Emily Lucille
@ems_b
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1,004
Following
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The dodgers and I are not on speaking terms right now and I hope they are forced to drink Folgers coffee this morning
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Everything that is bad is orange: the Giants, the Astros, the President, candy corn,
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@khalilxblue
@HairflipsnChips
That is genius. I always hate the idea of separate ones because I use the bath to relax and then actually wash up in the shower
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If it’s not already clear, I would fight for and probably kill, to protect Matt Kemp
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My 7 year old just told me “it’s just a game” so if anyone wants a kid let me know
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Anyone who is surprised at Huntington Beach, clearly hasn’t hung out much at the bars in Huntington Beach
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Trying to rush with a toddler has to be the most maddening thing ever
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If Twitter was around during northridge quake, everyone would have been convinced the world was ending
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When you’re in the bar bathroom trying to evaluate how drunk you are
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I would rather relive all my breakups than relive that World Series
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This is the only thing I’ve ever been proud of myself for in my life
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Shit you guys, the vaccine has side effects. It made me do my make up
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No one is allowed to say one more god damn word about Clayton in the postseason ever again
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Has anyone thought to tell the Dodgers it’s probably best not to go down 3-1 in the series again
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My god, he is a whiner. There is no way anyone actually roots for this guy
Astros' Reddick: 'Pretty tired of getting screwed over by reviews'
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Does this mean I have to take a shot before every World Series game
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Goood morning and happy Saturday to everyone but especially to Dave Roberts
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One of the few rules in my house that I don’t wave on is my kid has to buy his own video game consuls. Took him a couple years of saving but he did it, with money leftover (don’t mind the hair, that’s not a battle I fight anymore)
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Our ace vs. theirs. Chicken strip vs. piece of shit
Saturday's Giants-Dodgers pitching matchup: Bumgarner vs. Stripling.
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What a beautiful sight
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The Jets are 0-9 and I’m still prepared for the Chargers to do some ridiculous shit and lose tomorrow
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My coworker likes Monday and Steiner over Joe Davis and now I need to quit my job immediately
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I just got hit on by a guy in white jeans with a large knife in a sheath hanging on his belt. Good to know I still have it
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7 years ago today was the craziest three days of my life. My dad died unexpectedly, next day I found out I had bedbugs and the day after that I had my son. Keep reminding myself if I got through that, we can all get through this
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@MissM4rple
@HonestToddler
I got a 20 minute tantrum this morning because I ruined his smooth yogurt by putting a spoon in it
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“We didn’t want to play for them” I wasn’t aware Rendon was more than one player
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In the last two days 5 people in my family have tested positive and my sisters’ mom is in the hospital so I’d appreciate everyone’s positive thoughts and prayers
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Today has been incredibly shitty, I totaled my car. But I’m focusing on the nice people in the world who helped me and made me feel better
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Gooooood morning to everyone but the giants. An especially good morning to the Los Angeles dodgers and their fans
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Good morning to everyone but the Dodgers because I’m not speaking to them right now
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I deleted my tweet because I had no idea how fucking sensitive padres Twitter is
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My order at Starbucks took longer than it should have. Starbucks lady thanked me for being patient and not yelling at her. How are you that miserable of a person to yell at the person making your coffee
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Can’t believe it’s already been 6 years. Miss you dad, tall tales and all. Thank you for teaching me the important things like to put peanut butter on pancakes, loving to fish and to hate the raiders
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This is the dumbest shit I have ever read. A man who can love someone else’s kids is more of a man than you’ll ever be. Seems like you have some insecurity issues
I’ve never understood as a man why you would date, or marry a single mother if you’re single with no kids of your own.
Seems to me he doesn’t feel he has options or doesn’t value himself as a man.
I’d feel like I was a backup plan helping raise another man’s kids. 🤷🏼♂️
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My kid has a history of random askings from Santa. This year it was a tuxedo
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My kid wanted to draw and this is what he showed me when he was done
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The guy next to me just started yelling at brock “this isn’t albuquerque” which uhhh I wonder if he knows the dodgers don’t have an affiliate there anymore
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Red delicious are complete garbage. Both their texture and their taste is crap
Galas Have Finally Edged Out the Red Delicious in America's Apple Wars —
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Someone is 9 today and I had a beer at the three broomsticks so congrats to me on my day. And happy birthday to him too
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I assume most men would want to have sex at some point in their lives
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I’ve figured out the most important question you can ask on a first date….”how do you feel about bat flips”
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I really can’t do this year after year, it’s broken my heart more than anything else in my life and I don’t think the joy makes up for it. I’m so angry and so sad
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We didn’t take any good pics but I had real clothes on so it had to be documented
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Victory workout complete, all my gym crushes present with one in dodger gear. There is no stopping me today (besides that whole work thing). Also guys t shirts>> women’s t shirts
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The game tomorrow is a first date so I’m really going to need them to make it a fast one. No trying to break records or anything
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Well someone’s daughter is a bitch
The fact that
@KingJames
is considered a “role model” while calling women “bitches” is a sad state of affairs. That’s somebody’s daughter.
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Today could not have been more perfect. We were basically the only ones on our first hike. Pictures don’t do it justice. 40,000 steps is quite a lot though
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My kid and I had an argument about if purple carrots were real. Instead of google, I specially bought some and put them in his lunch without telling him to prove him wrong. I win
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Happy birthday Dad. As much as I love you and miss you, I can’t get myself to drink a Heineken so I’ll drink some tequila in your honor instead and try and fit in a bad dad joke or two
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You guys.... my kid is talking about being a dodger fan with a random kid at the park and of slknthe things I’ve taught him, I’m most proud of this moment
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My season prediction is I yell a lot, stress a lot, over react and drink lots of wine. It’s bold, I know
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I will literally never not get angry about the Astros. I’m not gonna get over it
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Listen, we all disagree about a lot on here, but we can all agree thank god we don’t live in Florida
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I would like to announce that I too am in the best shape of my life and am also a free agent
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I could not love a human being I don’t actually know more than I loved Vin. I am blessed to have spent so many hours listening to his voice and stories. I am beyond sad
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Figured I’d get a pic in before I look like I’m going to the artic
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@DustinNosler
My favorite is people trying to rub it in my face that I had no hope. Like don’t you think I’m happy as hell that I was wrong?
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If I was baseball commissioner I would do the following:
- eliminate the three batter rule
- shoot expanded playoffs to the sun
-punish cheaters
-early morning games
- more tight pants
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This guy is 7 today. And although I question some of his fashion choices, he’s a pretty cool kid
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