will
@friedoystercult
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Participation trophies made me this way.
Joined September 2013
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“It’s called shrimp fried rice. Apparently, and you can look this up, but apparently the shrimp fries the rice. There are thousands & thousands of these shrimp, frying rice.”
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Got randomly paired up with a guy for golf last weekend.
Dude was a State Farm agent, smoked 5 blunts and drank whiskey from a disposable water bottle the whole time, never tried to sell me insurance.
I’ll be calling him with my future insurance needs for sure.
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Accounting question:
When you pay an assassin to murder a whistleblower, can you capitalize that and amortize over the life of the congressional inquiries?
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Game of Thrones prequel about interns working at the Iron Bank during a currency crisis.
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75% of people don’t have any long terms goals.
They spend their time with their families & friends. They work jobs and pay bills and eat food and go on vacation. They help their spouses and pet their dogs. They do religious stuff. They reproduce.
Great way to let 10yrs slip by
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A lot of you sweet Twitter people liked Charlie pictures. I just wanted to let you know he’s no longer with us.
Good boy, would pet.
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I just met a 4 year old who made $23,000 on Robinhood in E&P Shitcos and he said “Sometimes you need to take advantage of the greater fool theory instead of avoiding these situations all together.”
Heady stuff.
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@INVESTMENTSHULK
I have a question but before you can answer, let me repeat myself endlessly.
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“Escape the 9 to 5 life. Buy a SMB”
is the most insane pitch I’ve ever seen.
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A great way to cut back on alcohol is to only purchase IPAs.
It’s hard to drink too much when the beer tastes like brussel sprout deodorant.
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MSFT and I split a few years ago and Im happy for her. I wish her the best. I really do. Im fine with it. Totally fine. This is just how things work in life. I saw a young microcap and went a different direction. It’s fine, really. We’re both in a good place and yeah so its fine.
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Taleb is annoying on this website but I guess I would be too if if wrote books called ‘Black Swan’ and ‘Antifragile’ then watched a million goobers use those words while proving they have no clue what the definition is.
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Homeownership is just finding out about another $10,000 expense every few months.
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Me:
Uhg I’m so fucking tired. Long, long year. I’m exhausted. Might go to bed.
My 102 year old grandmother:
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Things I want in a partner:
-7 feet tall
-Helps me learn
-Yellow, big
-Not judgmental
-Has a job in entertainment
-Knows the streets
-Bird shaped
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Received 7 page resume.
Entire thing is bullet format, including grade school attendance and the word “sexual” with no context.
Stunning.
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Buy a ton of beer.
Drink it up.
Drive the empty cans to Michigan to collect the $0.05 recycling rebate.
Arbitrage down with your bros.
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Russia: We were the first to launch a dog into space.
World: How will the dog return?
Russia: We were the first to launch a dog into space.
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Gentlemen, you spot this woman alone at the bar in Jackson Hole. You decide to approach her. How do you open?
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If you couldn’t afford $12,000 to eat BBQ at Capital Camp and listen to Beshore invest his inheritance, then come on down to Labor Camp!
We got a lot holes that need diggin!
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Instead of writing the FriedOysterClut Capital annual letter, which no one reads, we decided to issue a series of memes inspired by Greek myths, mystical crap, and mysterious images left open to interpretation:
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With proper planning, there’s no such thing as a “Dry Wedding”.
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“Attorneys say SBF was drinking White Claws the entire time therefore isn’t legally responsible.
This could be a fascinating legal precedent.”
-
@AP
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The key to a good Derby Day mobile bar is 3 things:
1) Mint
2) Cocaine
4 Whiskey
3) Dog
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“When the tide goes out, you see a ton of dicks.”
-Warren Buffet
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No
@LinkedIn
,
I will not “congratulate” the the lady who once asked to use my guest room to sleep with her subordinate while cheating on her husband & abusing prescription pills because “hotel expenses were piling up”.
Not today.
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A six year old with no front teeth just looked at me and said “you look like you have no money”
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The store by my office started selling hangover pills.
I was curious so I pulled the Amazon reviews.
Here’s what Christina had to say:
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Dear Homeowners Association,
I am deeply sorry. I completely misunderstood what a “gender reveal party” was. I feel most badly for the children who saw everything. As you now know, I am a man. As a man, I will take full responsibility for my actions.
Regards,
Will
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@bambkb
Hey Kev, I work at the CIA so I know a little bit about this. You’re half right! It is actually wildfires but definitely a screen for something else. I wish I could tell you but unfortunately a secret… until July 4th. We’ll talk then, take care buddy!
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🚨UPDATED LIST🚨
Reasons not to sleep naked:
1) A duck could fly away with your penis.
2) Incidental Kung Fu fights.
3) The furnace catches fire at 3am on a god damn November night.
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Pro tip:
A great way to sneak fried chicken into a bar is via a manila envelope. Looks like important documents.
Bartender are so impressed that they don’t care.
Never stop innovating.
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@N76247476Man
I work for the CIA and was having lunch with Soros last week (kosher). He says that this operation will succeed and he will make a killing in the currency markets to finance it. He’s actually really nice.
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I got really into finance when “Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps” hit theaters.
That movie really changed the way that I see the world.
#fintwit
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Will Mr Beast’s new tampon brand bankrupt P&G?
Many are saying this.
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Someone doxxed me to my employer and I got a raise.
Thank you Twitter fam.
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Young ambitious man looks to respected older man, “Sir, do you mind me asking, what’s the secret to your wealth & success?”
The old man pause a moment, calculating his answer. “Son, I owe the vast majority of my success to a well timed investment into the Odell Beckham Jr SPAC”
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People always ask me how to get into the storage unit game.
The answer is simple: get incredibly sweaty. Forego deodorant. It helps if you’re incredibly overweight. So much more sweat. Never stop.
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I’m CEO of a company that manufactures over-sized scissors for grand openings and these interest rates are killing out our business.
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“Digital Scarcity” might be the fucking dumbest concept ever.
Wasn’t the point to make information less scarce?
All this work to make some random 0 & 1’s more special than others?
Fucking nerds. Imagine farmers making this choice. Imagine WalMart providing less.
Fuck NFTs
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Swapped MO for FB because I hate humanity but I want to express it in a different way.
#zuckit
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