ᏕᎧᎷᏰᏋᏒ ✟
@e_cdysis
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He/him. 32. Shattered soul; tattered mind. 𝔚𝔥𝔢𝔯𝔢 𝔥𝔞𝔰 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔰𝔲𝔫𝔩𝔦𝔤𝔥𝔱 𝔤𝔬𝔫𝔢? 𝔗𝔥𝔢 𝔩𝔞𝔰𝔱 𝔬𝔣 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔰𝔬𝔪𝔟𝔢𝔯 𝔭𝔢𝔱𝔞𝔩𝔰 𝔣𝔞𝔩𝔩.
Joined September 2021
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Updated intro:🕯
He/Him. 32.
Cat dad & wife guy.
Vegetarian.
Tea enthusiast. 🍵🖤
I love:
🕸 Berserk/Hellsing
✨️ Soulsborne
🎮 Horror games
🕸 Bad Omens/Ateez/BMTH
🎶 Metalcore & K-pop
🧶 Crochet
📚 Books
🕸 Junji Ito
✨️ Writing
🧸 Cozy life
🌻 Sunflowers
🕸 Anime & manga
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I know I'm a small account and not popular by any means, but I want to say thank you to all of you who have made me feel seen and important.
Even by small interactions!
I love you. 💙
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I'm alive and home from the hospital.
I'm still a little overwhelmed right now, but I will be getting back to comments and messages over the next few days.
Thank you so much for your care and support and, in general, putting up with me.
🥲💙
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I really wanted to harm myself earlier in some way. I badly wanted to walk to get something to hurt myself with. Instead I did the opposite and walked and got comfort food for dinner and a favorite treat.
Idk. Rewiring my brain or something? 🤷🏻♂️
But for real, proud of myself.
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I ended up getting the red and black one, and I'm so happy with it. 🥹
❤️🖤❤️
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I have lost a lot of followers since I've been struggling lately.
I'm not upset or anything, but I just wish I could be a super positive and upbeat person all of the time.
The reality is I can't. I'm sorry if this makes it hard to follow me at times.
I'm trying my best. 💙
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Vegan breakfast!
Biscuits and gravy, potatoes, and scrambled eggs. 😍
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Any tips to get through seasonal depression on top of really bad regular depression? 😣
I'm feeling it and struggling.
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Let's see your glow up transformation?
(I feel so much more like myself)
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Looking for similar mutuals!
I'm Christopher, or Somber. ✌️
Neurodivergent.
POTS & Fibromyalgia.
In recovery from BPD, ED, & Depression.
Hobbies (new and old):
Gaming
Art
Reading/Writing
K-pop (Atiny)
Crochet
Horror anime/Manga
& all things cozy. ✨️
(♡/RT?)
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🥹 my wife just sent me this as she's getting ready for her friend's wedding.
My jaw dropped. I'm so lucky and have the prettiest wife. I miss her. She's been so busy with bridesmaid stuff that I haven't seen her much.
I can't wait until things get back to normal.
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We are extremely cute.🌻Lol.
(Sunflowers are my favorite, so I had to)
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I've been debating doing one of these because I'm so new to learning language, but I want to make friends/mutuals.
#langtwt
Facts about me:
- 29
- He/Him
- learning Korean (maybe others later)
- beginner artist
Interests: Art, language, books, k-pop, spirituality, and anime.
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Buttered cinnamon sugar toast is superior and you can't convince me otherwise. 💙
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Haircut!! I'm so happy.
I can't wait to see my curls after it's washed and dried later. 🥹 I feel like a new man.
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Since I had such a hard night, I ordered these little friends because I wanted more cute fall decorations. 🥹🍁
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I'm feeling extremely alone and like I'm invisible. It's painful. I just feel like I don't exist.
I know I just need to keep going and trying, but I'm so tired.
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Why is this picture so precious??? 🥺
I love him so much.
Showing off his fluff.
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Us from earlier today! 💙☺️
It was a beautiful wedding, but I'm ready to go get into comfy clothes and rest in the hotel room.
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I just cleaned up my room the best I can. You can actually see the floor. 🥹
Idk, it might not be much. It was just a mess. I finally unpacked and put away clothes and everything that was on my floor.
Even cleaned off my chair.
Next is the desk! Probably tomorrow. 💙
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At my wife's work. ✌️
Full Body Friday LFG
Let’s see those full body Pics!
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Therapy went good today.
I think it was what I needed. She was extremely helpful and said it sounded like I was experiencing some pretty intense anhedonia, which is spot on.
She did agree that I need therapy once a week right now and is doing just that.
I feel relieved.
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We went to the ATEEZ popup for the concert tour merch! 💙 It was cute.
The actual concert is on Sunday, but I wanted to check out what they had before it was gone.
I got a tour shirt and a San photoset.
My wife got a phone charm and a hairclip. Happy we went! ✌️
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This is my hair dry! It isn't super vibrant, but the shade of blue is nice. 💙
I think after my haircut this week, I'm going to dye the rest a dark purple.
You can't go wrong with purple and blue!
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I just got a phone call and... I might get my top surgery next Friday. There was a last minute cancelation and I get to decide between next Friday and March 13th. I'm excited either way. I might just say to hell with it and do it Friday. 😍 it's so overwhelming. Omg.
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I stalked her tumblr for the longest time and admired her from afar because I thought she was the coolest/prettiest, until one day I decided to reply to something and we started talking and eventually confessed that we liked each other and I've been with her ten years now. 🥲
Couples… don’t all speak at once but… how did you meet your other half?
Indulge me I’m a romantic!
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I did some cool art the other day.
I used my gel pens and a gold marker. ✨️
I decided to frame it and hang it, because I actually am really proud.
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New hair!
Silver and purple. 💜🥹
I also got a haircut and have it straight for once.
I love it!
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My wife got me these and they suit me so well. 💙
They're citrine.
I'm going to literally wear them with everything. 🥹
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I can't sleep, so I just did my hair and a bit of makeup?? Idk.
I missed this look. I used to wear it a lot like this, but I stopped wearing makeup.
Anyway! Hi. Lol
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I feel like I'm going to end up attempting suicide again if I don't go to the hospital soon.
I'm not sure I have it in me to cope alone anymore. I mean, idk, there's not much they can do.
But it does give me a place to rest, reflect, and focus on myself until I'm safer.
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I saw a post today that said, "The secret to life is always having something to look forward to, no matter how small."
I really just felt that in my soul.
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What's in my Cinnamoroll bag:
Wallet
Both my earbuds and earplugs
Hand cream
Lip balm
Nausea and anxiety meds
Granola bar
Nothing exciting, but the basics!
🥹💙
I'll try to do my backpack version in the morning. It'll be more fun.
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Someone complimented my Crocs in the elevator. She said they were rad.
I was like, "Thank you, they're actually my first pair."
She was like, "Really? They're fantastic."
I was like 😎✌️
Another show and tell. In all their glory.
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My psych said if my diagnosis did change, it would be to schizoaffective bipolar type and she'd love to spend an appointment talking about it all and also any questions I have for her regarding it as well.
I'm happy I brought it up. It felt productive! ✌️
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2020 vs 2024
God, I feel self conscious doing this, but it just shows me how far I've come and how much better I feel about myself now.
Not only that, but I'm honestly more comfortable with my appearance.✌️
Definitely looking more handsome.
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Good news!
I think Lexapro has even helped my anxiety/intrusive thoughts, too, along with my depression. I've been so level and mellow lately. Barely any suicidal thoughts or meltdowns. I feel slightly normal.
Hello, who is this?
Mr. Stable mental health, that's who.
😌🫶
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My top surgery is scheduled for 9:30 in the morning. My anxiety is setting in quite a bit.
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My wife and I have made plans to get cozy in the living room later and watch Corpse Bride. She's never seen it and the last time I watched it was years ago!!!!
I want to make popcorn and light a fall candle, too. 💙
We might get sushi? I'm craving cucumber avocado rolls rn.
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Shout out to the girl at the psych ward whose boyfriend brought her these, and she shared them with us all.
I would've never thought to have eaten them until now, but... they're strangely addicting so I bought my own. ✌️
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New hair.
I really like it. I got a lot cut off, so I'm still getting used to it since it hasn't been cut in a while. It's nice, though. 💙
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I've gained some weight from my new medication, and I honestly did not freak out or anything. I told myself, "Ah, well that's unfortunate." Then went on with my day.
I'm not sure what's happening to my brain, but I'm just so grateful that I'm getting better.
That's progress.
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Peach dragonfruit smoothie!
It's so pretty. ✨️
We'll see if I can keep it down.
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Beauty capturing beauty. 🥹🫶
We were at the lake for a while, just relaxing and enjoying the scenery and I snuck this picture of my wife. 🍂
I love it so much.
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Bye for now, everyone. 💙
Take care.
Idk when I'll be back.
It could be a week. It could be a month or so. Only time will tell, I guess.
Love you guys!
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I went on a little walk. Even if it wasn't a long one, it was still nice to get some fresh air! 💙
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Chocolate pancakes from lunch.
🥹💙
I had a lot of fun and friend time was much needed. I'm glad I went.
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I made myself go on a walk before getting my package! 💙
It's extremely beautiful out rn. I love it.
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I forgot to show this leaf I picked up the other day!
I had been watching it change color for so long on a tree I always walked past here. One day, I noticed it was on the ground finally; the leaves next to it still changing.
My wife pressed and laminated it for me. 🫶
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Idk, I feel kind of cute. 🤷🏻♂️
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Here's my wife's basket I put together.
She loved it all. 🥹🫶I love mine too, but haven't had energy to take pictures yet. I will soon. 💙
Anyway, tiny thread of the items in the basket I got for her.
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Good morning/afternoon!
My wife and I got breakfast at the bakery down the street today. I got an egg and cheese croissant and strawberry scone. 💙
I have half the scone for later! It was delicious.
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I'm already looking at fall bucket list ideas I want to do for this year! 🍂👻
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I know it's been only a little over two weeks since I started my new med, and it's such a low dose, but I feel like it's helping?
I'm feeling more hopeful anyway, I think. It's hard to tell. The apathy I was feeling is letting up somewhat, and I'm looking forward to things more.
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I got a binder to organize my stickers in! (I am a sticker hoarder, so we'll see how this goes)
I'm at least going to put my favorites in it. ✌️
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Ever since the phone call with my therapist, I have felt so exhausted and like crying. It was just a lot to talk about. She ended up talking to me for almost an hour about everything.
It was good for me, but just a lot.
She is going to check in tomorrow as well.
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Good morning!
I have just unlocked a new safe food combination: putting cinnamon on my peanut butter toast.
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Therapy went well today!
I feel it was much needed to have my feelings validated regarding the emptiness and void I'm feeling as I figure out my new emotions and the future ahead of me taking suicide out of the equation rn.
I'm doing well and I need to accept that! 💙
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Qrt with a pic where you felt pretty. 🍃✨️
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My wife baked late night cookies, knowing I didn't feel well. They were delicious. 💙 now I rest.
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My shirt for the wedding arrived! 🥹
I feel like it is a perfect fit and looks nice. I am looking forward to getting the rest of my outfit. ✨️
(Forgive how rough I look. I'm exhausted.)
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I'm trying to get myself pumped for fall more than I ever have tbh. I'm going to romanticize the shit out of it, okay.
I've been so depressed for so long that I deserve to go all out even more than usual this year.
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I did relapse and my 2 1/2 years self harm free is now starting from the beginning. It was a slip up, yes. I haven't felt all of my feelings regarding it yet, but my wife comforted me and made sure I was okay before heading out.
We went to a cute coffee shop for treats. 💙
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My friend and I were talking about a pool date soon and her daughter coming along. We have an adult size inflatable pool, so it's perfect to put out back on hot days.
Also, cooking outside on the grill and messing around with my bubble guns. Haha.
Living our best lives!
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