maia
@hiya_maia
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IMAGINE THIS: you & your husband have rented a snow cone machine for your 5 yr old son’s school fun day tmrw. you put the kids to bed, make boozy snowcone cocktails, & watch the cavs game together.
this isn’t one of those cliche posts. this is my parents’ actual wednesday night
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If you’ve ever gotten the tea/shake combo at a ________ Nutrition, don’t worry about what’s in the Covid vaccine
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Students are being laid off without financial help, entire schools within the university are being dissolved, and apparently YSU’s
#1
priority is awful turf for an even worse football team. Truly embarrassing.
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@EricGebhardt06
The pain in that yankee fan’s eyes will feed my livestock and water my crops for decades to come
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i agree with this concept 100% but this trope of saying “make it muppets and _______ is the only human” betrays a grave misunderstanding of the muppet-to-human ratio in most muppet media
MAKE IT MUPPETS AND THE ONLY HUMAN IS DETECTIVE BENOIT BLANC, YOU COWARDS!
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Picture this: a campus parking app that tells you which lots and decks are full, almost full, or have open spots. Tech that scans cars at the gates when they enter/exit then reports on the app how many spaces are open in each parking area. This is the first step to world peace.
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you’d need at least a few human suspects in the mystery, otherwise the muppets would all be pitted against each other which is basically the antithesis of the muppets as a whole
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Dear
@KingJames
,
We love you, we don’t blame you, we understand, we’re sorry. Good luck wherever you go. Come back to us someday.
Xoxo,
Cleveland
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@quilssachent
@Linsuspls
@southernguest96
@VoidOfRoses
@JUNlPER
i think they’re angry that someone was expected to pay more than double what they took out bc of the predatory nature of the loans and the near-impossible-to-overcome interest
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My mom wanted a picture of us with our grandparents, but ~someone~ decided to steal the show ☀️
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I admire people who take advantage of their days off by taking fun trips or hanging out with their friends because I typically spend mine sleeping and crying and dreading work the next day
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Just a quick, fun reminder that Ohio businesses are not opening up because it’s safer now. Don’t let these money-motivated decisions give you a false sense of security. Wear a mask if you leave, continue social distancing, and whenever it’s at all possible — stay the hell home.
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hi does anyone else feel an overwhelming sense of guilt when they take one (1) day to rest from any kind of work? or has capitalism officially just made me its b*tch
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Gray clothes are comfier than any other color, don’t @ me, this is science
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Do you guys see the tiny, adorable blonde child bottom right?
Yeah?
Well I was trying to throw a shirt to those boys in caps from about 50 yards away... mustered up all my strength.... sent that t shirt flying.. and...
Nailed that child in the face.
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yeah I will never, ever be the parent who raises hell about my child’s playing time or spot on the team. my kid will be in the gym working for that spot or they won’t get it at all. i love you, future child, but you’re gonna have to earn your stripes
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Here’s the thing. If drinking at a crowded bar or dirty house a few days before st patrick’s day is more important to you than the health of not only you, but everyone you may come into contact with... I don’t have anything to say except
Stay
Away
From
Me.
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Feeling feisty, might post about feminism on facebook and see which family members I have to shun
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Do i miss college because I’m a scholar by nature, or because academic praise is the purest form of validation I’ve ever received? A great mystery indeed.
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What I need: a spa day and a therapy session
What I can afford: a hot shower and a conversation with my dog
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this person be like I wanna waste my vote and endanger others so I can sit on my high horse and prove a point that we all already know
white liberals be like “no trump, no KKK, no fascist USA” and then vote for biden
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If you can’t be kind and patient with staff when going to a restaurant, coffee shop, etc — AND if you can’t be bothered to wear your mask over your nose — you need to just stay home.
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I want a long layered bob and a master’s degree but I also want to grow herbs and read palms and sleep til noon and then I also want to have loads of old money and drink coffee and travel and just never worry about anything at all
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I was running late to class and making small talk with a woman while we waited for the elevator and then ~lo and behold~ it turns out she was the professor and she was not mad bc we were both equally late. Good day.
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Hellllooooooooo this is amazing and so pure and I want everyone in the world to appreciate it with me
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Anyone else feel weird laying down in bed at night after napping/sitting/hardly moving all day? It’s like, did I earn this? No I did not.
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every day i drink my little caffeinated beverage and sit down at my little computer and act like I know what i’m doing and pretend the world isn’t on fire around us and it’s just... splendid
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It is better to have loved lebron and lost lebron than never to have had lebron at all.
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Betsy DeVos:
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I was dreading moving home after living on my own for 2 years but my mom keeps fresh bananas and avocados in the house at all times & I get to snuggle my dog whenever I want so honestly?? I can’t complain.
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Just wanna say .... I love my job and all of the people i work with and I feel so lucky to be here, xoxo, life is cool
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2 years later, mood hadn’t changed
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Hi everyone daily reminder that the best looking, most physically fit people you know probably have a little cellulite behind their thighs and a little pouch of skin around their lower belly or hips cuz these things are natural and human so the moral is... don’t beat yourself up.
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I’m so tired of school and stress I just wanna cook and work out and read books forever and ever amen
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Just gave myself a headache bc I sneezed while driving and smacked my head off of the steering wheel. Happy Monday everybody.
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Rule of thumb: pickup lines should not ever start with the words “as soon as my divorce is final...”
@ the 45+ year old man who asked me to dinner while I was making his coffee
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Here’s the thing..... if you’re angry about this..... you should be angry at the fact that wages in our country haven’t risen with inflation, & that the current regime hasn’t supported essential workers — not angry at the one social service that is actually helping people.
like people are out here getting $600 extra a week or $5,000 in back pay for doing absolutely nothing and spending it recklessly on clothes and jewelry and shit when I’ve been working this whole pandemic putting my health and my fam health at risk for NO extra money?? WTF
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Fell asleep for 5 hours with a white strip on my teeth. ....if anyone needs me, I’ll just be crying & sipping lukewarm food through a straw.
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Every now & then I come across the post about Opportunity the mars rover, & the way her scientists called her Oppy, & when she got hurt in a storm they tried to for 8 months to reach her, & when they finally gave up.... they... they.. they played her a love song.
And then I cry.
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Hot take I guess but absolutely nobody who’s been convicted of domestic abuse, sexual assault, etc, should be allowed to play sports for a living and make outrageous money doing so. No suspensions, nothing. It should be zero tolerance, sorry not sorry, goodbye. Be better.
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Respect.
What we've done this week is drastic action, but we're taking these steps to save lives. W/ no intervention we could expect 40%-70% of our population would contract this virus. We've made dramatic interventions to make a difference & stop our healthcare system from imploding.
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Did y’all know.. are you aware.... you can do a “social media cleanse” without posting about it on every social media
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YSU: hey guys it’s pretty hot outside so to save money we’re gonna turn the air off in all of our buildings! don’t be alarmed when you melt into a puddle on the floor, we did that on purpose bc we hate you!
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My pup waited up til 4 am for me to come home so that we could go to sleep at the same time like we always do. We really don’t deserve dogs.
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I think my biggest question about diet culture is who in their right mind would ever want to replace foods like cheese and pasta and veggies and fruit with a thick sludgy “shake” that tastes like artificial vanilla, aspartame, and sadness?
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Wish I had any motivation at ALL to wear something other than huge t shirts over athletic shorts but alas ......... here I am
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Someone tweeted about this so I tested it and honestly....... the resemblance is uncanny
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When all the things you love come together in one weird but wonderful tweet :
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Did you guys know you’re actually not allowed to go to a country concert if you don’t post pictures and caption them with a lyric from the artist you saw?? Who knew
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Landon just ate a lightning bug. Chewed, swallowed, and laughed maniacally. I asked if he had anything to say about it and he goes “It tasted pretty good! You GOTTA try it!”
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No offense but if you’re a grown adult who only drinks coffee in the form of fraps, you suck and I hate you
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Y’all my 70 year old professor just responded to my email from 3 days ago at 1:17 am and opened it with “good morning maia” .... if that ain’t a mood
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Encouraging people to vote is GREAT, but please, please educate yourself before you visit the polls. Don’t choose a side based on pressure from friends or family or the internet and just blindly stick to it. Know who you’re backing, and WHY.
Thank u for coming 2 my tedtalk :*
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Once every few months I start wondering if I should go back to school. Do I really want to, or am I just missing that sweet, sweet validation that only academic success can provide?
This isn’t rhetorical. Pls send advice/opinions/experiences.
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all I’m saying is it must really suck be the type of person who actively roots against lebron
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Hi, professor? Yeah I can’t come to class today... My dog fell asleep on my foot and obviously I had to stay there til she woke up an hour later.... you understand.
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~ if your vote didn’t matter, they wouldn’t be trying so hard to suppress it ~
get out there and use your voice
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My pup is a 2 yr old lab so obviously her calm moments are few and far between BUT I swear she can sense when I need a long, therapeutic doggie snuggle and in those moments she is downright stoic.
We STAN an emotionally intelligent & available queen.
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How hard is it to just ~not~ be a rapist or a pedophile? The bar is devastatingly low.
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chased a doubleshot of espresso with cucumber mint sparkling water and I think it aligned my chakras
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Can y’all stop advertising pyramid schemes on Instagram and get a mind numbingly terrible job in retail or service like the rest of us
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Think I hit peak pathetic adulthood today when I said “treat yo self” out loud in chipotle before buying a medium lemonade in lieu of a free water cup. Is this what it’s like to be grown? Feeling frisky when you pay for a soft drink? Guess I’ll die!
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If you ever see me sleeping in my car in a parking deck mind ur business
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I cannot believe I agree with this man rn but damn. I really do.
No, Trump has not already won the election, and it is deeply irresponsible for him to say he has.
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Not to sound sad and full of existential dread or anything but voting isn’t fixing a crooked system and although some people and policies are objectively better than others, THE SYSTEM IS STILL REALLY, REALLY BAD.
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Are you in the right headspace to receive information that could possibly hurt you?
The most talented man alive yet people are blinded by his past which was in fact a mutual altercation.
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being gracious and understanding of others’ situations is literally never the wrong thing to do
put kindness into the world, and when you need grace, there will be plenty to go around
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Unpopular opinion but this is dumb and if both parties think this way nothing will ever get done. Stop letting pride stand in the way of meaningful connections, it’s much braver to put yourself out there.
I dont kiss ass, I wont beg for you. So if you don't talk to me all day, I'm going to let you be. If you don’t hit me up, I’m going to let it fade. My pride comes before my feelings.
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I…… I……… this can’t be real, right? Oh my god. Oh my god.
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Anyone else getting sick and also can’t stop crying?? Or is the crying unrelated
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I do not like accepting advice at the gym. I don’t care if I’m doing it wrong. Leave me alone.
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If there’s anything I’ve learned from the 2018 nba finals it’s that bleacher report will only hire social media managers with impeccable senses of humor
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vaccinated????
Aaron Rodgers was injured and helped off the field on the first Jets drive vs. the Bills.
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raise your hand if you’ve ever been personally victimized by the passage of time
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There’s one word for people who are angry about the casting of Ariel.
Hint: it starts with R and rhymes with bassist
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@Itchingforfight
@TheOnion
They’ve been consistently hitting just a touch too close to home lately.
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This guy is a dumbass thread:
This guy is a dumbass.
That’s it, that’s the thread.
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it’s so nice and refreshing to not be ashamed of ohio on the 1st tuesday of november !! great work everyone
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i don’t recommend shows and songs and books because because they’re good media; i recommend them because i want someone to feel what they make me feel and then talk to me about it.
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I’m sitting on a bench by a fountain and there’s a really soft breeze and it’s just the right temperature and everything is just soft and kind and ~good~ right now.
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nostalgia is truly one of the great human weaknesses.... second only to the neck
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I spent MONTHS trying to grow out my nails and let them look pretty & just now bit off all of my progress in abt 5 minutes. Nice. Realll nice.
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This is such a childish way of thinking. Having a phone and being physically/mentally available to talk are two very different things... grow up and be patient with people.
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have to give a shoutout to past-maia, who packed a bag of chocolate chips in my lunch in case i got stressy today and needed candy
she was not wrong
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“Can I have a black coffee, double cream, extra sugar?”
No. You literally cannot.
quote this tweet with the DUMBEST question / reply a customer has told you before
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