rumple foreskin
@gluc0se_father
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I’m a bartender and I do lots of math || he/him || mdni || alt: @rumpl3foreskin
SL,UT
Joined January 2013
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Pinned Tweet
this is me n my nails
finally found the nail colors i’ve spent months looking for
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@_imawake_
@MNateShyamalan
@step_nie
satan and i have a working relationship he sends me tweets i send him mormons
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RT if you have never said 'Utah has no trees'
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37 likes and i’ll tell my bishop i’m coming back to church and say i want to give that talk he offered and then i’ll just come out as bi instead
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cw//alcohol
molly and i are sick so we invented emergen-citas
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the mormons are posting about how holland’s talk wasn’t homophobic we’re just sensitive and then their next post is comparing mask mandates to the holocaust
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@FlyIngenuity
@hecubian_devil
i ask people how they’re doing because i genuinely care?? sounds like you’re the apathetic one. it’s a basic human conversational phrase AND a very important question for emotional conversations, forming strong relationships and building empathy. sometimes traditions are good.
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Bro last night in utah a homeowner found DYNAMITE in their home (old homeowners supposedly ‘passed it down’ generation to generation) and then the bomb squad was like “sorry we gotta blow up ur house now” and then they just blew up their house
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DATING TIP: fish are friends AND food. take her to the aquarium and then go get sushi.
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power move: block them on everything except venmo, then they have to send u money to speak to u
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The number of times I have said 'Merry Christmas': 0
The number of times I have said 'happy chrimus' 'merry chrysler' or 'merry crisis': 728493165
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bro THIS is what this ad was for???
The first trailer for ‘NO HARD FEELINGS’ starring Jennifer Lawrence has been released.
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@ThisIsMcNulty
@WholesomeMeme
as a bartender: in my state, if someone is over served it is your responsibility to make sure they make it home. if they can’t get a taxi or anyone to drive them, you are required to. if you can’t find their address, this may be the only option- aside from booking them a hotel.
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*christians fighting for their religious freedom to force their religious beliefs on everyone else*
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i’m bartending at a new bar in salt lake!!
we’re still pretty slow while we get the ball rolling… and tips are how i survive 😅
so come hang and bring some friends 😊 i wanna get this place bumping! ily all
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turns out
@herong
is the foster parent to two *black* children, and things are starting to come together
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consent ≠ not saying no
???? the fact that any of y’all actually read that non-apology and bought it blows my mind.
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Utah governor lists violence as the first reason to end the protests on the U campus- they were entirely peaceful. Aside from the police bullying protestors.
We hold dear our First Amendment rights to protest and peaceably assemble. The First Amendment does not protect violence, threats to public safety, property damage, camping or disruptions to our learning institutions. We will protect protestors and arrest those who violate the
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he’s talking about the 13 year old child he just abducted, which he’s been planning for weeks now.
everyone look for Hunter Fox- info will be in thread:
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My dude you went on a road trip in the Midwest and zoned out on the powerlines
I had a dream about this symbol last night and cant find it anywhere
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My hottest take is that boomers aren’t entirely wrong when they say mental illness wasn’t as prevalent in their day.
It was still there- and it was stigmatized, yes- but they also had walkable communities, dancing, and generally more active lifestyles (by necessity) than us.
They buried the lede on this new study. It's not that exercise beats out SSRIs for depression treatment, but that *just* dancing has the largest effect of *any treatment* for depression.
That's kind of beautiful.
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@hankgreen
Meanwhile- It’s estimated that the Mormon church owns about 1.754 *million* acres across the US, with about 50% of that being agricultural land.
They even had a little land battle with Bill Gates for some farmland a few years back:
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horny for casual intimacy with someone who feels like my best friend
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not wanting tip bc u disagree with the system and think businesses should pay their employees… so u just pay the business and make the employee suffer- is not protesting for worker rights. it’s being an asshole.
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@J_K_Chesterton
@polisisti
The goal wasn’t “let’s make sure everyone on earth has to deal with mosquitoes” it was “here’s something I hope will inspire empathy”
You’re looking at it backwards- but you got it right at the end. It is a resource thing. With the goal of sharing resources to protect others.
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imagine you’re a bartender and you walk into work expecting a normal night and then see decorations everywhere and remember it’s about to be the worst night of your life
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I WISH I WAS A GLOW WORM CUZ A GLOW WORMS NEVER GLUM CUZ HOW CAN YOU BE GLUM WHEN THE SUN SHINES OUT YA BUM
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sorry guys the cats out of the bag… mean person on twitter ive never met said i was bad at sex :////://
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Banning tik tok is going to lead to a massive jailbreaking revival im fucking stoked for younger gen z to discover our ancient rituals
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slow blinking at her titties so she knows i trust her and feel safe
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friendly reminder that most classic cocktail recipes are actually illegal in utah
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Yes, the 2nd amendment says you have the right to bear arms.
The constitution also says everyone has the right to 'LIFE, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness'.
When one of those rights infringes on the other, it's time to choose which one is more important.
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*spelling bee*
'your word is: Fergalicious'
contestant: 'umm can I have a definition?'
'Fergalicious: definition. make them boys go loco'
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rip twitter without u i would have never met this beautiful girl 🥲
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ending generational family trauma by simply ending the bloodline
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every time my gf sucks my dick i have to flip her over and burp her like a baby
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Y’all when they said lie on your resume they were talking about adding a previous entry level position in the field- not FALSIFYING ENTIRE DEGREES AND CERTIFICATIONS
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look at the area code guys lmao
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*daniel comes out of lions den, unhurt, no blood on his clothes*
DAAAMN DANIEL back at it again with the white robes
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Found the perfect apartment in salt lake and the dumbfuck landlord said he only rents to couples and that 3 unrelated adults is illegal (it’s not)
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@madisontayt_
hot take: i feel like a lot of white people think that they can erase their white privilege and white guilt by being oppressed and so they seek out any possible way that they can fit in with oppressed groups
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POLYPLATONIC?? MULTIFRIENDSHIPS???
Please god I’m begging pull the plug on the internet
Let’s talk Friendultery.
Friendultery, or platonic cheating, is when one friend isn’t fully honest with another friend about a second friendship.
The convo on healthy communication in polyamory has been great, but platonic relationships need to be centered, too!
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they both have bad eyesight and they’re claiming genetic superiority ???
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y’all underestimate how much of a difference a long firm hug makes
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@cathrynlavery
i don’t know if the target market here is people with very large expensive homes or just anyone but this is a bad take
everyone needs help moving sometimes, and normal friends are always happy to help
i have a truck and recognize i’m the truck friend and im fine w that
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throwback to 2016 when i had tickets to the Panic!/Weezer show at USANA and i was IN LINE to get in but then the “Spirit” (anxiety) told me i shouldn’t be there bc there would be sinning and so i LEFT. DIDNT EVEN GO IN.
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@marek_ruscak
@_madisontayt
remember that the tip is distributed between the server, busser, bartender, host, and expo. All of whom were busting their ass for your food.
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@_alexhinson_
These all feel so different that I couldn't choose just one. All taken on the same camera with the same lense though :)
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everyone in the replies like “i worked when i was young it’s ethical”
i started working at 13. no, it is not ethical to make children work. i would not like others to have to do what i did.
aren’t we trying to make the world a *better* place? not everyone has to suffer the same
A viral TikTok shows a 13-year-old kid working at Chick-fil-A as a customer asks “Is that even allowed?”
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I got added to a group message of like 30 guys named Leo and
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i think a lot of our generation has this weird notion that discomfort is bad. like it’s signaling something is wrong with them.
it is normal and human to experience discomfort and it’s actually a good and helpful thing.
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u can either sext good or u can sex good there is no in between
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some of y’all going too hard trying defend jared. hypothetical questions about forgiving abusers and allowing change- don’t pretend like you have the moral high ground trying to make discourse out of this.
just be clear about it- you’re defending a predator.
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@Vicoseven
@crazyclipsonly
i don’t understand everyone’s logic here- of course the drinks are getting paid for. If someone’s going to order that many shots- i’m getting a card on file before they’re poured. i’m not going to pour and entire bottle of liquor and say “oops it happens you’re drunk”
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pet peeve: when teachers read out the whole answer to multiple choice quizzes.
just say the damn letter and move to the next question.
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This is what you get when a mormon in high school wants to signal their friends that they’re actually cool (they still go to church and mutual every week)
Jojo Siwa reveals that she isn’t that innocent after all:
“Just wait until I drop that F bomb,” she warns
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just started UTBOH, and i don’t understand what y’all were talking about- this is spot on what mormons are/were like.
???? are u just trying to pretend you’re not that weird ????
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Please don't be the parents to force your kids into your religion or give them consequences for expressing that they disagree
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having a chronically online gf sucks bc everytime i show her a funny tweet she goes “haha yeah i saw that”
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in class we're doing powerpoint presentations through Google drive and this kid just said he left his at home
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I still love looking at these. Lighting was crazy for 3:30 in the morning.
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I know my mutuals biblically
Also a reminder YOU DO NOT KNOW YOUR MUTUALS. Stop pretending you do, they are strangers youve usually only followed for a few months, almost any one of them could turn out to be a creep in an instant
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just chased a shot of tequila with garlic bread, almost died
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do u think the multiverse spider-men explored each others bodies
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Not excited for 'is that a cop or a ski rack' season to come back
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@lizzyjensenn
considering most religions who have secret ceremonies usually end up being defined as cults- i see absolutely no issue in bringing light to said secret ceremonies and no need to reserve respect for possible cults that are already openly homophobic, sexist and racist
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alright delete tinder- twitter is the dating scene. fav = swipe right, retweet is a super like
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the fact that i had to introduce myself as ‘rumple foreskin’ multiples times the other night should be more embarrassing than i think it is
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