melissa lozada-oliva 🍴
@ellomelissa
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poet but don’t hold it against me • DREAMING OF YOU & CANDELARIA • my substack is READING SUCKS•@astrahousebooks • rep: [email protected] •
Joined March 2011
my dad couldn’t breathe when he handed me this in a gift bag just on the floor laughing tears in his eyes
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back injury that altered his life …. unibrow…. close enough welcome back Frida Kahlo
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Dolly would never do this. She’d be like “well you GOTto take a pitcher beCAWs one day yer gonna take a look atcherself and say my, my, my, whatever happened to those years? now me, I just cawl my favorite surgeon. I don’t have shame. take a photo honey. it’ll last longer.”.
Miranda Lambert stops show to call out two fans taking a selfie:. “These girls are worried about their selfie and not listening to the song, it’s pissing me off a little bit. Sorry, I don’t like it at all. We’re here to hear some country music tonight. I’m singing some country
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Aesthetically I love this image: the symmetry of the coca colas, the muted corner they’re in, she looks like an alien fem bot, he looks like the guy who accidentally brought her to life by tripping over a wire while wasted; it’s pure Americana
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im kind of in awe at how out of touch this is.
Mindy Kaling introducing Nancy Pelosi at the DNC:. “This woman was doing BRAT before BRAT was BRAT. Ladies and gentlemen, the mother of dragons, Nancy Pelosi!”
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vaccinated people should NOT be doing heists right now. its an irresponsible time to gather 6-8 of your girlfriends to steal from the MET. cant believe I have to say this.
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what is so realistic about sex and the city is her friends never read her little articles.
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In my head Ice-T is the cop …. and he’s opening up the backpack …. saying FUCK…. It’s Monopoly money.
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Avril Lavigne walked so Billie Eilish could crawl on the ceiling & lay eggs.
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ted bundy: I raped and murdered 80-90 women .trailer for ted bundy movie:.🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬.
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I love when people post a lot and you can tell it’s bc they have a crush on someone.
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wear sunscreen, buy a lot of underwear, don’t Venmo your friends for $3, don’t over share in exchange for intimacy, it’s okay if you’re not poly, you need to read more.
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remember when we all thought Kristen Stewart was a bad actress but really she was just gay.
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only reason Billie eilish’s shoot is controversial is bc she has big boobs if the girl had little bitty titties it would just be like oh this is avant garde but bc she’s got giant knockers everyone is like “omg male gaze” or “omg shes empowered” just let girls have huge tits omg.
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really thought this couch was going to be bigger
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you know who doesn't have contracts with ICE?.-www.indiebound.com .-indie book stores .-libraries . don't buy your books on amazon.
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What’s funny about the coconut quote is that she’s quoting HER MOTHER. In this way the meme is forgetting the context in which it lives and all that came before it.
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Wait they’re just doing the Macarena.
BRAT EMERGENCY! Caroline Polachek e Charli XCX performando "Welcome To My Island (Remix)" no Roskilde Festival. 💚
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I would disappear into the woods if Martin Luther King Jr’s daughter made a thread about how I am wrong and started the thread with just my first name … I would disappear.
🧵 Amy: . Certainly, my father was against antisemitism, as am I. He also believed militarism (along with racism and poverty) to be among the interconnected Triple Evils. I am certain he would call for Israel’s bombing of Palestinians to cease, for hostages to be released….
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i love tweets like this bc they just have one person in mind they hate.
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another thing about severance that I love is that they all get radicalized by a book that’s objectively bad but earnest & true & can only mean something to someone who’s never read a book before.
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writing should be hard lmao. you’re supposed to be stuck. life is painful and then gives way to beauty you losers. we are going to create a bunch of people who feel miserable bc they don’t have the satisfaction of the labor of making something. efficiency is boring.
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sometimes when I wear white underwear while having a bush it’s like OK I’m in a Sofia Coppola vision board.
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it must have been fun to be in your 20s in the early 2000s. You’re all “I’m gonna go see the strokes later” & “ya I dunno I could see myself having kids” & then you just do & the ocean isn’t on fire yet.
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its honestly really touching to be in a park at then hear everyone cheer as they're looking up at the sun?? its so puny of us. we need to return to paganism.
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Watching Hit Man and it’s so clear to me that 20 years ago this would’ve been Salma Hayek & Matthew Mcconaughey.
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it makes sense that children would risk their lives to save a cat because they have hearts & recognize innocence & the beauty of a living thing that loves you & it makes me so fucking angry that our country cannot do the same for human beings.
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every use of AI uses tons of water as coolant. there is a DROUGHT in NYC and prospect park has been scorched. Save water by typing in “-AI” after your Google search for “is Moo Deng a nepo baby.” you dont have to use AI against your will!.
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there isn’t a crowd more ready for Pink somersaulting thru the air.
Pink is set to perform on the closing night of the Democratic National Convention and John Legend will take the stage tonight, sources say
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wot if we paid ppl to stay at home instead of telling them to wear three masks.
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this graphic is EXTREMELY HELPFUL when talking about reform vs. abolition. it shows the limits and harm of police reform (helpful when talking about 8 can't wait) & that abolition is actually the MOST PRAGMATIC thing to do if we want to end police violence. please share.
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I feel like I’m gonna hear Dog Days Are Over in the middle of June & lose my shit tears streaming down my face.
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we made the tip jars at the cafe mike faist vs. josh o'connor and we made so much money lol.
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I love my friendships with women who are in unstable places and from my wild recent past beyond getting a lunch or coffee or something respectful.
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you ever read “the clown from IT” like it’s this fuckin clown that works in the tech department who can’t fix your computer.
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texting your best friend is like writing in a diary about how much you hate yourself except the diary can write back and call you a dumb bitch for thinking that.
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Had a young coworker at the book store once who didn’t go to college & we were all trying to convince her to go & she was like “I mean you guys went to college right? And you’re here?”.
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remember how the video for "cry me a river" was about justin timberlake stalking britney spears & breaking into her home while she was showering so he could film himself having sex with with a hot model & how this elevated his career while she spiraled into a deep depression
Justin Timberlake's new music video is literally him rebranding himself as a male ally
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Jenna Ortega, Melissa Barreras, y Susana Sarandon rn
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2018 & there is still fleetwood mac drama this band rules.
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me:.college student: dear professor lozada-oliva it is with distinguished sorrow that I have to tell you I have a medical appointment three weeks from Thursday right after class. I hope it doesn’t heavily effect my grade but I completely understand if it does.
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you guys don’t understand brat is FOR girls in their 30s.
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ariana grande being on the voice makes me sad in the way it makes me sad when cool girls from high school are like "it's day 72 of my baby being 4 years old. my husband had a hell of a week at the real estate office .another day in new jersey. ".
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just cried thinking about how it must feel for stevie nicks to sing "i'm getting older too" as she has gotten older and she wrote that song when she was 25 and really had no idea what she meant probably.
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the world every day makes me think of this Nicole Sealey poem every day
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before considering mental illness drugs. ✅sun.✅make out w/ a feral dog.✅squirt Kambucha up yr p*ssy.✅grass.✅personal trainer.✅live inside of an iceburg (lettuce).🚫stop bein poor.🙏make 300 million dollars so u can have time 4 u.❤️remember u r fucked. -from my exp.
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all of you rich kids pretending to be poor better be voting for bernard today xoxoxoxo.
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Sandra Hullers performance in anatomy of a fall was so good but also I kept thinking of this
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I can’t believe a head n shoulders two-in-one did this
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didn’t know the last of us had a fucking San junipero episode im wrecked
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Okay I can’t stop laughing!!! My book is on a billboard in Times Square & miller lite sent me a cooler with my name on it and I have $200 in my bank account! I’m having a beautiful time :)
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is west side story just about a lonely Latina obsessed with a mediocre white boy bitch I could do that in my house.
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when of women of color tell their stories they get fired from their jobs, get dragged on the internet, spend money they dont have taking ubers home, when men like junot diaz tell their stories they win fellowships, get tenure positions, get featured on a late night show.
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my whole family keeps commenting on How I Lost Weight. I truly didn’t notice bc I live in a house where no one talks about their bodies except when there’s some kind of injury or if they are feeling cold or hot. body neutrality is sexy pls adopt it.
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Can’t believe my cat is now a child of divorce . trauma is cyclical.
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the killers Whole Job was making songs that made no sense except if you know a little bit about the Bible and love to gamble and it absolutely fucked.
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Imagine destroying someone with this much grace.
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Shoshana LOVES Taylor Swift, Marnie only criticizes her from a technical singing perspective, hannah makes her entire personality about hating her, jessa thinks she is Gwen Stefani.
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hi hello this is the best thing that's ever happened to me
We teamed up with @Melissa Lozada-Oliva (@ellomelissa) to honor the unapologetic women in her life with her poem "Bitches."
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He came back to JLO I have been practicing español para 20 años… tu no eres bebesita tu eres bebesota, frikitona…. Let’s get Loud
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A little horrified by armie hammer’s return to insta
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every indie movie is like have you ever been in love with a weird looking white girl? well, would you like to try ?.
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I’m sorry but have u read Elizabeth Warren’s proposal ????? it is intersectional, it is FAIR, it is RADICAL & morally SOUND. no one else is doing this!!.
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Remember when Book Smart was really good but then somewhere along the lines they were like “hmmm something’s missing. oh ya I know Jessica Williams needs to have sex with a high schooler.”.
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I wish not knowing how to drive was a feminist act & not a burden on everyone I know.
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So many requests to end heinous behavior but the one that gets me is “oh, and can you please stop saying you can communicate with my dead father?”.
Justin Baldoni’s lawyer stated that the decision to hire PR crisis manager Melissa Nathan stemmed from “multiple demands and threats made by Ms. Lively during production.”. According to TMZ, Blake Lively’s demands included:.• no more showing nude videos or images of women to
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nobody: .Lin-Manuel: TODAY is the day of the rest of YOUR life!!! You are a tiny baby little baby & You are suckling from my *makes cradling motions* breast & I am rapping to you about recycling. LET’S GO United we SMILE !!! Be brave *tap dances away*.
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what do u mean u r not consumed by every feeling.
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Why is no one talking about how offensive this one is
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the thank u, next video is about friendship. despite being a song about exes it doesn’t put exes or love interests at the center. it shows us that love doesn’t look like a romcom from the early 2000s but it DOES look like watching them w/ your friends.
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Your wife leaving you for Harry Styles builds character. A character named Ted Lasso.
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anticipation of waiting for my book to flash across the billboard
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not having a crush is so boring but so is being mentally well I guess.
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curly shags are for millennials who lived through the 15 year period where curly hair was a sign you needed a makeover & every older girl was like “awww do you want me to straighten it for you! could be fun:)” let me have my reclamation please.
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I am one of the few dumb sluts who is extremely sad that little women didn’t win anything bc it’s objectively a perfect movie AND immensely happy that taika won & dedicated his awards to indigenous kids while being a stone cold fox.
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love to end latinx heritage month with gina rodriguez saying the n-word.
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recalling time last summer when uber driver asked if i had a boyfriend & i was like, "i guess so but i'm moving to new york" and before i could finish he said ."i have just the song for you. u need this right now. it's the song . of your life." . AND HE PUT ON HEY THERE DELILAH.
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when boys try 2 talk 2 u about father john misty
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i can’t believe Lemony Snicket is reading my book
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To All The Boys Who Have Responded With “Lol nice” After I Used Creative & Effective Hyperbolic Metaphors To Describe My Day.
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sometimes i hear poems by men & i'm like "wow . am i in CHURCH?".& by that i mean i am bored & don't believe anything they're saying.
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thinking again about how I sent a nude by accident to my friend bc my phone is broken
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Jameela Jamil is this generation’s Lena Dunham & thank god bc we needed a women of color to fill this role representation matters!!!!.
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September is mostly a summer month it’s just more open about being sad.
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