamecano during a training session [📸 @Sky_Torben]
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Julian Nagelsmann has agreed to join Chelsea as a new head coach. Chelsea are now in contact with Bayern to discuss the fee as Nagelsmann is still under contract at Bayern [@Matt_Law_DT]
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Following the end of Bayern's cooperation with Qatar Airways, PornHub is set to become Bayern's new sleeve sponsor for the next season [@FCB_HS]
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Borussia Dortmund are planning 'something special' for Bayern and the Bundesliga title. They are aware that it's a very big task but they are convinced that they can somehow still bottle the league title [@BILD]
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Anna Lewandowska (Lewandowski's wife) wants Robert to move to FC Barcelona because of the weather and the city. Robert Lewandowski himself however prefers a move to PSG so he can live closer to Disneyland Paris [@Santi_J_FM, @sebnonda]
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Nagelsmann on Kovač's statement (easier to play in Munich than in Berlin): "I think today we've seen that Wolfsburg is the easiest city to play in."
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Following the 4-2 loss against Bayern, Jude Bellingham started learning Japanese [@BVBjpn].
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Thomas Müller on Lewandowski: "Of course as a friend I feel sorry for Lewy. However I'm also happy for him that he can now win a European trophy in the Europa League"
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❗️ Fulham gave Bayern the green light to sign Palhinha despite not having signed a replacement minutes before the transfer window closed in Germany. However, Bayern's fax machine malfunctioned, hence they couldn't bring the transfer over the line in time [@kerry_hau]
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Harry Kane: "Credit where credit is due, Weinbeisser Kaltern gave it their all. Their centre-back told me that he's a part time bus driver and he gave me less space than certain Premier League defenders [laughs]" [fcb]
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Allianz Arena lit up saying “Juppel” to celebrate Thomas Tuchel's decision to stay [📸 @FCBayern]
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Marco Reus on whether Borussia Dortmund lacked the mentality to secure the Bundesliga title today: "You're getting on my nerves with your 'mentality' shit!"
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Whilst contract talks with Gnabry are stalling, Bayern have identified Luva De Pedreiro as a potential Gnabry replacement. However, the transfer is seen as "difficult" as De Pedreiro might ask for wages. [@OGlobo_Mundo]
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Daniel Levy is 'not fazed' by Bayern's midnight deadline. The Jewish businessman wants to take his time to make a decision and respond by 11:30PM local time - before midnight in the UK, but past midnight in Germany [@JBurtTelegraph]
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Neuer: "I cried myself to sleep the day Toni [Tapalović] got sacked. It's a shame that our relationship has to end this way. Toni taught me a lot, I will miss singing Croatian Nazi songs with him" [@honigstein]
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Lothar Matthäus: "Oliver Kahn said that the MiaSanMia feeling hasn't changed at Bayern. According to my information, one of the players is secretly gay" [Sky]
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Tolisso: "Compare how Bayern treated Alaba, Gnabry, Boateng and me to how they treated Goretzka, Neuer and Müller. At one point you start asking yourself: 'is it because of my skin colour?'. I think serious questions need to be asked here."
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Bayern fans were singing "Heil Hainer" during the title celebration at Marienplatz [@Plettigoal]
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The reason why Bouna Sarr isn't playing is a "Ballon d'Or clause" in his contract. In the case of Sarr winning the Ballon d'Or, Bayern would have to pay Marseille an additional €2m. Rummenigge wanted to avoid that from happening and advised Flick not to start Sarr [Bild]
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BREAKING: FC Barcelona has submitted an appeal to UEFA to redraw the group stages for the 2021/22 Champions League season. The Spanish club does not want to play against FC Bayern under any circumstances [@jpedrerol]
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Uli Hoeneß on Cristiano Ronaldo: "Here at Bayern, we do not sign criminals. Basta!" [RTL]
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"How do you prepare for the game against Manchester City?". Sadio Mané: "I eat a lot of jollof and fufu"
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Following Cancelo's transfer to FC Bayern and a possible Pavard departure to FC Barcelona, Lewandowski deeply regrets leaving the German Champions. Lewandowski does not want to be at the receiving end of Pavard's crosses anymore and would much prefer playing with Cancelo [Marca]
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According to @OumyNdour3 Leroy Sané destroyed a hospital in Bambali, Senegal, leaving Mané no other choice than to punch him.
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The meeting regarding Harry Kane between the Bayern board and Daniel Levy — initially planned for today — has been re-scheduled, despite Dreesen and Neppe being on the plane already. It will take place at the end of the week [@FabrizioRomano]
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Nagelsmann on the news of Mbappé being fit for the match: "Are you surprised? Because I'm not. No big club would act like this, especially in the round of 16"
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Bacary Cissé (Sadio Mané's PR manager): "The referees in Germany, they hated Sadio because he's an African making much more money than them. They are typical Nazis. That's why they ruled out all his goals as offside, because they are racist pigs" [@AfterRMC]
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Yann Sommer will join the Bayern squad on Thursday, January 19th, just in time for the RB Leipzig game. The Swiss goalkeeper is currently spending time with his family in the alps [@BILD]
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Hasan Salihamidžić on Wolfsburg's 6-0 loss against Dortmund: "Niko Kovač is a loser. I don't think that's a surprise to anyone. Regardless, we must focus on ourselves and win our games - Dortmund's results are irrelevant"
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Bayern are struggling to find buyers in Europe for Sadio Mané. The Senegalese winger would prefer to stay on €22m/year than to leave with a significant paycut. Bayern are now exploring the Saudi Arabian market for options [@BILD]
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🚨🚨 BREAKING: Thomas Tuchel has decided to LEAVE Bayern at the end of the season [@FabrizioRomano]
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Julian Nagelsmann has pulled down his pants and shown his balls in front of the referee's dressing room [@itstheicebird].
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❗️ Sadio Mané: "I know you [the media] want to see me leave, but I will prove you wrong. I will stay and fight for my place" [@_kochmaximilian]
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One of the reasons why Bayern do not want to sign Cristiano Ronaldo (for now) is their pre-season US tour. Bayern know that Ronaldo isn't allowed to step on US soil due to past controversies and they would like to avoid any complications. [Mirror]
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Rodri is expected to start on the bench tonight, as Pep Guardiola is planning to start the game without a defensive midfielder [@SamLee]
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Salihamidžić on his hair loss: "It's a pity but unfortunately it is very common for men. We have already planned a trip to Istanbul with Leon [Goretzka] and Manuel [Neuer]. Let's hope that it won't be our only trip to Istanbul this year"
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Bayern made a last minute attempt to hijack Lionel Messi's move to PSG. Hasan Salihamidžić called the player during his medical, offering €18m/year + 5m in bonuses, but it was too late as Messi already made the decision to join PSG. [@lequipe]
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Joshua Kimmich on the complaints about the tackle on Emre Can: "I love seeing Dortmund players cry. It’s my daily medicine, my weekly energy, my monthly inspiration and my yearly motivation. That is the only reason I’m still alive, I was born to enjoy and love their failure"
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Sadio Mané in a post match interview: "I'm not leaving with unfinished business. We owe the fans a Champions League title. I want to come back stronger next year and win it, with this Liverpool team"
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Hasan Salihamidžić on the draw: "Istanbul? We booked the hotel."
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Robert Lewandowski will miss the match against Schalke. The Polish striker tore his anus on Wednesday after the Augsburg match, when his wife Anna Lewandowska punished him for missing too many chances by pegging him with an extra sized dildo, causing his anus to tear [Bild]
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Konrad Laimer: "I'm German when we win, but Austrian when we lose"
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With Harry Kane and Kyle Walker likely to join, Bayern will make a last minute attempt to hijack the Declan Rice transfer.Bayern believe that they are now able to convince the Englishman with a more familiar environment [@Plettigoal]
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Barcelona's final offer of €50m is deemed as "enough" by the Bayern board, who are now ready to sell Lewandowski. However, Barcelona still owe Bayern €950k as part of Vidal's €18m fee from 2018. Bayern is not willing to sell Lewandowski until Barca pay their debt [@Plettigoal]
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Reporter: "You were through on goal with a big chance to score, why did you miss?". Thomas Müller: "To be perfectly honest I just didn't want to play another match under this ball sniffing terrorist [Löw], so I just missed on purpose. We are just glad that he's finally gone now."
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Tuchel: "When I first presented the board my ideas and visions, they were overwhelmed. Hainer then asked me if I was also willing to implement a 4-4-3 system. Maybe that's possible if we put Neuer in midfield [laughs]"
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Regardless of whether Julian Nagelsmann keeps his job or not - Bayern do not like the idea of Thomas Tuchel as his successor, primarily because of his defensive approach. Internally, Tuchel's nickname is "Tucherrorist", due to his tactics during his Chelsea tenure [@kicker]
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"You had a good chance to win the game in the 90th minute and finish top of the group, what happened?". Sané: "I missed the cross on purpose because I believe playing against England is easier than playing against Switzerland"
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Hasan Salihamidžić had a meeting with Rice two days before getting sacked last week. The Bosnian held contract talks for a move to Chinese football club Shanghai Port F.C. [@xijingping]
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BREAKING: Hansi Flick has been sacked with immediate effect. Official announcement expected tomorrow [@cfbayern]
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Bayern are eyeing Chelsea forward Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang as a potential solution for the Number 9 search. Tuchel is a big fan of Aubameyang, whom he coached at Dortmund and Chelsea and stayed in contact with him ever since [@altobelli13, @cfbayern]
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🗣️ Harry Kane via Sky: „When the stands caught fire I didn‘t know what it was because I spent my whole career in the Premier League. Thomas [Müller] later told me about pyros and I have to say the German fans are much better than the English ones (laughs)“ [@thomassist25_]
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Despite Randal Kolo Muani's interest in Bayern, Thomas Tuchel is not considered to be a fan of the Frenchman. Tuchel is more interested in "intelligent attackers" [Bayern-Insider, @altobelli13, @cfbayern]
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Hansi Flick is considering a return to Bayern. The German NT coach knows that he would only be an assistant with Nagelsmann in charge, but he would be fine with the role as he really wants to play against Barcelona again [Bild]
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Ronald Koeman: "3:0 is obviously a disappointment, but it's still an improvement to the 8:2. If we keep improving like this, we will have a good chance in Munich"
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Today's photoshoot was a very important matter for Lewandowski. He did not only want to take a photo with the trophies to look back at his time at FC Bayern, but also because he believes that he won't win any trophies with FC Barcelona any time soon. [@Baldretzka].
Robert Lewandowski was at Allianz Arena today to pose for a photo with the trophies he's won at FC Bayern. Tomorrow, the Pole will be at Säbener Straße to bid farewell to his former teammates and the club's employees [@mano_bonke, @kessler_philipp].
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Uli Hoeneß on Bartomeu getting arrested: "That is a huge embarrassment not only for Barcelona, but also for the whole football world! At FC Bayern you would never see a president getting arrested!" [Bild]
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Toni Kroos is set to announce his retirement from international football after the EUROs. With Jogi Löw leaving and Hansi Flick becoming Germany's new coach, Kroos knows that he isn't good enough to start ahead of Kimmich and Goretzka in midfield anymore [Bild]
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Jorge Mendes on Bayern rejecting Ronaldo: "Cristiano doesn't care if you say 'no'. He doesn't care about your consent. If he wants to join Bayern, then I'm sure we can make it happen"
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Thiago's move to Liverpool is not happening. James Rodríguez, a good friend of Thiago who recently joined Everton, adviced him to not go to Liverpool because of the cold weather. [@cfbayern]
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Jérôme Boateng has rejected Borussia Dortmund. The German centre back thinks that Dortmund is a "small club", he would rather join a club where he can win trophies. [@Ozzywessi, @Sportbuzzer]
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Serge Gnabry: "The draw is very frustrating obviously. I don't want to look for excuses, but I think the photoshopped screenshots of my Instagram story just got into my head today and influenced my performance. Maybe some time off wouldn't hurt"
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Renato Sanches is considering a return to FC Bayern. The Portuguese midfielder waited 2 years for Kovac and Flick to leave the club and with both coaches being gone now, he believes that he can get a fair second chance in Munich [@mohamedbouhafsi]
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Joshua Kimmich: "Congratulations not only to my teammate Harry Kane of course, but also to Rodri for winning the Ballon D'or and setting a precedent. I see it as an extra motivation for other defensive midfielders like myself to win this prestigious award in the future" [fcbtv]
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Cristiano Ronaldo: "My agent was in contact with Bayern Munich in the summer, but they told us that they prefer Choupo-Moting" [@PiersUncensored]
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