allvin and hobbes
@failsonmcdonald
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Last Seen Profiles
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Very excited to announce that the debut album by King Bob will be out on all platforms on October 18th. If you include going thru all the things that the songs are about, making this was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. You can pre-save on Spotify here:
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aight, I gotta hand it to the hockey gods. letting the oilers win three straight so they could lose by one goal in game 7 is exquisite. funniest possible outcome
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how about “from the river to the sea, the jets lost 6-3”
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they should do a reverse all star game for the worst players in the league I would actually watch that
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Brendan Leipsic saying that stuff in a group chat is despicable, he’s supposed to save that content for spittin chiclets
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if you think it’s mean to call hockey players “white boys” you should hear what the ones who aren’t white get called
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If you’re a former NHLer who works at Tim Horton’s, you get gawked at. If you’re a current NHLer who drives drunk into a Tim Horton’s, you get nominated for the Masterton Trophy
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NHL GMs/ Every girl I know
media
🤝
fawning over a useless guy
just because he’s tall
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Find someone who loves you the way random assholes online love defending Evander Kane
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people get mad at all the players who answered “my wife” when they got asked about what woman inspires them but do you know how mad my wife would be if someone asked me that and I said some other lady’s name and not her
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imagine the paradise we could live in if we treated every addict that runs afoul of the law with the same empathy random strangers on twitter have for bobby ryan
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Mike Babcock getting fired before even coaching a preseason game is such a hilarious and strange fuck-up that it feels weird it didn’t happen in Vancouver
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Obviously we may still hear from Kuzmenko but overall I think the Canucks throwing a huge ass party on pride night, releasing an official statement of support ahead of time and not giving him a soapbox is probably the best job a team has done of handling this
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allvin got more for tyler motte than jim benning did for Shawn Matthias, Dan Hamhuis, Radim Vrbata, Chris Higgins, Chris Tanev, Troy Stecher, Alex Edler, and Jacob Markstrom combined
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I’ve watched enough Canucks hockey to know they’re about to go on a run that won’t be enough to make the playoffs but will be just enough to convince the GM not to sell at the deadline
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damn this rocks too bad no player will ever get to wear it because the flyers refused to give provorov a day off
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Harris, speaking at Detroit rally, interrupted by pro-Gaza protesters: “If you want Donald Trump to win say that. Otherwise, I’m speaking”
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My girlfriend, who only follows hockey casually: "Whenever the Canucks make trades, it reminds me of when I play a board game without understanding the rules. When it gets to be my turn, I just panic and do something that doesn't make sense just for the sake of making a move."
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this has become an absolute disaster for the league. something meant to make people feel welcome at games and ideally bring new fans into the fold has instead become an opportunity for bigots to loudly proclaim that they think gay people are immoral
Brothers Eric and Marc Staal do not wear
#FlaPanthers
Pride Night warmup jerseys saying it goes against their beliefs.
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After reading through the laundry list of allegations of sexual abuse some players endured in the CHL as recently as 2009 I don’t EVER want to hear another pundit feign confusion as to why there’s never been an openly gay NHLer
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have we considered that failing to be a competitive team with Pettersson-Hughes-Demko is actually a really hard thing to do and all it took to manage that was like 18 months of the general manager not actively sabotaging the team
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bruce boudreau told them they get to go for ice cream if they win
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i’ve watched enough canucks hockey to know they’re going to break the record for points by a team that misses the playoffs
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hands down
Tell me your favorite quote by an NHL player.
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Elias Pettersson’s linemates have combined for 4 goals in their last 40 games. I wonder why he’s struggling to produce
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avs have been playing like they know it’s in their best interest long-term for jim benning to keep his job
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this is the canucks with all their chips pushed in. two straight first rounders traded, capped out, not much in the pipeline. took eight years to build this. the future is now
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Six years ago, a friend of mine wrote a blog post that literally told the Canucks scouting department they were doing it wrong and that he could do it better by following a simple set of guidelines a child could understand. He works for an NHL team now.
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patrik allvin’s english is better than jim benning’s
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@BrandonPrust8
@cksportsnetwork
rask has a jennings, a vezina, and a stanley cup. the highlight of your career was spearing a guy in the nuts. take a seat, tough guy
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@GlobeDebate
look man I’ve tried to cut down on my “paying rent” habit but the landlord isn’t a big fan
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(this guy should probably be in the nhl)
Josh Leivo, 29 PTS in 18 Playoff GP, is named MVP of the 2022 Calder Cup Postseason.
#WeAreTheWolves
#LetsGoCanes
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me watching the Canucks, 2016-2023: I wanna die
me watching the Canucks in the 2024 playoffs: [nervously] I wanna die
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If JT Miller is so good how come the two teams that traded him away are in the ECF
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underrated funny thing that’s happening right now
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when Bieksa signed his one day contract to retire they gave him the stanchion from game 5. if the Canucks want to make it right tomorrow there’s only one thing to do
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it’s cool that the Canucks traded a guy who is universally liked for a guy that got booted out of the ncaa for domestic violence
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is it the restraining order against his ex-wife, the 4 criminal charges, the $1.5 million in gambling debts, or the fake vaccine card that’s overblown
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welcome to a deluxe edition of That’s Not A Scouting Report with Sam Consentino. I’m sorry this took so long, but this one was special. 6 entries have too many spaces. at least one name is spelled wrong. most of the sentences do not make sense.
anyways here’s a roster update
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it means a lot to me that kessel survived cancer and went on to set the iron man record but instead of being an inspiration porn story he shaved like .5% off his performance by consuming only sour patch kids and diet coke in service of becoming the funniest guy in nhl history
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Francesco reading My Pet Goat to a kindergarten class in vegas when a security guard comes up and whispers the Canucks just allowed 19 goals in 3 games
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jake virtanen is gonna be the first player in history to show up to camp out of shape twice in one season
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Elias Pettersson has set a new career high for goals after scoring just 6 times in his first 33 games
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NHL: “We have complete confidence that our players will stay safe and in their bubble and the season can resume”
Jake Virtanen: *posts Instagram video of himself drunkenly puking in the Jungle Golf dinosaur at Castle Fun Park*
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it’s amazing that shaw, who was playing in owen sound at the time, managed to be one of the few notable ex-hawks *not* involved in this horrific scandal and decided not only that he should insert himself into it but do so on behalf of the pro-child molester side
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i wrote about botch and overdoses. i dont know if its any good but its 2am and im going to bed
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Can’t say I’m thrilled with the use of the word “bullying” to describe the actions of Coyotes 2020 4th round pick Mitchell Miller. What’s being described here is an assault.
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some great targeted marketing here from capfriendly
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Can we stop saying “the NBA did this while the NHL did this” etc? The PLAYERS did this. This wasn’t some mandate that came from a corporate boardroom. The players decided to withhold their labour. They’re the ones that deserve the praise, not the league.
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the canucks didn’t make the playoffs this season but they did something far more important: fire jim benning
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I’m sorry but if you can’t just sit back and laugh at the Canucks continuing to blow it in exactly the same way then spiritually you are not a canucks fan
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I hope Carcillo’s class action suit against the CHL renews calls for a player’s association. It is absolutely absurd that we treat these Junior leagues as a dry run for the NHL but don’t offer the players the same protection they’d get in the pros.
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It's extremely on-brand for hockey twitter to be hyper-focused on Benn and Seguin's numbers and lose sight of the fact that it's completely batshit to talk about your employees/coworkers like that in a public setting, EVER.
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looks like connor mcdavid will be drinking the chicken broth with the regular sodium content he has saved for special occasions tonight
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With the WJC starting I think we should all take a sec to reflect on how stupid it is that Russian hockey players are being held responsible for the actions of the Russian government but Hockey Canada players aren’t being held responsible for the actions of Hockey Canada
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you almost have to admire the lack of self-awareness it takes for a prep school media guy who hocks nfts to refer to people who “work hard and get dirty” as “his people”. the only time you’ve gotten dirty at work is when lunch break involves tomato sauce, dude
Seravalli on Edmonton radio:
There's a certain douche factor that comes with Vancouver...There's this whole we want to tell you how wealthy we are.
In Edmonton it's we work here. Love that. We wear our blue jeans and we work and we get dirty. Those are my people.
(1440)
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@BrandonPrust8
How does it feel knowing you couldn’t crack this lineup
Lines in morning skate:
D.Sedin-McCann-Hansen
Baertschi-Horvat-Vrbata
Burrows-Vey-Etem
Dorsett-Zalewski-Virtanen
Extras: Prust & Cracknell
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is this before or after human rights complaint night
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jared mccann, jonathan dahlen, and gustav forsling would all be top 5 in scoring on the canucks right now lol
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we want to talk to these guys about dealing with high-pressure situations, something cops are famously really good at and never criticized for at all
This evening, we invited RCMP Inspector Kevin Cyr as a special guest to speak at our 2024 Development Camp.
Inspector Cyr spoke on dealing with adversity and perseverance in high-pressure situations, relating aspects of his role in these crises to the pressures athletes face
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cw: sexual assault
big time no thanks for me. last thing this team needs is to hire another former player with ties to the ‘94 team. plus there’s this
Former player Geoff Courtnall had influence on
#Canucks
ownership hiring GM Mike Gillis back in 2008.
Told Courtnall is name to watch as Canucks take stock of a difficult season & start planning for next year. Possible Courtnall could emerge with a front-office, hockey/biz role.
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A lot of replies here saying this is proof cancel culture has gone too far... Why exactly is that? He made a mistake, got corrected, apologized, and now everyone is moving on. Isn’t that how making a mistake is supposed to work?
Vancouver Canucks goalie Braden Holtby is apologizing after the artwork on his new custom-painted mask was criticized for appropriating First Nations art.
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I have to say I’m routinely impressed at how good Burke is navigating this stuff. Also big props to whoever chose the shot of Malkin in a pride jersey right before Ron asked about Russians
"It’s about saying this community is valuable and important and we want to honour them."
Brian Burke joined Ron MacLean to discuss Pride Nights across the NHL and supporting the LGBTQ+ community.
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Connor McDavid getting awarded the Conn Smythe to thunderous booing in a series he lost is a perfect legacy for him to leave imo
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Frank Seravalli spoke more harshly about a guy answering honestly when asked about his injury status than he did about two guys getting reinstated after knowingly covering up sexual assault
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take a guess which of these players was bought out over lacklustre play and numerous sexual assault allegations and which was traded for being on the dang computer too much
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the evolution of data analysis in hockey, 2007-2024
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hockey twitter features some of the most pedantic people on earth. you can say something like “everyone on Detroit’s roster is like 100 years old” and in ten seconds a bunch of red wings fans will be like “actually they have several players under 25”
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getting a text immediately after the broadcast that’s like “whos malala”
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Craig MacTavish killed more people than the Vancouver riots did and yet we aren’t allowed to have public watch parties downtown and he’s still allowed to drive a car
#Canucks
viewing party news: there is a viewing party confirmed for the Renfrew public library in Vancouver for tonight's game.
Sounds a little too rowdy to me.
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sorry but the oilers record isn’t nearly bad enough to throw a jersey on the ice. oilers fans are drama queens
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bieksa absolutely belongs in the ring of honour. it’s specifically designed for players that have a special relationship with the club, have their name etched all over huge moments in team history, but don’t have the stats to back up a jersey retirement. like trevor linden
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Trying to remember if I’ve ever seen a more consistently entertaining intermission panelist on the broadcast than Kevin Bieksa I genuinely can’t think of one
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Bruce really showed how stupid all the blame levelled at the fans and media for this team’s issues has been. Loved by all despite a losing record. Never cracked under pressure. Turns out vancouver respects hard work and class, there just hasn’t been much of it for the last decade
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try to divorce yourself from team allegiance for a second, consider the history, and really ask yourself what reaction you’d expect a fanbase to have about constantly being on the other side of rulings like this
In his presser Tocchet mentioned the league had a couple things to look at including a Hyman cross check. Has to be this one below. I’m told Zadorov needed stitches to close up a cut on his face.
#canucks
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do you ever just suddenly remember that loui eriksson is the canucks highest paid player and start laughing to yourself
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Tennessee is one of many states to pass laws denying gender-affirming care to trans kids and teenagers, who are also uniquely vulnerable right now following an uptick in violent rhetoric in response to the covenant school shooting. Getting everyone on board for this is a big deal
#Preds
defenseman Tyson Barrie on the importance of Pride Night and the team’s unanimous decision to wear Pride jerseys for warmups tonight vs. Vegas:
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The NHL must immediately suspend contracts for all American players! Every athlete represents not only himself and his club, but also his country and its values and actions. That is a fact. If the NHL does not do so, it has indirect co-responsibility for the dead in Yemen.
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gf: I bet he’s thinking about another girl
[what he’s actually thinking about]:
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the most canucks thing of all time is the nhl naming a leadership award after the guy who is universally regarded to be the worst canucks captain in team history
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Goals per 60, 2021-2024
Jake Guentzel: 1.07
Jake DeBrusk: 1.08
not exactly the guy I was expecting, but it makes sense. They needed a guy who scores goals at even strength and they got probably the youngest one on the open market
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there are 4 rules you have to follow if you want to be a canucks fan:
1. fuck messier
2. fuck the bruins
3. fuck duncan keith
4. You're not allowed to bring up bad trades or draft picks from 2-3 years ago because it's done now and you need to just get over it
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It’s time for a very special edition of That’s Not a Scouting Report with Sam Cosentino. This month we will bear witness to Sam at his most “Indonesia is at a crossroads”
This was so close to being a sentence.
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Giving up a hat trick to Brandon Sutter is “leafs losing to a Zamboni driver”-level bad
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perhaps even crazier than the allegations brought forth in Carcillo's lawsuit is the fact that most of this stuff has been public knowledge for years and got no traction in the media
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I will never forgive you people who turned on Brock Boeser
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the nevada hockey league announces hitler von babymurder as this year’s winner of the super good guy award. von babymurder overcame a poppers addiction after crashing his f350 into a group of kindergarteners at a chuck e. cheese in albany. he has 9 goals and 13 points in 58 games
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At this stage at least it’s hard to force players to participate and again, this could change, but so far the story is just “he’s not wearing it” which is a huge improvement over “here’s a full page ad for the westboro baptist church our player asked us to publish for him”
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remember when bonnie henry wrote a book about what a great job she did
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I gotta say, there’s something poetic about the “players that made the team over Baertschi” line getting hemmed in their own zone and giving up the go-ahead goal
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a real league would have made the racist child molester team forfeit that pick but hey at least they’re also only 8 years removed from winning 3 cups in 5 years
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