David Whitehouse
@d_whitehouse
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Author of ABOUT A SON and some other books. What is your fascination with my forbidden closet of mystery?
http://www.davidwhitehouse.net
Joined June 2010
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Just remembered a few years ago when I took my friends phone, went into his contacts and changed my name to Natalie Portman. A few days later I rang him and he answered, surprised but with real hope in his voice, “Hello... Natalie?”
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Unbelievable that this situation can arise on a British quiz show and they not be lined up in the order 'TOM DICK ANN HARRY'
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Dropped my wallet in London’s trendy west end. A woman caught me up to hand it back. I thanked her profusely for her kindness. She said ‘maybe you wouldn’t have dropped it if you weren’t such a stupid c*nt’. I thanked her again and we parted.
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Difficult to come to terms with the scope of my terror in the 10 minutes I just spent convinced I’d accidentally uploaded this image to my 5 year old son’s homeschooling reading class.
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Lance Armstrong should be applauded for being able to ride a bike so well on drugs. I tried it once. Hit a dog and fell into the canal.
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Give the vaccine distribution job to whoever did that U2 album.
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Stop saying Cara Delevingne and Christmas you mad bastard
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Never dreamed I’d get so close to one in the wild. But there she was. Her antlers still glistening with dew. It was a moment before she noticed me, or maybe that’s what she wanted me to think, but when we locked eyes, there was briefly a oneness, before she vanished into the fog.
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The instructions on this mosquito net I've just bought make everything so simple! Only 3 seconds to get!
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In 2001, between Christmas and New Year, I went into a chip shop near Kentish Town. I ordered, then the man behind the counter said to me, "Nice Christmas? Lotsa this eh?", while making a wanking gesture with his right hand.
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Me and a man I know just went to incredible lengths to pretend we’d not seen each other in a supermarket. At times balletic, at others deranged, it reached a near Mission Impossible level crescendo when he effectively clambered over a self-service checkout.
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I'm so in love with you
I'll be forever blue
That you gimme no reason
Why you make-a-me work so hard
That you gimme no
That you gimme no
That you gimme no
That you gimme no
Soul, I hear you calling
Oh baby please, give a
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Given what happened to her last time she went there this seems needlessly cruel.
King Kong actress Fay Wray back at the Empire State Building, aged 97:
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The name Mitt Romney sounds like a dog saying "It's lovely"
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In 2003 I interviewed Henry Hill, who Ray Liotta played in Goodfellas. He had security guys whose job it seemed was mostly to make sure he didn't drink. When I realised his water bottle was in fact full of vodka, he got me in a headlock and told me to keep my fucking mouth shut.
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Paul Ryan looks like he goes home from a hard days blocking access to healthcare to find Garfield has eaten the lasagne out of his fridge.
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@The_Fence_Mag
I inexplicably built this out of wood thinking my children would want to play in it.
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Fiftys Of Grey Hades was mine. Proud to see it rank 6th on this list some 4 years later. But I fear there is no toppling I, Frankenranken.
A definitive ranking of movie posters on buses gone wrong...
1. I, Frankenranken (2014)
2. Li Aen Oven Cant (2017)
3. The Worinelve (2013)
4. Whe Down E Down (2013)
5. Unsunsane (2018)
6. Fiftys Of Grey Hades (2015)
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Very happy to be on this list. My dad died last Sunday. He was a good man. He'd have been proud of this.
Your summer reading list is HERE!
Thrilled to announce the longlist for the
#GordonBurnPrize
, which prize celebrates the year's boldest and most exciting fiction and non-fiction.
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Come on mate it’s eggs on toast not lobster thermidor. Have some self respect.
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I interviewed David Icke at his home in 2003. He told me he once fell through Ted Heath’s eyes into another dimension, then offered me a Hobnob.
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Completely inexplicably I am one of only 838 people Ann Coulter follows on twitter. Hoping to auction, for charity, chance to direct message her telling her to fuck off.
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I know being ‘look who my mate is’ guy gives off deeply unedifying fumes, but my friend Rebecca
@SELFESTEEM___
made the album of the year. It’s brilliant. She’s brilliant. And now everyone knows. Mad pride. Cosmic justice. 1st good news in 5 years?
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My mum just signed up to specifically to review my new book and she gave it 3 out of 5. Thanks mum.
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I interviewed Emilia Clarke for Wonderland magazine. You can get a copy here.
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On Tuesday we’ll say goodbye to my dad, Keith, a good man. He did things for people who needed things doing, and never by halves. If he’d known it’d be in a crematorium on the hottest day on record he’d have asked why we’re bothering. It’s because he is so deeply loved.
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This book is fantastic. Fascinating and terrifying. Possibly the most beautifully written piece of non-fiction I’ve ever read. We’re all gonna go extinct lads!
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Remember, if we vote to leave the EU, the systems of measurement we use will change. Your penis WILL be smaller.
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“Hi, I’m Alice Cooper, nice to meet you”
“Brexit means Brexit”
“I’m sorry, what?”
“Brexit means Brexit”
“I don’t follow...”
“Brexit means Brexit”
“Are you okay?”
“Brexit means Brexit”
“Have you eaten? They’ve laid on quite the spread in the green room”
“Brexit means Brexit”
“I..”
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Hark! I’m delighted to be on Open Book on
@BBCRadio4
, this Sunday at 4pm, banging on about About a Son with
@elizabday
.
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This is the beautiful paperback cover of About A Son, by me. It tells the true story of the murder of the brilliant Morgan Hehir, and how his amazing father Colin dragged the truth into the light. Published April 20th by the mighty
@Phoenix_Bks
.
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If you squint, Phoebe Waller-Bridge in GQ looks like a massive duck climbing a water tower.
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Dr Liam Fox MP
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All use lockdown like an elongated Stars In Their Eyes. Pick a recording artist, completely devote yourselves to the transformation. Enter as you, worried and depressed. Emerge virus free as, say, Gloria Estefan.
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GUESS WHO'S BACK?
Child playing Guy Fawkes in school play, flatulent landlord, Angela Lansbury.
http://t.co/q2wbHv9aXZ
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Just came across this in my 'Best Reviews I Ever Got' folder.
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Can't help but feel this is a trap Wile E Coyote has set for Road Runner. Regardless I'm going to eat some.
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Delighted that ABOUT A SON is the non-fiction book of the month for April in
@thebookseller
, and that this is it's first ever review.
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The paperback of About A Son is out today. The more people know Morgan’s story, the better. I’m grateful that I got the chance to tell it. If you’ve read it, thank you. If you haven’t, please do.
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One month until the paperback of ABOUT A SON comes out & the more people know Morgan's story the better. It was shortlisted for the Gordon Burn Prize, had some nice things said about it by some great writers (look) & you can pre-order it here (please)
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At school our French teacher was called Mr Pomfritt and one day someone called him Mr Apple Chip and they got detention.
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2 years since this book came out. Sounds trite, but writing it changed me, and I still think the more people know Morgan's story, the better. So here I am, wanging on about it again. Please take a look if you can.
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@Ffranciscodgf
@tristandross
Mid 90s, a bullshitting cousin of mine with his first Nokia showed me a contact listed as 'Gallaghers'. Liam and Noel on one number.
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Next week on The Apprentice: tasked with designing trousers, the candidates form a Christian militia, and tempers flare in the boardroom.
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Just to let everyone know there is an important NHS Covid 19 update on a lamppost in Margate.
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It's Mother's Day. Be sure to mention how much you love your mother on Facebook, twitter or another social network she doesn't use.
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This is my new book, ABOUT A SON. It is the true story of the murder of Morgan Hehir. But it is not about his death. It's about his life, his family, their love, and his dad Colin's tireless search for the shocking truth... This was a murder that should never have taken place. 🧵
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It isn’t them that’s saying it.
Ventriloquism is "a little cooler" these days. At least, that's what they're saying at the ventriloquism convention in Kentucky.
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"I'll be on the posters. An absolutely massive photo of me."
"But Gary..."
"Don't make me pull rank here Brian."
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According to Max Clifford's courtroom sketch he has suspended a Mars Bar from his ears with a shoelace.
http://t.co/rMWQjWTLYO
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Paxman and Burley should round off the night by head butting each other into a fine paste like a pair of chimps nearing sexual maturity.
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About a Son, by me, is The Observer’s book of the week.
About a Son by David Whitehouse review – murder, and what comes after
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An unseen man, in a garden a few streets away, shouts at the top of his lungs "this is absolutely shit!"
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IT’S COMING HOME! IT’S COMING HOME! *puts flare up arse*
‘Lord of the Rings’ Amazon Series Moves Production From New Zealand to U.K. for Season 2
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Not long 'til I stop wanging on about this, promise. But the paperback of my book is out next week. It tells the story of Morgan Hehir, his murder, and his dad's search for the truth. The more people know about Morgan, the better. Pre-order (please):
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Here it is in the paper. A real honour to be alongside four brilliant writers.
Gordon Burn prize shortlist announced: jazz icons, true crime and a rogue psychotherapist
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I'm so in love with you
I'll be forever blue
That you give me no reason
Why you make a me work so hard
That you give me no
That you give me no
That you give me no
That you give me no
Soul, I hear you calling
Oh, baby, please, give a
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Hot off the press, finished copies of ABOUT A SON. This book tells the true story of the life and death of Morgan Hehir, who was murdered in Nuneaton in 2015, and his father Colin’s (
@Hairy007
) love, grief and search for the shocking truth… 🧵
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Extremely happy to be on the shortlist for the Gordon Burn Prize.
#GordonBurnPrize
Thrilled to announce the shortlist for
#GordonBurnPrize
2022, celebrating the year's boldest and most innovative fiction and non-fiction 🔥
Huge congratulations to shortlisted writers
@d_whitehouse
@PretiTaneja
@GMacraeBurnet
@jeffersonmargo
@lea_ypi
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Went to an open mic night once and a man stood up in a blue jacket and said “my jacket should give you a clue about what my jokes are like”, and someone at the back shouted “are they about jackets?” He never recovered.
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Someone told me that Stevie Wonder got the ferry back after playing Bestival. I didn't believe it until...
http://t.co/46iIOZzQ
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This book is published today. Writing Morgan Hehir’s story has been an immense privilege. It’s an important one. I only wish that I had known him.
If you’d like to read the book, click here.
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Proofs of my new book have come. They look like this. Purchase is compulsory like that U2 album.
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Ten years this week since my 1st book came out. A decade and over 27 copies sold later, I’ve just finished my 4th. ABOUT A SON, published April 2022 by
@Phoenix_Bks
.
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Delighted to be on the long-list for the gold dagger for non-fiction. 🎉
🗡 THE ALCS GOLD DAGGER FOR NON-FICTION (3/3)
@alcs_uk
#CWADaggers
Michael Smith: The Real Special Relationship
Andy West: The Life Inside
David Whitehouse: About A Son
Shahed Yousaf: Stitched Up
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Is About A Son one of The Mirror’s books of the year? Yes it is.
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If you've read my book About a Son, you'll know what a brilliant young man Morgan Hehir was. This is a beautiful photo of him fishing in Connemara, taken by his dad, Colin (
@Hairy007
).
Morgan Forever.
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Funny marriage of photo and caption on the BBC’s story about crippling rates of inflation.
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The paperback has come from the printers and it looks fantastic. Out April 20th. This one’s for Morgan.
@Phoenix_Bks
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Operation 'CONVINCE TIM PEAKE HE'S LANDED IN AN AWFUL ALTERNATIVE FUTURE' going to plan so far.
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Christmas has arrived at the Travelodge in Nottingham.
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My earliest memory is of my drunken grandfather whispering into my crib while I slept that I'd never be number two in Israel's book chart. It makes this all the sweeter.
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Anyway, off down to Morrison’s to get my Fish Ke...
Oh.
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The sky is the limit for what you can achieve by getting your paperwork to your accountant on time for a whole year.
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Just caught some footage of the Thames Loch Ness monster!
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So what Noel Edmonds is saying is, positive thinking can cure cancer, but not get Noel's House Party recommissioned.
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@Andyjoneswrites
@TreborRhurbarb
I think there is a level of trauma one can experience that makes one look like Serge Gainsbourg.
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And mine. But only one of us is still writing. Make of that what you will.
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My dad loved the sea. After he died last year we scattered his ashes at Minehead harbour. In a remarkable turn of events, me, my brother and my sister now sponsor the webcam there, which we’ve renamed ‘Keith Cam’, because that would have made him laugh.
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Anyone know how I get one of those insanely paid political cartoonist jobs?
JOHNSON AND CUMMINGS ATTEMPT TO BURY PIG OF PUBLIC ANGER UNDER BURNING SUN OF INTENSE MEDIA SCRUTINY
(Fuzzy Felt, 2020)
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In the Coventry City FC match day programme, an interview with a player named Shaun Miller entirely about Will Smith.
http://t.co/LnMmfvV5Zu
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Google insists I’m a leading authority on Roman, Islamic and medieval glass. I don’t know anything about Roman, Islamic and medieval glass. Difficult to comprehend the kinds of scrapes this might get me in to.
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