eurydice
@eurydicelives
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people overestimate how bad it is to marry someone who tends to be upfront about concerns and underestimate how much damage can be done by a spouse who’s not comfortable expressing sources of discomfort or unhappiness
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Unfortunately I have never been able to rid myself of the observation that work is generally good for people and if it’s not for you there’s likely a good reason for that
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@hollowearthterf
people talk about women aging poorly as if one of the major reasons for it isn't living a hard/painful life
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whoops! it looks like you're trying to fix your problems by fixating on an insufficiency that makes you anxious rather than improving on one that would make you more effective. would you like h
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im so fucking sorry to post like this but being loved by a good person is an absolute miracle
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You think you’re getting more of your preferences fulfilled with less friction but there’s always the risk that one day you’ll get to hear about literal decades of resentment that they never made a peep about
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@thechosenberg
Lowkey tho she did this not bc he expected it but bc she wanted to care for him on a tough day and that’s actually v sweet and good
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many of us read that piece on Central American parenting from a few years ago where children learn from when they’re tiny to participate in housework: the key is to give them real tasks when they’re small enough to be interested, emphasis on real - even 18mo’s want stakes
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if you're in a bad mood i cannot recommend Doing Things That Benefit Future You Enough
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The children who are given tasks that meaningfully affect the household from the earliest they show interest are the children and then adults who do tasks comfortably and naturally
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“This is a good reason to never get married” well I agree that unskilled infants should be barred from marriage yes so go with god
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resentment is so incredibly good at making you think that feeling it quietly is some kind of morally superior way to live and not merely the way resentment manifests as an emotion
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The skill here is “not losing your mind if someone doesn’t like something you’re doing”
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I also think of it like working out/exercise - it can absolutely be overdone, is non ideal to push yourself too hard over, but is unequivocally good for your mind and body if you do a version of it that you like on a regular basis
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I do think that even absent clumsy additional info, "you're marriage material" is not a particular compliment to the modern man, and that is kind of a shame for everyone involved
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You want to make and do and create things in a way that requires your skills and effort, you want to see your direct impact on your environment
it’s part of being human, and the optimal economy is the one that makes optimal use of this tendency
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surprisingly few takes out there calling the male loneliness crisis a marriage crisis but tbh maybe it's time we suggested the culture's not doing them any favors by normalizing marriage only after age ~35 or so lol
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when you send him a thirst trap and he zooms in on your bookshelf
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you might be best off not by seeing the world as accurately as possible but by carefully optimizing the delusions you buy into
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borrowing from a dm but female neuroticism is non-zero due to everybody freaking out on your behalf all the time
a meaningful percentage of the messages you receive are either "oh no no one will want to fuck you" or "oh no you will get raped" just on a 24/7 loop from childhood
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if you imagine as a straight man a dating app without any pictures you have a feel for what dating apps are like for straight women
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far too much term creep on mansplaining. I’m tired of the accusations bc I enjoy smart men ranting to me about deranged niche shit. Yes, go off about the windmill problem king, I am listening
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under-addressed problem with age gaps is that hoping that women much younger than you will want you more than the best candidate closer to their age is kind of a risky bet
If you want kids you’re unwise to wait much later than the age you want your wife to be
Almost every single unmarried 40-year-old man that I know wants to marry a woman aged 28 - 32
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the funniest thing to me about the “I told my bf I would want to marry not hook up” post is that if I said it I’d be saying it would be particularly devastating to hook up with that person and never get to see them again (and for that reason better avoided altogether)
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having a serious longterm partner (or at least this one) has made me unthinkingably uwu. unimaginably kawaii. unacceptable levels of cutesified speech.
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It’s also like working out in that you can get overly careful about avoiding discomfort or inconvenience and lose out of some of the benefit
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i really respect that kierkegaard looked at the whole of theological snarls in christianity and just kind of gordian knotted his way out of it by saying "doing this is objectively insane but appears to work"
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okay okay hear me out: dating but only with people you really respect and like being around
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[8yo nephew to 6yo nephew] "after christmas we can be bad until new years"
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much messed up dating advice tries to make weird overengineered solutions for a lack of authentic mutual appreciation
if you want a woman to happily make you lunch on a regular basis it helps if you both just really like each other
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what is wife material to you; no physical attributes allowed
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hypergamy might be a more useful concept if it understood why your local girlie gc was talking about this man
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men do lie to women, like, a lot, in a way that is weird to try to blame entirely on women for not catching
at some point the degree of paranoia you believe a woman should have about men is indistinguishable from lesbian separatism
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Highly recommend tracking gym days solely based on number of days you showed up at the gym dressed for gym
pro tip for your todo list do not put down a list of tasks put down the first thing you are going to do for each. “work out” becomes “head to the gym”. “make dinner” becomes “put the pan on the stove”. “water the plants” becomes “grab the watering can”. etc
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fundamentally if you want women to invest in motherhood despite it being culturally low status you will not get far without men also investing in supporting motherhood even if it’s culturally low status
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men are so mad when hot girls get better treatment. stop giving it then. look in the mirror. this is a problem you can solve.
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dating apps remove male charisma and presence which is by far their greatest asset I cannot tell you how warped your impression of your own appeal to women will get over time by using them
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type of guy who doesn’t want to acknowledge his worth bc it will obligate him to do shit with it
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The thing to understand about sundress gate is that obviously men think women look cute in sundresses and most women (rightly?) find it threatening to their core sense of identity and agency if they overtly wear something men like.
It’s much more important that their female
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ability to maintain healthy platonic friendships with women is a hell of a green flag
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did not correctly predict how this thread would be received and i must mute but i hope you all keep having fun
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if you’re single, tell me why without referencing something you can’t fix, being self loathing, or complaining about people you’re attracted to
among other things, I go on like one first date every six months because they stress me out and I hate them
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not to be fake deep but wouldn't it be wild if your emotional landscape were tied to your vocabulary in the same way that some cultures don't make distinctions between blue and green
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something that fascinates me is the degree to which men are capable of believing that their experiences of feeling horny were entirely and intentionally orchestrated by women with machiavellian attention to detail
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more bold dating takes: dating where sex is at least casually expected prior to commitment sucks actually
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dude wouldn’t it be hilarious if the only thing between you and greatness was having a bad attitude
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no but fr you've gotta watch out for your brain's tendency to tell you that the traits you have that make you feel anxious, despairing, and inadequate are the same as the traits that are blocking you from achieving your goals
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Those who are good at bullshitting have unusual ethical burden around the use of their skills
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ultimately what more intellectual horsepower buys you is primarily the ability to talk yourself into dumber shit with way better arguments
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how would you respond if someone told you you weren't a good person to share feelings with
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type of guy who sees gentle invitations to playfulness as an attempt to embarrass him
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But men want to experience what they think women experience when it comes to being desired so they hear “I wouldn’t hook up with you” the way they’d mean it if they said it to a woman, and a woman they wouldn’t hook up with is unattractive indeed
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there are definitely people who say they don’t want kids/don’t want to get married bc they don’t want those things
And people who say they don’t want them bc they don’t think they can have the good versions of them
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incredible how trustworthy a person becomes merely by being a good steward of their own boundaries
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My mom is telling me about the website she used to calculate sun azimuth angles throughout the year in order to plan where to place windows in her house to the inch
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I’ve been thinking about how there are few better ways to discourage women from marrying then never shutting up about how women get unfuckable as they age
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the cringe lack all conviction while the based are full of passionate intensity
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type of guy who sounds smart suspiciously exclusively when talking about things you know very little about
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your great great grandpa was probably not going to the public square and declaring which women in town were too unattractive for him to get a boner for please for the love of god retvrn
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siblings have almost equal effect on the development of kids as parents do and a fraction of the ink is spilled on their influence
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women who never learn to be selfish enough to put themselves first are often agreeable enough to end up with men who are the exact opposite, this is both of their faults but it is very good for women to learn to say no and mean it
men in the bottom quartile of agreeableness expecting to marry women in the upper quartile
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It’s funny to think about telling my childhood self that the beach I loved to go to with my cousins would be where I got engaged
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what are we putting in the water that has all the men saying fair enough
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ask me about my beliefs that marriage is an distinctly different animal than a long term relationship
I got married to the LOML a few weeks ago and I am absolutely floored at how different my body feels now vs even like a month ago. I feel so much lighter, feel like I have way more agency, feel clearer, etc
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do you want hugs? regular sex? companionship? have you considered dating like you intend to get married within the next 2 years?
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so many of you have delusions of grandeur
So few of you will be asked to do violence for your children even once, so many will be asked to do tedious/gross things on a regular basis, it’s annoying to pride yourself on saying yes to the theoretical former
I've decided that it's a coherent position to have, but not if you have kids
If you wanna commit to radical pacifism as an individual, ok, but you're responsible for ur kids' well-being & you need to be able to exercise the required range of behaviors
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you can use this on yourself too actually; anxiety and excited anticipation are physiologically similar enough that you can get away with it
protip: you can act excited by things your toddler is afraid of and theyll immediately be less scared
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if you're a man i'm curious about what kind of emotional support you appreciate
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remembering the role of luck in your successes will make you much less annoying when you’re giving advice
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chewing on a theory that if you have to choose a way to be wrong, thoughtful commitment is a more fruitful way to fail than anxious or avoidant optionality
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marry someone who is just as trustworthy in a crisis as they are every day
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type of guy you trust to respect your intelligence enough to pose stupid questions to
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i have horrifying opinions on gender beyond your comprehension
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do you know what it’s appropriate to expect in a healthy relationship
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i used to think raised voices were fine now i think they might still be fine but it's a better experience to have a partner who's always going to listen seriously and carefully when you speak normally
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Im sorry about this but the best way to have friends is to make plans without scorekeeping about how often they return the favor
People who don’t reach out to you are busy, not angry or lazy; if you want them and you remembered to call, call
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have you considered setting up your life such that you would be a wise person to marry and you can attract the kind of person you want to marry
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as far as i can tell the less you know a person the harder it is to have sex with them that isn't harmful to you or to them or both and at some point it feels like this became a controversial take
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have you tried hanging out with people you like more often
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I’ve recently had a lot of my ideas coalescing around a theory that our messages to young men used to push them pretty hard into things that were (likely to be) good for them and now are more focused on pushing them away from doing harm
Whatever factors lead to this moment I think there is going to be a lot of male grief at not having families
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physics 101 problem where you have to calculate how much of your body weight you’re pressing in a push-up
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it's a mutual theory of mind but i think hers is in forgetting how little he understands of how women make decisions about who to sleep with
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kind of uncool that willingness to compromise can so easily be used against you
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first dates are a competition to see who can learn more about the other person (i am going to win)
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taking care of other people is at the core of masculinity and femininity and i think that’s neat
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@tishray
I do think good marriages are specifically hard in that confronting yourself and changing your behavior is hard
Marriage can improve you in a way that almost nothing else can if that’s how you approach it
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I have not found a better way to get other people to chill out than to reflect back to them in detail why it makes sense that they are not at all chill
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fascinated by the minds of people who believe
1 - men and women are different
2 - women have access to way more sex than men
3 - women turn down more sex than men
4 - women's experience of pleasure and physicality is similar enough to men's that 3 is irrational and 2 is unjust
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what traits commonly associated with women do you most want to cultivate
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who cares if you have bitches or maidens or whatever what most of y'all would benefit from is falling deeply in love with someone who loves you back, well
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do you have a vision of the kinds of things you want to build with the person you marry
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people really will be tweeting about relationships with this like "i want a FAANG job and no i have no idea how to code" energy
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