Sorabh Pant
@hankypanty
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I make jokes for a living. Sometimes people laugh. Most tweets about cricket. See my videos below for proof. All Queries: pantonfirecomedy @gmail .com.
Mumbai
Joined December 2009
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Pinned Tweet
USA beats Pakistan.
But, the pressure is still on India.
Some silly standup recorded last night :).
#IndVsPak
#T20WC2024
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Everyone looking to hold the IPL trophy,
Dhoni looking to hold Mitchell Santner's baby.
Completely understand these priorities.
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Watched hundreds of hours of content during this pandemic - absolutely nothing has come close to watching this Test series.
#AUSvsIND
43
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11K
Saw that video of Virat's fake fielding.
You can clearly see the batter completely deceived and bamboozled by Kohli's heinous actions as he comfortably completes the run, without even noticing Kohli.
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I seriously hate this god damn sport.
1 month of hope and ambition and we are back to this...
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One of the big factors to RCB storming the playoffs has to be Virat Kohli getting pissed off with critics.
Hope someone pisses him off in the World Cup.
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By the way - Pakistan do this every 2nd World Cup.
Look *ridiculous* in 1-2 matches.
Flights to Karachi are booked.
Then South Africa lose to Netherlands.
And, somehow magically: Pakistan reach the Final.
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Enjoy how Rohit Sharma just chills while everyone is losing it around him.
He's like, "Haan re, mere dost aise hi hai."
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Every time Gill hits a boundary.
Shot of Sara Tendulkar.
Camera person and producers displaying the same maturity as a 17 year old in a boys' hostel.
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Been watching test cricket for 29 years.
And this is honestly completely and utterly ridiculous by the Indian team.
It's Australia.
It's Gabba.
It's a young team.
It's an inexperienced team.
We have no right to be in this position.
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The success of Hindustani Bhau shows that a lot of people don't have a problem with 'bad' language.
They have a problem with 'bad' language used by people they disagree with.
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This
@bhogleharsha
being calm and cool and zen and professional and poised in commentary while India is 46/4 makes me understand why most of us can not be commentators.
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Wow, over 60 million people watching this in India.
Isn't that more than the IPL Final?
Anyone know...?
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Can we have a lip reader translate what went on between Naveen and Kohli and Gambhir and then Kyle Mayers?
Willing to offer upward of Rs. 49 on Paytm.
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Ronaldo says 'drink water' and Coca Cola stocks drop by $4 billion.
Is he the Elon Musk of carbonated beverages?
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Think positive.
At least I didnt spend ₹50,000 to go to Ahmedabad and watch the match, like some of my friends.
Spent ₹1,550 on a bottle of gin to get sad alone at home.
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Nitish Kumar used to be Captain of Canada.
Now he plays fantastically for US.
Never know where Nitish Kumar(s) may land up.
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India in the precarious position:
- They have to beat Afghanistan
- They have to beat them soundly
- They have to do both these things and keep Afghanistan's confidence up so they can beat New Zealand.
#INDvsAFG
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Huge shout out to the drainage system at Kanpur stadium.
It inspired Rohit Sharma to play cricket's first T20 Test Match.
#INDvBAN
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I'm not even a professional cricketer but, after watching Virat Kohli running - I feel like even I need to work on my fitness.
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Dear
@BCCI
- please show live telecast of IPL practice matches, net practice, players playing cricket on their phones, anything.
We'll watch.
Regards, a fan.
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Have not been this excited about an Indian pacer since Bumrah first exploded into the IPL.
To see Umran Malik and him bowling in tandem would be mind orgasm.
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Hotstar must send Rishab Pant a cheque for Commentary Services.
There's no way he should give this quality of hilarity for free.
25
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The 3rd umpire is called to spend 12 hours to see if Ishan Kishan was out - when he was definitely out.
But, not 1.2 seconds to figure an above waist no-ball.
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My sister got 91% in boards.
Which was par for her.
Parents were happy.
I got 70.83%.
Which was shocking, since I was expected to fail.
My parents (and sister) were ecstatic.
Lesson for students:
Set expectations so low that achieving mediocrity is cause for celebration.
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Virat Kohli has the power to hit 4s & 6s at will.
He also has the power to get umpires to give no-balls at will.
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Cricket South Africa still unsure whether to celebrate defeating England 3-0 in the "forfeited" ODI series.
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Some commentators can *easily* be replaced by the stump mic.
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Forget 100 Crores for
#Vickat
wedding...
An OTT should bid 101 Crores for a 3-hour unedited telecast of Kohli, Rohit, Ganguly *just* talking.
Hosted by Jay Shah.
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Craziest post-match scenes in the IPL.
So much threat of escalation.
Don't think I've seen this in cricket - where players have to hold back their own Coach from fighting with an opposition player.
Impact Coach.
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.
@KP24
calling Arshdeep Singh's calmness before bowling that last over is peak commentary.
"You can't see it. The cameras are entertaining you. But, the real nuts and bolts are here. He looks calm. He's taking his time. He's in control."
Cut to - stumps broken, twice.
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Phew.
I'm more relieved for Kuldeep Yadav than Kuldeep Yadav himself.
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Just going to say it: Ravichandran Ashwin is India's most valuable Test cricketer.
Ridiculous knock.
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Wow, wow.
Pat Cummins spent a month bowling his heart out in flat pitches.
Trying his best to get Babar Azam out.
Took a plane.
Landed in Mumbai and decided - enough of bowling.
Batting is easier.
#KKRvMI
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The plus side is that India get an extra day to think about playing Ashwin.
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Happy Diwali to all.
It's also a day I wish WhatsApp had a "Mark All as Read" option.
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All you Prithvi Shaw haters out there - he's India's 3rd highest scorer in the second innings.
Talk now...
#INDvsAUSTest
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Tom Curran: Out!
Umpire: Out!
Rishab: No.
3rd Umpire: No.
Rishab: 4?
ICC: No.
Rishab: OK, 6,6,6,4, 50.
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Ice cream melts if you don't eat it for 21 minutes is devastating news.
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The 5th day of the 5th Test happens on my birthday.
This is very annoying because my family and friends insist on celebrating my birthday, while all I want to do is ignore them and watch the final day.
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Wankhede goes absolutely silent as Rohit gets out.
Absolutely nuts when they see Virat.
Nuts when it's a 4.
Quiet when DRS.
Nuts again when inside edge.
Every moment is such extreme emotion.
Love it.
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Wonder if Shane Warne thinks it's INTERESTING that Australia have given 29 extras in this innings.
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Player of the Tournament.
If it's not Jasprit Bumrah.
I will protest at ICC HQs for 3 days.
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My mother waited for my dad to return to Mumbai before getting their vaccine together.
I told her that was really romantic.
She told me just needed company to wait in the line.
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Frankly, this *proves* that bowler's pitches can also make for incredibly exciting T20 cricket.
Not for the first time this World Cup.
Genuinely don't mind it, at all!
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Two of my dreams have come true in one tweet.
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Wow, wow, wow, wow
#MirabaiChanu
!
What a super performance.
Medal confirmed.
Bollywood biopic confirmed?
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This lockdown is making me regret even minor financial decisions from my past.
"Did I really need to spend Rs. 900 on that sandwich at the airport in 2017?"
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Ridiculous ridiculous ridiculous day.
Could not have predicted a single moment.
Ridiculous.
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Saw *that* video of Steve Smith scuffing Rishab's guard.
Quite hard on Smith.
No Bancroft to hide the spikes inside his pants.
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When you were feeling bad for getting injured in a world cup.
But then you realise your "replacement" has taken 23 wickets in 6 innings.
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The fair way to settle the debate between Venkatesh Prasad and Aakash Chopra is a one-on-one 5 over match, played during lunch in the Third Test.
With commentary by KL Rahul & Shubman Gill.
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lol Rishab telling Cummins, "Stop crying, man."
What happened here?
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Wowowow.
Jasprit Bumrah statue at New York stadium.
Cancel that -
Jasprit Bumrah statue next to Statue of Liberty.
MAKE IT HAPPEN, BCCI.
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Hahahaha.
Mohd Shami has decided to prove why he got selected.
In 6 balls.
With some help from Virat.
#INDvsAUS
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My son has an idea to resolve this current crisis:
"Papa, we can put a lot of sanitiser in all the volcanoes and they will explode and kill all the coronavirus."
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Third Umpire should host news debates.
Doesn't want to see more than one angle.
#INDvsENG_2021
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A hard-fought draw would be Team India's most appropriate birthday gift to Rahul Dravid.
#INDvsAUSTest
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A few years back - I finished a corporate show.
The organiser came up and told me, "Super show, really enjoyed. But, how come you didn't do your cricket impressions?"
At future financial loss to me, I'd like to clarify
@vikramsathaye
and me are two different people.
30
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Honestly enjoying
@PunjabKingsIPL
this year.
So many fantastic and underrated tales within the side.
Not even missing
@WasimJaffer14
's memes.
7
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The problem is IPL teams rewarding players that do well against India.
This motivates them.
Do the reverse.
No one bid for Travis Head.
Send a message.
Do it for Indian cricket.
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Always amusing when Kyle Jamieson gets a wicket - because there's always one person attempting and failing to get a high five from him.
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"I only believe in Jasprit Bumrah" -
Mohd Siraj.
Tattoo that, someone.
(with lots of belief to Arshdeep & Pandya - who were equally fantastic today!)
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The team that won World Cup got 33 Crores.
The captain of the team that won the World Cup just got 20.5 Crores.
Beating India in a World Cup Final is extremely profitable.
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IPL schedule is out.
And suddenly my daily life has clarity.
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China is in territorial disputes with 18 countries.
China is bordered by 14 countries.
So, China is claiming territory in 4 countries that are not even touching China?
30
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The strike rates of *some* of India's top players in the IPL leads me to believe that West Indies will definitely win the World Cup.
12
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Just watched highlights of Day 5.
Impossible to capture the drama of the day in them.
How do you show two batsmen in pain play out 289 balls to avoid defeat?
Or a bowler bowling his heart out all day and facing drops?
It's like trying to capture a masterpiece in a tik tok.
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Some people on Twitter right now:
"Bullying is terrible and *may* have caused a horrible tragedy."
"Now let us troll, bully and shame some people we *think* are 'responsible'."
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Hahaha.
Dale Steyn watching with silent pride at both Umran Malik shattering stumps at pace *and* his high intense celebrations.
Gold.
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2K
As an overreacting Indian cricket expert, here's my take:
Get Mayank for Rohit.
Kuldeep for Nadeem.
KL as captain for Kohli.
Washington as opener.
Rohit for Ishant.
Saha for Pant.
Pant for Rahane.
Keep Bumrah, Ashwin.
Jadeja for the umpire.
Dhoni for everyone else.
Done.
65
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If a man throws over 90 meters, twice.
Setting essentially 2 Olympic Records in 1 night!
Pretty hard to beat him.
But, what a contest.
And what a lovely rivalry.
Big love to Neeraj Chopra, always.
India's top sportsperson.
3
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Unsubscribing to
@gradecricketer
for propogating this reverse psychology propaganda of The Asian Century.
And then inevitably their team ruins every year for India.
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Dear
@DisneyPlusHS
If India win the World Cup - I will give you the ultimate gift and watch Liger - Saala Crossbreed.
This is my promise.
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1K
I love Rahul Dravid but it would have been fitting if Anil Kumble was coach of India right now.
#AjazPatel
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#BanIPL
because "Indian cricketers need to play in foreign conditions to prepare themselves for tournaments like this World Cup", gives you a good idea of the awareness of some Indian fans.
45
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1K
New Zealand are an absolutely incredible side, when they're not knocking India out of ICC tournaments.
7
49
1K
Urgently need India's T20 side to be selected.
So cricket experts can stop spending 3 hours in a 1 hour show debating this issue.
7
48
1K
I would like to propose marriage to Ashwin, Vihari, Pujara.
I would also do the same for Rishab: but, marrying famiy members is not allowed.
17
25
1K
India's easiest way to win the World Cup is to ensure that Suryakumar Yadav bats 120 balls.
If he can do this much damage in 25 balls, imagine the best case.
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Jimmy Anderson deserves a lot of credit for being such an inspiring Batting Coach.
6
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1K
Must mention:
Hugs to Jasprit Bumrah and Mitchell Starc.
Denied about 84 wickets because of bad fielding.
7
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Maybe India should have first got a vaccine to stop politicians playing politics during a pandemic.
8
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1K
It's been 3 hours since the power outage in Mumbai and I have:
- read 2 books.
- discovered I have a family.
- climbed 2800 floors.
- finished my PhD.
- written 4 books.
- figured out that human existence is possible without WiFi.
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The only upside of this situation is the look of disappointment on all the celebs who came to associate themselves with a win.
Go drink koffee.
10
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Sad news
Can't express my love for Irfan Khan
One of my favourite actors
Understated, brilliant, funny
On screen & off
He could pull off anything!
May be why he was in films that got 22 Oscar nominations.
I didn't know him but, I felt like I did.
Thanks for being you, sir. RIP.
6
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Indian cricketers better win this match.
Or they'll face the wrath of the most ruthless cricket critics in the world: ex-Pakistani cricketers.
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Thoroughly enjoying the idea that India's 'overconfidence' led them to lose.
Not the fact that Pakistan completely outplayed us.
#INDvPAK
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Can not believe I'm spending the night watching hulking men throw long sticks across a ground.
Come on, Neeraj Chopra.
Throw that stick.
4
26
1K
Have binged 31 episodes of
#SharkTankIndia
in the last week.
Time I could have spent thinking of my own startup idea.
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