Barbara
@fat_barb
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Pinned Tweet
my wife of color affectionately refers to me her white husband as "grey meat"
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jordan peterson: cartman would simply *chuckles* excuse my language kick stewies ass. a baby for heavens sake
sam harris: *sighs* *sucks in air through nose hard* stewie is a genius with countless super weapons at his disposal
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ta-nehisi coates: homer never smoked weed
cornel west: it was in an episode. its canon. he got high off a joint with otto for medicinal purposes. then he meets phish
ta-nehisi coates: please stop gaslighting me
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Jim Halpert was a dangerous sociopath who followed pam into a dark office after she said no. He sabotaged her love with the working class Roy so that he could control her life forever. He also tormented a mentally ill man for decades. Pam belongs with Roy. Jim belongs in jail
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paulie: eyy that george dubya bush...he might be a hick but.. *puts hands at crotch and mimes big balls* *laughs*
tony soprano: *whacks pool stick against wall and shatters it* thats disgusting! hes a war criminal! *shoves paulie against wall* vote for john kerry this year eh
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butthead: hey beavis
beavis: yea? hehehe
butthead: im so grateful george w. bush protected our country after the 2001 terrorist attacks on september 11th. hu hu hu hu
beavis: he made me feel like so safe hehehe
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(2000 US PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION)
Greg W. Bush: we've been planning this for months Jed, to fix the election for me to win
Jed Bush: geeze i'm scared. but excited at the same time
Greg W. Bush: course you're excited, fucking idiot. cuz after this *imitates twin towers exploding*
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wow i'm so speechless at the moon and the stars. they're so beautiful i cannot even describe them. just kidding mother fucker! they are white circles that glow. easy to describe. next.
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i hate the guys politics but Remember_Rhodesia has the best 100% gameplay walkthrough videos on the net
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joe rogan: wait...you are really fuckin telling me that. that the rolling stones band and the rolling stone magazine have...the have absolutely nothing to do with eachother?
cornel west: its a common mistake
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(reznor/danzig ghost hunting team)
danzig: did you hear that? i'm gonna beat the shit out of this fucking ghost haunting this place
trent: could be a type 5. we need to be careful....so we can kick this its ass.
danzig: i want to help the nice family who hired us so bad
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andrew dice clay: ay
#45
...donald chump as i like to call him *boos* eyy what we got some trumpies in here? hillary was the most qualifed candidate in history ya mooks *louder booing* what? got some bernie homos in here too? *boos* ah what. you wanna pork that old fruit. admit it
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(space oddity)
ground control to jeb lunds mom
ground control to jeb lunds mom
why did you use that for the name of your son
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The arrow bounced off Legolas ass. "Not so fast... My ass is rockhard!"
Frodo started. "What!"
"Elf ass is hard," he grinned.
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paul joseph watson: in conclusion, bart is the perfect bad boy conservative foil to lisa's leftist piety *roach slowly crawls across face* homer is of course the archtypical patriarch, neutered over the years by liberals *roach crawls in to shirt collar* and moe is the most red p
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(at The Office)
jim: *screaming in pams face at desk*
dwight: leave her alone! she's your wife!
jim: you have a mental deficiency. i'll handle my wife my way, fucking retard.
*cut away to interview*
jim: dwight..*smirks* dwight frankly needs to stay out of my famiy life
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Crazy Train by Ozzy Osbourne was written after a particularly wild train ride
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jordan peterman: stewie is the greatest family guy character. his accent is funny, but he also boasts robust character development
sam kriss: oy mate you ever grab a tit without consent?? *burps* pay me 40 dollars to give to the DSA *farts* *drinks british beer*
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i wrote an amateur response rap to "stan" by eminem begging him to fuck my wife
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just smoked a small amount of marijuana in preparation of listening to pink floyd's "dark side of the moon"
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Howard Stern: next up, a regular caller, its Geoff On The Toilet. how are ya Geoff?
Geoff: on the toilet shitting
Howard: haha
Robin: hahaha
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baby mario creepypasta
dead baby mario
dead baby mario story scary
dead baby mario fake story
dead baby mario fake
baby mario died for real in the games
baby mario die in game yahoo answers
dead baby mario snopes
how to treat panic attack
how to know if your having panic attack
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*sees "Will Ferrell" trending* *heart starts pounding* *tears forming in eyes* *clicks link while i begin to feel vomit in the back of my throat* ......
*sigh of relief* *looks down at pissed pants* i pissed my pants but its worth it. Will Ferrell didn't die. hes still alive...
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(family dinner)
son: luigi has a niner
*silence* *dad swallows hard*
mom: ni-
son: a nine inch penis. luigi is well hung
dad: *flips table in a rage*
mom: *sobbing*
son: it's because he's taller than mario who only has a wide 6 incher
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beating your dads ass is a margera family tradition. bam's dad beat his dad's ass in the middle of the night and filmed it on an old camcorder, and bam's grandfather did the same to his dad. theres a painting from the 19th century of Henry Margera beating Phil Margera III's ass
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joe rogan: so they call you "the slim shady"?
eminem: well thats a nickname from when i was growing up but my stage name is "eminem"
joe rogan: and. yea. wow. yeah it says here your real name is uh... marshall mathers.
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mitt romney looks like a ham- *checks notes* hamburgoler ass step father with a...with a *squints hard at notes* ...wack ass hair...lime? * silence* LINE. wack ass hair line.
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ben sharpiro: cartman would simply *chuckles* excuse my language kick stewies ass. a baby for heavens sake
joe rogan: *sucks in air through nose hard* stewie is a genius with countless super weapons at his disposal dude
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ben shapiro: so. just. just how dire is this pokemon card crisis, professor?
jordan peterson: *sharply blows air out of nose, making a high pitched whistle* *wipes nose* you are an intelligent young man. and handsome. *sniffles*
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(Iconic Office Funny Interview)
Jim: dwight....dwight doesn't believe in stocks or investing in businesses *camera cuts to dwight playing on his computer* he's like a child...he...he reminds me of a middle schooler. he disgusts me. *chuckles*
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butthead: huhuh hey beavis. this bernie sanders guy is pretty lame. huuhu
beavis: he eheh. yeah yeah! he's like not even a real democrat. ehehe. he fucked hillary over
butthead: no buttmunch. huhuh. he's a fake leftist selling the youth a twisted faux version of socialism. huhu
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bully: frodo was a fuckin pussy, legolas was homo, sam was homo, merry and pippin gay for eachother, gandalf was a weak ass old man, gimli was retard, and turned gay by legolas
me: *hunched over tear stained lord of the rings hardback* im not mad about any of that shit you said
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*packs bowl with mids and salvia* i call this "thunder and lightning" thunder is the mids, lightning is the salvia. it makes me puke every time i do it and that gets me hgiher
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pundit tweet: barry weiss is the political equivalent of shit coming out my ass
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PUA: let me buy you a drink. im asexual.
woman: no thank you
PUA: *pulls out dictionary* no. look. heres what asexual means
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(king of the hill 9/11)
hank: *complete shock and anger* gotta bomb em. we turn that entire hole in to a parking lot
peggy: hank...i understand but the ramificatio-
*dale bursts in*
dale: hank! i accidentally murdered the sikh man down the street by throwin a brick at his head!
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(nine inch nails - closer)
you let me headbutt you *synth squawks*
you let me roundhouse kick you *synth*
you let me do backflips too
(tell me) i learned it from karate
(tell me) i learned it at the mall
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its weird to think cats and lions are just bigger versions of rats but thats what Darwin meant when he said "every animal is a rat"
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(nerd getting bullied): fuckin geek i bet you'd love to know how it felt to pet a dragon *gut punch* about whether they'd feel warm or cold
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water is laughably weak. i can destroy any body of water without breaking a sweat, in fact it replenishes me while i beat its sorry ass
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don draper: what does it mean to chive?
confused boss: uhh...well. chiving is...
don draper: *smiles* it doesn't matter. thats the beauty of it. chive on
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mario power up
list of super mario power up
mario wiki
mario feel pain when grow from mushroom
game theory mario mushroom feel pain
metal mario
metal mario painful
is metal mario transformation painful mario 64
mario wiki
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mcnulty: so you a bernie bro bunk? im thinkin of voting for him now that yangs dropped out
bunk: to tell you the truth mcnulty. i really don't give a shit
(both laugh)
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OFFICIAL CARLOS MENCIA MESSAGE BOARD > GENERAL MENCIA > what happened to carlos mencia???
COMEDYFAN1997: used to be a big fan. can't even find any info about him on the net...
Your_The_Dee_Dee_Dee: he died (USER BANNED)
mod note: not true. please stop PMing me
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(mike myers shackled in the oval office)
trump: do austin powers again
myers: *austin powers voice* its president donald trump baby!
trump: now fat bastard
myers: *coughing violently* tr-*cough* president donald trump is dead sexy
trump: dr. evil
myers: *dr evil voice* pr
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@mikefossey
We are Gen Z. We are Savages. We are always Lit. We Are Powerful. We prank people. We Love unchecked capitalism. We love the ethnostate. We are Gen Z.
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Carmela Soprano: whats with that ungodly heavy metal racket coming from your room?
AJ Soprano: its a song about a devil car named Dragula
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the libertarian party was very hentai friendly until gary johnson shifted the party from a more hentai oriented platform to a strong hardcore pornhub policy. and rand paul stays silent...his father must be ashamed
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@collatingbones3
i think you should change your name to "mr. baseball" and make your picture a baseball player and only tweet about baseball
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(THATCHER: THE MUSICAL by lin manuel miranda)
lin manuel: hey iron lady
people call ya crazy
but your the first female leader
to show the strongest are ladies
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steven tyler: draym on draym ohn draym ohn *screeching* druraym ooohhn dryam oon *screeching gets louder* DRAYHM OOOHHN DRAYM OOON DURAWYM O
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tony soprano: *turns off tv in disgust* this trump guy. hes..hes a clown! an embarrassment
AJ: dad if you would just read those links i emailed you...he's act-
tony: WE HAVE BEEN PROUD DEMOCRATS IN THIS FAMILY FOR GENERATIONS! YOUR MOTHER CRIED WHEN WE GOT TO VOTE FOR HILLARY!
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(huge bernie sanders rally)
Bernie: you know. i never...i never made it as a wise man *cheers* couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing. *screams of joy* but i'm TIRED of living like a blind man! *frenzied cheers* *audience members crying hysterically* i'm sick of sight without a s
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*robocop voice* halt. you have not followed the fat_barb account after faving their viral tweets. surrender and go to prison or die by my plasma blaster
me faintly in background: fucking kill them robocop
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ben shapiro: hypothetically your saying cartman could beat stewie? a super genius that possesses numerous lethal weapons at his disposal?
jordan peterson: *high pitched sigh like steam escaping a heated tea pot* the feminine stewie could never best the masculine cartman
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(dreaming) *tossing and turning in bed* uhh what if naruto had a son...named boruto. then they could continue the series forever....GAH *wakes up in luxurious silk bed*
barb: a dream...
butler: it wasn't a dream. you invented the idea for boruto, son of naruto and became rich.
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being a janitor is great. when no ones around i can sing in to my mop like a microphone or dance with it and i get to see vomit for money
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(new kingdom hearts game)
george w. bush: sora...we have to save iraq
sora: i know the weapons of mass destruction are inside this palace
goofy: i dunno sora...
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joe rogan: holy shit. it says here you're known as "the prince of darkness"?
ozzy osbourne: uhhh yea yea. yup. been goin uh. uh. going by that for several decades
joe rogan: thats the most badass thing i've ever heard. you ever been in the military?
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#GoogleBernie
bernie sanders pics
bernie sander behind
bernie sanders ass
picture of bernie sanders from behind
candid bernie sanders pictures
candid bernie sanders pics ass
bernie sanders nude fake
bernie sanders lemon party edit
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PSL= playstation sony league
DSA = dark souls awesome
WWP = wii and wii-u pwn
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(old veteran at computer)
oh no this goatse site i was tricked in to going to...*covering eyes* yuck *slightly opens fingers and peers at monitor* *squints hard* ...that asshole. theres only one man i know who could spread his asshole that wide. *tearing up* harry...my war buddy
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im a huge disciple of ayn rand. me and her agree about so many things like....*subtly looks at cover of atlas shrugged out of corner of my eye* we both think a guy lifting the entire planet earth up is extremely badass
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neo: your saying...i can do incest and not get caught?
the incest guy: *chuckles* *clasps hands together* what i'm saying is it shouldn't be illegal in the first place *sunglasses glint*
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butthead: hu hu hu yeah it...it just totally sucked when we turned on the tv that day, on september 11th and we saw that horrible tragedy unfold live
beavis: hehehe yea. hehehe. the planes crashing, those towers crumbling right in front of our innocent teenage eyes hehee he
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Ted the vulgar animated bear: *cracks open budweiser beer and chugs it *burps*
theatergoer: im going to hell for laughing at this
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whenever i get road rage i yell out the car window "ill fucking grab your ass!" only once has a man pulled over and played grab ass w/ me
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you don't need another person to enjoy magic the gathering trading cards. its fun to look at and read the cards by yourself.
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dave matthews: *grins* *crowd roars* next up an improvised extended version of our tribute to cops, excuse me....police officers *smiles* *crowd screams appreciatively* who have been put on trial and reputations dragged-*twiddles guitar* dragged through the mud. *chuckles*
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(dad walks in house)
daughter: daddy! daddy! did you get the mids?
dad: you bet sweetie. these mids are gonna get daddy so high. and it was so cheap to buy the weed i have more money leftover then if i bought a more expensive "name brand" strain which is a conspiracy
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my son just saw the riot police on television, pointed at the screen and said he wants to "wear a cool suit like them". he's 27 years old.
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(successful gen x businessman viewing retweet) username krang t. nelson...with a cartoon picture. i sort of remember this character from my childhood. forget the name of the show. this man is telling me how i should vote and live my life?
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SETTING THE RECORD STRAIGHT:
bernie sanders fucked my wife
joe biden fucked my mom
i fucked donald trump jr.
i watched george w. bush and jim bolton fuck eachother and jacked off
i ate hillary clintons pussy and asshole out
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(dick cheney looms over sonic the hedgehog, shackled in his prison cell)
dick cheney: we gained access to the video game dimension, it stands to reason shadow the hedgehog, the cool dark version of you can also be captured
sonic: fuck you cheney
cheney: shadow will be my friend
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(whisper to businessman next to me) you know earthworm jims little dog friend? ive trained my mind rigorously to constantly hallucinate him
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types of uncles:
fun uncle
mean uncle
uncle you never see
uncle that raise you like a father
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why make new tweets when your old tweets are funny and can be retweeted to your own timeline
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(The Office Final Episode)
Jim: well pam my investments paid off, we're rich now
Pam: jim....*smiles* i'm rich too now. my stocks are doing so well *kisses jim*
Jim: we'll buy a mansion
Dwight: i've become rich also, from bitcoin and crypto currency
Jim: *looks at camera*
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fred durst didnt create limp bizkit. limp bizkit came first and eventually after many years a personification of Limp Bizkit was actualized
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gonna upset some of my followers with this probably but i would love to have a beer with president donald trump. just slam some beers, shoot the shit, get insanely drunk and do jackass style stunts together and film them for my youtube channel.
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dave matthews: *soft instrumental jam plays as he banters* so how about that ICE immigration police force? *grins big* *huge cheers* all ICE officers in the audience please stand up *squints* i know theres more. *laughs* its ok your shy. this next one is still dedicated to yall
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original parody of Eminem - Lose Yourself:
remote is ready
eyes wide, palms are sweaty
there's Flintstones on the tv already
wilma and betty
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george w. bush: need mario over here to lead the war. the secret portal ronald reagan opened to video game world is amazing. god bless america.
dick cheney: hmm. how about wario?
bush: but he's...the evil mario
cheney: *leans on desk** he is merely the more mischievous version
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donald trump: im using the technology to access the video game world using a portal, discovered by government during the bush administration to fuck the girls from dead or alive beach volleyball
mike pence: can i fuck the bat with tits from sonic adventure 2
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MODERATOR NOTE: IF YOU DON'T FOLLOW THIS USER AFTER FAVORITING/RETWEETING THIS CONTENT YOU WILL BE BANNED
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*screams like axl rose* welcome to my profile / please respect the troops
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im only 17 but i pretend to be a middle aged dad and post elaborate power fantasies disguised as true stories on bodybuilding forums about disciplining my effeminate son. the threads 120 pages long and the guys praise me and wait for updates with extreme anticipation everyday
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before KoЯn officially stylized their iconic name and logo, the leader of koЯn, the real brains of the operation had a small scale model made of the koЯn logo with a mechanism that flipped the letter R backwards. all the other korn boys minds were blown in the board room.
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sports analyst: this guy has got great potential but he ain't gonna go nowhere if he keeps kissing that basketball and saying its his wife
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(cnn interview)
reporter: so uhh the question on everyones mind *chuckles* who you got in a fight? stewie or cartman?
andrew yang: *smiling* that. that is too controversial a question to answer right now *laughs* i can't answer that *laughing* maybe another time? *laughs again*
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baseball cap to the front = business
baseball cap to the side = smoking weed
backwards baseball cap = smoking cigarette
no baseball cap = getting drunk
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IMDB>THE MASK>REVIEWS
pissed off!
jim carrey is handsome + charismatic but its fucked up when he changes to the mischievous green monster
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