ben
@funko_wop
Followers
1,402
Following
514
Media
926
Statuses
30,093
lazy, unmotivated, not as hot irl, slovenly, can’t cook
Brooklyn, NY
Joined September 2011
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Pinned Tweet
being drunk in broad daylight liking instagram stories is the modern day equivalent of hunting and killing to feed your family
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imagined scooby doo trying to say the word “taliban” in the middle of a meeting and had to fake a coughing fit to cover for how hard i was laughing
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sufjan stevens really answered the years-old “gay or christian” debate with the most beautiful and heartbreaking “both” of all time
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get a few beers in me and watch my crazy ass start sayin shit like “the hour grows late. i had best be on my way…”
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packs of cigs should have different rarity cigarettes inside. there should be a chance that you pull some kind of secret illegal cigarette every time you buy a pack. can you imagine how good it would feel to buy a fresh pack and pull a mythic rare cigarette
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roommate got too cold from the ac (he’s in his underwear) and his solution is to run his space heater
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anyway if any of you are looking for a man w a wacky cowboy aesthetic and poor exercise habits… i’m available
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that above-the-ears fuck-ass beanie is like a yarmulke for sex pests
i thought everyone was exaggerating but these guys really do exist
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if my barista looks like this i’m gonna get a freakin boaner
if your barista looks like this you’re gonna get a hell of a vanilla oat milk latte
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checkin in on this, lots of angry discourse here about whether or not this guy was justified, what he’s upset about, whether or not i’m gay, etc. just wanna come in here and say that i muted this at 50 faves and some of you need immediate and serious psychiatric attention
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no little german boy! don’t reply to that e-girl!
little german boy: nein! i am getting smöked in die gruppenchatten!!
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@eviIcherub
i mean this guy seems like an obnoxious weirdo for sure but that is drastically undercut by the fact that he seems to be the exact same type of obnoxious weirdo as the person posting here
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fuck uhhh anyway check this out
remake of point break but bodhi is a gooner chasing the ultimate nut. johnny utah let’s him go at the end and he busts so hard he dies
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[desperately and heart-wrenchingly in love with you] hey what the fuck is your problem
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mind you the saying “boys will be boys” have been a thing since forever but no one thinks we should stop saying it…ok
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that’s cool. i live in the most expensive city in the country and can get a pound of strawberries for like 2 bucks at the independent grocery a block from me. this is a skill issue
This was $51.00 — we cannot survive like this!!
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@slimgoodiii
yeah that’s great until you run up the electric bill just bc u don’t want to put on another layer you absolute clown
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remake of point break but bodhi is a gooner chasing the ultimate nut. johnny utah let’s him go at the end and he busts so hard he dies
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[commandeered apc cruising down the road towards the mystery gang] like, zoinks!
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honestly? i get it
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@Liamjsm
when young men today who are college educated have a grand piano dropped on their head from a second story window, do they still sway back and forth and smile to reveal that their teeth have been replaced by piano keys?
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brother if you think the reason you can’t get laid is bc u don’t look like fucking bushwick thing 1 and thing 2 you just aren’t gonna make it
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@nicola_sabbe
@GravelInstitute
I was going to try and actually explain but then I saw ur profile so it's probably a waste of time. btw u spelled intellectual wrong
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fucking incredible how good nathan fielder is at getting regular people to reveal how insanely weird they are
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so close!! this actually sucks 💕
This may be the best cover I’ve ever seen in my life wow what a voice 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
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scenario: ur burglarizing a bushwick apt and u find this guy drunk as hell listening to primus. he is surprised but non-hostile.
question: do u have a beer w him y/n???
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@BigHus10
someone needs to put you on a re-education camp. you are not fit for civilized society
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@megmaybekinda
been seeing this kinda stuff all over the place recently but saying that these guys have sex is a major misread of why they’re posting and acting the way they do
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@BoopBepp
@guuguuforgulags
@PricklyPerineum
@mikeylikzit
@madelinebilis
it was a fucking beagle you moron, a beagle couldn't MAUL someone if it wanted to
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@catholicdad420
my tin-foil hat theory is that most of the wacky MKUltra stuff was purposefully disseminated in order to distract from the fact that most of the successful experiments were just about figuring out new and horrible ways to torture people
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i fucking hate this thing. if i saw this thing irl i’d kill it. i’d kill it dead but first i’d let it know that its fatal sin was existing under the light of the sun and that i had taken the role of god’s own righteous hand in punishing it
Little Dude Of The Day [Jan. 14, 2024] Given name: Mr. Dinkles (Trolls)
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sorry if i look upset. the foo fighters cover band didn’t play the pretender 6 times in a row like i wanted
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god really fucked up when he gave me a heart this tender. not for any particular reason just seems like it would’ve been better in someone way more regular and normal
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type shit im tryna be on this summer
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it is with no great joy that i must inform you all that i will be taking a break from sex and dating to focus on online sports betting. i appreciate your support and discretion in this transitional period
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everybody look at this fucking thing. bet its name is sneedle or some shit like that
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getting told my bathroom is gay and immediately taking to reddit for validation from my peers
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@nicola_sabbe
@totallynotSoka
@GravelInstitute
gambling isn't a conservative issue you dork, most conservatives push deregulations that allow predatory operations like casinos to exist! also there is a wealth of scientific evidence backing both drug reform and legal abortion, so I don't know what you mean by "subjective"
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@kimpossiblefact
@lizziemuffinz
actually there is a rule, I'm making it right now. Think it's really gonna catch on
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every time i see a man who lives in manhattan tweeting about relationships or dating it’s always some shit like “look at how BAD this fucking SLUT wants me” and then the most innocuous screenshot of all time
Totally innocent text from a girl with a boyfriend at 8:30am on a Tuesday
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every time i cum i black out and when i wake up it’s the next day and i have all my hit points and spell slots back, plus all my side quests have progressed appropriately,
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the existence of stan accounts make sorting through new followers so hard like are you hot or just parasocially obsessed with someone i’ve never seen or heard of
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@madisontayt_
similarly it seems like lots of people conflate being on the right side of social issues with being on the right side of personal issues! just because your politics are good doesn’t mean you are kind or treat people nicely or handle conflicts well!!
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saw a girl on tinder named riley and her bio was “no relation to riley reid… sorry boys”
like yeah babe that’s not really how first names work anyway
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inventing a new thing called brovulation. when you’re brovulating you experience intense urges to smash 3-7 beers with your best and closest fellas. also it’s the best time to get boy-pregnant
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we need to find this man and execute him in the town square
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5 kinds of white men:
- botched clone of ansel elgort
- dark hair and glasses
- well-dressed but also a sociopath
- hairy
- ugly
there is overlap but every white man falls primarily into one of these categories sorry i don't make the rules
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when i finally decide between “so horny i should probably be shot” and “never wanna be touched again for as long as i live” it’s gonna be over for you hoes
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drunk as hell wearin cowboy boots likin instagram stories this is the modern day sleeping under a tree by the side of the road on a warm day with a big straw hat over ur face
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was gonna tweet “beer is the mind killer” the other night but i got nervous that the most annoying guy in the world might see it and laugh so hard that he died. don’t want that on my conscience
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the sluttiest man you’ve ever met in your life has two cats
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@oddinsights_tcs
@ALABSeries
@neal_katyal
Da' Chris Smitty, brave defender of child slavery, thank you for saying what nobody else will!
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East Village, West Village, Murray Hill and UES burners need to unite against the Brooklynites 😡😡😡
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lotta people trying to twist this into some damning anti-chapo deathstroke. can you all just stop being huge freaks for one minute and engage with this normally and empathetically rather than using it as a vessel for some sick hyperfixation against a fucking podcast
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Guy who thinks it’s misogynistic to want a woman therapist because It perpetuates the stereotype that women are the caretakers in society
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fmutual friday: what has to go wrong in a man’s life to make him purchase one of these fucking things
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@rp_kearney
@ali_sivi
if i hadn’t already seen girls someone could’ve told me this was a taylor swift song and i wouldn’t have even questioned it
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we’ve done it. we’ve finally found him. the most reddit man alive
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lotta finger wagging and tut tutting about how film snobs should just let people enjoy things but realistically enjoying american sniper at all is enough for me to raise an eyebrow at someone, listing it as a top 4 is completely psychotic. no opinion on the other 3 picks tbh
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secret dating tip: show up a little drunk already. saves you time and money and you’re already winning at who drinks more (this is always a competition by the way) and if you aren’t a loser nobody will even be able to tell
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if this ain't the iciest shit any modern american politician has ever said
WATCH: Maxine Waters responds to death threats: "You better shoot straight"
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