David
@deeeg_
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Following
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Teen Sensation | Freelance Nudist | Future Ghost | He/Him | Insta: _deeeg_
St Petersburg, FL
Joined January 2009
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Hello, hello, hello (with the intention of making you watch The Comeback with me)
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Two weeks later, and I’m still thinking about the chicken parm grilled cheese I had from this food truck. Like look at it:
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My best friend surprised me with a very early birthday gift to see Madonna last night. I’m still in awe from her and her show. Insane to be a fan all my life and see her for her greatest hits tour. Peep Ms
@monetxchange
at the end 😍
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By the grace of Britney, I’ve made it to 30. Maybe this year I’ll learn a new pose or get a new mirror? Don’t count on it ♊️
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A guy at the gym gives away free bibles, and asked if I wanted one. I told him I have one already. My Bible:
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Last night I gave THE best PowerPoint presentation of my career. My personal favorite fights from each series of The Real Housewives.
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“Is somebody gonna match my freak?”
I say to myself high in bed eating a brownie batter Blizzard watching All My Children~
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I got a promotion at work (plus a nice raise), I have amazing friends around me, and I have the most amazing and beautiful man by my side. 20-Mine-Teen in full effect.
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Helped my coworker put the finishing touches on her Christmas tree for work. Also, the only topping I’m doing.
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A random number texted me, and it was just a video of him jerking off. I asked who it was, and he just says “I hope to see you when you’re back home in Connecticut next week.” I’m in the porno version of Pretty Little Liars.
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Barber: “Same cut, bro?”
Me: “Actually, if you could just decapitate me, that’d be great.”
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The NBA doesn’t want it with me! Maybe because I’m 5’6? Also, am I a hat gay now? that story and more at 11.
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Hi friends. How are we? Come over and smoke with me while we watch Discovery+
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I twerked on a wall for my boss, and now she wants me do it in the dept huddle today. This could be my ‘A Star Is Born’ moment.
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My neighbor scared me while I was checking my mail. She said, “I’m sorry! I’m not a serial killer, don’t worry.” I told her it’s 2018, and women can be whatever they want : ) she then stabbed me.
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Congratulations to the woman behind me who got a great glimpse of my jock strap when I got up from my seat on metro north ✨
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If my mother keeps on texting me like a hookup, I will keep on responding accordingly.
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I’m happy to announce that 24 years later, I finally beat The Lion King for Sega Genesis. I finally have the closure I longed desire for. Please respect my privacy at this time.
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My coworker said she doesn’t moisturize her body or face because she’s not getting any. Okay, I haven’t gotten any since Carter was in office, but I like to age well and take care of myself.
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In the tub with eucalyptus and spearmint bubbles and a blunt. I deserve this.
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Two years ago today…before the ball dropped, I dropped to my face and gave myself my first ever black eye!! But wow, what a moment…a moment I will never forget! That was a classic!
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Gym crush always compliments my legs. Thanks babes, but they’d look better over your shoulders.
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“Ew, David!! HAHA, have you seen Schitt’s Creek!? There’s this character named David and his sister says ‘EW DAVID!!’ and your name is David!” - 65% of women to me since the show blew up.
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We were playing Heads Up at work, and my coworker picked Animal Kingdom. The animal was a swallow, and the hint my boss gives my coworker was “What Dave probably does!”
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Can you believe I’ve been spewing the most stupid shit for 10 years!? Thanks for sticking around. For those who have unfollowed or muted me, I see you and I don’t blame you.
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Two of my coworkers came back engaged, but guess who got their walls wrecked and my have accidentally summoned another ghost?
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Passing out Valentine’s Day cards at work, but they’re just autographed pics of myself
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Made my gym crush laugh tonight. He said it was the best thing he’s heard all day.
Save the dates to be sent soon.
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Some inbred had one of those “unvaxxed, unmasked, unafraid” decals on their windows. I noticed they forgot one thing, so I left a note 🥰
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My coworker gave me her massage chair pad after she quit, and it’s my second favorite thing to sit on.
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My dad installed a new, strong, and sensual shower head with adjustable features, and I…it’s…lets just say my dry spell is over, ladies!!
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I’m:
⚪️Gay
⚪️Straight
🔘A slave 4 u, I cannot hold it, I cannot control it. I’m a slave 4 u, I won’t deny it, I’m not trying to hide it.
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