“Uh oh, I don’t want to have to put this incident in my daily report to the Easter Bunny tonight” - phrase that seems to be working wonders on my three year old this week #myhandsaretied #mustreport

@MichaelPhelan85 Swapped it for a 2024 calendar 😞

To anyone who swapped 10,000 bitcoins for a 2018 calendar in 2008, yes you backed the wrong horse, but at least today your misguided perseverance pays off and you start getting some value. Thoughts and prayers. To everyone else, just regular Happy New Year!

Man it really is a bad time to be in the Fast-Cooked-Never-Pulled-Only-Sliced-Pork business.

@BIGAL24seven Id be surprised if BOTH accounts used "SecretPassword1234!"...

Sorry guys, Andy bloody hacked my account! 🙄 Time slot info is spot on....and I guess i DO have a nice jacket on. Thanks for noticing mate!

Guys True Story on tonight 8:40 Ch 9. Hame looks so handsome!!

@andy_lee Holy moly, is Shiny Pete and The Stork! Things going well back here mate, I am collecting your mail but someone keeps drinking your beer 🤔

Just called my dad and, for the first time in his life, the call came through to him on the iPad. Cue sheer pandemonium.

RT @mrtonymartin: Someone called @hamishblake joins us for the latest 'TEAM Effort':

@EmilyEgolf Em email the show contact page to join the international ballot! (Which I just invented)

@leighsales it's huge isn't it? With that AND the Logies, it's been a huge week of TV for you. You've earned a rest.

Is it true there's no parking laws on Good Fridays? (Secondary question, does this Law Holiday also apply to tax return laws?)

Pancake Tuesday should be approx 100 days a year. I know that means some non Tuesdays will be called Tuesday but cmon we're grown ups

1.Get into suit 2.Take selfie at beach with champagne 3.Tag #RachAndBen 4.Hey nice work everyone thinks you are at a cool wedding 5.Go home

The tiny kids cars in front of supermarkets they want you to pay $1 to make move? VERY easily shakable with your arm. For $0. #dadhack

@jonnysun @andy_lee good night my sweet kitten, sorry every time I call it's a face time video of my ear. I'm trying. xx m(u/o)m

@jonnysun @andy_lee always nice to see two of my billions of sons having a chat. Which does, obviously, happen a lot. xx mum/mom

Nothing gets you in the festive spirit like an automatically generated Xmas email from a real estate agent you rented through in 2009.

I've realised 93% of dadhood is doing something for the first time and simultaneously explaining in a loud voice "this is how we do THIS".