Ahmed Yusuf
@elnino_699
Followers
453
Following
848
Media
1,052
Statuses
2,726
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Remember to drink water so you can stay hydrated while you suffer
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The post Fajr dreams be hitting real hard from first day 💀
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When I have no idea how to comfort my friends but I try anyway
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I never make the same mistake twice
I make it like five or six times
You know, just to be sure
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When you ask me how I’m doing and I say “I’m functioning”
This is what I mean
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Once you're in your 20's there is no need to set an alarm
Your problems will wake you up by force
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So today I was lookin at a girl bcuz she had a piece of lettuce in her hair & she looks at me and said "I have a boyfriend" ok lettuce head
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Sometimes I feel useless but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants
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Really need to put all my energy in trying to saving money. Beginning of the month and bank account is looking sad 💀
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Don't cry about your past, cry about your future
Everything is going to get worse
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Beauty sleep my ass
I sleep 12 hours a day and I'm still ugly
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And still single
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I like online shopping and putting everything I want in a cart then checking my subtotal and laughing and closing the tab
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I wish I was a cat, the fatter you are the more people like you
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Just imagine how great life would be if pizza made you skinny
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Interviewer: Are you good at staying calm in stressful situations?
Me: I’m not good at staying calm in relaxing situations.
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Am I the only one who have not watched a single match of the World Cup 😬
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When you first start talking to someone and you act all proper cos you ain’t sure when you can start being weird
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When you see something funny but you’re supposed to be offline.
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Best lie you heard was eat all your food so you can be big and strong
Now look at you
Just big
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When you’re on a roller coaster and you know the camera is coming up
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How can I be ready for the future when I’m not even ready to get up in the morning
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Don’t have a choice
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If you can’t handle me at my worse then leave, because I don’t have a best. I’m always awful
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Me trying to learn 5 weeks worth of work 10 minutes before an exam
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You know your 2023 is going to be kak when the first place out of the country is going to be Malawi 😭
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That awkward moment when you are at your friend's house and their parents start screaming at them.
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Shaytaans in South Africa looking at shaytaans in other countries get back to work
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Nobody’s more stubborn than an android user that won’t switch to iPhone
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Sbwl to spoil someone’s daughter with this
I have these beautiful abayas 3k each for the fastest fingers.
Don’t rush me!🤭
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Can’t top this
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I’ll stop putting “lol” at the end of my sentences when my life stops being a joke lol.
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Roses are red violets are blue
Your parents are very disappointed in you
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How I miss this place
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Me when I delete “Sent from my iPhone” to make the email more formal
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When your phone brightness is all the way up and you check your phone in the middle of the night
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“Ay chutya”
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Which is the hardest for you to say: 1. I love you 2. I was wrong, I’m sorry 3. I need help 4. Worcestershire Sauce 5. I appreciate you
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me on twitter: hit me with a car lol
me on job apps: im a self starter & team player who doesnt fantasize about getting run over by a car!
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Rooh Afza after getting moved from the shelves at the back of the store to the front display during Ramadhan
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Really feel sorry for the people suffering with load shedding. Must be tough 😬
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I stay up late every night, regret it in the morning, and the next day I do it all over again.
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I do it in 2 minutes
"The average person falls asleep in 7 minutes"
WHO THE F**K ARE THESE PEOPLE??
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It’s actually fun tbh
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Could never be me
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Therapist: let's look at why you feel like such a big dumb loser
Me: I didn't say that
Therapist [looks at notes]: well one of us did
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Kindly provide tracking number
The universe is about to bless you financially.
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Do it all the time
Are you confident enough to enjoy a lunch at a restaurant all by yourself?
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Gotta find someone so I can stop gym
A German study concludes that staring at women's breasts for 10 minutes a day is better for your health than going to the gym.
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Not much you can do in an empty room
You stuck in the room with everybody you had sex with wyd ??😭😭😭
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