#dan
@dan_allegretto
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Pinned Tweet
my pod is small i know but it's not yours it is my own
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“can i say something?” yep this is an app where you say stuff
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new york quarantine is what i imagine living in LA feels like
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taylor swift dresses how blake lively thinks a prostitute dresses
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just heard one of her songs in a Target commercial
Chappell Roan says that she won’t do anything that doesn’t ‘serve her music’ or help with her ‘world-building’:
“That’s why I am saying no to every f***ing brand deal right now, because I’m like ‘Does it fit in this world?’ No, H&M does not fit in this world. Also, f*** H&M.”
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are you guys all having fun playing Student Government on this pathetic website
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the american people chose to go to target today instead of walmart
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if i don’t go to a pumpkin patch this weekend i’m going to fucking snap
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people are still crucifying poor rachel dolezal when this is happening...
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should we do a little key?
should we have a little line? (ah-ah, ah)
meet me in the bathroom if you're (bumpin' that)
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charli xcx’s music only sounds good when you’re drunk driving… someone had to say it
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a PiC wHeN yOu KnEw YoUr bOdY lOoKeD gOoD tHiS yEaR are you guys in like 10th grade???
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abstaining looking at the NYT website for 24 hours is literally the easiest thing i could ever imagine
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just heard a 4 year old say “i gotta walk my fat ass to the store”
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i understand kanye bc i too am chronically 30 lbs overweight and that drives me to the brink of insanity and yet also artistic genius
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i hope every fugly polyamourous person is enjoying the game of thrones premier tonight
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i miss swiping my god damn debit card and not jamming it into the machine like a friggin sex pervert
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we're making ppl apologize for shit they did when they were NINE YEARS OLD look what you demanding losers have done!!!!!!!!!!
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thinking about people in berlin working on their little art projects lol
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biden's response:
Kanye West rips President Biden as 'f***ing re****ed' for not picking Elon Musk's brain.
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i think taylor started drinking too late in life and now she's the kind of demented alcoholic that plays flip cup by herself
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is quarantine just how Unpopular people have always had to live......
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it's so random when writers/media ppl announce their new jobs lol imagine if a veterinarian tweeted that they were working at a new clinic or something..
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reported the account "poo crave" the other day sorry but we've given twinks too long of a leash... we cannot live in a world where everyday is april fool's day
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poo crave is either 5 demented twinks or 1 morbidly obese gay guy
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rewatching Bye Sister for the first time in years and i have no choice but to believe james charles and james westbrook had an affair... when tati talks about "the straight waiter in seattle" it's way too emotionally intense aka it's code for her husband who looks like this...
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"and now i want to hand it over to the president of ukraine... adele dazeem"
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did a triple take when i saw someone wearing this t-shirt last night
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...does anyone else find it interesting that billie eilish is a straight up homo thug or is it just me
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they turned my favorite building into some anime sex pervert dungeon!!!
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if you have a shoes off apartment you should have to put that on your party invitation...
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"i'm gonna go out and grab a coffee if anyone wants to sublet my room for 20 fucking minutes" -all of you all
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i can’t wait until we all get drafted to work in a god damn amazon warehouse
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there are 23 year old women who don’t even know that they’re doing Kreayshawn.. but they are
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i can't believe i had to survive tumblr in undergrad, little buzzfeed articles in my 20's, and now this shit in my 30's
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remember like 8 months ago when all of the most inept ppl in your life tried to get into the stock market
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@bitch_updates
gonna delete this tweet but i got f*ngered by a blonde man with long hair in bushwick and he put on the black keys VINYL and it just transported me to like an FX commercial for sons of anarchy or better call saul idfk nvm sry ugh
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heavy smokers are immune to covid variants!!! what's not clicking
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why do ppl get bent out of shape about jordan peterson? he's like.. a teacher from canada..
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i would imagine being developmentally delayed and sex trafficked by nicki minaj is pretty exhausting
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sorry i forgot to congratulate you all for getting a degree in political science from Twitter University.....
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glad that you all got to dress up as your favorite screenshot this weekend
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the abolish landlords to subletting your room for more than your rent pipeline
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kinda seems like ezra miller is going to kill someone any day now????
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i'm not sure why but i hope my friends have a bad time at the beach
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there can be 100 people in the room and 99 say you’re an alcoholic but all you need is 1 to say you’re not really that bad actually
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i want john goodman to lay on top of me and fall asleep and straight up kill me
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i finally understand podcasts now because i am like... so alone
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exact outfit jax taylor wore during that parking lot fight in vegas
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maybe change the hat too while you're at it
Just now: Security guard refusing to let me into the stadium for USA-Wales. “You have to change your shirt. It’s not allowed.”
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worried about james kennedy living so close to an airport with all this boeing stuff going on… donnie darko vibes
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no offense but how do you guys know the names of movie directors
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trying to find the right time between massive national tragedies to slip in a tweet about myself
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i thought the bagel spot was closed for women's day today but i think it's actually just an electrical thing
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does anyone have that meme about james charles that's like "if you want to be as successful as jeffree star then you need to put the wig on girl"
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from the data i've been collecting i would recommend getting a carton of cigarettes instead of a "booster"
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when you try to find more info about an artist and both of their parents have wikipedia pages
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pete buttchug is the person at the office who brushes their teeth after lunch in the fucking bathroom
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ordered so much delivery from the diner this morning they gave me five forks
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good morning remember when everyone deleted uber and posted screenshots of it because they were proud of themselves lol
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"in the future every marginalized community will get a shitty diluted show on hulu or netflix that slightly resembles GIRLS in order to appease the defcunt masses and progress society" -andy warhol
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100% serious rn i would rather vote for rachel dolezal than warren or klobuchar
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helen castillo from project runway is the most triggering person of all time for me.. immediate flashback to my 20's in bushwick where every bartender that looked like her was sooooo mean for NO reason..
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what if an entire family did it with the opacity at 50%
This Dutch “tradition” called: “black pete” is disturbing!
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the amount of hours i spent defending the show GIRLS when it was airing is absolutely staggering... now everyone gets to mince around and do little podcasts about it when it's socially acceptable... pass!
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