lucy,,
@curledbitch
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when u spend the night at ur friends place n they forget to give u a blanket
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my mum: what the fuck was that noise?
my dumbass in the kitchen:
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robber: *breaks into my house assuming everyone’s asleep*
my fatass eating at 2am:
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me looking in the mirror and realising im really that ugly and there’s nothing i can do about it
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kids in 2019: when i grow up, im going to...
global warming:
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me after me after
watching fake watching true
horror movies: serial killer
documentaries:
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I JUST HEARD A WOLF HOWL FOR THE FIRST TIME & I AM CRYING... LISTEN
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"enjoy it!!!!! these are the best years of your life"
this.... is the best!??!!?!? 😭
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me: all bodies are beautiful!!!!!
*sees myself in the mirror*
me:
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teacher: i need some strong boys to carry these chairs
me, a 9 year old girl, already sick of sexism:
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my premium snap prices:
-pics of me crying: $5
-videos of me crying: $10
-videos of me crying in the mirror while throwing the peace sign: $15
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me chilling in my room laughing at my own jokes cause im fucking hilarious
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me and my bestfriend getting kicked out of heaven after we made fun of everyone there
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a baby: *pulling my hand*
me: where are we going??
baby: *gibberish mixed with stomping & screaming*
me:
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me: *roasts him all day*
him: that’s why yo head big af
me:
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them: just don’t think about it okay?
me 3 minutes later thinking about it:
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me peeking to see if my boyfriend has noticed me pouting yet
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me: *dies*
my friends: heaven just gained another angel wow... fly high🕊🖤
me in hell:
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mum: wow ur up nice and early!
me knowing damn well i haven't slept:
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u ever see something & ur just like:
⠀⠀⠀⠀���⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀𝘰𝘩⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀
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7 year old me in the car wondering why the moon has been following us the entire time
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when u say a vine reference n someone doesn’t say the next part
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my lungs: *breathes automatically*
me: *thinks about it*
my lungs:
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u only have $10 to build ur perfect girlfriend:
thick: $70
pretty: $12
smart: $40
me: $10
can cook: $100
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me listening to my whole family downstairs talking shit about me
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you ever sometimes just feel like:
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀. .
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⌒
⠀
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teacher: discuss ur ideas with the person next to u
the mf sitting next to me:
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drunk me bumping into everyone at parties thinking they’re bumping into me
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when you meet a person at the club who got the same energy as u
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my boyfriend: i can’t wait to wake up every morning next to you
me when i wake up:
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me: *sends friend a message at 2 am*
friend: *responds*
me: woah woah there what are you doing up go the fuck to sleep this isn't healthy for u
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me when im me as soon as
getting my ID im in the club:
checked:
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can’t hear
can’t speak
can’t see
can’t get no sleep cause of y’all
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me: *stares at selfie until it turns ugly*
me: i fucking knew it
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when u crying in ur room at 3am and the demon under ur bed tells u to stfu
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dog: *finds bed uncomfortable*
dog: *spins around 23 times*
dog:
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when u normally spend all ur time at home but now the government says u have to
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nobody:
everyone in the classroom when you enter the wrong room:
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y’all please stop getting dumb bitches pregnant. im tired of seeing “my little angle”
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he don’t care sis. don’t even post the quote. just go to sleep.
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when i get home and look in the mirror just to see how ugly i was the whole day
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me analysing every single detail of my face after i take a selfie
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my family: what the fuck was that noise?
my dumbass in the bathroom:
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“My name is salmon, like fish.
First name, Susie.
I was 14 years old
when I was murdered
on December 6 1973”
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“yo momma is so fat, i took a picture of her last christmas and it's still printing”
9 year old me:
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me resisting the urge to say sorry after someone says “stop saying sorry”
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