David Astle
@dontattempt
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Crossword maker, DA. Evenings radio host Vic & WA. Wordplay column SMH & Age. Gradually @dontattempt .bsky.social My views only
Australia
Joined December 2012
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Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give him a red herring and he'll be occupied for weeks
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- What did CS Lewis keep in his closet?
- Narnia business
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“No word has all five vowels in order.”
“Are you being facetious?”
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Teacher: Two words I forbid in my class. One is gross. The other is cool.
Student: So what are the 2 words?
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‘Never interrupt your enemy when he's making a mistake’ - Napoleon Bonaparte
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"I never said she stole my money."
Amazing. Say this 7 times, stressing a different word each time, and you'll mean 7 different things
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Aptonyms:
Usain Bolt - sprinter
Sally Ride - astronaut
Gary Player - golfer
Louis Story - journalist
William Wordsworth - poet
Thomas Crapper - toilet engineer
Brad Hazzard - Health Minister
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‘Go tell those old men, safe in bed,
We took their orders and are dead.’
Inscription For A War, AD Hope
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Every C in PACIFIC OCEAN has a different sound. English, you beautiful monster
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I feel like that chimpanzee who accidentally typed Hamlet:
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
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There are too many American words in Australian English period
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catapostrophe
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951
I’m telling you, we need a collective noun for mansplainers
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We need a name for this device...
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912
Oxymoron
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Melbourne to be renamed:
Word of the Day: KALSARIKÄNNIT (Finnish) - To get drunk at home in your underwear.
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With respect, what fool called it Qatar Airways instead of Air Qatar?
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Someone stole my thesaurus. I’m feeling sad. Really sad. Sad all over really
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Never leave a boiling pot of alphabet soup unattended on the stove. It may spell disaster
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RESPIROUETTE - that U-turn you do at your front door to go back and fetch your mask.
#coronaspeak
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What idiot called it lockdown instead of Stuck-home Syndrome?
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Bücherregalneid - bookshelf envy. Strong game from Gideon Haigh, sigh.
@BCredibility
@abcmelbourne
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4 moves is par in Wordle.
3 is birdie (-1)
2 an eagle (-2)
1 an albatross (-3)
5 moves is a bogey (+1)
6 a double bogey (+2)
After 75 days I’m -9
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I never done nothing. It was Betina Fauvel-Ogden who framed me. Now I’m hanging among other semi-finalists of the 2022 Doug Moran National Portrait Prize
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The glass is half-full. (optimist)
The glass is half-empty. (pessimist)
The glass is. (realist)
Is the glass? (existentialist)
Why a glass? (therapist)
The glass is zebra. (surrealist)
The glass runneth over. (psalmist)
The glasses are ready. (optometrist)
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535
Numbat (because our kids couldn’t say Nana Pat) died last night. She was a legend. Kind. Sassy. I tried to fly home to see her - stuck in Sydney for 22 days, and now 2 weeks of isolation. I missed by one day. Mother-in-law? Never. We need a better word
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‘Count votes because votes count.’
‘Fall leaves after leaves fall’ is an example of a WORD-UNIT PALINDROME: a sentence in which the words, rather than the letters, read the same backwards as forwards.
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Professional groups:
Brace of orthodontists
Herd of audiologists
Bunch of florists
Ring of jewellers
Set of concreters
Rash of chemists
Lot of estate agents
Great deal of retailers
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What idiot called it a vocabulary instead of your wordrobe?
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Keepers of the original goat cheese recipe are the hallouminati
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#WordQuery
- Is there a word for a person who continually points out problems yet never contributes to finding any solutions?
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Fun fact: The Prince of Whales is nephew to The Humpback of Notre Dame
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Um, what say people with window seats board a plane first?
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As a rule, ‘I before E except after C’ is the most deficient of ancient fallacies, says scientist
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Words nursing their opposites:
there (here)
friend (fiend)
pest (pet)
feast (fast)
wonderful (woeful)
thorough (rough)
resign (reign)
flight (fight)
sunlit (unlit)
covert (overt)
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Aussie-fy a film:
Brekky at Tiff's
Mate, Where's My Ute?
Batbloke
Jawsy
Dr Yeah-Nah
Dog Day Arvo
Pretty In Zinc
From Here To Buggery
When Hazza Met Shazza
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WEATHER - fade away; endure
REFRAIN - stop; repeat
WEEDY - overgrown; undergrown
SCREEN - hide; show
SANCTION - approve; deny
CLIP - attach; remove
FAST - speedy; stuck
RESIGN - quit; continue
Treachery, thy name is
#English
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Swap the W of When, What and Where with a T and you often answer the question
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SHIT - you can lose it, know it, stir it, cut it, shovel it, shoot it, be in it, have it for brains, get it together, not give it, be full of it. Because it happens
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Aussie-d Movies:
Brekky at Tiff's
Mate, Where's My Ute?
Batbloke
Dog Day Arvo
From Here To Buggery
Ropable Bull
Never Endin’ Yarn
Fight Pub
No Country For Codgers
Avargo
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‘I did not walk 500 miles, and I did not walk 500 more.’ - The Disclaimers
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Wordle 335 X/6
🟨⬜🟨🟨⬜
⬜🟩⬜🟩🟩
⬜🟩⬜🟩🟩
⬜🟩⬜🟩🟩
⬜🟩⬜🟩🟩
🟩🟩⬜🟩🟩
“I won’t be taking further comments. Thank you.”
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I want to tell those vowels in QUEUE the first guy already has the job
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Slide or slippery dip? Always (b) in my Sydney boyhood, 1960s. You?
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What idiot called it Buckingham Palace instead of Elizabeth Warren?
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We need a word for when you’re waiting for the kettle to boil - only to realise you didn’t switch it on
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Professional groups:
Brace of orthodontists
Clique of paparazzi
Herd of audiologists
Bunch of florists
Set of concreters
Rash of chemists
Lot of estate agents
Great deal of retailers
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44
326
What idiot called it writer's block instead of an arty choke?
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We need a collective noun for smokers who gather outside pubs and offices
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So what’s the collective noun? Go
A local family of echidna’s out on a morning stroll in Tasmania, Australia 🤗
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Cast your mind back to 2019. And you read: ‘RAT strollout fans Omicron fears as 1000s Zoom in iso.”
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Keep calm and carrion
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If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, waddles like a duck, it's a simile
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RAS Syndrome (Redundant Acronym Syndrome Syndrome):
ATM machine
PIN number
XPT train
DC comics
LCD display
PDF format
ISBN number
RAT test
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The first man to catapult over a moat was Mediaeval Knevel
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10 rules for writing:
1. Learnings is not a word
2. Same for solutionise
3. Unpack is ok for suitcases
4. Caboodle needs a kit
5. Never verbify
6. Commas are handy
7. Get a dog
8. Leave the reader wanting more
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Just gave ChatGPT a writing deadline and now it’s cleaning the house
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aye > yea
note > tone
weird > wired
silent > listen
startle > rattles
rescued > secured
eternity > entirety
statement > testament
permeating > impregnate
#aptagrams
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God that's sad about Cal - a true word-nerd. A fun-ferocious Kiwi with the slang and fresh perspective to prove it. Luminous in every sense.
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The glass is half-full. (optimist)
The glass is half-empty. (pessimist)
The glass is. (realist)
Is the glass? (existentialist)
Why a glass? (therapist)
The glass is zebra. (surrealist)
The glass runneth over. (psalmist)
The glasses are ready. (optometrist)
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41
292
Aussie-fy a film:
Brekky at Tiff's
Mate, Where's My Ute?
Batbloke
Dog Day Arvo
From Here To Buggery
Ropable Bull
No Country For Codgers
G'day Dolly
@abcmelbourne
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60
290
10 rules for writing:
1. Learnings is not a word
2. Same for solutionise
3. Unpack is ok for suitcases
4. Caboodle needs a kit
5. Never verbify
6. Exclamation marks are expensive
7. Get a dog
8. Leave the reader wanting more
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What idiot called it the ‘aviation industry crisis’ instead of receding airlines?
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What idiot called it a dash-cam instead of a collide-o-scope?
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