When my 6 month old son died, a huge part of me died with him. Regardless of how much time passes, this existential loss will never be any less. What continues to shock me is how many people expect a ‘full recovery’. Expect me to have ‘moved on’. To be thinking about and feeling his loss less. I have made something positive from the worst thing that has happened to me. I’ve taken Thomas’ legacy forward, and I’ve become a paeds nurse. So that I can use my lived experience to give the absolute BEST empathetic care, to families like mine, from someone who REALLY gets it. And I won’t ever make anyone feel the way that I’ve been left feeling today... Why do I share these things? Because it is so important to normalise speaking about death, especially that of a child. Many people are worried to speak about child loss, as it makes people uncomfortable. Every time I post about it, I loose a few followers - showing that people don’t like seeing it. But just think about it this way: On the 28th April 2018, I was a mum of 2 living baby boys. On the 29th April 2018, I was a bereaved parent. One of my children was dead. I had carried his lifeless body into a mortuary. I’d witnessed a moment I could never have dreamt of, where I knew there was no return. I felt his heart stop, and I watched his colour change. In those 24 hours, my whole life changed. Child death does not discriminate. It could happen to anyone… #BereavedMother #ChildLoss #Grief #StudentNurse #FutureNurse #PICUNurse #ChildrensHospice #TogetherForShortLives #ChildLossAwareness #InfantLoss #TMFR #StillBorn

I applied for 4 MSc/MA courses in 2022 at 4 universities in the North West. I was successful in my applications to all 4. I chose to attend John Moores, completed all the required paperwork, to be told months down the line that the course was no longer going to run. I then looked to my next choice, completed all the necessary paperwork again, and again, the course got pulled. I then completed paperwork including long admissions essays for the remaining two, fearing that these would also be a waste of my time completing these pieces of work. After many, many emails from me, and reassurance from the university that the course would run, I was able to attend Salford University and have now qualified. Sadly, they have now also pulled the CYP MA course. The remaining university must now be the only in the NW to run the MA/MSc CYP pre/reg nursing. Does this not show that something has to change to get the required number of applicants? It’s horrifically expensive, the hours expected are arbitrary, and the demand put on students breaks many. Change is needed.

❤️‍🩹February is Heart Month❤️‍🩹 Most people will have already scrolled past this without a second thought. You’re probably thinking this doesn’t apply to you…I once thought the same. I never imagined that my family would be affected by congenital heart disease. On June 22, 2017, I was just a regular mum with a nearly one-year-old and another baby on the way. On June 23, 2017, I became a heart mum, thrown into a world I didn’t even know existed. A world of confusing medical terms, terrifying odds, impossible choices, and a fragile prognosis. I’ll never forget these dates. Surgeries. Procedures. Echocardiograms. Countless X-rays, MRIs, CT angiograms. Parents' rooms. Board rooms. Machines I’d only ever seen in movies. Medications that could literally stop a heart. Ventilators. Oscillators. ECMO. Life support I never knew existed, all to keep our tiny baby alive. It was terrifying. But it quickly became our normal. Seeing your child fresh out of heart surgery at just 13 days old-you haven’t even held them yet. You haven’t smelled them, snuggled them, felt their soft skin against yours. Only ever seen them through the plastic of an incubator, touching them through holes in the sides. Chest open. Lungs visible. Sternum cracked. Drains and pacing wires snaking out of his tiny body. But he was there. Defying the odds. Fighting. Living. And proud doesn’t even come close to how I felt. Thomas taught me more in his 185 days than I’ve learned in my entire life. He taught me what really matters. How to appreciate every second. How to make memories and love unconditionally, even when your heart is breaking. Thomas is the definition of a fighter. My hero. The person who changed my life forever. Before having him, I thought success was good grades, a decent job, a nice house, a steady paycheck. But those things? They’re just things. Life matters. Health matters. Support matters. Thomas changed how I see the world, how I live, and how I parent his brothers. Congenital Heart Disease is a killer. It needs more awareness, more funding, more research. If Thomas had been born 20 years ago, we might not have had any time with him. So, this month, please do something that matters. Learn about CHD. Share something. Raise awareness. Share this. Help us keep Thomas’ legacy alive. Because the truth is, one day, it could be you. It was us. #CHDawareness #TOFAPV #AlderHeyChildrensHospital #CHDkills #HeartWarrior #TomsJourneyUK #NHSs #AlderHey #Nurse #PICUNurse #Inspired

Lots of fun had with the kids this morning. It’s been a while since I last tumbled…going to feel it tomorrow! #SundayFun #Gymnastics #Adanola #AdanolaSports #Nearly40

RT @ejgarner85: Three years ago this week, I put in a last minute UCAS application to four universities to study children’s nursing, and wa…

@MargaretRoweUoS @UoS_CYPNursing @UoS_HealthSoc @trudycowan1 @karen_heggs Thank you ☺️

Working so hard we didn’t see the photos being taken 😂. Thanks for a really informative, reflective, and thought provoking morning @RachelFosterOE #Trustee #Governor #OneEducation #CPD #CPDMornings #SaturdayMorning #SaturdayMotivation #volunteer

@alisonpearsonSW Thank you. Me too. I will make sure his legacy lives on 💙💫 x

@criminographer @shitscaredmum What an incredible thing to do, and for you two bereaved parents to also be together must have brought some comfort x

A tradition created in 2016, established in 2017, and continued each year since. Every year, we wear matching @Matalan @AlderHey PJs to honour Thomas and keep his memory alive in our family traditions. His memory bear is dressed to include him in all we do and support a cause close to our hearts. 💙 Can you spot T? #CHDAwareness #AlderHey #TomsJourney

@luchep21 I’m so sorry you know this pain too. X

@ReneSpitzer97 I’m sorry you know this feeling too. Thomas was 6 months old too when he died. I agree. Christmas is very hard. Take care x

@TomStockum Great name 😉

@garner_gaynor Thank you. It’s one of my fave pics :) A bit of (rubbish) editing, and I have all my boys in one pic 💙💙💙💙

@SonDunne Oh gosh - thank you 🥹💙 x

2300 hours = DONE! Just finished my last shift ever as a student nurse! What a journey. Bring on the next chapter - PICU in blue! I still can’t believe I did it…all inspired by my beautiful baby boy, Thomas 💙💫 He may not be here physically, but he’s with me in all that I do. #TomsJourneyUK #StudentNurse #Preceptorship #Nurse #QualifiedNurse #NHSNurse #BereavedMother #ChildLoss #BabyLoss

@mimigk1492 Maaaaate!!!!! Made up for you!! Congratulations!!!!