Iffat Damji
@empathadvocate
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She/her. 29. Writer. Disabled/Chronically ill (LC, IST, seizures & more) Mobility aid user♿
Ontario, Canada
Joined June 2017
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During a time of deep despair& loss of purpose in life, I began to write this book in an effort to help young people w/disabilities/chronic illness(es) feel less alone. I want everyone to receive the compassion and care that they deserve.
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@Faeary_
@bibicosplays
I'm also thinking about the workers who are already burnt out from working at a grocery store in this God forsaken pandemic that are going to have to spend a lot of time cleaning this shit up.
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I'm in a really bad state mentally so please pray for me🙏 I'm incredibly burnt out and I can feel my body just giving up. Idk how long I can do this.
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People really don’t think about the existence of chronically ill and disabled people do they!?
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My mental health is really bad right now I’m dealing with a lot and honestly it’s too much for me. What’s making it worse for me though is the lack of validation and support I have at the moment. I am so sick and tired of being dismissed, feeling unheard and unseen. I just want
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Doctors have way too much power over our lives when we are chronically ill. I may not get disability just because my doctor doesn’t believe me even though the rest of my practitioners do. All I keep hearing is her screaming “you aren’t disabled!” in my face. The abuse gets to you
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It hurts when people don't want to talk to you anymore&when your family just leaves you behind bc they want to live their lives&you are just dragging them down. I could really use a hug right now bc I'm having major abandonment anxiety&it's really affecting me physically.
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4 years ago I couldn’t even microwave my own food and put it in a plate for myself let alone even leave my bed to go downstairs in order to do that. My mom had to wait on me hand and foot.
Today I helped my mom chop up some veggies, stir some food and I put it in a plate for the
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@VaxHuntersCan
I have severe anxiety, so I avoided getting my vaccine until I knew less people would be at the vaccination clinic. I finally had a talk with my therapist who convinced me to go b/c of the benefits and walked me through the process.
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I'm really not doing well physically, mentally and emotionally. Really not sure how I'm going to make it through today. I see posts where people tell their followers to send pics of their pets to cheer them up, so please send them over :)
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Anyone else with a disability/chronic illness hate the weekends because while your family members go out, you are stuck inside having to rest bc you are too tired and in pain to even get off the bed/sofa? It's so frustrating and lonely sometimes.
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I'm in a very bad state mentally which is affecting me physically. I'm not sure how I'm going to survive this but please pray for me if you can🙏❤️
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@alexandrite113
I feel you Amy I got long covid at 25 which I didn’t even know at the time and I’m turning 29 in May this year. I feel defeated sometimes like I’m never fully going to recover and this is my life now. I’m with you though❤️
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Birthdays are hard when you are chronically ill and disabled because I’m feeling so many emotions right now. Mostly angry and sad though.
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@losinghopein
@NurseWithSign
@SylviaJonesMPP
@fordnation
@DebraLefebvre
@birgitomo
@GrittyNurse
@Ontario_RN
@NursesWant
@CPR_Medico
@DotatumU
Honestly how the hell is Ford allowed to make decisions for an entire province when his decision making skills are clearly very harmful for Ontarians?! I think he should be in jail too not running Ontario!!
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Fcking Facebook memories reminded me that I graduated from university on this day 5 years ago. I can't stop crying bc I'm not the same person anymore and this degree seems useless now.
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Even if you are really ill on top of your chronic illness, you don't get a break from medical admin. You still have to make/cancel appointments and call pharmacies to make sure you have enough meds for the week/month.
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Anyone else with seizures or Long COVID feel like your vision is getting worse over time? My vision is so bad lately almost everything is blurry..(I'm getting an eye exam tmmrw so hopefully I can get my glasses back on soon🤞)
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I'm in shutdown mode at this point. I feel weak, broken and defeated. I don't want to do anything or talk to anyone really. It took a lot of energy and courage to even write this.
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Being chronically ill/disabled is not for the weak. Trust me you have to be extremely strong every single freaking minute of every damn God awful day.
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Holding onto life by a thin ass thread.
People that don't live with mental/physical illness(es) and constant suic*dal thoughts don't understand how difficult it is to stay alive everyday.
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@hi_its_annaleah
I used to talk a lot when I was in grade 5/6 until one day one of my teachers yelled at me & threw my desk out of the classroom for talking too much. Then in grade 7, my teacher told me that I need to talk more but I was already traumatized and feeling unsafe by then..
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Literally clapping for myself and celebrating the fact that I had 3 seizure free days this week at least👏🎉
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In October 2022, I started having seizure-like activity and eventually was hospitalized for a few days to be monitored. 2 years later, after fighting to be put on anticonvulsants/anti-seizure medication, I finally went from having seizures everyday to having 1-2 seizures per
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@lapis_lazuli11
I think you are stronger now than you were then. It takes a really strong person to keep fighting in the face of chronic illness(es)
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Considering applying for MAID at this point. I seriously love you guys and everything that you’ve done for me. Thank you all🙏❤️
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@HijaDe2Madre
Thank you for saying this. I'm really glad that I made the choice to get mobility aids to prevent a potential fall.
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Happy housebound Halloween!
This look literally took all my spoons
Housebound/bedbound Halloween costume challenge?? Here’s my entry, inspired by our old green screen, our dog’s nickname (“pea”), & this world desperately needing peace & liberation 🫛✌️
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I wish I could do more to help people out but when you can barely help yourself it's really hard to help others. I was always a helpful and caring person when I was healthy and I don't want to lose that part of myself just because I'm ill and disabled.
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Hey epilepsy community: do you think it's worth it to see a psychiatrist when you are struggling with the anxiety and depression that comes with having seizures? I'm at my wits end right now. No neurologist will help me and I'm struggling.
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All this gaslighting is starting to get to me. I feel like a fraud after my doctors yelled in my face that I'm not having seizures, I'm faking&it's just anxiety and also repetitively telling me I'm not disabled. Not being believed gets to you after a while&messes with your head.
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Things aren't looking so great for me right now. Would appreciate your prayers right now if you believe in that. Just feeling pretty hopeless about my recovery at the moment.
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It's getting really tiring for me to do so much everyday just to survive and keep myself alive. I'm doing everything I can and it never seems like enough. I'm still going to be riddled with this unbearable fear that just follows me everywhere. I'm drowning in it.
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Well I’m having a shit day my boyfriend basically just broke up with me because we are having a lot of problems in our personal life and it’s been affecting our relationship a lot. I’m trying not to go into my appointment crying now.
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TW: death/dying
It's been really heartbreaking seeing a few people pass away due to Long COVID or ME/CFS this past week. I keep thinking about how many times in the last 3 years I wanted to end the pain&suffering but somehow I found the strength to go on.
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This is what a disabled person looks like :)
This is what a disabled person looks like.
Share your selfies disabled peeps! I wanna see the beautiful diversity!
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It truly sucks not having friends IRL. I was sitting on the porch yesterday watching these two girls who seemed to be friends walk and laugh together and I just felt crummy. I wish I could be friends with disabled people in my area but it seems like they don't exist here.
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@VaxHuntersCan
I still went in though my legs were shaking and I had to carry a bag of ice, have a bottle of Gatorade and my mom by my side in case something happened to me but regardless I still went and actually yesterday I got my second dose 🎉
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I deal with chronic pain everyday but nothing beats the pain of loss and heartbreak. The grief is unbearable right now😔
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I finally got a professional haircut after 3 years! Luckily my moms friend is a hairdresser and agreed to come to our house to cut my hair bc I'm chronically ill and it's difficult for me to go to a salon. But I love my hair right now I haven't seen it straight in soo long! ✨
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I broke down in the shower yesterday trying to wash my hair. I was exhausted from being sick&I started thinking that everything was so pointless&that I don't even have a purpose anymore. It's really hard living in a body that's barely functioning. I don't know how to keep going.
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Hey epilepsy community I need some help. I'm really struggling w/ fear of seizures. My seizures have been really strong lately so I'm always afraid of them happening again. It's really affecting my QoL.
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I have really intense panic/anxiety/intrusive thoughts during my seizures and since they are considered to be focal aware ones, I remember everything and cannot seem to calm down even hours after one occurs. It's so awful. I'm tired but I can't rest
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TMI but I hate living with IBS. I have IBS attacks pretty much everyday now and it’s torture. I can’t seem to handle anything I eat now.
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I entered one of my poems into a poetry contest held by Polar Expressions Publishing a few months ago and I'm proud to announce that my poem "Broken Gears" made it into their book entitled Nectar: A collection of Canadian poems that features over 200 authors.
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Kinda ironic that no one is wearing a mask at a Long Covid event. I don’t trust these people to help treat us when they don’t even have the decency to wear a mask which is the most basic thing you can do to prevent Covid and Long Covid…The funny part is that they don’t even
What a fabulous event yesterday! Thank you to all the presenters, a wonderful showcase of all things Long Covid! Really lovely to see the long covid committee members!
#NHS
#LongCovid
@DrChinEzi
@lizziejbailey
@RebeccaMLiv
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The airfryer is seriously one of the best inventions till date. Like honestly I've been taking stuff out of the freezer and just throwing it in the airfryer. It's super easy for me when I'm incredibly hungry and no one is there to help me get food. God bless low energy stuff🙌
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My mom was "forcing" me to forgive my sister because she's family but honestly how can I forgive someone that's not even sorry and continues to hurt me?! Being forced to "forgive and forget" just makes me more upset.
You don't have to forgive anyone you don't wanna and you don't have to forget anything you don't wanna.
"Yeah, but..."
Nah, no "but." You don't have to forgive anyone you don't wanna and you don't have to forget anything you don't wanna.
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Please don't hold a person down when they are seizing. My sister thought this was a good idea and I ended up kicking her. Also don't tell someone to be happy during a seizure... Why just why?! Do people think?!
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I hate when doctors ask me what I do for work&I have to tell them that I lost my job.. I still don't see how this question is relevant to my care?! Maybe instead of asking that question you can ask my medical history and for a list of meds I'm currently taking. Idk just a thought
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People yelled at me for years to take anti-anxiety medication so that I would be "more normal" but I refused to for various reasons. Now that I made the choice to take medication, I'm constantly being shamed for not taking the "natural" route. What do you want from me?!
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I get unfollowed and ignored when I post about my books.
I get unfollowed and ignored if I talk about sexual and emotional abuse.
People always find a problem with me. Honestly I’m sick of it and would just like support and understanding at this point. Tyvm🙏
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It’s really difficult living with someone who has basically mentally abused you your whole life. I really don’t deserve the amount of abuse I have received.
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This is pure genius. He brought all the characters from all his videos together and just made one epic video. I AM SO SHOOK RIGHT NOW.
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All I've ever wanted to do was help people my whole life. When I became chronically ill/disabled I thought if I can't help myself how can I even help others?
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@bibicosplays
I got abandoned by all of my friends in real life when I became chronically ill and disabled. They stopped messaging me and made excuses as to why they couldn’t come meet me. It sucks and it’s lonely. I would never do that to them.
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I get dismissed a lot just because I have partial/focal aware seizures and they aren't considered to be "dangerous". I don't get prioritized medically at all bc of this. It's terrifying being aware during a seizure and not being able to do anything to stop it.
There are multiple types of
#seizures
, and any type can become debilitating.
#EpilepsyAwareness
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Sorry y'all I am not having the best day. I had a seizure after 5 days and I'm just super paranoid and anxious. I appreciate the sweet messages and will get back to you all as soon as possible 😊❤️
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My symptoms have gotten really bad in the last few days that I've been sobbing a lot. I almost contemplated ending my life yesterday and today I woke up saying that I don't want to exist anymore. The depression and anxiety are so unbearable right now idk what to do anymore.
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The conditions I developed due to Long Covid/reinfection are irreversible&possibly permanent. There's no getting back to "normal" for me. There's no full recovery either, only healing. This is my new normal&I have to accept that& learn to manage it to the best of my ability.
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You are lucky if you don't have to spend 90% of the day almost every single day like this
#LongCovid
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It really hurts when people tell me stories of people recovering from Long COVID after 3 years and stories about people who are "cured" from having seizures. Makes me feel like a failure even though full recovery is rare especially when there is a possibility of reinfection.
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I went 1 day without having a seizure and even had limited back pain (up to a certain point). It's nice to have a break from health issues even if it was just for one day :)
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Please support a disabled author & purchase my book (either the ebook or paperback version). I tried to keep the cost low so that people can purchase it easily :)
I have some exciting news to share once again. I have published my 2nd book. This one is a children's book that is near & dear to my heart. None of this would be possible w/o the help of
@Molimay2
who helped me publish this book.
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I feel guilty if I start a GFM or an Amazon wishlist because I don’t feel like I deserve help or financial support. I’m running out of money faster than I expected and if I can’t afford to pay for my meds, food or treatment it will be really bad. Yes I have my parents but they
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I went to get a chest xray yesterday and the building had a bump at the door that made it difficult for my mom to push my wheelchair over. Instead of helping us, this man standing at the door looks us right in the face and just smirks. Honestly how can people be so cruel?!
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@vvictorman_uel
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. It's hard enough dealing with a disability but being shamed just makes it harder. I wish they understood that and showed you more compassion instead of constantly taking their frustrations out on you.
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Looking for an illustrator for a children's book. Also looking for feedback on the book. South Asian people preferred but if you are also a writer that works!
Please DM if interested :)
#disabledwriter
#writingcommunity
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I don't own any purple shirts but I bought purple pants just for Purple Day today (Mar 26th) to raise awareness for Epilepsy. I have not been formally diagnosed w/ epilepsy but I have debilitating seizures and take anti-convulsant/seizure meds to manage them
#EpilepsyAwareness
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It’s so degrading for me to have to go back to a doctor that yelled in my face re: me supposedly being a lazy shit who is not disabled and just doesn’t want to work. I really don’t want to go back to her today but I have no choice…
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Question for the epilepsy community : do you get angry or have rage attacks before or after your seizures/episodes?
It's happened to me twice so I'm wondering if it's normal.
@BrainAblaze
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I'm getting really sick&tired of having to prove that I'm not just "anxious/nervous" & I'm having seizure like activity that feels like I'm dying every day.
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There needs to be more at-home services for ppl that are primarily housebound bc my hair is a mess but I can't find a hairstylist who can come to my house&fix my hair. I don't think people realize how uncomfy it is for us to go to a salon or someone else's house w/limited energy.
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I feel so hurt that no one on my mom's side of the family is supporting us bc they think I'm just anxious and I don't actually have seizures or anything medically wrong with me.
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Back at the ER. Had partial focal seizures for 3 hrs on and off today. I've been crying a lot. Haven't eaten anything bc of nausea and I'm in so much pain. Hoping someone can help me out.
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@JoannaNoBanana
Finally got my bloodwork done after 5 months of putting it off because I was scared 😳
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There's this assumption that when you use a mobility aid, it's supposed to be temporary. You are supposed to miraculously go from wheelchair to running a 5K. Then everyone claps for you. But what people often don't realize is that we don't always need to be inspirational.
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I’m fighting so hard to save myself but am I even worth saving?
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@alexandrite113
I totally get how you feel. Wheelchairs are so freeing for us but it's hard when other people in our lives can't accept/understand that. It took me two years to even buy a cane because of internalized shame. But I was so tired of suffering so f*ck it we gotta choose freedom.
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My mom had to go to the ER via ambulance because her blood pressure is high and she’s having trouble seeing in one eye. I really hope it’s nothing serious but I feel like crying and breaking down right now.
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I'm sorry if I ramble on here a lot but you guys are literally my only friends. None of my old "friends" even give a shit about me since I got sick. It's lonely not having any messages or calls from people other than doctors or your family..
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*Stress triggers seizures*
*Gets stressed making a call to my doctor so I can get meds to control my seizures*
*Triggers a seizure*
*Gets blamed for not being able to manage stress and "that's what's causing my seizures"*🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
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Why do I have to scream so much for people to hear me and understand that I'm suffering and in pain?
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I feel so pressured to get better or "be cured" and it's making me feel worse. I can't be my old self anymore and clearly my current self is not accepted. I don't like being forced to change myself for other people's comfort.
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I'm proud of myself for making it outside the house after 3 weeks. I was able to walk more and I was super calm and collected even though it was busy. But now I'm in a damn flare and my legs and lower back are killing me. Plus my chest cold got aggravated again..
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I don’t think I’ll be active on here much for a while. I’m having trouble typing or talking. I’m extremely burnt out and depressed. There’s so much hopelessness and everyone is giving me a hard time. I’m so tired I just want to sleep and cry all the time.
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@bibicosplays
Honestly you don't even owe them an explanation b/c some people will always be committed to misunderstanding you. Sorry you are being treated like this.
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I think a part of me thinks that my 29th birthday will be my last one because I’ve been fighting for almost 4 years and I’m truly burnt out now. That’s why I’m trying to enjoy it as much as I can but it’s hard I just feel riddled with guilt and depression like I don’t deserve to
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Sometimes I’m so sick and tired of living in a world like this. I’m constantly fighting for my right to exist as a young person with a mobility aid that is chronically ill. It shouldn’t have to be this way. I shouldn’t be riddled with this much guilt and shame all the time for
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I love waking up with a feeling of heavy sadness and doom. Once again I couldn't sleep and I hate the weekends bc it's just a reminder that I'm stuck at home in bed while people get to go wherever the hell they want with no consequences. This feeling of being left behind hurts.
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I’m glad I can cook again (sometimes) thanks to the rolling kitchen chair my dad basically purchased for me. I made some nice fettuccine Alfredo yesterday I’m proud of myself 👏❤️
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My chest is physically hurting bc of anxiety and depression. I mean I have heart problems too but I can tell it's bc of sadness right now. It's so awful.
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@alexandrite113
I don't understand how a mother can treat their daughter this way. It's just so cruel. I'm sorry Amy you deserve better. I wish you had money for delivery or a microwave in your room :(
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