Humza
@humzaay
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Pretend historian. Anaesthetic + ICU registrar. Pakistani.
Lahore, ideally
Joined March 2008
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My aunts have been arrested in Lahore. The days of this fascist regime are numbered
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I lost my sense of smell 3 days ago and have just tested positive for COVID. Now for the self isolation 🙄🙄
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delighted to report that I have cleared the CSS exam and am going to take my rightful place as king of pakistan.
My initial acts
1. Do away with phrases such as 'kindly intimate', 'pl do the needful', 'what is your good name dear'
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Guys since we're coming clean about military connections...
Musharraf kissed me on the cheek when I was 12
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Looks like a proper lockdown is definitely needed in Pakistan but can't help but notice the people clamouring for it loudest are the same richie rich assholes who instagrammed every wedding possible for months and partied till selfish o clock every night.
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Punjab's unemployment number drops by 1 as previously unemployed nepo baby becomes Chief Minister of Punjab
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Lahore is open for business and I just drove from the Mall down Ferozepur Road. Nothing near Karachi's inundation. This whataboutery is a race to the bottom which will help no one
So Lahore received 234mm of rain in last 24 hours, almost exactly the same amount of rain that Karachi received on one day last week. And apparently it’s flooded roads and underpasses too. Surprised. Not.
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Nana was a gunner lieutenant in the army in 1965 and defended Lahore for 17 days.
He still looks cool as hell.
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"Phoebe pataakha see thee laikin dekho ab settle ho gai hai" - Ammi's thoughts on the Friends reunion
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Watching the celebrations by Asif Ghafoor, Fawad Chaudhry and whole swathes of my fellow, stupid compatriots is like a starving person laughing at another man as his well prepared meal drops onto the floor.
We're still starving, very little to celebrate here.
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"I can't believe I have to deal with this dipshit burger kid dancing in my face" - King Nusrat
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I'm a Pakistani doctor working in the
#NHS
. I speak to patients and colleagues in perfectly normal English. I briefly spoke to a colleague in our shared native language of Urdu and was quickly asked by the senior nurse not to as this is against trust policy. What?!
#medtwitter
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"Hi Ammi, Eid Mubarik! Chaand nazar aagaya"
"Jee, thori dair intezaar kartay tau sooraj bhi nazar aa jata"
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Is writing three THOUSAND word essays on weird, obscure topics really how civil servants are picked?!
Also props to the incel pencil pushing babu who thought topic 7 was a reasonable idea
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Thanks pal
Congratulations
@HumzaYousaf
on being elected leader of the Scottish National Party (SNP) & the new First Minister of Scotland.
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Amazing and inspiring - wonder if we'll ever grow a spine to protect our Ahmadi, Christian and Hindu compatriots like this
Hyderabad roars against the
#CitizenshipAmendmentAct
Will KCR listen?
.
.
#NaziIndiaRejected
#CAA_NRC_Protests
#CaaCaaChhiChhi
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Why is
@ImranKhanPTI
giving his victory speech now? This is literally the exact same thing NS did in 2013 and he was condemned by the PTI for it. This election is turning into some sort of strange reversal of 2013
#ElectionResults
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Genuinely curious as to which one of his antics in the past 18 months earned Major General Faiz Hameed a prize today.
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This picture is the problem with these idiots. They don't want to govern, they want to rule.
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This is fascinating. It's like reading the bureaucracy behind Manto's Toba Tek Singh.
This is part of Mountbatten's personal report on the 1st of August, 1947 with his signature in green visible.
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FIA staff at Karachi Airport asking for feedback and suggestions -
Ammi: I want this false government removed
FIA: ...
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This might be a controversial opinion but I think the government is completely right in not bringing the 150 Pakistanis home from Wuhan - what happens if it spreads in Pakistan because of them and then our already incapable healthcare system can't handle the epidemic?
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Why do the words of some jumped-up Frenchman thousands of miles away incense us and not this?
13-yr-old Christian girl Arzoo Raja is kidnapped in Karachi,converted & married to a 44-yr-old man.A court, on basis of affidavit signed under duress, sent her with him, despite docs confirming her age.Many even celebrate.Who'll take us seriously when we're drenched in hypocrisy?
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If the argument is that he can't go to Quetta because it's unsafe, maybe ask the question that if the PM doesn't feel safe, why should Quetta's citizens? Furthermore what is he doing about it? I don't care about some tub of lard and his stolen wealth, this is what I care about
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Finally, finally, FINALLY going home after two years of Covid, intensive care and all round zalalat. Lahore here I come ♥️♥️♥️
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Just intubated a lovely lady with covid, gasping for breath in ICU. Held her hand briefly because she reminded me of nano.
Please take this seriously.
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These aren't sacrifices you moron. They are murders. Stop building the foundations of our better tomorrow on the bodies of innocent Pakistanis who didn't ask to be killed
With heavy heart met the elders of Hazara Community.Certainly ur loss can never be recovered but we can set foundations of better tomorrow. Let these sacrifices help us make a safer Balochistan & beter Pakistan.I am indebted that even in sorrow u heard me. I wil stand by my words
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Comrades and not, I'm sure all Pakistanis can get behind Manzoor Pusheen.
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Praying for Ali Sadpara, may we be greeted with a miracle in the morning.
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so proud of PTI struggle - having been shelled in 2014, now shelling others at the same spot in 2021 🥰
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Nurse today told me (whilst I was wearing a mask) that I look like Derek Shepherd. When I took the mask off, she said "hmm maybe less"
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@DHALhr_Official
please can you review the ridiculous rules forbidding people wearing shorts whilst running in parks? This is backward, unnecessary and impractical - it's incredibly hot and this rule should have no space in DHA parks.
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The agony felt on being a Pakistani on days like today is nothing in comparison to that felt by women in Pakistan everyday.
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Cheating a little by posting a picture of Ammi instead, collecting flowers whilst looking out at Sheosar Lake in Deosai
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The Punjab Archives are lazily stored in the Anarkali's tomb, just as they were 100 years ago. Andar tilawat chal rahee hai, 15 people lounging about not doing any work & entire rows of documents from the 1850s gathering dust, just as they were the last time I came here in 2014
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Can all us mopers appreciate for a moment how amazing it is that the man who ran from the police in 2016 in comedic fashion is now going to run the police into the ground.
In Pakistan all is possible for dreamers like my friend Sheeda Tulli 🥰
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2. generate wider acceptance that saying inshallah does indeed mean you don't plan on doing something
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There is no place in Pakistan today for one of the men who spearheaded it's creation. Disgraceful.
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I have nothing to add at this time except that being First Minister of Scotland has been a great honour, Irn Bru is awesome and Free Palestine.
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The nurses just asked for help to remove a ring from a lady's really oedematous finger and that the husband didn't mind if we had to cut it off. I said "My God we shouldn't have to cut the finger off?!".............they meant the ring
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Finally inspired by
@WelshGasDoc
and the sense of impending doom to briefly say goodbye to the beard. Now COVID-ready (pending for testing)
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Just exhausting - can't even begin to imagine what a woman must feel like when the men are such savages and the Prime Minister thinks it's your fault
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No one:
Seriously no one:
Umar Saif, father of Bill Gates: I'm so special
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So excited that an Indian origin Prime Minister and Pakistani origin First Minister will hasten the partition of the United Kingdom.
Couldn't ask for better reparations than that.
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Had to assess a desi aunty from YORKSHIRE in icu for delirium. When asked vazeer-e-azam kaun hai she said "Imran Khan" 🤦
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If I ever get married, the one asinine thing I will not do is have a wedding hashtag
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God do not have time for these contrarian-woke people saying it's petty for us to celebrate India's loss. It is *just* a game, stfu and sit down, not everything needs to be called out and lamented as an allegory for how awful we all are
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@ZarrarKhuhro
Strange one, please bear with me -> my Nano in Karachi taught me to say lahaulwillaquwata and I thought that she meant to say Lahore. Therefore I thought in Lahore you have to say Karachiwillaquwata
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My parents are law abiding citizens and protested tonight at Liberty in a completely peaceful manner. This government of crooks pretending to be democrats just fired tear gas at peaceful protesters.
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12. Aitchisonians (except myself of course) to be banned from any kind of meaningful statecraft
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With what morality do we do any flag waving on behalf of Palestinians when we do the same to our own citizens.
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Watched Zindagi Tamasha last night and it was great. Honestly confused about why it's been banned in Pakistan - unless they had to heavily edit it for release, it only touches on blasphemy very, very, very briefly.
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Two young prats with limited/no real world work experience between them, both of whom truly believe ruling is their right by virtue of their birth. Keep your future please
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@MajGooner_14
@FaheemYounus
Friend this was really unnecessary, the good doctor and his family have faced decades of prejudice in Pakistan because of their beliefs and that is a failure of us all. We can't hold his disappointment in his home country against him
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Why not be on brand and topical by having an essay or two on "civil servants should not use social media for self aggrandisement"
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Think I really peaked in 2013 when I was having surgery and the nurse asked me (on account of a slow heart rate) "aap athlete hain?"
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All this started with WajBro in a bath tub, i say he repeat those antics to bookend this
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must be the first time i've heard him speak
"Please, don't worry everything will be okay," says Pakistan's ISI chief after arriving in Afghanistan.
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Spotted this very cool plaque of the Pakistan Air Force at St. Clement Danes Church on the Strand
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Ejaz Haider is the standard of intellect, reason and discourse in this country and that's really all that is worth saying about the matter.
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The sheer volume of vaccine conspiracies that IK testing positive for Covid a day after his vaccination is going to generate....
I hope he's okay
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They're all damned but there must be a really special place in hell for the Bhuttos for having so blighted the province that has given them their large fortunes and undeserved status. This is the state of our richest, largest and most cosmopolitan city.
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I am so so delighted at the impending loss of Abrar-ul-Haq. I recommend he ditch the politics, crawl up the rectum of Khadim Rizvi and ferment there for the foreseeable future. I trust this will suit his opinions and actions better. Good riddance you moron.
#ElectionPakistan2018
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I think it is time to introduce the british public to the concept of gham hour
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3. appointing
@smqasimahsan
to the much vaunted Ministry of Indecision. His opinion on most things is "it depends"
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21. Retain
@fawadchaudhry
as minister for science and discuss proposals for jettisoning that half wit committee of mullahs to the moon so they can see it whilst navel-gazing
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This middle aged covid patient who was delirious last week smacked me on the head whilst I was on nights. Today, with her trache gone, she said "bye darling!" and blew a kiss at me as she was wheeled off the unit to a medical ward. 👏👏👏
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Correction: He has not given it yet but the TV coverage did cut to him at Bani Gala about to give the speech - I'm happy to be proven wrong because he hasn't spoken yet. I am just saying he must not repeat NS' action and give a premature victory speech
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A batchmate of mine from Aitchison just died. A really nice guy who was recently married and happily settled in Islamabad. Life is cruel
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5. make combined rickshaw and cycle lanes. Then let's see how badly all these green thumbs want them
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23. Delegate to my high commissioner in London that I want him to cut off ties with anyone that says bruv or innit
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9. showing how truly pakistani i am buy jacking up prices of corner plots
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13. give myself a national mute button to all tv channels. Or at least, ask @ ISPR to hand it over from time to time
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The fallen. Who truly deserve our thanks, praise, love and to endure in our collective memory.
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