forever_akela
@forever_akela
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13,980
Following
262
Media
1,869
Statuses
31,257
Just a cute & funny guy (People say so) #Aatmanirbhar
Phone's charging point
Joined July 2014
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Pinned Tweet
3 years ago I asked a girl from my batch to go out on a date. 2 months back I asked her to marry me. She said no both times. Here are some random wedding photos of a couple which I downloaded from internet.
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*at a job interview*
"What's your Qualification?"
Me :I have a Masters degree in avoiding eye contact.
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Me : Mummy subah 6 bje utha dena.
Mummy :
5:30 - uth ja 6 baj gaye
5:40 - uth ja 6 baj gaye
5:50 - uth ja 6 baj gaye
6:00 - uth ja 7 baj gaye!
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*After 2 missed calls*
Other countries: Baby call me later when you get it.
Brown Girls : khush raho, ab aapko kabhi disturb nahi krungi 🙂
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Me : kidhr ho?
She : aap k dil mein baby.
Me : wahaan baki ladkiyon se jhagda toh nhi kiya na?
*Blocked*
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*opens
#sarahah
account*
*sends self msgs like 'u r hot' 'i love you'*
*shares on every other social media*
Omg! I am so loved & popular
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Quote and post a random food picture from Camera Roll.
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Foreign parents : Good night., sleep tight.. we love you.
Indian Parents : Gate lock kiya? Kitchen ki light band ki? Car locked? AC kyun chla rkha hai, Paise ped pe ugte hai?
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Jhootha khaane se pyaar badhta hai
Aisa bol k woh mera poora burger kha gayi..
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My Crush called me immature so I replied "Jo bolta hai wahi hota hai" and ran away!😁
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Me : Hi
Crush : Hey
Me :
Crush : ??
Me :
Crush : Bolo
Me : Baat itni aagey tak badhegi socha nahi tha maine
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Agar mai doctor hota toh apne aap ko galat injection laga k maar deta
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Ugly + No jawline + oily face + unclear skin + Talentless + lost + replaceable + disappointed + failure = Me
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*Went to buy Kachori*
He: kya dun
Me: Ek Kachori
He: Pack karna hai ya yahin khaoge.
Me:Yahin
He: Garma-garam ya thodi thandi
Me: Garam
He: Chatni?
Me Haan
He: Laal ya Hari
Me: Dono
He: zyada ya kam
Me : Dekh be, Kachoriwala hai, wohi reh, Subway banne ki koshish matt kar
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Relatives: Beta ghar mein sab kya karte hain?
Me : Aapki buraiyaan
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Fuck nude..fuck sex, just call me at 2am just to tell me you love me
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Irony is , Girls says "All Men Are Same " , whereas Guys says ,"Meri Waali Alag Hai".
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Tujhe dekhne se jo sukoon milta hai,
Saara masla usi sukoon ka hai.
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Zindagi mein bohot door tak jaana padta Hai,
Sirf ye jaan'ne k Liye, ki Nazdeek kaun Hai..
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Bachpan hi sahi tha yaar..
Daant toot'te they, Dil nahi..
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*Goes to the eye doctor*
Doctor: Why you here?
Me: Something's wrong with my eyes.. I can't find humanity in people.
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Me : tum maal lagti ho
She : toh phoonk lo !
Me : phoonk toh mai lu, but mummy ne saste nashe karne se manaa Kiya hai..
#MeSheStory
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My crush wears glasses but she still can’t see a future with me 😭💔💔🤧
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Jab girlfriend nahi deni thi toh itna romantic kyun bnaya bhagwaan tuney!!
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Dear crush,
Even the Taxes are One now!
Why not us!! 😭
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Interviewer: Kitne zimmedar ho ?
Me: Ji bohot, ghar mein kuch bhi hota hai toh mai hi zimmedar hota hoon
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Doobara mohabbat hogi toh bhi tujhse hi hogi,
Khafa hu mai, bewafa nahi..
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Dear Girls,
If a guy remembers your smile after the first date, you have small boobs.
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Geography skills so bad I thought you are world to me.
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Yeh har koi social media per itna understanding aur cool hai toh duniya phir itni chutiya kyun hai?? 🤔
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Jab shadi papa ki marzi se hi karni hoti hai,
Toh chatting bhi papa ki marzi se hi kiya karo na
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Dear Crush..
Maut bhagwan ki taraf se aati hai,
Reply krne se nhi.
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When mom says "Jo tujhe theek lagey tu woh kar"
'Tujhe theek wohi lagna chahiye jo mujhe theek lagey' is silent.
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Pyaar karna aana chahiye yaar, ho toh sabko hi jaata hai ❣️
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When Zakir khan said "Jhoote hain woh log jo kehte hain, aadmi ro nahi sakte.. Bas puchne wala chahiye re" i felt that..
#KakshaGyarvi
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Friend : Arey Bhai woh dekh jaldi us ladki ki bra strap dikh rahi hai!
Me : Teri bhi dikh rhi hai..
Friend : kya??
Me : Ghatiya Soch
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Duniya hi khtam kar do na, ye kya installments mein dard dete jaa rahey ho bhagwaan!!
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Tum bharose ki baat karte ho?
Hum Ghar ko Tala lagane k baad usey dubara kheench k dekhta hain🔒😂
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Jab Quarantine akele guzaar diya..
Toh yeh Valentine kya cheez hai..
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i want a Relationcycle not Relationship,
yeh ship mein bohot log aa jaate hain..
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Others : "Meri wali alg hai"
Me : "Meri wali ajeeb hai"
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Do you not feel ashamed to take 72 hours to reply when i replied within 50 seconds??
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DEPRESSION IS NOT A JOKE.
You may see someone smiling, But inside they’re dying.
#SushantSinghRajput
#RIPSushant
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Who called it 'Police walon ki Eid' and not 'Copied' !!
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Mohabbat tum karo
Nibhana mein sikhaunga
Manzilein tum chuno
Raasta mein bataunga
Khwaab tum dekho
Haqeeqat mein bnaunga
Saath tum do
Khushiyan mein launga
Milne ka vaada tum karo
Pizza mein khilaunga
#MaiBhiBanegaShayar
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Me : Hello Dominos
Dominos : Happy new year sir! your order please!
Me : No Thanks.. mein bas kisi se Happy New Year sunna chahta tha.
#foreverakela
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I'm like Helium
Mere saath bhi kisi ka bond nahi banta
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The person who told the untold story of dhoni his own untold story remains untold till now.
#RIPSushant
🙏
#SushantSinghRajput
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I hate to see girls being single and heart broken, I wish i can date all of you.
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Agar kabhi ghoomne ka dil kare lekin jaa na sako toh, Google map pe ghoom liya karo
Mai khud abhi Goa mein hoon
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R.E.M.I.N.D.E.R
Don’t lower your standard just to fit in someone’s life.
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No one cares for your sad statuses on social sites, unless you are a girl.
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Friend : kahan hai??
Me : Raaste mein
Friend : Kis raaste pe?
Me : Barbaadi k
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R.E.M.I.N.D.E.R
Agar izzat beech mein aajaye,
Toh mohabbat chor deni chahiye..
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Lambi Sadak,
Halki si Baarish,
Dher si Baatein,
Mai aur Tum ♥️
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Khoobsurat hona achha hai per
Achha hona bohot khoobsurat hai
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Dear Girls,
Ek baat btao...
Jab aapki jhand hoti hai toh 'whatever' kyun bol deti ho??
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Chalo kaynaat baant lete hain..
Tumhara Sab kuch, meri sirf Tum❤️
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Sapna toota hai toh dil kabhi jalta hai
Haan thoda dard hua per chalta hai 💔
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"Pyaar ki koi umar nahi hoti"
Ye baat aajkal k bachhon ne kuch zyada hi seriously le li hai
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*Myth*
- Girls move on easily
- Boys move on easily
*Fact*
- Person who never loved move easily
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WISH ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY BECAUSE I AM AKELA ON THIS PLANET & NOBODY IS THERE TO WISH ME..THANKS 🎈
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Twitter : “Are you enjoying the
#280characters
limit?”
Me : "First of all I want a damn edit button and a girlfriend too."
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Mummy : Ja market se dahi le k aa
Me : Kabhi bahu laane k liye bhi bol diya kro..
*Flying chappal*
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me talking to my boys: "bhai yaaar"
me talking to my mom: "mummy yaaar"
me talking to my dad: "papa yaaar"
me talking to my crush: "wow yaaar"
me talking to myself : "abey yaaar"
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[Interview]
Interviewer : Any special skill or talent?
Me : I can sleep again after washing my face
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Crush : Do you love someone?
Me :
yesyes yes yes yes yes
yes yes yes yes yes
yes yes yes yes yes
yes yes yes yes yes
yes yes yes yes yes
yes yes yes yes yes yes
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When Gaitonde said, "Itna bhaaw kaeko khaati hai. Tu marr bhi gayi toh kaun yaad rakhega"...
I really felt that..
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2019 mein 2 list bnani hain :
List 1: Jinko Dil mein rakhna hai
List 2 : Jinko aukaat mein rakhna hai
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मसला ये नहीं के ग़म कितना है...
मुद्दा ये है के... परवाह किसको है !
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Dil tha, bhar gya..
Insaan tha, badal gya..
Vaada tha, mukar gya..
Nasha tha, utar gya..
Din tha, Dhal gya..
Neend thi, so gya..
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Kya fayda tumhare 6 feet hone ka chalna toh tumne uske isharo per hi hai jo 5 feet ki bhi nahi hoti.
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Aaj subah subah mujhe itna gussa aaya ki
Maine 3 biscuits chai mein dooba k maar diye
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Dear crush,
Agar phone se tumhari koi photo delete ho jaaye toh mujhse mang lena 🙈
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Hi,
my name is Bestfriend..,
mai ladkiyon k breakup hone k baad unka rona dhona sunta hoon.
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Dear Crush,
Wahan border pe humare sainik jaan de rahey hain...
Tum ek reply tak nahi de sakti, Deshdrohi kahi ki..!! 😥
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Kisi ko chehron se
Kisi ko yaadon se hui
Mujhe tujhse mohabbat,
Teri baaton se hui..
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Poore pakistan mein itne ladke nahi honge jitne ki india mein 'Golu' naam k hain.
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Bhej diya msg!! hogye ignore!!
karwa liya self-respect ko zaleel !!
mil gaya sukoon!!??!!
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When someone says to me "waqt aaney pe mil jaegi Girlfriend" and my waqt be like
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Woh dupatta hi ni leti hai
Watch mein kya ghanta atkega.
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I don't know who need to hear this but when someone is talking about their problems, you do not talk about yours. You listen. It's not a fucking competition. Give them the respect their words deserve. Be a good listener.
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Milawat ka zamana hai dosto..
'Haan' mein 'Haan' mila diya kro,
Rishte lambe time tak tikenge..
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