Route 58 trams are currently delayed/obstructed/medical emergencied/faultyed/blocked/rallied/heatwaved/snowstormed/rained/diverted/othered. We’re just going to leave this as a pinned tweet, to save having to type it out every 10 minutes of every hour, of every day. #YarraTrams

Tram Cops today are targeting anyone whose Valentine’s Day plan is to get their partner the “I choo choo choose you” card and that’s it. You won’t be fined, but you will be made to order a dozen roses and make a booking at an inflated price restaurant for the 14th. #YarraTrams

Given I can fit into it easily, I don’t see why everyone is so excited for the #SuperBowl. Now if it was full of food maybe my opinion would change, but it isn’t so I’m not impressed at all. ~Depot Cat

#YarraTrams has heard your concerns about the Z class having no air conditioning, and steps to board. So we’ve removed the steps, and with the new open air design, you’ll never need to worry about a stuffy tram again. This will be so successful we’re cancelling the G class order.

@fakemetrotrains And yet even in that condition, it’s still better than riding on one of your trains.

I get that Karen from Human Resources needed to go on maternity leave, and I’m the next best qualified for the job, but did I really have to copy her hairstyle? I suddenly feel like I should demand to talk to the manager about this. ~Depot Cat

Route 96 trams have resumed running after a delay. With that delay dealt with, there are now only 283 other delays in the queue for Route 96 to sort out, before trams are running normal again. Then we can get started sorting out the rest of the network any year now. #YarraTrams

Throwback Thursday: 1975 new Z class 2 and 3 on test runs before entering service. Back then trams were painted orange and really stood out. These days we blend them into the surroundings, so when you hit them we claim the insurance money and make a big profit. #YarraTrams

Our drivers are a bit angry today, probably due to lack of sleep following the heatwave. We’re sure it has nothing to do with us reducing their working conditions claiming “Service Improvements”. If they yell at you, report them, we need the dirt to discipline them. #YarraTrams

Tram Cops today are targeting anyone who drives slow, then speeds up at an overtaking lane. We had enough of that on holidays, so it’s time for revenge. Instead of a fine you’ll be made to sit behind a tram with passengers exiting for an hour, when you’re in a hurry. #YarraTrams

Delays due to the stormy weather last night, things should be back to normal by next month. That gets us off the hook for any late running fines, thanks Mother Nature. #YarraTrams

My barber didn’t understand the meowing of short back and sides, and instead left me looking like a sheep poodle. But don’t worry, it’s the last haircut he ever did, because as soon as he showed me, I showed him how my claws work. ~Depot Cat

Today is the last day of KDA being the operator of the Adelaide rail network, it has been taken back under government control. Here in Melbourne we got rid of KDA, and replaced them with another private operator. It’s rather shameful that Adelaide is better than us. #YarraTrams

Throwback Thursday: In 2015 we removed C class trams from service, after a derailment. An investigation blamed drivers because they weren’t holding their tongue in the correct position when driving. If you ignore all the other derailments, there hasn’t been any since. #YarraTrams

It’s back to school day for students today, and #YarraTrams would like to remind students that your oversized school bags require their own Myki Also if passengers are wondering what that awful smell is, it’s the rotten banana that was left in the bag from last year.

Tram Cops today are targeting anyone still wearing an Australian flag as a cape. You had your holiday yesterday, it’s time to get onto the next nutjob outrage you call patriotism. You won’t be fined, but the Tram Cops will ask you if you want a job with them. #YarraTrams

What’s with all the rain? I said I was melting in the heat, and planned to make that claim all day while I slept, but instead it is raining! Which of you humans is to blame for this? Come on, fess up, or you’ll all get a scratching. ~Depot Cat

@BomberBreeza You wanna do what now? Errr, I have to go mow my lawns with the hairdresser or some other made up thing. Hey! What about that local sports team? Backing away, slowly, slowly, keeping eye contact. NOW RUNNING!!! ~Depot Cat

@BomberBreeza If you don’t get it yourself it doesn’t taste as good. Besides, the more you humans suffer, the better I feel, and you want me feeling good don’t you? ~Depot Cat