Ash. Profile Banner
Ash. Profile
Ash.

@hey_ashiwel

Followers
2,817
Following
282
Media
7,366
Statuses
81,499

CX consultant. Co-founder at @smallbigchops . Lover of books, art, design, and the Japanese aesthetic. Sometimes, a shallow void looking for depth.

Lagos. Abuja. Calabar. Obudu.
Joined June 2012
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
9 years
So, I googled my name.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
2 years
I j—
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
6 years
This is that content I signed up for. This is the kind of useless awesomeness I love!
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
5 years
This is actually how the president of Ukraine started a presentation! I'm in tears, bro! 😂😄
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
5 years
Part 2. 😂😂😂
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
1 year
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@Women__Leader
Edna, the Beloved
1 year
I need scented candle that will also work as a mosquito killer. Does this exist?
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
6 years
This is an excellent ad! 😂
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
2 years
John's ghost the next morning after the sign went up
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
6 years
The entire swag and confidence of Trevor Noah's grandma!
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
2 years
3½ months.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
2 years
I need to have a conversation with Yoruba people.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
1 year
Americans are weird. I remember a few years back how people in one state—don't recall which—voted in a referendum to triple minimum wage for restaurant workers, and restaurant workers fought the increase back to the previous minimum wage because they were afraid of losing tips.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
2 years
Still one of the most accurate depictions of Lagos I've had the fortune to photograph.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
6 years
Dolly Parton: Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Joleeeeeneeeee... 12 Year Old Me: I'm begging of you please don't take my maaaaaan...
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
6 years
The guy probably went to think about his life after the old man left.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
7 years
How to save a small child who's choking.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
5 years
I love it!
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
4 years
This gets funnier every time I watch it! 😂😂😂
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
4 years
Yes, @netflix . Yes!
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
2 years
All I took from this is that even our Lord and Savior could only manage a 10% conversion rate. Let your marketing team breath.
@jacoblcoyne
Jacob Coyne
2 years
Jesus fed the 5,000 but only 500 followed him after lunch. He had 12 disciples but only 3 prayed with him in the garden before his arrest. Then, only 1 stood with him at the cross. The closer you get to the cross, the smaller the crowd becomes
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
4 years
This is one of the most incredible things I have ever read on the internet! Goodness!
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
5 years
Dr. Tony Rapu talking about barrenness and the multiple ways that God fixes it: "... through medical intervention, or IVF, or through adoption..." It warms my heart.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
3 years
I've spent the last 30 minutes cry-laughing at this video! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
8 days
Frame 2.
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@SwitOpe
Sweet Ope
9 days
From New York with love and kisses.❤️❤️
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
10 months
Today's rant: burying a loved one in Lagos. In Yaba, it's ₦4.5 million for a grave. Want to cover up the ugly bare concrete with some marble? That's an extra ₦2.2 million. Small print: price excludes funeral services and incidentals like a hearse, casket, pallbearers, etc.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
6 years
Shy women pick up men for the first time! 😂
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
6 years
This is the guy they want to bring back, my god!
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
1 year
Rainy mornings are for cuddling, but carton of Huggies is now ₦54,000. I shall henceforth be referring to my wife as sis. Please step away from the bed, sis.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
4 years
Watch the CNN investigation that proves that the #LekkiMassacre did indeed happen. #EndSARS
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
6 years
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 I can't deal with Nigerians! I can't! 😂
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
3 years
Wingman.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
6 years
Haaaaayyyy God!! Is this not the "die on the line" guy?!!! Look at God!
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
3 years
@Bisolaaa Had me wanting to fly to Jamaica and vote for her?
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
2 years
If my child even thinks for a brief second of — 1. Charging her aunt, 2. To babysit her cousin, 3. In the middle of a family emergency... Man, I've failed as a parent!
@foreverimbetter
Jean Paul Cootier
2 years
Reddit is saying she’s not the asshole for this and the teenager lacks empathy but how are you gonna ask someone who does this for a living to do it and then be surprised when they ask about their pay?
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
5 years
God...damn, Nike! I have goosebumps!
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
7 years
I provide my own light, water, transportation, food, housing, security, healthcare. I inspire myself I am my own hero.
@saratu
S.
7 years
Who are your Nigerian heroes?
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
7 years
This thread wasn't what I was expecting. 😂
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
7 years
I swear I thought she was having a bad case of stomach upset!
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
3 years
I want to ask this genuinely, because I am sincerely confused! What do Lekki property Developers have against grass and trees? Is Aliko paying you people a comission for all that concrete? Explain it to me slowly. Please.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
4 years
1. Forbes decided Kylie whoever is not a billionaire because she and her family lied to everyone about their finances. Seems to me like just another regular day of white women doing their thing. 2. A lot of people called bullshit and were called haters.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
10 months
If you can help it, don't die in Lagos.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
3 years
Guess who came home? Going to need past questions for school fees Twitter.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
2 years
Give him another passport and tell him to go hide it.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
4 months
Nigerians to Uncle Paul since yesterday
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
8 years
Because we are all in this together. Can't come and be trying to escape the suffering. Very disloyal.
@sirg6ix
Godwin product guy
8 years
I'm still confused as to why attempted suicide is a criminal offense in Nigeria. Please enlighten me.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
7 years
I might name my daughter Phoolan.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
6 years
This is too much work to be honest. I just want to fucking say my vows and go home and lie on the couch. There's no need to be a video vixen!
@AfroSkills
afroskills
6 years
Nobody was ready for them 🤧
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
5 years
Bruh, I'm not even crying right now! This is the most uplifting thing I've ever seen! 😭
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
3 years
Companies quick to tell you about their EMEA team. Meanwhile, the A does not exist, and the ME is clearly Dubai.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
1 year
"So is the baby!" had me in stitches; but when he asked if the baby paid extra to yell, I lost it! 😂😂😂😂
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
4 years
Your own is to be claiming people upandan social media. But if Nnamdi had gotten in trouble and reached out to you for help, you would ask him what he was doing there; you'll say your hands are tied. But you're here claiming him without contributing a single thing to his life!
@vpd_2s
Crypto Genesis 100x 📖🔥🚀
4 years
Yes, Nnamdi won a seat into Delaware state legislature. However , he is African American . (He has a twin brother ) He married a lovely Nigerian ( Igbo ) lady , believes he is Nigerian based on his. DNA, and changed his name to a fully Nigerian name. So , yes we can claim him😂
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
2 years
Me and mine to you and yours.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
1 year
A charlatan and a fraud for hire.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
2 years
And tell me why the goat is camera ready bro?!
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
7 years
But can he eat shaki with his hands and not stain his shirt? Can he tell if the Agege bread is fresh? Can he?
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
6 years
1. Data Analyst. 2. Operations Analyst 3. Designer 4. Monitoring & Evaluation Analyst You're looking for an intern to do four full time jobs, on the wages of an intern and the benefits of a temp. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
1 year
Then there's this:
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
4 years
Madam please. You were out here the other day interviewing a thug who's been accused of denying Nigerians the right to vote in people who can lead this nation into power and prosperity; and you didn't ask the man one single question about it.
@Funmilola
Funmi Iyanda
4 years
My dream is that Nigeria builds herself into the biggest, most powerful, prosperous nation of black people on earth. That way, the negotiations will be about power, which is the language of the world.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
2 years
Stopped by Game at the Palms yesterday for water, and apps, they're having a closing sale. Empty shelves, 40% discounts, etc. Staff said they couldn't reach an agreement with Nigerian investors who wanted to buy them out. It's depressing.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
2 years
Today's lesson: never put your suya and your wife's suya in the same bowl. Rookie mistake.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
4 years
This is so heartwarming!
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
3 years
Really went and lucked out, didn't I?
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
3 years
South Africans started a space to convince each other — and the rest of us — that they aren't xenophobic. Then the xenophobia started leaking out.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
5 years
This is one if the reasons why people go in on Mother's Day but barely observe Father's Day. Be a present father.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
3 years
Someone raised $303 million at a $4.5 billion valuation to sell okrika! Father Lord!
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
3 years
Nigerian youth vs. Nigerian Government:
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
7 years
Someone sent me this video of some oyinbo dude kayaking in Lekki. Fam, I'm cry laughing 😂😂😂😂😂😭😭😭
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
3 years
These are my blessings.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
1 year
Spent a crap ton of money on toys only for this...THIS...to become my child's favorite toy. Toddlers are annoying!
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
6 years
I'M PISSED!!! 😰
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
7 years
How brilliant is this?!!!!
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
1 year
I hate Nigerians. Why is a restaurant called Petit Paris serving isiewu and nkwobi? 😑
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
7 months
2023 brought blessings.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
3 years
Hey guys! launched into beta today in Lagos. It's a platform for finding *trained* and *vetted* artisans on demand. Laborhack artisans clean up after themselves, and Laborhack will rectify the issue for free if the first artisan did a poor job. Pls RT.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
7 years
Nike serving up the good stuff again. As usual.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
8 years
Just saw the most hilarious thing! World leaders WhatsApp group chat the day before Trump's inauguration 😂😂😂😂😂😂
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
1 month
Well done.
@Iwelabi1
Iwelabi
1 month
Big Brother, @SirJarus , during these trying times, may Allah come to your aid, guide you, grant you patience, and direct your affairs better than human imaginations. Aameen. Indeed, only Allah is As-salam, may He grant you the most needed peace at this time. Aameen.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
4 years
I'm crying real tears! 😂😂😂😂😂
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
4 years
To all international and local news outlets, if you want to know what the #EndSARS protests by young people in Nigeria are about; we have a website where you can read our stories and see images from the protests. Go here:
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
6 years
I've read the policy documents of both the APC and the PDP. Something that struck me: the APC is appealing to the masses with its manifesto. It's shorter and the better designed of two poor designs. The PDP's intended audience appears to be businesses and the educated class.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
4 years
🤔
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
4 months
@paulg @lolaloveandart You're shifting the goalposts, chief. Your original 'delve' tweet wasn't about a tweet! It was about a formal email you received, where you judged (and dismissed) the sender for using a word that is part of the everyday vocabulary of a considerable number of people globally.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
5 years
Like, I mean isn't it obvious it's a Zebra?!! 😂😂😂
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
6 years
For those who need context:
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
6 years
T'Challa appears on the Black Jeopardy game show. SNL is so unhinged! 😂
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
6 years
The Xhosa version of Niniola's Maradona. I dig it!
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
10 months
What if you wanted to bury your loved one in Ikoyi so you don't have to travel hours to visit their grave? Prices start at ₦20,000,000 and can run as high as ₦50,000,000.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
1 year
@Kayodeine That's a fair point. I don't think people are necessarily against tips or tipping in general. Nigerians, for example, will tip you just for hailing them. All the umbrage comes from people bristling at a compulsory percentage, and the sense of entitlement that drives it.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
7 years
Man, Rwanda! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
6 years
Guys, I'm howling!!!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
7 years
Just confirmed that this works in Lagos, and they answered the phone promptly too. Hopefully the response times are just as quick.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
1 year
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
7 years
Guys, I need to name 21 streets, and I'd like to name them after some of the undercelebrated women in Nigeria's history. Suggestions?
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
7 years
Take my hard earned money!!!! Take all of it!!!
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
3 years
Nice one, Google.
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
6 years
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
6 years
Still one of the most hair-raising hakas to ever be danced! Still gives me goosebumps every time! Still makes me want to rush into battle and rip the enemy to shreds for daring to speak my name!
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@hey_ashiwel
Ash.
4 years
If @mamaamuwo is your mother, tell her we said she doesn't have sense and her UK education was, evidently, a waste of money. Also, tell her we know how to recall our representatives when they stop having sense.
@PulseNigeria247
Pulse Nigeria
4 years
"They (Nigerian youths) are high on drugs all the time, most of them. They go to social media to do all sorts of things." - Lagos lawmaker, Mojisola Alli-Macauley, on recent events in the state.
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