Are they toxic? Or are they just going through normal growing pains in a relationship?
Normally, couples who are together over some years take breaks in between as they grow individually and together, that’s not toxic.
If you’re Black and grew up “spoiled” and/or “bougie” you went through a phase where those two words were very triggering for you, folks loved to call you that to water down your blackness. Now look at everybody, desperately wanting to be called spoiled and bougie.
I love Black men, I really do, but Black women are going to have to allow Black men the space to figure some things out on their own. We do not have the emotional capacity to examine, unpack, and correct our shxt and everyone else’s. That’s way too much emotional labor.
I’m 28, I’ve been dating for a minute.
My dad STILL tells me to this day (in so many words) men are trash and to give them no lead way.
He also says “don’t make exuses for men at all, we know what we be doing, we play stupid better than anyone.”
There are a lot of people in my mentions who believe a person effectively managing their mental illness magically changes them engaing in racist, colorist, sexist, classist, etc behavior and I want you all to know you’re gravely mistaken.
I’ll never forget learning how New Orleans secondlines are a direct connection to this African tradition. This city is unlike any other in the states because we’ve managed to remain true to our roots more than any other place here. That “New Orleans spirit” you feel is this.
Mental illness is having a chemical imbalance within your brain. A chemical imbalance (for the most part) does not control who you’ve been socialized to be.
If you’re going to make bold claims about mental illness please at least fact check or converse with a MHP first.
@ScottBrinton1
This pains me so much. Nothing about this is “fierce” or “inspiring” just a reminder Black children, specifically Black girls childhood is often taken away too fast. Adults should be the ones fighting for change, not a little girl.
I want Black women to start saying “Black men got it” whenever we’re asked questions on how to improve the state of Black men. Because, *clearly* they got it, so there’s really nothing else to say.
My mom taught me every man you deal with is not meant to make it to your husband list. If more women had that mindset they’d be happier. Just because you’re feeling him doesn’t mean he’s supposed to be your husband. Enjoy that man for what he is then go about your day.
The concept of a “gold-digger” will always be hilarious to me. How do you create a system that reinforces that one party should be the breadwinner and the other party be the homemaker, then become upset when someone expects that system to be followed? Like—
Black women have collectively decided our new narrative is us living our best lives unapologetically and it has everyone shook, even other Black women. However, everyone will either adjust or move around. We’re going to live the lives our foremothers deserved to. Period.
My friends and I spend $100-$150 each when we go to restaurants, racks on trips, and live by the motto “I want it, I got it.” And I know a whole plethora of women who do the same, so menfolk asking “cAn yoU afFoRD WHaT YoU’Re AsKing FoR?” will never not be laughable.
Some thoughts:
1.) For the folks opposing this tweet, why is it so difficult to say “you know what, that wasn’t my experience and that’s okay?” You don’t have experience something for it to be true. Truth is not measured by your experiences, it’s actually the other way around.
Black women started speaking up about the importance of marrying a financially sound partner, and folks have turned it into a discourse of “Black women only want billionaires.” Yea, y’all are very weird.
2.) For all of the people saying “get over it” I’m curious as to how you all navigate as adults and communicate in your everyday life. Bringing up a topic does not equate to ill feelings or an argument about said subject. It’s okay to simply discuss things, that’s how you learn.
Let this be a lesson to be that damsel in distress. Scream, cry, let those tears fall, all that. Don't protect no man. Protect you. Protect your children.
Women hate when they bring their problems to you and you approach it from a logical angle. Then it’s “I trusted you with my problem and you’re not showing concern”
4.) For everyone agreeing with the original tweet you can do so without being classist. There’s nothing wrong with being “ghetto” or “hood.” Just as “bougie” and “spoiled” shouldn’t be weaponized neither should those words.
There was a Nigerian movie I watched, this man bought a car for his wife. Cool. She then proceeded to ask if it was in her name and he said no because what is his is also hers lol, she said no it needs to be in her name or else it’s not hers. Y’all agree with the woman or nah?
3.) If it doesn’t apply let it fly. You don’t have to keep projecting onto the original tweet. Think back to who bullied you, was it really the people who had a lot? Honestly? If so I’m sorry. However, I’m sure affluent folks didn’t not go out of their way to call you less than.
I’m still annoyed no one asks white girls if their hair is real or not and they wear extensions ALOT.
But you know the way systematic racism is set up, everyone thinks their glamour is authentic.
After reading all of your replies and quoted tweets...I have a few things to say.
1. You all have no idea what toxic actually means.
If two people are supportive of one another, seeming to push each other’s growth, etc how is that toxic?
The girls are killing it, the girls have found inner-peace, the girls are becoming millionaires, the girls are being properly loved on, the girls are impacting the world. So happy to be a part of the girls. 💓
@stephanieepow
Black women are NEVER given the benefit of the doubt and it infuriates the hell out of me. We’re human and can be subject to unprovoked harm as well, I hate that people forget that.
3. A lot of couples experience downs in their relationships, where they take space from one another, they just don’t share it with the world because it’s no one’s business but theirs and usually come back together.
Average men are having a very difficult time coping with this new wave of society. Being held accountable for their actions is shaking them to their core and it’s very interesting to watch. I hope the psych kids are taking notes, we’re going to need data on this in 10 years.
We lost the plot when we decided shame as a whole was a bad thing. Society was shaming the wrong things and that’s where the problem lied. Some of these behaviors and opinions folks have deserve to be shamed.
@BluXcx
@_kate_the_grate
Not at all. I’m speaking about the Black men who have put in their own work to improve their mental and emotional health, who believe ALL Black Lives Matter not just those who look like them.
Y’all, why my cousins and I were at the airport taking our “travel look” photos and this white guy yells at us “Okay, Black women in luxury aesthetic!” When I tell y’all I was weak, I wouldn’t have even guessed he knew what that was. Like, the internet is really powerful. 😭
You know what’s sad? Folks don’t realize you can date people without having sex with them. That’s why dating multiple people at the same time doesn’t sit well in their minds.
This Mercury retrograde really was like “all of y’all are going to communicate this time, and I don’t care if it makes a lick of sense.” Everybody just been walking vulnerable as hell and spewing their whole chest using jumbled up words since the end of May.
I am always so taken aback at how easily people forgive others for the heinous things they do to them. If you have the gall to do me something foul, I’m good on your apology and I’m extra good on you being in my life moving forward.
@MelAnthony15
If asking you all to hold yourselves accountable is berating you, then like said, y’all got it. Black women did the exact same to Black women and guess what, we didn’t get upset, we directed our focus on becoming better.
As a black woman you’re taught to have this undeniable loyalty to everyone, but when it’s time for people to have that for you they’re nowhere to be found. Then on top of that you’re told it doesn’t matter because “you’re strong and will be fine.” Yea, no.
You what’s scary?
Getting all of the things you prayed for.
You know what’s scarier?
Knowing that all of the other things you prayed for are ALSO their way to you.
And you know what’s crazy?
There is no such thing as being “prepared” for your blessings.
Whew.
Can I be very honest with you? I've noticed the folks who created trap brunch, trap yoga, etc aren’t Black folks who grew up in “uppity Black world.” It’s the ones who grew up in the hood, have now transitioned out of the hood, and no longer know where they fit in.
The new blacks love the "hood" aesthetic but scared of the people who created it. That's how you get shit like "trap brunch, trap yoga, trap & paint, trap gardening, trap wiffle ball etc etc"
Just so we're clear, there is no such thing as a gold-digger. Only parties that sign up to be taken care of and parties that are willing to take on the duties of taking care of the other party.
My mom said “those girls should have just posted their pictures, became influencers, and let folks wonder. Trying to bring others peace will cost you yours every time.”
I’m holding onto that last line forever.
There was an attempted human trafficking abduction that happened here in New Orleans at Audubon Zoo. A woman noticed a strange man was following her and her kids, then once she got to her car, laced napkins were tucked in her door handles. Ladies, please stay alert out here.
There’s a certain brand of Black Women who are going to always mule for everyone because it’s the only way they receive any sort of appreciation.
It’s sad, but it’s the truth, which is why I stopped preaching to my sisters about wanting better for themselves.
I will ALWAYS encourage women (especially Black Women) to be selfish because from the moment we’re born we’re taught to cater to everyone else’s needs ahead of our own. The truth is no matter how selfish we are it will never match the level of selfishness men have.
I believe the more you love yourself the less you pick others apart.
If you constantly find yourself picking someone else apart that’s a sign you need to work on loving who you are more.
That realization you have when you realize you’re really a grown ass woman who can live life on your own terms and other folks feelings, opinions, allat is none of your concern, nor your problem. >>>
Happy women don’t settle, and they desperately need Black women to settle, how will this world operate if we aren’t always the ones cultivating ourselves to be picked?
@t0nit0ne
@_ericalachelle
A relationship green flag is definitely a partner who makes you feel seen and validated. A lot of people have partners who don’t do that for them and your partner should reassure you your existence is valuable at base.
This is the odd ways colorism and fatphobia shows up, nothing about this girl is ugly, however she checks two boxes society says isn’t worthy of having standards, much less high ones.
If all women raised the bar for what they expected from men they would have no choice but to reach it, but patriarchy has tricked women into believing men are the prize so that’s not happening.
So the women who raise the bar will continue to get, and the women who don’t, won’t.
The way a lot of our generation recognizes our inner-child and is reparenting them is such a beautiful thing to see. We said, “we’re breaking generational curses,” and we are actually out here doing just that. I'm so proud of us. 🥺💓
A lot of Black women that’s lighter-medium toned have a how dare attitude when it comes to darker Black women being celebrated and we don’t speak about that enough at all.
But most of my chocolate girls know it and see it, the shxt is very interesting.
Our generation of women have the resources, courage, and boldness to be our foremothers wildest dreams and I take so much pride in that. The women you see now is who many of the elder women in your families said they would have been “if it was a different time.” So, adjust.
I hate when people are intellectually dishonest like this, y’all really want to keep this narrative going knowing darn well critiquing Black men has nothing to do with not loving them.
Lori Harvey is doing what you’re supposed to be doing in your early twenties.
(It’s just a lot of y’all didn’t get that memo.)
Enjoy those twenty-something’s sis.
One day I’d like to bring all my browner to dark-skinned girls together and we all tell the very similar stories we have to this one. The world isn’t ready for that day yet, but soon.
Sorry this happened to you sis.
Black women please protect your spirits, this world is not nice to us, and whenever we try to speak about it we’re silenced but I want you to know I love you, I support you, and I affirm you. 🤎
Ladies, do not go to these men homes if they offer it as a first date.
Actually if they suggest that just move along, he’s either broke or off or a mix of the two, save yourself the trouble.
Also, don’t invite him over to your house either, go somewhere in the open.
Date or befriend. I made a promise to myself I would never date or befriend a person who doesn’t fully like themselves or have a zest for their life and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
I refuse to date someone who isn’t in love with the majority of their life. That shows a dangerous passivity that can turn into misdirected aggression.
If you’re only dating wealthy men for material things and fancy dinners you can buy yourself you’re doing it wrong sis. Learn what these men are investing in and whatnot so you can retire at 35.
@m33sh_baby
@SerenaSonoma
Good, wow that is crazy. The sad part is that’s most likely the attitude of everyone at the company so firing that person is only the tip of the iceberg.
Black girls come from well-off backgrounds and suddenly everyone believes the negative things that come with the Black experience are erased. Money, access, resources does not erase racism, colorism, and every other ism out here.
Sephora will close all its U.S. stores Wednesday for diversity training after singer SZA said a store employee in Calabasas, CA, called security to make sure she wasn't stealing. Sephora said the training had been planned since before the incident.
This is actually what happens with everything. Look at how people have their groceries delivered to their home now, that’s the same thing people used to do in the 40s & 50s. All life does is repeat itself.
There is a huge difference between “I dress modestly because that’s what I feel best in” and “I dress modestly because I respect myself now.” The girls who are the latter should be called out and gathered.