Dumb Bandit Capital, LLC
@dumbbanditcap
Followers
833
Following
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Media
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Statuses
1,848
Lizard hunter and good boy. 50% vicious Pit Bull, 50% victim Beagle. 100% Eater of 🦎, Engaged to Jetsia, I’m taken, don’t DM me hoes 💍🚫
Joined March 2023
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Ungrateful ass pr*ck. They took my balls they ain’t even ask. Ida said no, I ain’t outta my mind. They drugged me and I woke up without my balls and a cone round my damn neck. Next thing u know I’m in the car on my way to live with a white couple that listens to Creed & Cher
I got a vasectomy 26 years ago, and here's what I noticed:
There were no protestors, no one trying to get me to change my mind, no unnecessary medical scans, and no 48 hour waiting period.
It's like I was trusted to make my own medical decisions. 🤨
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I’m Bandit. I’m 2 years old, I’m in Florida, and I once pissed on a Joe Biden sign. Why? Because I’m an alpha male, not some kind of homosexual pussy
I’m Harry Sisson, I’m 21 years old, I’m in New York, and I’m voting for Joe Biden in November.
How about you?
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My mom is getting suspiciously fat too
Alexandria Daddario
Margot Robie
Nina Agdal
All have announced their pregnancies in the last month
The great American TFR resurgence through Millenial influencers/actors has begun
Greatest country on this planet
🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸
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I love my woman
I do not respect women
We exist
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My mom is treating me like sh*t because I caught a 10 inch lizard (huge W) , women are some of the dumbest people on earth
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Got my mom kicked out of Trader Joe’s lmaooooooo
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I eat bugs and lizards off the street and I wouldn’t eat any of this p*ssy headed f*ggots food
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Women are not sentient. Neither are golden doodles. Follow me for more life advice
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You already are
I’m married. Now I can finally get fat. Hell yeah
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Too many you bastards called me fat my moms literally measuring my food again. Rot in hell p*ssies, I hate you so much
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My mom swaddled me
Shits embarrassing man
Gotta get tf out of here
Low key tho I felt safe AF in the thunderstorm lmfao no homo
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I hate Golden retrievers they so creepy lookin
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Hurricane season in Miami starts June 1st. I’m prepared. Are you?
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POV you’re a 2 year old on your last 30 seconds of life
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My mom is putting me on a diet so I’m a less attractive target to the Haitians. This is fucked up man I got enough problems. I’m so hungry rn
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If my mom would simply stay unproblematic like me she wouldn’t get herself cancelled online every week
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Lock jaw and shake lmfaooooooo jk
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Women on here complaining about dogs not being trained. You are a woman, why would I listen to you? I am an alpha male
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My gramps was tortured by that rat bastard Anthony Fauci. He was just a beagle but he was a smart man. Thats why he mated with the most vicious pit bull he could find to secure the family bloodline. I’ll make you proud gramps, I love you
Beagle puppies rescued from a medical testing facility got to meet Snoopy.
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This chick came up to me and took a selfie cuz I’m famous round here. My bitch bout to be pissed af, ain’t nothin I could do, these hoes be snappin pics quick
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I don’t normally come here to brag but I pooped 4x yesterday
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Thank you for 700 followers. If you could all Cash App me just $1 I could afford to escape the longhouse and travel by boat to Costa Rica & be a free village dog. A Cuban guy gave me a really good deal. Please consider it 🙏🏻
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Voting for Kamala to get $50,000 for my business. My business is getting me and my woman to Costa Rica
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Vet said I’m 8 pounds overweight and kibble is healthier than fresh food. Crackhead ass n****
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@MedGold_
Back when I was single I was the best wing man you’ve ever seen Med Gold bitches be coming up to me out of nowhere saying how cute I am and touching on me I ain’t even gotta do nothin I just got it like that bro
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I was given a bath against my consent. I hate my mom. I want to go back to doggy day care. I’m the Top G there. They let me do what I want. People respect me
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I caught a lizard as he was trying to eat a worm lmaooooo the food chain ends here bitch
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If you want to speak to my woman you can go though me.
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I would thrive leash free in the jungle. Only thing stopping me is the longhouse.
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POV you’ve just pissed me off and now you’re getting mauled
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THERE IS A NUCLEAR WAR HAPPENING OUTSIDE MY HOUSE!!!!!
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We had the real thing - why’d you have to double cross me you whore
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Shut up ginger. At least I have a soul
Someone has to say it.
Dog culture is out of control.
Can’t walk without getting barked at.
Barking in backyards at 7am on Saturday.
Dogs in stores, restaurants, even airplanes.
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My mom took pics for like 20 minutes it was gay
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I’ve only been taken outside for a walk ONCE today - this is fucking BS
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Ugly
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Hell yeah brother
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I was not given lunch today. This will not be forgiven
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Got a free snack on ground outside Pollo Tropical and my mom got mad. Women don’t understand the good things in life and that’s why they’ll never be happy
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Gazing at the sunset, thinking about my girl. It’s not gay, she’s a woman
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The rumors are false. I would never eat a vegetable. I’m not gay. I like to catch and eat my own food while the food is suffering
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When there are no women around I can relax and be myself
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THIS IS AI GENERATED. I DID NOT KISS HER. THIS IS FAKE. JETSIA PLEASE CALL ME
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My mom gets to pick up my poops 2-3x per day. I am a gift from God and my poops are presents
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Got a bath last night… called the humane society but no one picked up. My mom put coconut oil on me after. I licked it off. Stop trying to make me gay woman
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That’s so funny because I f*cking hate women in tech
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Lady at the bakery recognized my rizz and gave my mom a piece of ham to give to me. I ain’t fooled, I know who the ham came from. I’d leave my mom for this lady any day , I love her more than my mom
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POV a bloodthirsty APEX predator is coming at you and you have 15 seconds to live
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I almost caught a light gray iguana about 1 foot in length
Boys - my day will come soon
Inshallah 🙏🏻
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Single & my DMs are open for casual flings. Not ready 2 fall in love & I don’t trust women. No chihuahuas I got enough crazy in my life. No fatties, one eyed pirate lookin mfs, no 3 legged gimps, no Irish bulldogs y’all ugly. I prefer a put bull ages 3-7. No ran through hoes
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My mom singing me a lullaby because she thinks I’m gay and afraid of the thunder storm. No bitch I’m afraid of your singing voice. Is that the sound of broken glass scratching against metal? Bitch SHUT IT , I’m tryina BARK AT THE STORM
#alphamales
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Sometimes I gotta pinch myself like damn I really live with a white lady. This morning 9am she listened to Cher. It’s a long way frm the hood fr
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Sometimes I love my mom and then I remember what happened to Old Yeller. Can't trust skin walkers, gotta stay awake
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Another rainy day, makes you think about what’s important (saving $700 and moving me & my girl to Costa Rica to start over)
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Let me loose in Springfield OHio I’ll take care of it
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Golden retrievers will never get what I been through. I seen the streets. White boys don’t know shit
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A NUCLEAR WAR JUST HAPPENED OUTSIDE MY HOUSE
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Eat my ass f*ggot
The UK is banning Pit Bulls, saying the breed exhibits a "pattern" of dangerous and violent behavior. Should we follow suit?
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Abandoned, forgotten about. Trying to appreciate the small things
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White women will come on here & talk shit about how they don’t love their dogs as much as their kids and how they gon use us for “protection”…. Bitch I ain’t protecting you from SHIT… if a burglar comes in w/e, what you expect me to risk my life & get Old Yellered? FUCK you
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Send this to every lizard you know without context
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