there is an islamic practice called ‘tawakkul’ that has a strong basis in psychology. it is the concept of emotional detachment from an outcome. to put in the necessary effort towards a goal (to do your bit) but then to leave the possibility of achieving it or not to God
A lot of men make the mistake of assuming romantic attraction for women works as it does for men. It doesn’t.
For women, a large portion of attraction develops from a sense of whether a man can help lower their anxiety or whether they sense he will be an emotional burden.
If you’re single, a good quality to look for in a prospective spouse is an absolute commitment to telling the truth.
Someone who sees lying to anyone as an option will eventually see lying to you as an option.
You cannot attack mosques, libraries & homes, assault police & set their stations on fire and then play the victim. The far-right are the only instigators of violence. They are terrorists.
@RishiSunak
You are still supporting what is now officially a genocide of the Palestinian people according to the ICJ you absolute hypocrite. War criminal.
Israelis dance, sing, cheer, and celebrate all while Israel brutalizes thousands of Palestinians, while settlers attempt to steal Palestinian homes in Sheikh Jarrah, and while Israel bombs Gaza, killing children. This is the lived reality of Palestinians under apartheid.
1. Why marriage?
Strong romantic feelings or “because it’s what you do” shouldn't be the reason they or you want to get married. Marriage is a lifelong commitment & investment, there should be a pretty good reason for it. Ask “What would marriage add to your life in your view?”
This is what an utterly crippled nervous system looks like. Children this age have not yet developed a stress threshold, they’ve not even developed stress regulation mechanisms but they’ve seen their parent’s bodies blasted to shreds. Unbearable.
2. How does your parents’ marriage impact your view on marriage?
It’s important to be able to gauge what a successful union looks like to each of you. Parent relationship dynamics tell you how trust is seen, how conflict is approached, how often accountability is taken etc.
Im not Palestinian, I have no family there, and i’ve never been there, but it is personal for me. Those children are our children. It will never not be personal for me and I will never forget.
The more reactive you are, the more you unconsciously repeat the past. The more you pause before responding, the more you consciously create the future. Practice pausing.
You, and you alone, determine whether you are going to react positively about something, or negatively, or have no reaction at all. Nobody ‘brought it out’ of you. You have executive control over your reactions, use it.
Rules to live by in 2024:
If you're wrong, admit it.
If you're confused, ask questions.
If you're stuck, seek help.
If you make a mistake, learn from it.
If you learn something, teach others.
If you have food in your belly, a roof over your head, live in peace, have clothes on your back and people who love you, you are doing better than most of the world. Never lose perspective. Stay grateful.
How to destroy a society:
Make God a joke
Make food poison
Make university expensive
Make marriage undesirable
Make Dads optional
Make politicians rich
Make porn free
Make men & women compete
Make personal happiness the goal
Did I miss anything?
The month of Ramadan is a God-given opportunity to cut the ties we’ve made between the material world and our self-worth. It’s an opportunity for emotional detachment from the trivial and a reconnection to the divine.
One of the most beautiful primary concepts in islam is the notion that every single human life holds exactly the same value, and the value is immeasurable.
There is no ‘the one’. You choose who the one will be. And when you do, you'll have to make that choice again and again many times throughout your marriage. Love isn't simply a feeling, it's an intentional practice.
One thing you should never feel bad about is showing an abundance of love, even if not reciprocated — to keep a heart full of love is one of the strongest things you can do.
You are under no obligation to remain the same person you were a year ago, a month ago, or even a day ago. You are here to continuously create yourself.
3. How do you handle change & the unexpected?
A lot of people don't realise how planned out they have their life going into marriage. Life is unpredictable & when something happens that interrupts that plan, it can take a toll on the relationship. Tolerance to change is crucial.
7. How will you handle it if we drift apart?
Work, kids & life in general can distract you from the ‘couple’ part of being married. Maintaining romantic attraction & shared interests becomes hard. How would they approach a reconnect? Would you consider couples therapy?
Tony Blair is a war criminal who murdered 1 million Iraqis. Blair never went to jail, Blair never stood in front of the international criminal court. Instead, Blair is welcomed back into British politics to oversee the ethnic cleansing of 2 million Palestinians.
99% of diseases are caused by either diet or lifestyle. If a doctor is prescribing you meds without first asking about your diet, sleep quality, sun exposure, relationships and lifestyle, they’re not your doctor they’re your drug dealer.
It’s become so clear to me that belief in God or belief in something greater than yourself is a necessity for mental health. A life without meaning is intolerable and creates an over-active ego.
4. Whose career would take precedence, if necessary?
One of you may get a job across the country or loss of childcare may require one of you to leave work. Understanding your partner’s priorities, attachment to their career & views on breadwinning stops you from being blindsided
Indulging in desire with no limits or boundaries is not freedom, it’s the opposite. True freedom is when you have the ability to choose NOT to do something. Practise restraint, practise discipline.
5. Do we have any major secrets we haven't shared yet?
Whether some secrets are to be kept is for both of you to decide, but you risk finding out later. It’s always best to be your true authentic self in marriage & to know that you are fully accepted regardless of your past.
Your brain is plastic, it can be re-wired. Your personality, habits & mindset are not fixed, you can re-create yourself however and whenever you want, but it isn’t easy.
It takes discipline, self-compassion, commitment, and a higher purpose.
Do not censor or avoid the footage coming from Gaza. It is always in the best interest of your psychological and spiritual health to stay sensitised. Your emotional well-being is SUPPOSED to be affected by tragedies like this.
Sometimes to build a good relationship with your parents, you have to grieve who you always wished they were and figure out how to connect with who they are.
The scariest thing about the Gaza genocide is that it is insurmountable evidence met with total inaction. If their lives matter so little that no amount of evidence is enough, then so does my own & so does yours.
6. Do we agree on the division of labour in our house?
Who does what, and how often, is a perpetual issue for so many couples. It’s important to divide tasks between you (cooking, laundry, finances etc.) as early as possible & develop a forgiving attitude for any slip ups.