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Erik Cofer Profile
Erik Cofer

@erikcofer

Followers
345
Following
9K
Statuses
7K

Anxiety attack enthusiast. Writer, editor, educator. Contributor to @McSweeneys, @splitsider, @thetoast, and others.

Chapel Hill, NC
Joined March 2013
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
@erikcofer
Erik Cofer
5 years
I don't believe in the death penalty, but if we must have it, it should be reserved for extreme cases, like for people who set off fireworks every single night.
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@erikcofer
Erik Cofer
14 hours
@KLChouinard He's probably still an upgrade over what CLE had at the 3, and in fairness he won't be asked to rebound much when playing with Allen/Mobley, but some people were vastly overrating his impact on the Hawks--and vastly underrating the vets the Hawks acquired.
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@erikcofer
Erik Cofer
14 hours
@tomhaberstroh Still think the Hawks will finish with one of the 6-8 worst records?
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@erikcofer
Erik Cofer
15 hours
@SayWhichWay Can’t even feel bad for how many injuries they’ve had this year with the way they play
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@erikcofer
Erik Cofer
22 hours
@satosuguwlw @aubhryn It appears you did. But in my defense, I can’t read.
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@erikcofer
Erik Cofer
22 hours
@satosuguwlw @aubhryn That and commercials aren’t live. Companies plan and produce Super Bowl ads weeks and months in advance.
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@erikcofer
Erik Cofer
2 days
@GershOnline Looks like some sort of 90s broadcast for a local high school game
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@erikcofer
Erik Cofer
2 days
I’m short, not particularly attractive, and don’t make a lot of money. Still manage to get dates. You’ve got other issues that you’re choosing to ignore because it’s more convenient to blame women for your unhappiness.
Tweet media one
Tweet media two
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@erikcofer
Erik Cofer
3 days
@KLChouinard Lakers have no center and the Hawks added Niang, LeVert, Mann, and Tabitha Turner at the deadline.
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@erikcofer
Erik Cofer
3 days
@Grant_Shirley4 Need to finish it off
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@erikcofer
Erik Cofer
3 days
@LegionHoops @ClutchPoints The nursing home staff at 7pm every night
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@erikcofer
Erik Cofer
3 days
@LizJone55098804 @ryanteston Why stop at not having kids? Every second you’re alive is another second in which you’re causing harm to the environment!
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@erikcofer
Erik Cofer
3 days
@BTRowland @notskinnyortall So probably no more than 16-18 minutes
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@erikcofer
Erik Cofer
3 days
@BigWos This game has truly been the full AD experience
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@erikcofer
Erik Cofer
3 days
@Precision80 I like Hunter, but his handles have historically been a weak point and he is not a great passer or rebounder. Can’t really say he’s defended the 5 very much, either. Reliable shooter/scorer and decent defender, though.
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@erikcofer
Erik Cofer
3 days
So much verbosity to dance around just admitting that you’re a rather boring asshole
@Scearpo
Scorched Earth Policy
5 days
I would wipe out five million complete strangers to save the life of a close friend. I would eradicate 5 billion people from the earth to make life mildly more convenient for a family member. If my child’s life was in danger and absolutely nothing could be done to save them, I would press a button that wiped out the entire human race out of spite. I would do these things even if there wasn’t a button, even if I had to do it manually by hand in some sort of weird time freeze hyperbolic chamber of executions. An eternity of pleading strangulations for the marginal benefit of my inner circle tribe. Other people are worth less than my people. Certain living creatures are worth less than other living creatures. There is a dollar value which can be assigned to life. There is a dollar value which can be assigned to human life. This is not callousness, it is mathematical and measurable fact. It is calculations and formulas done by the military, corporations, and bureaucratic offices every single day. People who reject this reality ironically make the world a crueler place. People who embrace this reality are the ones that built the framework of why you live a comfortable and peaceful life. Never ever let someone “charitable” or “altruistic” or “selfless” try to tell you anything about how the world works. Selfishness done without zeal or neurocomplex is the most selfless act because it induces equilibrium in the ecosystem. The eagle does not consider the trout when eviscerating it with its talons. The snake does not hesitate when swallowing the eagles eggs from its nest. The bear eats through the stomach first despite the deer’s screams. The deer cannot fathom what multitudes of creatures die because of overgrazing done by its kind. The considerationalist is a menace because God hates you when you try to do His job for Him. Human beings were not meant to process reality outside of a 50 mile radius. Other people do not exist, and if they seem to, it’s to act as background characters for your personal benefit.
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@erikcofer
Erik Cofer
4 days
@KevinOConnorNBA A scenario also exists where you have something insightful to say, but let’s not dwell on things that are unlikely to happen.
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@erikcofer
Erik Cofer
4 days
@KLChouinard So you’re saying he’s in the doghouse
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@erikcofer
Erik Cofer
4 days
@_JrdnThms NBA media has been pontificating on Trae asking out since like his second year in the league. Crazy.
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@erikcofer
Erik Cofer
4 days
@johnhollinger In fairness, this was more like a 95-5 than a 50-50 loose ball. Was pretty clearly off Rollins live.
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@erikcofer
Erik Cofer
4 days
@BTRowland This one epitomizes the "game of runs" cliche
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