eke
@eke___
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...and you call yourself a lawyer
Up and about in Lagos.
Joined June 2011
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Pinned Tweet
You either can, or you are unable to can.
You cannot cannot because cannot is a negative word and we are pushing out all forms of negativity.
Bless x
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Attended a Yoruba wedding last week.
Attending another right now.
Even on my wedding day, if there is a Yoruba wedding nearby, that’s the one I’ll attend.
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I ate fisherman soup today in Uyo and I’ve emailed my landlord in Lagos to send my things.
Bye guys.
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LIKE EVERY SINGLE PERSON THAT HAVE LEFT THIER HOUSE TO THR PROTEST GROUNDS!!!!!!!!’
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Anyone that has 18 friends on standby to join them on a date is a valuable resource for protests.
Keep them close.
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Omo polishing shoe is now 100 Naira.
This guy is saying price of Kiwi has spiked badly.
Anyway if you step on me, bring your 100 Naira. Nothing like “sorry” again.
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Older babes are not necessarily angels oo..
Sometimes dem Dey use open eye and experience to manipulate.
Older women older women... if she fuckup you fit talk?
You that know she’s managing you.
I remember seeing used condoms in “my older woman’s” trash.. I just removed eye.
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I hate when I’m fighting and I hear “him go kill am oo”
Who go kill who?
Use names please.. I want to know how I’m faring.
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Ibom Air rescheduled my flight and they sent an email crying.
I read the email and tbh if they say I should enter bus, I’ll enter.
They now even called this morning again to cry and apologize Incase I didn’t see the email.
Air peace is shaking right now. 🥲
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Start being bitter early.
So in your 30s it won’t be so obvious anymore.
I see many bitter people in their 30s and 40s. What advice would you give to people like me in their 20s so we don’t end up like this?
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1k airtime to the ex
2k airtime to the present.
So they can call their parents.
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Went to buy a dress for my 2yr old niece, the one I saw and like, they said it’s 51k.
Anyway I’m currently at the chocolate section.
I’ll buy the dress when she’s going for NYSC.
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When I’m a bit free today, Under this tweet, I’ll give reviews of several alcohol brands and groups of alcoholic beverages
I’m a bit experienced and I’ve always believed knowledge exchange is key to human growth.
I’ll invite
@cremechic11
as consultant and panelist.
Free Entry
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I was less than 9 the first time I saw two men kissing in Kano.
They were local men.
They didn’t learn it in yankee.
LGBTQ has never, and will never be openly practiced in Kano. Allah ya kiyaye, ku tsaya can dai da harkan ku. Allah ya shige mana gaba.
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@Mochievous
The father is clearly surprised and/or disappointed at the results.
The child is a truant who is probably misbehaving because he feels his parents can afford it.
That’s not an abusive father.
An abusive father would have properly brushed him.
That was a frustrated father.
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Coming back home with meat pie for your partner and children. 😍
Not knowing they forced it on you at the filling station.
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I need to scream this out.
SEX WORKERS ARE NOT SELLIG THIER BODIES.
THEY ARE SELLING A SERVICE.
SEX IS WHAT THEY ARE SELLING.
if you cannot cut her hand and cook soup, then you didn’t buy the body.
They are not even selling their vaginas.
They are selling sex as a service.
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Has someone ever done something to you that your reaction was just to sit down and think of exactly where you went wrong that gave the person the impression that they can do or audacity to do what they just did.?
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The finer the restaurant, the trashier the Amala
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Sowore cannot believe a protest is happening in this Nigeria and it’s not “his own”.
Segalink cannot believe
#EndSARS
blew and he isn’t on the Album Cover.
Davido cannot believe what he got himself into.
#SARSMUSTENDNOW
sha.
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Guys don’t let anyone use leg-shaking-crying-orgasms to blackmail you into spending all day fornicating.
Fornication is a sin and the should be concluded as soon as possible lest rapture meets you in the process.
You shouldn’t be fornicating but if you must, be quick and repent
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Every fortnight this japa conversation comes up and everyone that left are happy they left when they did and pity those still in Nigeria.
Thank you for your empathy.
But please compare your progress with people in the same country as you.
Focus.
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Why is Tems acting like she didn’t sing inside the song?
I know it might be a Big Wiz’s song (on paper) but she’s too young (in the industry) not to milk this song to death.
If I were Tems, my middle name will be “Essence”
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I follow Tony Elumelu on Instagram and tbh he’s living the exact kind of life I want.
(Don’t tell me I don’t know his off-camera life, you too you don’t know my own)
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A thread for Lawyers.
This isn’t for you high earning lawyers in fancy office buildings with relatively good salaries and allowances with clients that sends hampers during Christmas..
Nope I’m talking the lawyers that are almost always at Igbosere filing or chasing something.
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I don’t care how you see it or how liberal you are.
BUT a northerner taking over after a Northerner ruled for 8yrs sets a dangerous precedent.
And a Muslim-Muslim ticket also sets a dangerous precedent.
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I want to talk about federal universities and how it might affect your life for a long time.
And why I insist on private universities if one can afford it.
I’m using my Uni and course as a focal point.
Thread.
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Origin of sexual misconduct.
I don’t know about ladies.
But 70% of guys have gone through inceldom.
I think it’s 98%.
But I’d leave it at 70% just to be modest.
Happens first in Sec Sch where you just discovered yourself but haven’t mastered the art of finessing.
Thread.
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Have anyone realized that this Child marriage is tilted to one side?
It’s actually girl child marriage not child marriage.
Because it would have been fair to look at if a 13yr old boy married a 13yr old girl.
But no it’s a 40yr old with penis the size of her hand.
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Now that the the wise guys have gone to bed.
It is instructive to note that our parents didn’t have half the resources and access to information we have.
It was difficult to compare parenting notes cos everyone was figuring it out and trying to have the best child on the block.
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Found a street beer parlour.
Lmfao..
I’m drinking beer for 250 Naira.
Shame on you Lagos.
I think it’s an indigenous beer pronounced “Nyampyon”
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One thing is as a lawyer, you will hear gist. Premium gist
In court oo, police station, EFCC, tea break of board meeting, regulatory agencies... anywhere. Gist dey.
Sometimes you’ll see the watered-down version in the news and just laugh.
For premium pillow talk, Date a lawyer
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ALOMO is for Conductors.
ORIJIN BITTERS is for Front seat passengers that feel like they are not part of the bus even though you can see them there
Alomo is what you drink before you go for an Armed robbery operation.
ORIJIN is what your drink when the operation was successful
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Took a drive around the city and into a park-like place, they have actual trees and green land.
This would have been “Trees View Estate” in Lagos.
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Uyo is such a peaceful town.
Clean air, Red Keke Napep.
The way we have yahoo boys with their benz in Lagos, it’s people working in Govt. House with Prado or Hilux.
The people are quite polite too. They’ll rather not talk to you than insult you.
Lagosians in the Mud. ❤️
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Only thing is that Older babes don’t have time to play games (with you).
They are probably playing games with someone worthy.
If you are of good behavior, one day you might meet her older man and he can even get you a federal job because you are her favorite cousin.
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All the babes are carrying natural hair and mini Pot belly. ❤️
I’m watching this babe about to finish one whole fish alone and “Life” beer.
They are playing PSquare and Styl Plus.
I’m all for classics.
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I know it’s a bit early.
But this is a reminder that when it’s time to “eat the rich”, it’s not you that will decide whether or not you are rich, it’s the person(s) about to eat you.
So with your small corolla with half tank fuel, you could still be eaten.
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BULLET.
That’s the tweet.
Proceed with caution.
How can something so small be so dangerous?!!!!!!!
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I strongly believe that some people tell other people your business not out of malice, but mostly indiscipline.
So I don’t cut off those people, I just restrict the information they have about me.
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IRISH CREAM.
This was made for people that say “I don’t smoke but I do shisha”
You know what feeling when drinking Irish cream, it feels like you are taking something healthy.
That’s a lie..
Irish cream is Alomo mixed with copious amounts of peak milk.
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White wine is easily the most relaxing drink to have at home.
Few rules around how to drink it.
Hardly requires mixing.
And the best kind of white wine will be the Moscatos..
Only problem is as long as it’s cold,
You will get carried away and next thing you are drunk drunk.
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Meanwhile I had a meeting all day with “top people” and three times and three people asked me if I was married and how they know one or two nice girls.
You people don’t rate me in Lagos.
I’ll be going out and coming in, nothing.
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Vodka is not a drink.
It’s a phase in life and every serious drinker has gone through it.
If you are not going through anything in Life, Vodka will hardly be your 3rd choice. Whether Ciroc or Belvedere or Pushkin.
You can also use Vodka to remove tough stains on clothes.
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BEER!!!!
There’s no alcohol as sure as a beer.
Regardless of the brand.
Once you discover the beauty that is in beers.
once you let taste buds adjust to it.
once you ignore what people think your stomach should look like,
you’ll appreciate the beer.
When in doubt, order a beer.
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Going to check out the beer parlor.
Keke drop is 100 Naira.
Sitting alone
Owners corner.
Full breeze.
Omo.
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Or when she takes you to hang with her friends.
Hot older babes and Bros them.
They will be smiling with you but deep down you know they are laughing at you.
When your older woman is going to pee you will want to join her because you are sure they will beat you in her absense
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I’d be ashamed if my friend/acquaintance mentioned my name in a bid to bully/threaten my employee online.
You can still get your friends to fire a staff (for whatever reason) without making them look stupid online.
Say hi to your bosses Adedoyin Afun and Adekunle Obebe for me tomorrow. I hope you’re not a nuisance in the workplace like you are on the internet.
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If we are about to get into a fight, offer me Red Wine first.
It goes straight to break ur joints, relax ur muscles and then activate ur fornicatory nerves
Red wine is not manageable
especially dry red.
So if it’s not your thing, it actually tastes like Fola Osibo gutter water.
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The main use of Champagne is to prove a point.
That’s why you will never see anyone pour it into a flask and sip small small.
It has to be in a flute and in public.
And you will keep drinking so that more people will see you.. and when they are all gathered, you start vomiting.
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@tolusaba
My family will give me money to go to school from Kano.
Kano - Maiduguri = 7hrs.
But I will come to Lagos to see my GF who coincidentally was in my school and in my class.
Then she will fly to Maiduguri and I will enter night bus.
Lagos - Maiduguri = 24 hrs or more.
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That awkward moment when someone thinks you are a bad person.
But deep down.
You know you are not a person.
You are a demon. ☺️
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PALMWINE.
The only problem with this drink is trust.. as long as you are not sitting under a palm tree with a straw, chances are it will be mixed before it gets to you.
Fresh Palmwine is god sent
Sweeet and inviting.
Until it ferments inside your stomach and the Highness begin
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Haha... STAR RADLER.
This is for toddlers whose mother was drinking alcohol in her third trimester and the baby got used to it..
Those that drink star raddler are the perfect example of peer pressure.
And I believe at every sip, they pray for God’s forgiveness.
Because WTF?!!
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Older women will also stuff you with food and alcohol.
I know you think it’s because they love you... nope..
You are her animal and she needs to feed you so you are strong enough deliver yourself KPI.
When an older woman dumps you, their style, you will think you are smelling.
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With the good food here and the portions they serve, how won’t they be working out every morning.
Lmao... while you are working out in Uyo, your Lagos colleague is fully dressed and fighting with conductor or Lastma.
You’ll still get to work before them.
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Ebiye is a fool.
He didn’t make a “distasteful comment”
He made a “grave accusation”
And should answer for it.
People should learn that apology doesn’t overturn everything.
Maybe then they would understand how consequences work and put some thought ahead of their statements.
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Just a reminder that no one really knows how they will react to a slap from a stranger - until the slap hits your face.
So maybe slowdown with the takes and while at it, try not to slap someone first.
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Mango is the reverse of strawberry.
You know how everything strawberry flavor is tasty and beautiful but the fruit itself?
The reverse is the case with mango.
Everything mango flavor is shit but the actual fruit is nice
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Why it seem like Nigerian Parents are overbearing is because of how much they sacrifice.
We can’t be beneficiaries of Nigerian parental care and support that continues long after the child attains legal age and then turn around and act all western to these people.
E no follow
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It’s also lonely at the bottom.
Maybe even lonelier.
But we only notice the loneliness at the top maybe because people at the top feel entitled to company & association.
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I think it’s very unfair to make unnecessary videos of people in their homes or places of worship praying for whatever.
Be it husband, wife or helicopter.
They are in their vulnerable state.
It’s like making a video of you struggling in a job interview and sharing it online.
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You are doing yahoo, now they have caught you and you are looking for lawyer to help you pro-bono.
You settle person wey share format, you settle picker, you settle police, now you dey beg lawyer.
Please check your pocket, lawyer no dey fear money.
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You cannot be sure why your parent or other parents were not “Present” in their child’s life.
But you can be sure whether or not you were present and why.
So just wait small.
Time teaches everything.
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If you are at Landmark Beach and you lost your car keys let me know.
I found one in the sands.
When I’m leaving, I’ll take it to the security post and leave it with a guard and ask their name.
Pls RT.
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So... 20 reasons I’m not married and not ready to marry as at today 27th a June 2019.
1. I don’t think I have the financial capacity to.
2. I have some habits that I can live with, but will be tremendously unbearable for another person or people.
3. I retaliate everything.
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The Park.
If you bring your Lagos crush here to toast them.
Anything you are saying will enter straight.
If it didn’t enter, you are the problem.
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Again, you cannot teach or train people out of internet fraud.
A fraudster need to go to jail and have time to think about what they are doing.
Rehabilitating yahoo boys is like granting “Repentant” BokoHaram amnesty.
“Yahoo” is an ideology.
THEY WILL ALWAYS RETURN TO FRAUD.
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So I’ve been getting a bunch of “defensive” and “aggressive” feedback on this tweet.
And it’s typical.
The main issue of Northern Nigeria is denial. They would rather deny everything to obscurity.
The biggest crime is shame.
The biggest success is hypocrisy.
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Remy Martins is the Quiet sibling of Henessey.. they both face the same problems and almost same components.
Only that Remy Drinkers are a little more introverted and like to feel like they are mature.
Basically, Remy is Hennessy with an accent.
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So this shoe shiner was polishing my shoes and it starts to rain heavily.
I tel him to come in and wait out the rain.
Went to the room to sort some shit out only to comeback and meet him sleeping very comfortably.
I can’t even wake him up.
He’s looks like he needs the rest. 😫
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Hennessy VS and VSOP is more of a culture than a premium drink.
Even worse is that you have probably never tasted an original.
JW Red Label used to be this popular. These days it’s usually in First Aid boxes for cleaning open injuries.. like TCP.
It will happen to Henny
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RUM.
Hmm.
How many of you every tasted “Dark Sailor”?
Dark sailor will poison your mind against your best friend.
All you want to do is fight or steal his girl.
No matter how refined or distilled, Rum is the drink that will be served in Hell Fire.
Perfect only for cocktails.
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Law is like Pot belly.
It’s prestigious.
But nothing dey am.
Once you unlock your money level in Law, there’s no stopping you.
You will make millions in your sleep..
But before then.. all you have is an NBA sticker and the “Do you know who I am” line.
Be guided.
Fin.
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Good news: I made it to AMVCA
Bad news: My phone got “pickpocketed”
And I haven’t even been 3hrs in Lagos.
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Married people always worrying us to get married
We are no longer sure if you want us to enjoy what you are enjoying or to suffer what you are suffering.
Please tell us the truth.
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@KingEsene
I think most lawyers will advise her to walk away like she did.
Whether or not the contract is enforceable is a different matter.
They’ll sue her and join her new place of work. Those ones will rather fire her than continue paying a lawyer.
How then can she afford legal fees?
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Personally I am 30+ and I have lived.
Can’t say the same for my dad or mum at the time they were my age.
They were probably living for me and my siblings - and their relatives that still needed assistance.
It is unfair to overlook theses things and ridicule their efforts.
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for those of you under this tweet pushing your homophobic agenda and those generally exhibiting some form of hate.. congrats.. you found an outlet.
This tweet was banter and that’s what it is.. any other outcome is entirely on you and the rest of your family.
Bless x
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Jameson is an alte drink.
It represents youth and some sort of Political correctness.
On its own, it’s better off as a very good base to mix cocktails.
It’s also highly tolerable.
Regardless of your brand, you can manage Jameson as a second choice.
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Fam.. I remembered.
It was me who bought the land from you.
Guess what?
For a girl as well..
She lives with her husband as we speak.
Me that sold my dad's land to pay a girl's school fee, later she got pregnant for another guy in 200L, no body knew till date
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Okay people here don’t have 40m to leave. That’s fine and likely correct.
But you’ve left for over 4years now. How many 40ms have you raised to bring your immediate family/siblings.
Surely you can’t only love and show concern to Twitter people.
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Survival tips for young struggling lawyers in Nigeria.
You might not be able to compete with the bad guys in the industry for now..
But you will be able to eat and eventually save up to buy a car.
And maybe get married if you are into that kind of thing.
Thread.
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A thread for Young Lawyers, Creatives and everyone whose job does not require lifting heavy stuff, and raising people from the dead.
Guidelines on how to get clients to pay more for briefs that you know very well that you deserve more.
How to get them to pay what you deserve.
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I am today, with utmost humility formally declaring my intention to run for the office of the President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. Counting on your support on this journey.
Thank you and God bless the Federal Republic of Nigeria.
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Lol... their chances in life are the same with the men that don’t beat women.
That’s why assault should be taken seriously and not left to God or Karma
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@Osi_Suave
Lmao dem don tell me “come along” before.
I baff wear cloth.
Everybody liver fail.
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To the young men here, you should have an older/more successful friend in your life that isn’t necessarily trying to better your life. Not a mentor.
Just someone you can drink with and will gist you what’s happening in places you can’t enter.
It helps a lot.
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In my opinion, the NORTH will never move forward until the oath of silence is broken and honest conversations are had.
The rape of both boys and girls in the North is outrageous.
Those almajiris are not accounted for.
Most of them are raped and even killed.
No record.
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Aromatic Schnapps.
There isn’t much to write about it because I’m sure a good 60 - 70 percent of you have never tried it.
But me, I have.. a lot. 😁
And I don’t have much to say..
It’s really a drink for the ancestors and if you touch it, anything you see, you take. Simple.
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Also, a dying man owes no one kindness or anything.
I’ll be very mad at life and everyone.
So I don’t get the “oh so he was dealing with…. And yet so ….”
If I were dying I’ll borrow money from all of you. So when I die, you can have something to talk and cry about.
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So a couple of days back,
@Mochievous
tweeted about the unflattering attitude of majority of Nigerian Employees towards work.
This is very true.
But I want to point out a few reasons why. Not making an excuse, but identifying the root cause.
I’m focusing on graduates.
Thread.
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