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@forewoven
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ an ode to the moon.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀
semi——hourly, manual.
Joined May 2019
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perhaps this is all i ever was. the most violent sin ﹔ the fire that will consume everything.
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the word ＂ eclipse ＂ comes from ancient greek ekleipsis, ＂ a forsaking, quitting, abandonment. ＂ the sun quits us, we are forsaken by light.
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and he is ——— oh, well﹗ he is just himself, and i miss him, and miss him, and miss him. the whole world seems empty and aching. i hate the moonlight because it's beautiful and he isn't here to see it with me.
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i love you like a rotten dog. i love you like my canines are falling out of my gums, like a monster, like a beast, like something not worth loving back.
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i became bitter and untouchable. i craved affection but even the mere thought of someone caring made my stomach turn.
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and he is——— oh, well ! he is just himself, and i miss him, and i miss him, and i miss him. the whole world seems empty and aching. i hate the moonlight because it's beautiful and he isn't here to see it with me.
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he traces maps of veins on my skin, talks about how hungry i make him, that he'd eat me if he could. i wordlessly offer him my arm. he gives it only a soft——mouthed bite, but i'd probably let him tear me apart. i'd let him do anything.
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sometimes, suffering is just that. suffering. it doesn't make you stronger, it doesn't build character. it just hurts.
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he’s not a monster，he’s a villain. he’s not a villain，he’s just a boy. i’m kissing a boy.
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i'm quite choked with tenderness for you, my love, it makes me a bit pathetic to love you so much.
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my abuse isn't poetic. it was not justice or necessary. the earth left me to die and there is no such thing as karma. the gods watched by idly as i was killed in that house and not a damn person tried to help me.
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you are going to break your promise. i understand. and i hold my hands over the ears of my heart, so that i will not hate you.
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when you left, i walked into the ocean. not to drown but to be held by something reluctant to let go.
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i avoid my gaze in the mirror ﹔ i have no interest in learning what it feels like to meet my eyes.
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what's changed﹖ ／ you. ／ no. now you see me. that's all. ／ you're a nightmare.
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she was the most beautiful thing i'd ever seen. if only she would open her eyes, smile at me. but she couldn't. there was a neat hole cut into her chest and beneath it ——— her heart was missing.
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i want to feel holy again i want to feel holy again i want to feel holy again i want to feel holy again i want to feel holy again i want to feel holy again i want to feel holy again i want to feel holy again
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i could recognize him by touch alone, by smell ﹔ i would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. i would know him in death, at the end of the world.
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he won't answer your prayers，but i will. and aren't i a lot more fun to worship ?
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" deny it then, " i yell. " deny me ! "
he cannot, of course, so he does not. i remember what it was to hate him with the whole of my heart, but i've remembered too late.
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inside me, something seethes. inside me, some feral animal claws at the ribcage, trapped.
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but must it always be a tragedy﹖ maybe suns are meant to love boys who fall into seas.
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tell me all about it, i'd love to hear it, the way i ruin everything i touch.
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i want you always to remember me. will you remember that i existed, and that i stood next to you here like this﹖
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tell me that you chose me. that you love me. that you crave my darkness.
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but the truth is, i need you to tell me i'm worthy of all this great living that i've been doing.
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you are shaking fists and trembling teeth. i know ——— you did not mean to be cruel. that does not mean you were kind.
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you're so polite with your sadness. you don't want to ruin this for anyone.
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＂i have been in love with no one, and never shall,＂ came a whisper, ＂unless it should be with you.＂
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you will never be clean from sin. rotten children don't deserve heaven. there is no god who could give you your purity back.
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please tell her, that when the sun goes down i think of her. please tell her, that i will never forget the sound of her voice calling my name. and please, let her know that she lives in my heart, and that everywhere i see her face.
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destiny is a worrying concept. i don't want to be fated, i want to choose.
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they told you not to dance with demons, but my love, you wear rebellion well.
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enduring things is what you do best. gritting your teeth and bearing them.
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you speak to me of sin ﹔ you’re the closest to heaven that i’ll ever be. let me stay a while.
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my fall will be for you. my love will be for you. if you be the one to cut me, i'll bleed forever.
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when i dream, i'll dream of you. because it's about you, it's always about you.
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i am a demanding creature. i am selfish and cruel, and extremely unreasonable. but i am your servant. i crawl at your feet ﹔ i am debased. for you alone i will be weak.
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he felt warm and familiar. he felt solid and safe. i wanted to cling to his shirt, bury my face into the warm curve of his neck, and never let go.
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to love someone is firstly to confess ﹔ i am prepared to be devastated by you.
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don't turn from me, please. take me in your arms. gather me up, dear, fold me to your heart ——— and you'll see how nice i can be.
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if you want devotion you can have it all. you are my demise, you are my downfall.
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you said i killed you ——— haunt me then﹗ be with me always, take any form, drive me mad﹗ only do not leave me in this abyss, where i cannot find you﹗
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you have caused damage, you have done harm —— and not only to me but to all the people who have loved me : this sword hangs over you.
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stop looking at me like that, with pity in your glassy eyes. all i am to you is a tragedy, right ? stop it. stop fucking looking at me like that. do you hear me ? i will break you with my bloodstained teeth.
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you do not live ﹔ you are not allowed to die. you drift between earth and death, which seem finally, strangely alike.
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ask me to stay and i will. i will drop everything else if you ask me to stay.
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the ocean washed over your grave.
the ocean washed over your grave.
the ocean washed over your grave.
the ocean washed open your grave.
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whether you come as a lover or an executioner, i am ready to receive you.
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after all, i'm an artist and i've still got songs in me yet. and i'm frightened, frightened to death you'll forget. don't forget ——— don't forget me.
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who hasn't wondered : am i a monster or is this what it means to be a person﹖
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i will be wild. i will be brutal. i will encircle you and conquer you. i will be more powerful than your wars and your swords and your bloodlust. i will be inevitable.
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the love for you is larger than the usual romantic love. it’s like a religion.
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i loved him, shameless. laid before him, a stupid lamb in a slaughterhouse.
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