em
@girlfr0g
Followers
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Following
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Media
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i have a dyson v8 animal pro+ cordless vacuum cleaner
co
Joined April 2012
absolutely infuriated by how large asparagus grows if it’s not properly harvested
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what’s your dog’s name and then what’s the name you call them that is absolutely no where near the real thing. I’ll start: Dobby // Governor.
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awww does the eboy need a wittle top huh???? 🥺🥺 does the wittle repwy guy want some onwyfans???? shut the Fuck Up you are 24.
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the people hate it, want to eat it, or want to fuck it. no in between. this is the fate the Large Asparagus must accept.
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[spelling bee].JUDGE: your word is "bananas".GWEN STEFANI: oh hell yes.
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stop asking me how bad your pee would smell if you ate this. just as bad as it would smell if you ate the equivalent amount in normal sized asparagus probably. i am not the asparagus pee doctor.
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italian american damn stop gatekeeping my heritage that played absolutely no role on my upbringing whatsoever tf.
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bae:come over.me:The Incredibles is on tv.bae:my parents aren't home.me:it's limited commercials.bae:i need u.me:he can't find his supersuit.
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something u guys should know about me is that I just got the Dave & Busters decanter set for 8,000 tickets (highway robbery)
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I don't really have a "blood type." I think all bloods can surprise you if you just give them a chance.
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if men are allowed to be obsessed with that cow girl with the sports dad, the rest of us are allowed to be obsessed with the average white lsu guy with the cigar. that’s just simple math everybody. run the numbers.
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so we are really just supposed to allow men to exist am I understanding this correctly
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emma canNOT have little a nap at the bar on NYE according to the bartender who kicked me out at 11:45pm.
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i would quite seriously rather be degraded by a stranger online than be subjected to reading this
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[baby's first words].baby: d-d-d.dad: dada?.baby: d-d-d-dONALD TRUMP 2016.
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pretty crazy how "dumb" and "math class" have the same amount of letters.
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CAN ANYBODY FIND MEEEEEEEEEEEE SOMBODY TO dm for like a week and maybe add each other on snap or even exchange numbers and play 8ball pool with and then forget about each other 2 weeks later.
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90% of females quoting and replying are like “YES GIRL” and all the males are like “hmmm actually when we do this we are right and also you are little tiny poo poo baby”.
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modern romance is so beautiful. i love being single. to me, this is enjoyable.
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a big congratulations to all the big baseball men for not closing their eyes when the ball was coming towards them, good job men.
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waiter: what can I get you. 9 yo: [eyes go black, head turns 180 degrees] b̷̘̈u̸͈͊t̶̨̆t̵̼̓e̸͚͝r̶̟͠e̷͖̋d̶̠̈ ̵̗̑n̵̼͂o̶̫͝ỏ̶̬d̸͖̈́l̴͎̎ḛ̶̇s̸̹̎.
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Gay marriage won't destroy America. People who think chunky peanut butter is better than creamy will destroy America.
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men be like “I know a spot” and then rub your pelvic bone thinking it’s the clit.
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just made a group chat with every single hot person on twitter so if you’re not in it you’re ugly.
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u freaks want dick ratings? I will give u all a dick rating right here right now: bad.
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we r waiting mr president.
President Obama has a personal responsibility to visit & embrace all people in the US who contract Ebola!.
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Attention passengers: we have reached a cruising altitude of "high af".
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Haven’t gone out with the homies in so long that I decided to pregame with myself
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how dare you reply to a tweet I fully intend to delete. you knew. you must have known.
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the last time I went bowling was probably 2016 and yet every day in the last week I have been plagued by the realization that I cannot go bowling until this pandemic is over.
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what if we are all one huge Netflix queue and God just sits in heaven choosing what to watch.
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"BLOODY HELL JEEVES, YOU MUST TRY THIS. DRINKING WATER IS SO DAMN FUN NOW.". - the man who invented straws.
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yes, taylor released a near perfect album during quarantine. what did i do? lied to almost half a million people about what asparagus looks like. clear winner if u ask me.
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No officer, I wasn't texting. I was playing nintendogs. Now can I please finish this agility trial.
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yooooo this went nuclear 🤪🤪🤪nothing to promote but I did get second in the science fair in third grade for a Rube Goldberg made of legos 🥵🥵👀👀 ᵃⁿᵈ ᵃˡˢᵒ ᵐʸ ⁱⁿˢᵗᵃ ⁱˢ @ᵉᵐᵐᵃᵐᵍᵃʳᵗᵒⁿ
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