Dad Jokes! 👨
@dadgivesjokes
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My wife asked me today if I had seen the dog bowl? I said no I didn’t know he could.
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What do you call a food fight with an unlimited amount of food? All you can yeet.
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I always heard the toothbrush was invented in ancient Egypt but I’m positive it was invented in West Virginia If it was invented anywhere else they would have named it the teethbrush.
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My daughter was telling us that artists like Gaga and Beyoncé are in a league of their own. My wife interjected, “No honey, that was Madonna”
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A police officer came to my house and asked where I was between 5 & 6 He seemed irritated when I answered: Kindergarten
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My son said to me "Dad, today I watched someone do 50 pushups, do you think could you do that?" I said of course son, don't want to brag but I could probably watch someone do 100 pushups
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Son - "Dad, why did mom and you name me Mason?" Dad - "Well, you were born in May, Son"
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My son stuck a googley eye on his face and said “I have three eyes!” My response: “Is that third eye blind?”
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In Spanish, so many words begin with J… But very few begin with the next letter of the alphabet. Poor “K”
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We all know 6 is afraid of 7 because 7 ate 9, but you know who's really scared? 3, for 5 sics 7 on people.
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Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside? I have like 50 wooden balls already.
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I just found out that former US President Joe Biden has a daughter who's a police officer.... She is Laura Biden...
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If someone gave you $1000 because "you are ugly", would you take the money? Absolutely! I'm ugly, not stupid.
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Did you know that if you took everyone alive in the world today and put them all on the Isle of Wight… It would really annoy the people who live there.
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Why did the hipster burn his mouth on his pizza? Because he ate it before it was cool.
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I already know what the score will be in the Super Bowl before it even starts. 0-0
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My wife suggested we re-create our first date So we we went separately to the bar. I walked up to her and said Can I buy you a drink? She said Hell no I'm not falling for that trick again.
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What do you call holy men who are obsessed with deep-fried potato products? Chipmunks!
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There's a stereotype that human men are obsessed with sex But praying mantises literally lose their heads over it
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