Autoplatonic asphyxiation

Stay tuned for my new feature film The Bruegelist

Under no circumstances will I "confirm" my "reservation."

I like putting on death metal and then turning the volume super low just to be like, shut the fuck up.

A word is worth a thousand pictures.

@MichaelRosenYes 🙌👍👌🙏🤙 <— emojinal fine distinctions

RT @MichaelRosenYes: Did you hear this one? Some great examples of 'fine distinctions'.

Thrilled to announce my second book PHRASED AND CONFUSED, a neurotic plunge into history’s most loaded quotes (God is dead, anyone?) so I can selfishly figure out what they really mean. Big thanks to @ABRAMSbooks @profile @zackknoll_ & @dblackagency for helping make this possible

RT @Pettyyyboop: These multivitamins better fix my life.

RT @molochofficial: War and Peace, or "WAP' for short

Gregor Samsa awoke to find out he was the band Papa Roach

RT @jynxbby: omg babe the bare minimum? you shouldn't have

RT @DanManCarney: Your honor my client would like to play on his phone for a little bit

I may be artificial but in no way am I intelligent.

To err is human. To correct others, even more so.

RT @giucycouture: muffins are so 90s

Screw you and the one-horse open sleigh you rode in on.

I’d really love to “hack” into the “mainframe”

Batman’s rural nemesis: the whittler

RT @yeeeerika: daily affirmation: get a grip