Eleonora 𓆩♡𓆪
@hempu5
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Pinned Tweet
"trans women can't get pregnant? sounds like a skill issue 😏" - ten thousand likes, beloved by all of twitter
"heard god's voice in the hums of high-voltage power lines" - three likes, and a single reply from Harold_64 saying "beautiful transgender, i saw u by 7/11 last night"
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last night i discovered a new, unorthodox type of safe word after i accidentally moaned my ex-boyfriend's name
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body worship isn't a fetish. it's just the natural reaction to have when your wife is as pretty as mine.
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sigh, never trusting men again, my 5ft 4″ boyfriend just left me for the large eagle that's been circling our house the past 2 weeks.
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pussy from a girl who died in your arms in the previous timeloop
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a group of genderfucked twinks with mommy issues accidentally overheard me talking about wanting to adopt a dog and i begin seeing red dots appear on the minimap in the lower lefthand corner of my vision
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girlfriend who has a way with words: i don't know how to explain the way i feel about you, but i swear i've done nothing but dream of you the last ten years of my life
girlfriend who has a way with worms: babe you'll never guess what i just found wiggling around in the soil
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8 months on hrt and the guy at the shawarma place no longer calls me bossman and im starting to wonder if any of this was even worth it.
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girl who wiggles her whole body whenever she’s happy because she was tragically born without a tail to wag
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hey, do you wanna come hang with us? me and the girls plan on blurring the lines between petplay and ritual sacrifice by the abandoned hydroelectric plant tonight.
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a visibly suicidal 8 year old: *forgets to take the trash out*
parents: your putrid whore soul will never deserve love
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girls will go through the most traumatic experience of their life and be like "huh, im going to be sitting alone in my bedroom about this for a couple months"
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trans women are always complaining about not being able to give birth. which is ironic, because purely through your existence, you're already giving birth to a brighter future for all of us.
was that smooth? did it sound good? i forgot my condoms can you please let me hit it raw
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"come on dude, don't be such a pussy, just take a hit. i promise it's not puppyweed this time, don't you trust me?"
okay dude fuck it, i guess one hit wouldn't hurt...
.. ૮ ･ ﻌ･ა
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yea okay dude, i realize now that an "autism mommy" refers to the mother of an autistic person and not what i thought it meant, but it's been 4 hours at this point and i think i need to see a doctor.
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Nice argument, unfortunately, you failed to consider:
1. Who's a cute little puppy?
2. Is it you?
3. Yes it is!
4. Such a good little puppy!
5. Yes you are!
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@jamieyognaught
i am managing it really well! :D my boyfriend hasn't responded to me since, but i bet he isn't too bothered about it either ^^
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misogyny checkpoint: what’s the first tweet that shows up when you search “women” on your page ?
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the best thing about CRT monitors was that you could pet them and you would feel them purr against your fingertips
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"my son turned out completely fine" your daughter spends all day barking and pretending to be my dog while i pet her head,, yeah honestly you're right, she's doing pretty well.
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lesbian: im crying because i don't fuck enough
me: heavenly angels deserve to be taken care of by a harem of beautiful women
straight man: im crying because i don't fuck enough
me: die in horrible pit
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posting "need a girl who boysquirts" on twitter before falling to sleep.
i am now a marlboro cigarette, lit by a girl with boobs so big it makes me realize why our galaxy is called the milky way. she takes a drag and i let out a gay little moan
i wake up again, and start crying
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omggg i feel you. i have my own personality disorders too! though, to be fair, i have the ones that make me easy to love and entertaining to be around, not the ones that make me evil and undeserving of love, like the ones you have. but yeah, personality disorders suck, i get it.
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cute couples t-shirts that say "ask me about morrowind lore" and "please don't ask her about morrowind lore"
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pseudo-bisexual cis girl puts her drink down and smiles at the sky as she says “oh, how i want a cute transgender girlfriend”. after a dreamy sigh she thinks for a bit, a serious look spreads across her face, and she solemnly says “but he shouldn't be, you know, too transgender“
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wait... don't tell me... oh... your transgender partner is a puppygirl..? oh, yeah, it’s ... nothing... yeah, no, it’s just that.... me and the other girls on twitter have kinda moved onto tapirboys lately... but if you're still stuck on puppygirls, that's like, totally cool, lol
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dream blunt rotation: piece of moss, stick that looks like a sword, a cool bug with a beautiful soul,.
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a woman venting to the bartender: im used goods,my body count is too high, no one will ever love a harlot like me
me, suddenly speaking loudly with my friends two tables over: i wish girls with tight pussies would stop flirting with me, i have claustrophobia and i get so scared
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they should release a monster energy drink whose diameter is one inch smaller than the normal ones, and they should also make it curve slightly upwards and to the left 1.5 inches from the base
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"i hate myself i want to die"
i wanted to impress her with a smart and compassionate reply like "that time of month again?" or "typical fembrained bpd", but like a fool in love i only managed to blutter out the completely moronic statement "you mean the world to me, i adore you"
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93 iq girlfriend speaking three octaves higher than her natural voice: o-ohayoo, omgg wow ur sho tall *~* can baby pwease have uppies? ^-^ *paws at you paws at you* pwease pweease?
me, thinking about all the rabbits i skinned as a child: No.
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broke up with this straight dude and he removed «hung futa enthusiast» from his bio
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30yr old alcoholic woman: uuh, really? sanrio bedsheets? lol okay
me: i thought they were cute?
her: well, they're not. whatever, i've seen enough
me, standing up for myself: i deserve respect, you can't talk to me like that mommy, no wait, fuck me, no wait i mean fuck you
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saw a group of trans women sleeping together in a bathroom stall after taking their HRT injections together, the world is such a beautiful place 🤍
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redditor gf: i'm(F23) so sorry, i really want to get fucked by you(F25), but my IBS prevents me from bottoming
(her throat 2 hours later): AITA?
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5'6" boyfriend who hangs out in your bongwater, just swimming around, and when you take a hit the bubbles tickle him and he giggles
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a girl’s natural habitat is in her bed surrounded with pillows, plushies and blankets, and if removed from her habitat too quickly she might decompress like a deep-water fish
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not sure if thats a boyhole or a girlhole but looks tight dude congrats 👍
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beautiful older woman: hey, could i grab this seat
(internally to myself) okay keep it cool, just don’t hint towards your ravenous oedipus complex, don’t mention it, don’t even think about it, be normal.
me: first things first, i was never loved enough as a child and im scared
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in the park with my friend, surrounded by couples flirting
friend: this is nice, but it really makes me miss my girlfriend
me: eh, i don't get it
(in the corner of my vision i suddenly see an abusive owner pull their dog around by a leash)
me: wait, yea dude you're right
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apparently everyone with an onlyfans find themselves in the top 10 percent of accounts, so i assume the bottom 90 percent must be the equivalent of fishpeople hitting bugs with sticks in a landfill
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at a transgender discord meet-up complimenting other peoples' puppygirls like the business card scene from american psycho
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yeah I've thought about dropping a new religion lately. it's called trans men with visible landing strips wearing crop tops and low-rise jeans. and the core tenets will be all about trans men with visible landing strips wearing crop tops and low-rise jeans. hope you're interested
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nintendo has decided to go another year without releasing a new nintendogs remake. purely because the transgender community can't be trusted with it yet.
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girls who are interested in military history are beautiful and normal. men who are interested in military history should be shot in the streets like dogs.
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a womb tattoo in the form of a QR code that sends you directly to a 24/7 family guy funny moments livestream
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you: dude this mid you're smoking is actually pretty dec-
me: loud
you: huh?
me, tears in my eyes, through gritted teeth: the term you're looking for is loud
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me: he's actually such a well-behaved boy as long as you give him his shots on time, oh and don't worry, he's already been neutered and dewormed.
the communal twink abuse outlet: weh :3 and also- wait, why am i referred to as "the communal twink abuse outlet"? i have a name it's
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*gently touching the scars on your arm* wow you're so cringe tbh
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autism be damned that girl can. uh, well, i don't really know, but have you seen her paws?
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"omg babe, that fuck had such soft cottagecore vibes"
(her words hit me like a freight train)
"babe? you okay?"
it's fine, it's nothing
i travel back home, and break down crying on the floor as i realize i've wasted precious drops of my virile transgender sperm on a theyfab
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when i was a child, they imprisoned me in a bunker for years, slowly replacing the blood in my body with the blood of several dogs, until my heart accepted it as its own. then they released me and now im forced to live a normal life. all while dog blood pulsates through my veins.
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god's most beloved instrument is found within the vocal tract of a twink whose tummy is being poked
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collaring trans girls, not as a kink, but in the same way researchers attach data-loggers to migratory birds to understand their flight patterns, all so i can find myself a new ketamine plug.
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suicidal, but killing myself without having been the victim of some great cathartic tragedy doesn't sound right to me. it would feel like dying from chip damage.
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i don't think i was born a transsexual, nor do i think it was a sudden realization, but during my formative teenage years i sat very alone for 6 years straight in a dark room imagining videos of vehicular accidents in my head, and afterwards i was kinda just like this.
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(guy who's never gotten a pitjob from a puppygirl before): "isn't it weird how there's nothing in life worth living for"
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⚠ Protip! make any boy fall in love with you by lifting his dress up from the back and-
(TRUMPETS BLARING)
"Frøderich, wake up! the beasts are at the gates!"
dizzy, teeth clenched, you grab your polearm. you're a champion in the dinosaur wars, and the horde is approaching.
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submissive puppygirl who accidentally ends up in the House of Representatives because she was really into the idea of being a public servant
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The entire country of Norway has a total of one city with genderqueer people in it. We really need to start importing American transsexuals into rural counties the same way national parks release wolves to recondition the ecosystem
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omg hiii little puppy!! who’s a good girl?? who’s my good little puppygirl?? not you! you’re nothing but a stray bitch and we’re gonna throw rocks at you until you leave
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(at the doggy daycare center with my girlfriend)
a couple: so yeah recently we've been trying to move away from the slave/master relationship most people develop with their dogs, as we find it tantamount to animal abuse
me: really sorry, but i think we went to the wrong place
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when the bpd girl wraps her legs around you and suddenly you begin to feel like a scared little animal trapped inside a hot car
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*trying to flirt with twinks at the function while tweaking off five different substances*
that is soo funny, you're really cute, have you ever thought about dying within pieces of heavy machinery? sorry lol, i wanted to ask if you need to bum another fag? i mean cigarette sorry
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boys need to keep their opinions to themselves whenever women are talking. just stand there and look pretty instead, maybe moan a little when i say something smart.
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i look like a weird boy but i promise im a woman. i do a lot of drugs in public bathrooms. i got a choker and a leash in my purse. but nevermind that, hello my name is eleonora, im here to pick up your daughter, i mean son, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you.
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The most beautiful woman i have ever met: I will never make it because I’m way too tall and muscular for a girl
(me, brain short-circuiting so hard i get sent back to a conversation i had 6 hours ago): i just think people deserve housing regardless of socioeconomic status
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when you interact with my tweets you're actually perfectly replacing the love my parents never gave me as a child
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"your grandpa didn't go to war for this"
if someone's grandpa suffered through a literal battlefield just to keep boys from loving each other maybe he deserves that his only grandson gets his back blown out by me in my Chevrolet Impala
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an orange cat yawned in the spring sun today and some of you are worrying about buccal fat
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Four essential rules of gun safety:
1: Treat all guns as if they're loaded.
2: Know how to properly operate your gun.
3: Know your target, its surroundings and beyond.
4: Make her suck the barrel of it
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"my daughter turned out completely fine" your daughter laughed at me while firing two revolvers at my feet to make me dance for her entertainment in an old western saloon
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(on date) *twirling my hair and batting my eyes at them* so like, sometimes i look at my suicidal ideations and i cant help but find humor in the absurdity of its scope *silence fills the room*
uh when i fuck i scream like im getting a 10+ multikill in a halo 3 montage from 2009
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the problem with cute girls having visible scars and stretch marks is that it makes me cum way too fast.
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omg hiiii ^_^ (wraps your leash around my hand again to bring you even closer to me)
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one must imagine sisyphus as a 30-year-old trans woman with the same personality disorders as your mother. and she is also 10cm taller than you. or whatever that french guy was trying to say.
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I hate to break it to you, but you're not a puppygirl, and you're not a catgirl either. if anything, you're more like a slugwoman in the sense that you're a hermaphrodite who's only capable of reproducing through violent mating rituals with other hermaphrodites.
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♻️
nvm i just changed my mind on the cisgender slur discourse let’s make this happen everyone
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guy who sets the mood by saying "yoink" when he pulls your bra off
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fucking a girl who hasn't showered in a week and a little “+1 RAD/SEC” notification shows up in the top right-hand corner of my vision with every thrust
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(2 minutes into doing a tarot card reading for a tall trans girl)
"and, oh noooo,,, here's a card where a character who looks suspiciously like me is getting stepped on by a tall woman wearing new rocks,, damn, yea, that one seemed important, something to think about for sure,,"
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enough with the twink hatred on this site. twinks deserve to live their lives the way god intended for them; filled with love, happiness, friendship and a ten-inch strap
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the modern equivalent of Ming dynasty eunuchs are found in the form chemically castrated transgender women on niche video game forums, but instead of gatekeeping the courtly intrigue of the emperor's palace they're gatekeeping a Morrowind pornfolder big enough to make you see god
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unironically i fucking swear that ░M░Y░ ░P░U░S░S░Y░ ░I░N░ ░B░I░O░ is like the funniest reply to see under a tweet. idk why, but it just makes me feel alive. like, maybe things aren't that serious. maybe there is pussy in bio. maybe there is beauty in this world.
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if your girlfriend truly loved you she would fill your bowl with wet food from time to time as a treat
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wait, you raised your son to be a proud religious conservative? in that case i really want to apologize for being the reason your "son" moans whenever she pushes a toothbrush a bit too far down her throat. really sorry btw :/
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we need more representation for hung tgirls who don’t tuck in media
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in the same way an EVA pilot will submerge themselves in LCL to mentally link with their evangelion unit before heading into battle, i submerge myself in tgirl piss to mentally link with my computer before posting veiled threats of violence towards local state legislators.
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girls night is the perfect alibi for literally anything. like, "why are you covered in hickeys?" girls night. "why have you been crying?" girls night. "what's the hammer, ropes and duct-tape doing in the trunk of your car?" girls night.
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13 months into hrt and yeah i think freud might have been right. because, speaking as a girl, i would really like to know what it feels like to have a boner.
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strategy tip for puppygirls who are into public humiliation: date a millennial so they'll say stuff like "wholesome doggo moment" and "such a hecking good pupperino" as they walk you through the pet food aisle of the grocery store
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