⚜️I was once strong because I didn't buy drugs, even though I wanted to and had the dealers on the street around me. I'm never normally strong, which is why I always want to take drugs alone, because I know that there is nothing good or respectful about dealing with other people. The only way I know it is that I always try to remove myself from such contacts as a preventive measure, but there is consumption everywhere and it is very tiring to always delete or block everyone, because I never want to approve of such contact and do not tolerate it , even if it would be more positive and healthier not to always completely destroy yourself. But that helped me not to expose myself to further harm from others, but it just made me very ill with my psychosis. I wanted psychosis as a young person and was never actively looking for party people or sex. Since my youth and unfortunately because of my mother, I only wanted paranoia and harm. I could never take people on drugs seriously anyway, because no one thought about it or gave in to self-destruction as much as I did. Unfortunately, when I was younger, I only wanted to hate my life. Today I bear the consequences of that. It is difficult to change your feelings for the better, and I was never able to switch off my mind like normal people, because I was only ever interested in internalizing all the world's problems so that I could help my mother or myself one day, but the arguments never stopped, everywhere. I understand that and I don't understand that either. Life is not easy, I have never lived a normal life or had role models. Although my father is an absolute role model for me and always hard-working, I have never had discipline or rules, because I just get stressed and angry quickly and have never really learned how to deal with things well or even have goals for myself, let alone be able to believe in or trust anything. No matter how bad I feel, I'm OK with it because I've never known anything different and had to accept it before. I've never been able to take care of myself and that's why life is so difficult. I'm very sorry to tell you something like that. I've never had a sense of duty, but I'm keen to learn it and I'm working on it.💚

⚜️Since I am currently still sick, weakened and contagious due to a bacterial infection from a wound that I sustained when I bumped myself, I would like to tell you a few crazy arguments from my time as an adolescent on the streets of Berlin. Maybe I can entertain you with something like that and bridge the time, as it will still take some time until I finally recover after many weeks and other injuries and can get back to sport or meeting people. I have waited so long for this and I really want to do what I have planned in a sober way. I hope I can do it again, because unfortunately it is very difficult when you have only got involved in negative things in your private life for so many years, but that is also supposed to protect me, which is why I had to face all the conflicts and see why and how this happens to me so quickly. I don't want to experience any more meanness from other people, but that happens all the time and everywhere anyway. it is certainly also due to the energy I radiate, but also to this disgusting hometown of Berlin. People here are often not nice and certainly not careful, which is why I always prefer to stay at home so as not to make any mistakes outside. It is destroying me and making me sick in the soul, but unfortunately I am not as relaxed when arguing and reacting, so I am not always 1000% attentive to every little thing around me, even though I have always tried. But at least I am safe when I am locked up at home. But I don't feel at home anywhere anymore, not even with my mother, not for a single day in the last three years. Maybe I'm too familiar with everything negative and find it very difficult to believe anything positive, so I have to be careful and not tell myself something negative again after good moments, but I've been paying more and more attention to the second thing in life, especially since This was the only way I could free myself from the truth and bad people, so I had to accept that it was better to be alone in private as much as possible. This is how I protect myself and others from unpleasant moments.💚

⚜️im not often happy, but here I make party in front of my mum, because I really want to be happy, I try. It’s difficult to take good concentration of myself, because I was feeling pain from others, and I don’t forget this, that was taking all years my concentration, that I finish all contacts who are not nice in the end. My target was to comeback after this, but it’s difficult to do everything right, because I feel very bad or toxic very quick, because it’s to much for me, and I don’t see something good often. But I never give up. Sry so much, if you don’t like me maybe, but I want to do all what I told before, because this was my word, my promise, my mission, that I never take bad contacts or bad options again, because I want that the negative and naiv life in front of others must be over one time, that I can be there for you and all others only in a good time. This is my job, my everything, nothing more I try to be. I want to make people happy, and I want that now one is giving me pain in bad feelings again, because I hate this extreme, I can’t forget this, I have big problems to ignore bad situations, that is not my way to react on people who are not right, but I do this sometimes, because not everyone is strong to fight back, and I don’t like this, so I want to be strong for bad people, to help myself and you, if something is wrong, that you are safe, I want that bad people need to learn, that is not right, and they are often afraid of my reaction, so they never forget, I hope so. But it’s dangerous. Talking hardcore is ok, but fighting I don’t want, because to much people are not right, that is not my job. I want peace one time. That is the reason, I have learned and was going in conflict with myself and others totally all years, because I want to know how I can handle everything in every situation, with everyone right. I hope so much to do it one time in all consequences right, I can’t ignore bad things, that make me bad, that is not cool to live or share this planet, if people are disrespectful for nothing, no reasons they have, but they are all like me, we all have often bad feelings, and they don’t know how they can handle this, they can’t give love everytime, because it’s more difficult then to be negativ, this is more easy. So I can be there to do both, but I want to give my life not for sex or party on chemsex, never. That is not right. Better to be alone disturbed, but not with others, because I don’t want to make people toxic or whatever. I want to give love and all power in every detail and challenges, that everyone is understanding in the right way, to change something, then we have a chance to take a result together, or leave. But that cost me everything. But no problem, I try.💚

⚜️round number two, I must puke again, sry💚

⚜️and here is a new video how I puke of my life, because my mum is totally bullshit💚

⚜️Merry Christmas����🤶🏻🎅💚

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⚜️beluga Wodka, I drink for all Russian💚

⚜️💜⚜️

⚜️my music, I love to be💚

⚜️💚⚜️

⚜️I was in a Russian supermarket for 300€, that is the Xmas time for me and my mother💚

⚜️I'm going to the police now, this man has too much power and is shamelessly using it. I'm not going to put up with this any longer, something has to happen. You can see the symbol again where someone throws something in the trash. It's supposed to tell me that I'm trash. The psychosomaticist is called Torsten Müller. This is stalking and no help. This man is doing everything to make me lie in the dirt or to make me take drugs, to damage my health and my mother. It has to stop.💚

⚜️music is the school of your feelings.💚 welcome to my world. I wish you all a nice 4th Advent🧑🏿‍🎄🎅🤶🏻🧚🏿🧚🏻‍♂️🧚‍♀️

⚜️Here you can clearly see that I have been called a trash can and deliberately provoked under the most recently used emojis, which I have not used. The psychosomaticist has many titles and thinks he can do whatever he wants. I am being deliberately destroyed and affected along with my mother. This person is sick and perverted, he has been working on me since I was a child, but I am trying to defend myself, I just don't know how. Please help me, or leave me alone, thank you. I have often been threatened anonymously via the notes app, I have been threatened in the mobile game League of Legends by changing the names so that people can tell me on drugs that I am a crystal slut, that everyone is using me and that I will be in custody in the winter. None of this impresses me because it is primitive, cheap and disgusting. The guy is sick and apparently has no purpose in life other than to punish and destroy me. Unfortunately, it works quite well, as if he was from the Stasi. I finally want to be left alone.💚

⚜️I help my mum in all her medicaments and she is talking good about me💚

⚜️Do you want to know how my psyche works? Here I give you an insight, I hope you like it. It's a big special video in which I try to give you everything and my best. Have fun. Love & peace💚

⚜️hello friends, I wish you all the best. Unfortunately I am still sick and not really strong. That annoys me too, but I will try to make a video for you later. love & peace my warm brothers, hehe💚

⚜️(in German) I talk with my father about dogs, sport, crime and my mum💚

⚜️small update for now, it’s very important for the next time🥴💚