Geoffrey
@geoffreyhamilt5
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A full sun: After an exhausting, weeklong festival I was getting a lift back home in a car full of my friends. We were coming up over a mountain road with a really beautiful ocean view just at sunset.
I’ll never forget the outburst that followed when I said “wow it’s so
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Walking the Dog
A little girl asked her mom, "Mom, may I take the
dog for a walk around the block?" Mom says, "No,
because the dog is in heat." "What does that mean?"
asked the child. "Go ask your father. I think he is in
the garage." The little girl went to the garage and
asked,
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VODKA IN THE PULPIT
The new priest was so nervous at his first
mass, he could hardly speak. Before his second
appearance in the pulpit, he asked the Monsignor
how he could relax. The Monsignor said, "Next
Sunday, it may help if you put some vodka in the
water pitcher. After a
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Beggar
“Why do you beg?”
“The truth is I beg to get money for booze (drink).”
“Why do you drink?”
“To give me the courage to beg”.
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Grandma wouldn’t lie
Little Johnny was at his first day of shool. The
teacher advised the class to start the day with the
pledge of allegiance, and instructed them to put their
right hands over their hearts and repeat after him.
He looked around the room as he started the
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HI-TECH WATCH
A man is at Grand Central Station waiting for his
train that leaves at 6 p.m., but he has forgotten his
watch. So he looks for someone to ask the time. He
spots a guy carrying two suitcases and sporting this
fabulous hi-tech watch, so he asks him for the time.
The
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The laugher
A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then
walks out of the store
laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is
weird, but, hey, there's
no law preventing weird people from buying
condoms. Maybe it's a good thing.
The next day, the man comes back to the
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As a young married couple, a husband and a wife
lived in a cheap housing complex near the base
where he was working. Their chief complaint was
that the walls were paper-thin and that they had no
privacy. This was painfully obvious when one
morning the husband was upstairs and the
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APPLYING FOR SOCIAL SECURITY
A retired gentleman went into the social security
office to apply for Social Security.
After waiting in line a long time he got to the
counter. The woman behind the counter asked him
for his drivers license to verify his age. He looked in
his pockets
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Are You Really Sure?
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender,
\"Wanna hear a blonde joke?\"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, \"Before
you tell that joke, you should know something.\"
Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I\'m a
6\' tall, 200 lb
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WORLD WAR III
President Bush, Donald Rumsfeld and Colin
Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy
walks in and asks the bartender, "Isn't that Bush,
Rumsfeld and Powell sitting over there?"
Bartender says, "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this
is a real
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Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunt’s house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.
The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen.
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WHERE IS MY WHEELCHAIR?
A man is at the bar, really drunk. Some guys decide
to be good samaritans and get him home.
So they pick him up off the floor, and drag
him out the door. On the way to the car, he falls
down three times. When they get to his house, they
help him out of
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TOILET BRUSH
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of
the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush
in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the
garbage.
Zachary stood there thinking for a moment,
then ran to my bathroom and came out with my
toothbrush. He held
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Cringey!: My best friend and I are super weird, and whenever either of us see an attractive person we tend to take a picture of them and send it to each other, because why not?
Anyway, I was on a cruise ship with my grandparents, and I spot this super cute guy a couple years
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I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying. – Michael Jordan
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A flower cannot blossom without sunshine, and man cannot live without love.
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Mrs.O'Donovan...
Mrs.O'Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street
in Dublin, and coming in the opposite direction was
Father Rafferty. "Hello," said the Father, "and how
is Mrs.O'Donovan? Didn't I marry you two years
ago?" She replied "That you did Father." The priest
asked, "And
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WHY DO YOU WEAR THE COLLAR THAT
WAY?
An old Jewish man was once on the subway and he
sat down next to a younger man. He noticed that the
young man had a strange kind of shirt collar. Having
never seen a priest before, he asked the man,
"Excuse me sir, but why do you have your
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I’M DYING FROM AIDS
A son and father went to see a doctor since
the father was getting very ill. The doctor told the
father and son that the father was dying from cancer.
The father, who was an Irishman, turned to
his son and said, "Son, even on this gloomy day, it’s
our
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TROUBLE MAKERS …
In a certain suburban neighborhood, there were two
brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly
mischievous. Whenever something went wrong in
the neighborhood, it turned out they had a hand in it.
Their parents were at their wits' end trying to control
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The Invisible Man:I used to be a baker because I kneaded dough. I quit because I couldn't make enough bread.
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The Confused Clock:Why did the clock become a detective? It wanted to solve the mystery of time!
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